


Keep Us Together

by NerdyBlatina



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-30
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-02-23 05:58:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 176,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2536754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyBlatina/pseuds/NerdyBlatina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another AU. You may like this, you may not like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Long Road Traveled

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all! :D This may be another very long one and I can't wait to see where it goes! I know I said I'd work out other promised stories (Part 2 of Runaway, Trooper12's request, my Ella/Erin one I've been saying for years lol, a follow-up on XO, etc.), but an unfortunate event has happened. My laptop did some weird thing and I lost all the stories *insert ugly and pained cry face* I lost a lot of stuff I wrote ;P Anyways, I haven't given up on them and I'll be continuing them shortly. This one, though, has been flowing out on it's own and I wanted to get it started. Hope you enjoy! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like the LONGEST chapter I have ever written...I think. A lot of backstory to move things along, though. Please enjoy! :)

"This is the second time tonight I've found you in here."

Ashlyn turned around to her smiling wife and gave her a sheepish smile. Ali chuckled with a headshake and walked fully into the room with a yawn into her hand. She kissed Ashlyn's cheek then snuggled into her side, wrapping her arms around her waist. They both looked down to their daughter, Leighton, and smiled like the proud parents they were. Only having adopted her a week ago, they still couldn't get enough of her.

"I heard her crying through the baby monitor. You've been so tired this week and plus I really wanted to come see her. She's going back to sleep now," Ashlyn whispered, looking down at their dozing off baby.

Ali smiled as she looked from her wife to their daughter. "You're getting good at this, babe. You're better than me," she whispered back.

Ashlyn chuckled quietly and turned to kiss her cheek. "I doubt that I'm better than you, Mommy. She's a easy baby to handle, anyways. She's so chill," she concluded with a gentle kiss to their daughter's forehead.

"I agree. Get's it from her momma," she winked and rubbed her back soothingly.

"My best traits I hope," she laughed softly as she stared at her make little sounds.

Ali giggled into her shoulder and kept her eyes on their daughter. She watched as Ashlyn stared at Leighton in adoration and gently caressed her thumb over her temple. It was moments like these that made her not only fall more in love with her wife, but their family, too. Tomorrow's impeding event made her squeeze Ashlyn closer to hold and sigh sadly into her shoulder. Ashlyn sensed it and knew what she was thinking. 

"I wish I didn't have to leave you guys," she confessed in a quiet whisper.

Ali closed her eyes and put her nose in her shoulder to inhale her. "We only have to survive one more year of this until you're back here for good. Once your tour is over then we can all be together. As a family," she reminded.

Ashlyn swallowed hard as she stared at their daughter. "I don't want to leave her. I especially don't want to leave you to do all of this by yourself. It's not fair and I hate it," she continued, carefully kissing their daughter's head.

"Ashlyn-," Ali started, but was stopped when her wife stepped away.

She carefully and gently, with the moves of a new but loving mother, placed their daughter back in her crib with a kiss to her temple. She smiled down at her sleeping so peacefully and soundly as she ran her thumb over her cheek tenderly. She was definitely going to miss sneaking into her room and holding her while she slept. She had been doing it every day of the week since they got her.

Ali smiled as she listened to Ashlyn whisper loving words and kiss their daughter's face repeatedly. After the first few days of having Leighton, Ali became accustomed to her wife disappearing off into the middle of the night. At first, she thought she was somewhere off coping after having a bad dream about her time away on tour, but was relieved to find her with their daughter. Luckily, Ashlyn had been attending her therapy sessions and was getting better along with love and support from her family and friends.

Ali never asked her wife the things she experienced over there until she shared them. Ashlyn was getting through her time as a corporal in her bomb patrol unit as safely as she could. She had already experienced a good friend dying in her arms when they were attacked in a small town. It was not only a physical, but emotional, scar she would carry for life. They were healing in every way possible, though. As Ali stared at her wife, she thought of the journey it took to get them here.

They were the most in love high school sweethearts anyone had ever seen. Ashlyn had finally gained the courage to ask Ali out the summer before their senior year in high school. They had been best friend's since the 4th grade when Ashlyn shared her pink cupcake with Ali at lunch, and inseparable the same. Ashlyn knew she liked Ali as more than a friend since the 6th grade when Ali got her first boyfriend. At the time she couldn't explain it, jealousy coursing through her veins, but by the 8th grade she knew.

Ashlyn and Ali lived two completely different lives growing up. Ashlyn's family wasn't poor, but her mom worked as a waitress at a restaurant and her dad worked at a warehouse stocking items. Her and her older brother, Chris, didn't have all the nice things like the other kids did, but they weren't walking around in tattered clothes or holes in their shoes. They had a great family life and were blessed, nonetheless. The Harris' were all thankful for what and who they had.

Ali, though, was spoiled rotten being the youngest and only daughter from a middle class family. She and her older brother, Kyle, were just as blessed to have a great family life and loved their childhood just the same. Their father was a soccer coach at a local college and their mom was a history teacher and head basketball coach at the high school they all attended. Though she never had her kids in her class, she had plenty of their friend's and Ashlyn was one of them and her athlete, too.

All in all, life was good for both women.

Ashlyn and Ali were both popular at their small town high school. Ashlyn was a hardcore jock and played almost every sport she could get into. Ali was the preppy cheerleader that got all the good grades and studied hard to get into college. Everyone knew they were a packaged deal when they went out to places, so to see one without the other was odd sometimes. Ashlyn was very protective over Ali and her heart when she dated guys, and it showed.

Ashlyn harbored her crush from Ali and sulked in silence usually in the comfort of her bedroom. Though she thought she was doing a good job of hiding it, everyone saw it except for Ali. The only ones that had the will enough to confront her about it was her brother and mother. Each and every time, though, she'd brush them off and storm away to brood. Chris was the most persistent and hated seeing his sister suffer, so he pushed harder.

Ashlyn knew she couldn't tell her best friend of 7 years that she had a major crush on her since they were 12. She didn't want to scare her off and she had just come to terms herself that she was gay their sophomore year of high school. She never told Ali and only told her brother, fearing what others would think. Being such a young and tender age, she kept a side of herself secret from everyone she loved and the girl she loved that way the most.

Ashlyn knew deep down that she could tell Ali anything because they had been doing it for years. When Ashlyn's dad suffered a heart attack at work and it didn't look good, she snuck over to Ali's for comfort. She climbed up the Krieger's tree and carefully hopped onto the second story roof near Ali's window. It was going on midnight and she hadn't been able to sleep or stop crying the whole day. She needed and wanted her best friend.

Ali had been away at a cheer competition all day and Ashlyn didn't want to bother her with her bad news. So when Ali was awaken by taps on her window and her name being whispered, she almost screamed in fear of Ashlyn crouched by her window. She quickly got up and opened the window to drag her inside her room. That wasn't the last time she'd see Ashlyn by her window like that, because when they started dating that was the way to sneak in.

Ali sat on the floor with her best friend in her dark room, silhouetted by the glow of the moon, and held her while she cried. Ashlyn had her knees to her chest, backs against Ali's bed, and bawled her eyes out into her best friend's shoulder while confessing her worries. Ali just sniffled and let her tears silently fall as she held Ashlyn around the neck and touched her head to hers. They were both so close to each others families and it really hit home.

Ali listened and hung onto her every word, always matching them with reassurance and a kiss on her head. Ali hugged her closer, scratching her fingers up and down her back or rubbing her hand up it every time she cried harder. Ali whispering she loved her, her family, and that she would be with her through it all made Ashlyn lift her teary eyes up to Ali's glistening brown ones. Ali smiled at her and Ashlyn knew then that she was in love with her best friend.

That epiphany resonated throughout Ashlyn's entire being and scared her the same. She had never been 'in love' before, at least not as hard and strong as she was feeling now. She had dated a few girls secretly and droned out 'I love you' like most high school kids did. She never took it seriously and the relationships lasted no more than a few months. Before the summer of the beginning of her senior year, she dropped dating all together after realizing Ali was it and thinking she'd never have her.

Ashlyn's mind was swirling and the love she saw in Ali's eyes gave her courage. She was an emotional mess, scared for her father in the hospital and not knowing what the future held. There was a pricking in the back of her mind that told her this would be a bad idea, but her heart filled her more and won out. Without warning and with everything flowing through her, she leaned over and softly kissed her, their tears mixing and becoming one.

Ashlyn barely grazed their lips together, and then pressed them a little more firmer. She felt Ali tense up and then freeze at the sudden action. She snapped back to reality and shot her eyes wide open, staring at her best friend's closed eyes. She pulled back quickly, their lips smacking at the movement, and scrambled away to stand. She let out a deep and shaky breath, then ran her hands over her face to clean it and her hair to shake her head clear.

Ali had opened her eyes and looked up to her in concern. She tentatively stood, knowing Ashlyn was freaking out about what had just happened. She slowly walked over to her, watching as her best friend stared at the floor and clenched her jaw, and reached her hand out to her. The creaking of the floor and Ali's hand coming to her vision made her whip her head up and step away. Ali retracted her hand quickly, trying to not startle her more, and just stared at her. 

Ashlyn swallowed hard and opened her mouth to speak, but when she looked up to Ali, she closed it. Her best friend was staring at her so intensely and waiting on answers that it made her panic. She wasn't ready to open herself up and disclose her 7 years of emotions at that moment. Ali saw that she was closing up, knowing Ashlyn better than almost anyone, and stepped to her again. Just as she did and moved to speak, Ashlyn bolted to her window and quickly climbed out of it.

Ali squealed her name, almost having another heart attack at her entering and exiting her room so dangerously, and chased after her. Ashlyn felt that Ali was going to break her heart by rejecting her feelings or yell at her to stay away, or all of the above. She couldn't handle heartbreak twice in one night, so she did the only thing she knew and ran. The last thing she saw was Ali looking down at her crawl to the ground, and the last thing she heard was Ali call her name.

She almost went back.

Instead, she walked a few miles to her father at the hospital. Her mother had been with him the whole time, only leaving to check up on her kids, to keep loved ones updated, or to force herself to eat. The doctors seemed hopeful that he would be ok, but until he woke up and told them just that, everyone just waited impatiently. Chris was out with friends, trying to take his mind off his family troubles, and Ashlyn went home to be alone.

Ashlyn found herself back at the hospital, sweaty and tired from running the last few blocks. She slowly and fearfully walked to her father's room, not knowing what she was going to be met with on the other side. Their mother was adamant about not letting them see him in his condition and putting fear in them. Chris had already snuck in earlier and that's why he was out now trying to take his mind off it all.

She slowly pushed the door open, but stopped when it creaked to look down in fear. She didn't know if her father was hooked up to thousands of machines with tubes sticking out everywhere or what. She didn't know if he was awake or fast asleep or in a deep coma. She didn't know anything except that he was still alive, because she had zoned out at the rest when they were all informed.

She took a deep breath just as a tear escaped, and pushed the door open more. She didn't raise her head up, but tentatively raised her eyes to her father in his hospital bed. He was resting, but he looked dead to her and she broke down at the sight of him. She pushed the door open all the way and stumbled over to the chair by his bed, the one she was sure her mother was occupying. She didn't see her and assumed she was out making calls.

Ashlyn stared at her father through blurry eyes and sobbed quietly by his bed. She wiped at her eyes and runny nose repeatedly as she told him she loved him and to not leave them. She didn't know why, but she started confessing things she had kept to herself for years. At the top of that list and most important to her, was that she was gay and that she hoped he'd still love her the same.

She sat there for over 30 minutes and just talked to her father, mostly rambling through her confessions. As she told him about her being gay, she went into the one and only girl she ever had feelings for. She told her dad, the man who introduced her to sports and hunting, about how she was in love with her best friend. She told her father, the man who loved her the most and called her his little girl, that Ali was the best thing to happen to her and she'd spend forever showing her.

As she talked to her father and laughed at the random stories she told of her and Ali, two people stood at the slightly open doorway and listened. Ali had quickly thrown some clothes on, hopped in her car, and went in search of Ashlyn. She figured she was at very limited places, especially when she called her cell phone and it went straight to voicemail, and no one picked up at their house. Something told her to go to the hospital and she practically sped there.

Ali headed to the front desk to ask for Mr. Harris' room number, but saw Mrs. Harris heading out of the cafeteria. With a quick smile of thanks, she sprinted to the woman and caught up to her just as she got on the elevator. Mrs. Harris was surprised to see Ali out so late and said the same, but Ali cut her off with her worries for Ashlyn. She told her everything, aside from the kiss, that had happened as they headed up.

They were both worried and rushed to the room in hopes that she was there or that they could at least figure out where she was. Their worries were squashed when they heard Ashlyn's voice and laugh through the crack of the door. They also stumbled upon the moment that she was telling her dad about how long she liked and now loved Ali. Mrs. Harris was half surprised, always having suspicions her daughter harbored feelings for Ali, and gasped into her hand.

Ali, though, was stunned and staring through her best friend (?) speechless. She didn't think Ashlyn's feelings ran that deep and she didn't know what to do or say. After all, this is what she had been waiting to hear ever since their freshman year of high school when Ashlyn almost beat a guy up for forcing a kiss on Ali. She saw her friend in a completely different light, knowing what it was now after coming to the conclusion she had a crush on her ever since the 7th grade.

How could she not when Ashlyn was popular, a jock, class clown, the life of the party, and more. It was the sides that no one got to see but her that made her feelings for Ashlyn turn from best friend to more. The times she saw Ashlyn's sensitive, funny, cute, adorable, sweet, and other hidden sides, unbeknownst and specifically reserved for her, that made her love her more. Ashlyn always went out of her way to take care of her and she loved her for it.

Ali's grandma, her father's mother, died of cancer a month after she turned 16. She was really close to her and spent weeks out of the year at her house with her whenever she could. She was a splitting image of her grandmother in her younger days, and if the woman could have a favorite grandchild, Ali would be it. It meant the world and beyond to Ali to have Ashlyn by her side from the moment she found out she died to the night after her funeral. Ashlyn never left her side.

Just like how all of Ashlyn's emotions and feelings rushed to her when she was sitting on Ali's bedroom floor, now the same had happened to Ali. She found the confidence and courage through Ashlyn's words to be true to her feelings. When she felt Mrs. Harris' hand on her shoulder, encouraging her to go in, she felt her legs move at their own will. When she realized what she was doing, she smiled and took control of her body.

Ali placed a hand on Ashlyn's shoulder and watched as she stiffened and inhaled sharply through her nose. She watched as her jaw muscle pulsated and she swallowed hard. Ali had to bite back a shy giggle at the way she made Ashlyn react, and squeezed her shoulder to relax her. Ashlyn's body did just that, but she stayed staring at her father. Ali turned back to the door to see Mrs. Harris smile encouragingly and walk away to give them a moment alone.

Ali smiled back shyly and dipped her head as she turned back to Ashlyn. She still hadn't moved or said a word, so Ali waited and tried to get her own thoughts together. She knew Ashlyn knew it was her, and Ashlyn knew it was her because only her touch set her alive like that. Not to mention, she could smell the distinct strawberry shampoo Ali used religiously in the sterile hospital room. It made her smile just the faintest at the normalcy.

When Ali boldly moved her hand down from her shoulder to her arm and then to her hand, Ashlyn swallowed again. She closed her eyes at the once simple touch that now felt like so much more, and squeezed her hand back in thanks. She was done crying out everything, but she felt new tears come at the possibility of losing her best friend. The one person who knew her better than she knew herself and whom she loved with everything that was her.

Ashlyn opened her eyes to her father's sleeping form and sniffled as a tear escaped. Ali bent down, still holding her hand and squeezing it back, then placed her other hand on her thigh. She squeezed it also, trying to get her to look at her, then ran her thumb over it to further relax her. Ali watched as Ashlyn's bottom lip trembled and she roughly wiped her eyes on her shoulder. It made her stand back up and engulf her in a hug.

That was the last thing and certainly not what Ashlyn was expecting. She thought for sure Ali had came in to tell her she never wanted to see or speak to her again, despite her caring actions. She thought she had screwed up and lost her best friend forever, but Ali kissed her head and hugged her around her neck tightly. She whispered she loved her and that she was going to be with her through it all, just like she had done for her last year.

Ashlyn cried a little in silence into Ali's neck and hugged her back just as strongly. She held onto her for dear life, afraid if she let her go then she would be letting go everything in the world. Ali felt it all through their embrace and a few tears of her own escaped. She pulled back and kissed Ashlyn's cheek, temple, and then finally the corner of her mouth, leaving her lips at each spot a moment longer than the last. She then sat in her lap and held her around the neck as they watched her dad.

Though they didn't talk much or about what had happened in the short few hours, the next hour with Ali meant the world to Ashlyn. She stuck by her and made sure she wasn't alone through one of the darkest moments of her life. She made sure Ashlyn made it home, showered, and even cooked her a quick meal. She took care of Ashlyn and it obviously felt different for the both of them. It especially felt different when Ali stayed the night and held her from behind while they slept.

Ashlyn felt she owed Ali the world and beyond after everything she had done. She was the first to wake up, surprised she fell asleep so peacefully and easily. She woke up on her back with Ali's head on her shoulder, left arm draped over her stomach like it was normal. Ashlyn smiled and picked her head up some to look at it, which only made it turn to a shit eating grin. The slight movement made Ali stir awake and groggily open her eyes.

Ashlyn figured she should be scared about the for sure impeding conversation they needed to have, but couldn't help but chuckle at Ali looking so cute waking up. Though she had seen it plenty of times before, it was different given the circumstances and especially having her this close. She still had her left arm holding Ali close around the waist and moved to retract it. Ali then noticed their positions and blushed as she sat up with a small smile.

They both avoided eye contact and looked everywhere but at each other. Ashlyn cleared her throat and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, making Ali finally look up at her. She had her back turned to her and was fisting the sheets as she tapped her foot on the floor quietly. Ali softened at her nerves and scooted closer to her, hugging her from behind. She didn't know if Ashlyn was upset about her dad or them, but she hated seeing her like that and just wanted to comfort her.

Ashlyn slumped and relaxed in her hold, bringing her hands over to place over hers at her stomach. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and put her head back to the ceiling. Ali had her nose on Ashlyn's shoulder and kissed where her lips were to further ease whatever awkwardness was in the room. Ashlyn turned her head to the side, eyes closed as she reveled in the feeling of Ali holding her, and touched their heads together.

Ali sighed at how perfect the moment and everything felt, then turned her head the slightest to rest her nose on Ashlyn's cheek. She didn't know where it came from, but she knew Ashlyn needed reassurance and kissed her ear slowly. It was obviously different feelings behind the kiss and Ashlyn froze at it in anticipation. She slowly opened her eyes and tentatively turned her head until their eyes met. She waited and studied her, but Ali smiled and moved a hair to kiss her lips.

It was the best thing to happen to Ashlyn at the time, and rivaled their first time together intimately and when Ali agreed to marry her and start a family. Ashlyn was more reserved and too scared to move to do anything, and Ali giggled against her lips as she brought her hand over to cup her cheek. When she pulled her closer and took control, Ashlyn lost her mind and will to take it slow. She was lost and in love with Ali before, but now there was no turning back.

Of course, they talked about everything that was said and done yesterday, but it took Ashlyn having to push Ali off playfully. Ashlyn confessed to Ali her feelings and how long she had them, then Ali confessed her own to her. Ashlyn was surprised to hear Ali's admission, even though she just tried to basically suck her face off, and gave a goofy grin. Ali laughed and poked her dimple, her favorite feature of Ashlyn's, and kissed her again.

After everything was out and in the open, they realized they had a lot to think about. They had been best friends for years and didn't want to lose that if a chance at them failed. They loved each other too much to lose each other like that. It was a few days later when Ashlyn's dad woke up and looked to be alright that they decided to explore a relationship as girlfriends. It especially took off a few weeks after that when they told Ali's family and Ashlyn's now awake dad and brother too.

The rest was history after that and no one ever looked back. Though Ali's parents were at first lost in adjusting to having not only a gay son but daughter too, they eventually came around. Ashlyn's family really didn't bat an eye at Ashlyn coming out, mostly because she wasn't the best at hiding it or her feelings for Ali. They all took it in stride and by their senior year of high school, everyone knew about them and loved them all the same.

Ali and Ashlyn wished they had done it sooner when they saw how easy it was and happier they were their final year of high school. Ali was voted prom queen and they were voted the best couple in their high school yearbook. They were supportive of each other through all their high school endeavors, Ashlyn going to Ali's cheer competitions and Ali cheering the loudest at Ashlyn's sporting events. They studied together, ate lunch together, and even had a few classes together.

That final year of high school was the best thing ever to them both. They felt life was perfect and couldn't get better, but graduation quickly approached and they had decisions to make. It was a few months before graduation that Ashlyn's dad could no longer work with his health problems, and had to get on disability. He was a veteran from Desert Storm, so along with that check and disability, their family survived. Ashlyn knew, though, that this changed plans.

Without a doubt they both saw their futures intertwined together forever. Ashlyn knew Ali was going to go to college, and it was confirmed when she got in to Penn State for cheerleading. Ashlyn had never been more proud of her girlfriend and knew this was a dream come true. To celebrate, Ashlyn threw a party for her and all their friends at the lake. Ali loved it and expressed her thanks just as much when she was surprised.

Ashlyn watched from afar the whole night as Ali talked animatedly amongst their friends. She got sad suddenly at the thought of Ali leaving to go far away, and slowly made her way down to the water with her beer. She drank it as she stared up at the big and bright moon, then watched the campfire flames dance across the water. When she felt all too familiar hands wrap around her waist to hug her, she smiled and finished her beer.

She slowly turned to Ali and stared at her lovingly, moving some windblown hair from her face with her unoccupied hand. Ali smiled up at her, nose crinkling and biting her bottom lip in anticipation, then leaned up to kiss her softly. Ashlyn moved that same hand to her neck and pulled her a little closer to deepen it, trying to savor everything about her she could. Ali noticed it, always able to read her girlfriend like a book, and slowly pulled back.

Ashlyn still had her eyes closed, knowing she was caught, and sighed as she rested their foreheads together. She used her hand to gently tug at a loose strand of Ali's hair, and faintly smiled at it. Ali had been staring at her face the whole time in study and moved her hands up to hold her neck. She ran her thumbs there and waited on Ashlyn to open her eyes. Ashlyn swallowed one more time, then opened them to look into her beautiful brown ones of concern.

She dropped her bottle into the ground and brought her hands up to hold Ali's wrists. The moment she grabbed them, she confessed to her girlfriend the decisions and plans she had made within that week. By the time she finished, they were seated on a fallen tree and staring out into the water as Ali cried softly. Ashlyn had her arm wrapped around her and held her close, feeling guilty for ruining her fun.

Ali ran through her mind all the possible bad things that could happen after everything she had just learned. Ashlyn had just told her that her family wouldn't be able to afford for her to go to college, and she didn't want them to break their backs doing it. She told her that she had looked into joining the army and working college into it somehow. She told her that she wanted to this for them, her and Ali, and to give them everything she could.

Ashlyn knew she had broke her girlfriend's heart, but she couldn't keep something like this from her more. Ali was her world, her first and last love, and the greatest thing that ever happened to her. She had to tell her about the plans she had painfully thought over the last few days that could potentially involve her if she still chose to be with her. No one but Ali knew, but Ashlyn was beginning to think her father had an idea after she asked him about it all. She had to get this weight off her shoulders.

Ashlyn was losing her mind at Ali being quiet and she figured she had finally pushed her too far away. Things weren't always perfect between them and they argued like every other couple. Most of the time it was over Ashlyn doing something stupid like partying before a game, or Ali getting unnecessarily upset when Ashlyn was late to things. Each and every time, though, they made up and it made them stronger in their relationship. Nothing could tear them apart, but Ashlyn figured she finally had done it.

Ali sniffled into the air and stared up at the moon in thought, hoping this was all a bad dream and that things would be different. When she closed her eyes to take a deep breath and opened them to the same reality, she cried into her hands again. She was so scared for Ashlyn going away to God knows where and being put in danger. She was so terrified for her girlfriend being put in life threatening situations and never coming back.

Ashlyn felt terrible at the pain she was putting her through and started talking about them not being together anymore. She rambled on, not making any sense, about how they should just take a break until they could figure out things. She went on about how Ali deserved to have someone close and near her always, and not some jarhead overseas in an undisclosed location. She just wanted to protect Ali even though it killed her to say those things.

All her words did was make Ali angry. She was furious that Ashlyn thought she could make such decisions about them without her consent. Though she didn't like the idea of her joining the army and being far away from her in constant danger, she loved her more and wanted to be with her even more. Ashlyn was the love of her life and the only person she saw herself with. She expressed those same feelings with pokes to her chest and hurling words at her.

Ashlyn was clearly surprised and let Ali punch her in the chest as she practically yelled at her. She had to eventually drag Ali away from the party when she got too angry to let her let her frustrations out. Ali argued that she must be stupid if she thought she was going to let her get away that easily. She told her she had her for life and that they were going to try to make it work. She told her she loved her with all of her heart and soul, and wasn't giving up on them that easily.

It was everything and more that Ashlyn needed to make it through it all. Ali was so persistent and shot down any ideas or words about breaking up, and loved her too much to lose her. Though she still felt like Ali was sacrificing a lot more than she ever would, Ashlyn loved her too much to let her go and felt selfish all the same. Ali eased those worries when she expressed her love through every outlet she could when speaking to Ashlyn.

They graduated high school and celebrated with friends in Ali's backyard for a pool party. Everyone found out about Ashlyn's military plans a week before graduation, and though they feared for her and didn't like it, they supported her more. They knew she would only be able to get through it all with the love and support of her family and friends. The backyard party was both a celebration for everyone graduating and Ashlyn leaving for basic training in a few weeks.

Ali and Ashlyn didn't spend much time partying with their friends, but mostly spent time cuddled up on a lawn chair. Ashlyn wanted to hold, touch, and kiss Ali as much as she could before she didn't get to anymore for a while. Ali wanted to have Ashlyn's strong arms around her and lips all over her face forever. Their friends and family noticed they were off in their own little world, and smiled to each other knowingly.

It was getting late, but everyone was still all about partying as they started breaking out the alcohol. All the parents had left to another couples house to give them some time alone and to hang with adults their age. Everyone was having the time of their lives and enjoying their last moments together as teenage friends before adulthood stepped in. Ali kissed Ashlyn's cheek a little longer than needed, then headed inside with a head nod for her to follow. Ashlyn immediately snuck off.

She found Ali in the kitchen and on top of the island counter drinking a beer. They hadn't drunk an ounce of alcohol all night and Ashlyn chuckled as she walked to her. She grabbed the end of the bottle, stepped between Ali's legs, and drank the remnants of her beer. They were both in bathing suits, and the skin contact was making the room hotter. Ashlyn set the beer aside, hooded eyes never leaving Ali's glazed ones, and ran her hands up her bare thighs.

Ali sucked in a breath at the feeling and lazily wrapped her arms around Ashlyn's neck. She bit her bottom lip in a sultry way and pulled her close to touch noses. Ashlyn smirked at Ali being so seductive and pecked her chin. Ali giggled and played with some loose strands of hair at the back of her head. She then stared at her intently, and then leaned forward slowly for a slow kiss. Ashlyn ran her hand up her back and pulled her close to deepen it.

They were both still virgins and were nervous about how different this kiss felt from other ones. They had only been dating a little over a year and never went farther than touching over the clothes. Neither one knew it about the other, but they had both been thinking about taking their relationship to that next level. They were in love and couldn't see themselves that intimate with anyone else but the other. These thoughts made Ashlyn slow their heated kiss down.

The moment she pulled back and looked into Ali's eyes, she received a shy smile and nod of assurance. Ali wanted this and Ashlyn gulped at the desire in her eyes. Despite what people thought, Ashlyn wasn't some experienced sex fiend that knew all the wonders of a woman's body. When she came out to everyone, their friends liked to joke that she was probably a pimp who 'had all the ladies begging at her feet'. Ali just laughed because she knew that was the complete opposite.

She had been around Ashlyn for almost everything except when they were dating other people. Ali had an inkling of a feeling that Ashlyn was seeing someone, but she was so caught up in her own boring relationships and busy schedule that she never had time to ask her about it. It also made her jealous and scared to know if she in fact did have someone. Though she knew she couldn't be because she had boyfriends at those times, it didn't hurt any less.

It wasn't until they both started dating and confessing the last years of their lives that they laughed at their predicament. Neither had ever been able to hold down a decent relationship because their feelings for the other were too strong. Ali learned that Ashlyn had only dated two girls their entire high school careers, and Ashlyn learned Ali only dated the guys she did because she thought she was unattainable. It made them both laugh at their jumping to conclusions.

So when Ali hopped off the counter and grabbed Ashlyn's hand to lead them to her bedroom, Ashlyn couldn't believe it. This was a moment she had dreamt about for months and that she didn't think was going to happen for a while. Ali, though, had been thinking and planning this for a while now, especially after finding out she was joining the army. Ashlyn let Ali drag her to her room, kiss her like she had never been kissed before, then close the door for privacy.

Both of them not having an ounce of experience led to a lot of fumbling hands and nervous laughs. Ashlyn didn't want to do anything with Ali that made her uncomfortable, and Ali didn't want to mess up anything to ruin things for Ashlyn. It wasn't until they were both standing there naked and confused about what to do next that they busted out laughing at their situation. Ali fell into a blushing Ashlyn, left arm around her neck, and laughed into her right hand while Ashlyn held her around the waist and chuckled into her shoulder.

Ali calmed down and relaxed as they laughed off whatever awkwardness was in the room, then grabbed her girlfriend's face. She smiled up to her softly and Ashlyn returned it as she mouthed 'I love you'. Ali's soft smile cracked her face even wider and crinkled her nose. She leaned up and kissed her with all the love she had in the world, and Ashlyn pulled her closer to do the same. The action made their bare fronts touch and the kiss turned on fire in that second.

That was all they needed to gain the courage to finish taking that step. Ashlyn carefully laid them on the bed and let her shaking hands roam her girlfriend's body. Ali was trembling under her touch not out of fear, but out of pure satisfaction and, ironically, at the thought of doing something wrong to ruin things. Ashlyn pulled back slowly to look at her with nothing but amazement, love, and adoration. Once Ali saw that, she reciprocated the look and matched her movements.

The rest was beautiful.

They ended up going back to the party in giggles and long touches an hour later. They had spent most of that hour learning about each other's inner and outer beings in the most intimate ways possible. For 20 minutes of that time they just laid next to each other laughing and talking in hushes. Ashlyn held Ali close as they faced each other and hung onto every word she said. Ali just continued talking her heart out while running her thumb along Ashlyn's chin.

The party seemed like forever ago when the time came for Ashlyn to leave for basic training. Her and Ali had spent the last few weeks repeating that night as often as they could (mostly out by the lake when Ashlyn took them camping to be alone) and being with each other's family. Ali cried worse than anyone even though Ashlyn wasn't going anywhere dangerous. Ashlyn just gave a sad chuckle and held her close the whole time everyone gave their goodbyes.

Everyone stepped aside to converse and give them a moment alone to say goodbye. Ashlyn dropped her bag onto the ground and grabbed Ali's face to make her look at her. She gave her as strong of a smile as she could, then leaned down to press their lips softly together. Ali's face scrunched sadly and she tried to keep her tears at bay. She knew this wasn't the worse thing to happen because Ashlyn would still have to leave on tour after.

They slowly pulled back and hugged tightly as they told each other how much they loved the other. Ashlyn then painfully and slowly pulled away to only be holding Ali's hands. She gave her another strong smile and winked at her as she kissed her hands. Ali let out a watery laugh at her pretending to nibble her hands, then kissed her knuckles before she pulled away. Ashlyn picked up her bag and walked away backwards as she waved at everyone. Chris wrapped an arm around Ali's shoulders, earlier promising to take care of her for his sister, and smiled.

Ashlyn truly only had eyes for Ali that whole time. She had tunnel vision, and all she saw was Ali's teary and smiling face as she waved back to her. Ashlyn put her hand over her rapidly beating nervous heart, then brought it to her lips to kiss and hold up to them all. They both knew it was more reserved to Ali because Ashlyn did it to her before every game she played. Though it was corny and she got teased for it by their friends and brothers, she didn't care and did it often to which Ali loved.

That farewell became a ritual for them every time they had to part ways.

Military life was hard, but they made it work. Ashlyn spent almost more than half her short stays with Ali when she came home, then the rest with her family and their friends. She worked in a bomb patrol unit for the army and did exceptionally well at it. Though most of her work was done on computers and she did most of the diffusing of the bombs, she was just as exceptional as a soldier. She did one year stationed at a base near a hostile town.

They wrote, Skyped, called, and used any other form of communication that they could to keep in touch. Ali was proud to claim Ashlyn as her girlfriend, and Ashlyn was almost always getting teased by her comrades for being so in love. She didn't have to worry about hiding that part about herself from her squad, though at first she was scared of them finding out. They had all saved each other on more than one occasion and loved each other like family.

Having Ashlyn surprise her on campus when she was away at college in her military garbs made Ali swell with pride. She always greeted her by running to her to jump in her arms and kiss her with all of the lost moments between the last time they were together. Ashlyn absolutely loved it and then spent most of her stay spoiling her princess. Their favorite thing to do, though, was repeat the summer they graduated high school out camping by the lake.

It was hard and trying sometimes for Ali to date someone away at war. She feared almost every day for Ashlyn until she heard from her. Ashlyn tried to do everything she could to reassure Ali that she would be ok, but even she didn't know that. She always felt guilty every time she saw or heard the fear in her girlfriend's voice about her safety. It sometimes led to plenty of fights, but they made sure to make up before too long.

Ashlyn had just turned 21 when she started really debating on her life and the things she wanted. She knew without a doubt that it always would lead to Ali, especially after they had been dating for almost 3 1/2 years. She kept getting nudges and not so subtle hints from their parents to take the next step, but she was nervous about how Ali would respond. Ali was already stressing enough trying to graduate college for her degree.

Ashlyn found herself at the lake, their spot, sitting on the same fallen tree that they had occupied years ago when she told her about her military plans. She chuckled at the irony of it always seeming to be the 'thinking chair' for them and their life's problems. She sat and watched the water as she thought about a future of them together. She thought of them married, a house full of kids, then growing old together as they loved on one another like they always did since they were teenagers.

It was then that Ashlyn came to the conclusion that she didn't have a future unless Ali was in it. It was the reason she found herself a few days later buying an engagement ring with Ali's best friend. It was the reason she found herself on the Krieger's front porch, sitting on the swing with Mr. Krieger as she asked for permission to marry his daughter. It was the reason that she proposed to Ali in front of all of their loved ones at a farewell party for her going back to duty.

Ali wasted no time in saying yes, which made everyone laugh because Ashlyn had just took a knee and started her speech. They had never been so happy in their lives and were surrounded by applauses as they kissed in celebration. Ashlyn went back on duty as an engaged woman, and Ali went back to school with a pretty huge rock on her finger to show off. That step solidified their relationship and made them stronger to take on anything that came their way.

Ali knew she would never be as happy or fulfilled in her life unless Ashlyn was in it. They had been through so much together and they had too strong of a relationship to not be more. Ali always dreamed, like most girls, of being happily married with a big house and kids everywhere. She dreamt of growing old with the love her life and traveling the world with them. She dreamt of all those things with Ashlyn by her side as her wife.

They had agreed to get married after Ali graduated and before they knew it, they were there. Ashlyn had leave a month later and though she missed her fiancé's graduation, they taped it for her and even some of Ali talking to her. She received it in the mail and watched it for hours with glistening eyes of pride. She expressed the same sentiments later when she was able to Skype Ali.

Their wedding was simple and small, but so them in every way. They both had their brothers as their 'maid of honor/best man', and friends and family spread out everywhere. While everyone danced and partied the night away, the newlyweds snuck off for some alone time together. Ashlyn wouldn't have time to take Ali on a honeymoon, but she promised to take her to Paris when she could. Instead, and much to Ali's pleasure, they camped out by the lake as wives.

From being girlfriends, to being fiancés, to being wives, there was almost no difference in their time away from each other. The only thing that changed was Ali's worry going up with each new title. Ali got them an apartment that she included Ashlyn in on through their talks, and Ashlyn didn't care as long as her wife was happy. Ali got a job at an up and coming fashion company in D.C. where she was an assistant to the head of marketing.

They had a good life for young newlyweds for the most part. Ali made really good money and Ashlyn was rising through the ranks of the army. They were fortunate and knew it every time they talked to each other. Ashlyn only had a few more years left before she would leave the army to go home and figure out what she wanted to do with her life. What was supposed to be a way to pay for college turned into her making an honorable military career.

They had been married for over a year when they had the talk about expanding their family. Ashlyn had a few years left before she would be back home for good, and they wanted to get started as soon as possible. Ali had a very demanding job, but it was a very family oriented place and she worked hard on everything she did. She was well respected and loved by her colleagues who saw her irreplaceable, especially when she made them so much money.

So when Ashlyn was back at home for a rare visit for the Christmas holidays, they talked heavily on it. They went back and forth on Ali getting pregnant or them adopting for days. Ali really wanted to get pregnant, but Ashlyn didn't want her to with her being away and not around to help. Ali knew she was right, but she really wanted to experience the joys of pregnancy that her friends boasted about so much. Eventually, though, she compromised and they started the adoption process.

After almost a year and high roads of a hard process, Ali and Ashlyn were next in line to be adoptive parents. It took so long to be qualified with Ashlyn being away most of the time and Ali's demanding job, but they eventually got there with support from their loved ones. Their constant letters and positive appeals for the young couple were what got them through it all. And that's how they got their 2 month old baby girl, Leighton. It was the best surprise ever.

Ashlyn had planned on being back home around the time they would be getting their daughter. She didn't want to miss anything and made sure she didn't. She never thought that at 24 she would be a wife and a mother. She never thought she'd be married to her best friend and share the most beautiful daughter ever with her. It was all a dream and a fantasy over 6 years ago, but now it was reality. It was her life and she wouldn't trade it for the world.

Ali thought and felt the exact same things about her girls. She felt like life couldn't get any more perfect until Ashlyn was back at home for good. She admired how her wife's strong tattooed arms flexed as she touched their daughter's face. She remembered going with Ashlyn to get almost all of those tattoos, especially the recent one of their daughter's name and birthday on her ribs. That was her favorite along with the one of them that read 'A&A' on her left wrist.

"Let's go to back to bed, babe," Ali murmured into her ear as she moved to hold her from behind.

"One more minute," Ashlyn smiled as she stared at their daughter. "I just wanna savor this."

Ali smiled and kissed the back of her neck as she joined her to watch over her shoulder. Ashlyn subconsciously brought her right hand over to hold her hands at her stomach, then used the other to gently play in Leighton's hair. When the little girl made little noises and yawed in her sleep, they both smiled brightly and held each other tighter. Ashlyn leaned down again to kiss her, then pulled back after a few seconds to look at her wife.

"Alright. I'm ready," she teased and pecked her lips.

Ali just laughed and let her grab her hand to lead them back to their bed. Ashlyn pulled her to her to hold around the waist and then flop them onto it. Ali laughed and playfully smacked her shoulder as they moved to get back comfortable under the covers. It was the times like these when Ashlyn held Ali with both arms close and Ali buried her nose in her neck that they felt the closest. This was as good as it gets for them.

"One more year," Ali said quietly into her neck.

Ashlyn tensed up at the mention, but relaxed when Ali started kissing her jaw and neck and running her fingers lightly on the other side of her jaw. She swallowed and turned her head slightly so that the side of her lips touched Ali's forehead. She knew she was right, but a year seemed so far away and unattainable at the moment. All she wanted right now was for it to be that time and to be with her family forever. They were her greatest loves and passion.

"That's all we have left, baby, and then it's us forever. We'll be together permanently soon. Just keep remembering that. That's what I do," she continued.

"I know," Ashlyn sighed softly and bit her bottom lip. "I'm sorry if I stressed you out or anything, Alex. I just love you so much. I miss you all the time when I'm away and it's going to get worse with Leigh here now. I don't wanna leave."

Ali smiled and kissed up her jaw to her ear before sitting up on her arm to look at her. Ashlyn let the side of her mouth she could see turn up in a little smile as she stared at the ceiling. Ali poked her cheek to make her look, but Ashlyn just chuckled and moved away from her. But when Ali leaned over to pepper her cheek with kisses and held the other one to prevent escape, Ashlyn laughed and squirmed. She grabbed her wife around the waist and brought her up on top of her.

Ali giggled as she kissed her chin, then pulled back to look her straight in the eyes. "I love you more, Ashlyn Michelle Harris. Me and your daughter are going to miss you just as much, but next November will be here before we know it. Pretty soon you'll be wishing to be away from your nagging wife and rambunctious children," she joked and earned a booming laugh.

"Children, huh," Ashlyn asked with a raised eyebrow of amusement. 

"Duh, Momma! We still have to have our other little girl and boy," she replied with sass.

"Of course, Princess," she grinned and cupped her cheek. "And for the record, I'll never want to be away from family. Even if my wife is nagging my ear off and our children are swinging from the rafters."

Ali laughed and grabbed her chin to shake with a kiss. "We'll see, G.I. Joe," she teased and pecked her lips a few times.

Before she could pull away, Ashlyn wrapped her hand around her neck to kiss her longer. They both chuckled and held their lips together for a moment longer to etch it in their minds. They were in their new house they had gotten a month ago with their baby daughter a few doors down. They had everything they wanted and more, and couldn't get over how lucky they were. There was nothing but love in their house.

"I think we should send you off with something to remember me by," Ali said out of breath, attacking her lips hungrily.

"I always remember you like that though, babe. Especially on those loooong, long nights," Ashlyn smirked, pulling back to capture her lips in a more slower kiss.

Ali busted out laughing against her mouth and Ashlyn laughed as she lightly fisted her hair at the back of her head. Ali sat up on her arm so she could rest her head in her hand, then brought her other hand over to trace her finger down the side of her wife's face. She admired every contour and curve, then stopped at the little scar from the explosion she was in just under the right side of her jaw. A piece of metal hit her when she was running to help her squad.

Ashlyn saw the all too familiar sadness run through her wife's eyes when she saw something on her body that reminded her of her dangerous job. It made her heart squeeze in regret for making her suffer through this, so she grabbed her hand. She pressed her lips to her fingertips and then to her palm. Ali was the best thing that she would ever get and she owed her for sticking with her through this life. Ali wouldn't trade it for the world as long as she was with her.

"I love you, Ashlyn. I love our life and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. You know that, right," she asked, leaning down to her lips some.

Ashlyn smiled and palmed her face with a nod. "You know I do. I love you more, Alexandra. Do you know all of that from me," she asked and leaned up some.

"Without a doubt. You and me forever," she smiled with a nose crinkle and closed the distance.

When Ali turned her head and grabbed her face to be closer, Ashlyn ran her hands down Ali's back to grab her butt roughly. The action caused Ali to grind into her and moan in pleasure. Ashlyn gave a cocky smile against her lips, but Ali was too far gone to care or notice. Instead, she raked her nails down Ashlyn's chest that was bare through her tank top, then under her shirt at her stomach. It was a short lived grunt before Ali went to the inside of her shorts and she bucked into her.

This time, Ali smirked, but Ashlyn noticed and rolled her eyes. But when Ashlyn ran her hands back up Ali's shirt to her breasts for a hard grab, Ali let out a gasp at it. It broke their lips apart just enough to where they were barely grazing. Ashlyn had an open mouth grin with her eyes barely closed and Ali opened her eyes to it. She rolled her own eyes and figured two could play that game, so she leaned down and grabbed her bottom lip between her teeth.

Ashlyn groaned at being teased and squeezed harder, making Ali giggle and fall back flush on her. Ashlyn ran her hands from there to around her back to hold her, still under her shirt and playing with her bra. Ali picked her head up off her chest and looked at her, tapping her finger on her chin. Ashlyn smiled at her and then started laughing at the sexually frustrated look she was giving her. She then leaned forward for a real and serious kiss, then undid the bra.

That was what Ali wanted and they spent the next few hours burning their moment together into their minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels good to always post something new...
> 
> Ready?


	2. Back To Duty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 of 3 for the day.

"I love you guys and I'll see you in 5 months. Ok?"

Ali nodded as she continued kissing Ashlyn. She had their daughter cradled between them and they were careful to not smash her as they said goodbyes. Ashlyn pecked her lips a few times, kissed her for a second longer, then pulled back with another peck. She smiled at her wife and wiped at the corner of her eye for her as a tear bubbled. Ali just continued her sad and forced smile, and grabbed her hand to hold until she left. Ashlyn kissed it as she turned her attention to Leighton.

"You be good for Mommy, sweetheart. I'll be back before you know it. You'll probably be learning to walk by then and I can't wait! Momma loves you with all of her heart, Leighton. Remember that," she smiled softly as her own eyes got teary.

Their baby just looked up to her and reached her little hand out to grab something. Both women laughed and Ashlyn gave her pinky to her for a squeeze. The little girl gave the slightest of smiles and it warmed her parents hearts to have that moment. Ashlyn pressed her lips softly and firmly to her little hand as she stared into her eyes. She vowed from the moment she saw her that she would protect and love her with her life, but it amplified right then and there.

"I love you," Ashlyn whispered and cracked a smile.

Ali couldn't contain her emotions any longer and started crying quietly. She ran her hand from Ashlyn's up to the back of her head to hold. She was still there with them, but she felt that she was alone already. She was so happy this was their last year of having to go through this pain and suffering at being apart for so long. Ashlyn kissed Leighton's head and then stood straight to look back to her wife. She wiped the pad of her thumb over her tear streaks before grabbing her face.

"One more year, baby," she said, repeating her words from last night.

"One more," Ali nodded and slid her hand down to her wrist to hold.

Ashlyn smiled more and caressed her thumbs over her cheeks. "I love you so much and I'll see you soon. Be safe and take care. If you need anything at all, Chris and my parents are just a phone call away. Alright," she told her.

Ali nodded again and rolled her eyes in amusement at the same speech. "I know, babe. I love you more and be safe. Watch your 6," she smirked and pulled her close by the front of her shirt.

"It's so sexy when you say that," she chuckled and kissed her slowly, cradling her face in her hands gently.

"Please be safe and come back to us. We both love you," she repeated more seriously and quietly an inch from her lips.

"I promise, Princess. I love you both more. Tell everyone I love them, too," she said softly and kissed her lips the same. 

"I will. Bye," she promised and kissed her quickly.

Ashlyn kissed her forehead and ran a quick hand and kiss over Leighton's head. She picked up her bag and just like the first time she ever left Ali, she walked away backwards with a wave to them. Ali lifted Leighton up to cradle close to her chest and pursed her lips tightly together to avoid crying. She held her hand up to her wife to wave bye and turned their daughter to lift her hand to do the same. Ashlyn took a deep breath and hard swallow as she watched them.

"Wave bye to Momma," Ali whispered into their daughter's ear.

And just like all the times before, Ashlyn put her hand over her heart, to her lips, and then to them. Ali smiled genuinely through her tears and raised her hand and then put it to her heart. Ashlyn grinned her signature dimple at her and then mouthed an 'I love you guys' as she went to board her plane. Before she disappeared, she gave them a heart with her fingers and got a laugh out of her emotional wife.

"Momma loves us so much, Leighton. Did you know that, honey," Ali sniffled with a smile as she played with her hand.

Ashlyn disappeared and the all too familiar feeling of loneliness washed over them both. This time, though, Ali had their daughter.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four Months Later.

"Hey, babe! Hey, Leigh! How's things," Ashlyn beamed through the computer screen, waving both hands and blowing kisses.

"Hi, baby! Things are great. How are you? We miss and love you," Ali grinned brightly and waved her and their daughter's hands at her. 

Leighton was now six months old and a whole lot bigger. It warmed Ashlyn's heart every time she saw her and learned something new she was doing. When she first sat up on her own, Ali immediately Skyped her to share the good news through prideful tears. Ashlyn couldn't hold up her hard front when she saw it for herself, and got teary eyed. The teasing she got from the guys didn't make her stop and eventually they were giving her loving noogies.

"I miss and love you both more, Princess. Things are great. I haven't had any bombs to diffuse since that one last week, so all in all it's good," she smiled with a thumbs up.

"Even better to hear for me. How's everyone," she asked and scooted them closer.

"Uh," she trailed off and looked to the side with a little laugh.

Ali laughed along knowing what she was probably looking at. "Let me guess," she said.

"Hey, Ali! Hey, Leighton! Gaawwwd!!! You're getting big, girl," Ashlyn's friend, Corporal Omar Gutiérrez, grinned and waved as he hopped into the screen.

"You better be talking to my daughter, Omar," Ali feinged offense with narrowed eyes and a wagging finger.

He laughed and slapped a hand to a laughing Ashlyn's shoulder. "Of course, Mrs. Krieger-Harris. Wouldn't want you sending your wife after me," he winked and pushed her playfully.

"Chicken," Ashlyn mumbled and leaned her elbows onto the table.

"Whatever, Harris," he laughed and messed her hair. "I hate to cut your chat short, but I came to tell you we gotta head to a briefing. I'll see you later, Ali. And tell your friend, Bella, I look forward to seeing her again."

"She can't wait to see you, either. Glad you guys hit it off so well," Ali smiled winningly.

"She's great! Maybe hanging out with you guys on our last leave wasn't so bad if I get to meet pretty girls like her," he smirked and wagged his eyebrows.

"She better be the only girl, Omar," Ali jokingly warned.

"Yeah, 'cause those sorority girls together are dangerous," Ashlyn added with a chuckle.

"Yes, ma'am," Omar said with a salute and then waved again. "See you ladies later. Be there in 10, Harris."

"Yes, sir," Ashlyn nodded with a quick salute.

"Byeeeeee, Omar," Ali called and waved as he disappeared.

"I can sit for a few more minutes, honey, and then I'll leave," Ashlyn informed and ran her finger over their faces.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be late and to get in trouble," Ali said uneasily.

Ashlyn waved her worry off and gave her a dimpled smile. "It's cool, Al. I wanna hear about your guys' week more. How is everyone," she asked and made faces at their daughter.

Ali smiled at her baby giggles and her wife's smiling face of triumph. "We had a pretty good week. Now that I've got an office and things, I'm able to bring her in if I have to. She really likes it there and everyone can't get enough of her. Everyone's doing great and your grandma called yesterday. She says hi and that she loves you. Oh! And your brother said that your parents are sending you a care package next week. Did you get mines," she asked and adjusted their daughter to be more visible.

Ashlyn nodded along to all the news and smiled at their daughter trying to push buttons on the laptop. Ali had sent her a ton of pictures from when they first got Leighton and now her bunk area looked beautiful. She carried one of her, Ali, and Leighton together from the first day they got her in her breast pocket. She found herself touching over her heart where it rest at a lot and smiled every time she caught herself doing it. She unconsciously reached her hand over to put her fingers to it.

"Yeah, babe. I loved them all and they're so beautiful. I keep the one of us all together right here," she smiled proudly and tapped over her heart.

"Awww, Ash," she gushed and scrunched her nose and fingers over her face on the screen.

"It's my favorite," she smiled shyly and dipped her head with a little blush.

"Mines too," she agreed.

They talked a little more about things they had missed out on since they last talked days ago. Ashlyn didn't have much to say and let Ali talk her heart out. She just listened with a content smile to her voice and made faces at Leighton through the screen. Ali just continued to talk and shift their daughter to be more visible, smiling wider each time her wife got her to giggle. Their time was coming to an end and Ashlyn gave the knowing sign of a sad smile.

"Time to go," Ali more stated than asked with a small smile.

"Yeah. I'll call you later, though. I'm sure this is just a meeting to tell us to stay on our toes," she assured, knowing her wife worried a lot.

"Ok," she replied a little more cheerfully. "Call us later and stay safe. We love you."

Ashlyn grinned at them both waving at her and kissed her fingers. "I love you both more and I will. Tell everyone I love them," she smiled and pressed her fingers over their faces.

Ali smiled and put her hand over hers while still waving their daughter's chubby hand. "I will. Bye, babe," she promised.

The last thing Ali saw was Ashlyn smiling and waving as she stood to leave, then the screen went blank. She let out a breath and picked Leighton up to face her. She smiled at the little girl and kissed her chubby cheek as she stood to go to the kitchen. She figured everyone would want to know how Ashlyn was doing and decided a post on Facebook would be easier than calling everyone. As she did it, she pretended to eat Leighton's cheeks and made her laugh.

"I miss Momma, baby girl. She'll be back with us soon, though," she smiled softly and kissed her cheek again.

As everyone commented and liked her post, Ali smiled even more wider and swelled with pride at all the love her family was being showered.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's simple, ladies and gentlemen. We need to clear the area of possible road bombs so our tanks and trucks can make it through their checkpoints. The area is hot and most of the villagers don't like us coming into their town. This is the only way they can make it to their destination, so we're going to clear it for them. Everyone clear," Lieutenant Grant boomed.

A collective 'Yes, sir' sounded out through the room and then the briefing was adjourned. Ashlyn sighed at how dangerous this one sounded and stood up a little glumly. Every time it seemed like they wouldn't have anything to do for a long time, something always came up and spoiled her moment of peace. Having to go into a hostile territory and not knowing the danger it presented made her antsy. They would leave early in the morning.

"This should be your last major bomb diffusion before you head back home," Omar guessed as he threw an arm around her shoulders.

"Hopefully," Ashlyn mumbled and scratched her forehead. "I can't wait to get back home. You're lucky you get to miss this one."

"I don't know about lucky, Harris, but I do have to stay behind and train the new boots," he gagged and they both laughed.

"Either way, don't have too much fun. I need to go inform my wife I won't be available for at least a week," she chuckled and punched his arm.

"Tell her I said hi...again," he laughed and headed the opposite way.

Ashlyn jogged the rest of the way back to her laptop and Skyped Ali quickly. She could clearly see that her wife was surprised to hear back from her so soon, and she smiled at her feeding Leighton some applesauce. Ali knew that this call meant that Ashlyn was about to tell her she wouldn't see her for a while. Ashlyn looked to her with a sad smile to confirm it, and she gave her an even sadder one.

"Be careful out there, Ashlyn. Call me as soon as you get back," Ali said and smiled a little more.

"Yes, ma'am," she smiled harder and blew them a kiss. "I love you both. I'll call you as soon as I get back." 

"You better, Ash. We love you more. Watch your 6," she waved and blew kisses.

"Hooah," Ashlyn winked and smiled with a nod of assurance. "I've got 30 minutes until I need to go. Talk to me."

Ali smiled more cheerfully and picked up where they were cut off earlier. All she could do was pray that her wife and everyone would be safe, and ask their loved ones later to do the same.


	3. Missed Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope my military jargon is correct or at least sufficient.

"HARRIS! YOU GOT 5 MINUTES!"

Ashlyn turned to Omar's yelling voice and gave him a quick thumbs up. She adjusted her M4 to her side and quickly tried to call Ali before she left. It was pretty early in the morning in the states, but she hoped to catch her before she started her day. She waited impatiently as the phone rang and rang with foot taps and fingers drumming the table. When no one picked up, she sighed and closed her eyes as she tried again.

Ali was trying to change a fussy and hungry Leighton's diaper. Their daughter decided to wake up early and give her hell this morning. Ali usually kept her phone on her at all times in case work or Ashlyn called, but she forgot it on the nightstand. After finally getting Leighton in order, she carried her back to their bedroom and went for her phone. She knew Ashlyn sometimes liked to call before leaving and didn't want to miss her.

"Shit," she hissed, cringing when she remembered innocent ears in the room. "Sorry, sweetheart."

Ali kissed their daughter's cheek as she read she had 3 missed calls from an all too familiar number. She immediately called back, but it was too late as she was informed Ashlyn had already left. She cursed under her breath as she hung up the phone. She kissed Leighton's cheek again and headed downstairs as she called her voicemail. She listened with a smile mixing between happiness and sadness, knowing she wouldn't hear from her for a while.

"Hey, babe. I guess your getting little missy together this morning," Ashlyn's voice chuckled through her phone. "Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I love you and Leighton, and that I'll talk to you guys soon. Give everyone else my love and take care. Remember Chris and my parents are always willing to come to you for whatever, even though you say you can handle things and stuff. I just love knowing you two are being looked after by someone so sue me, gorgeous. I can't wait to see my beautiful girls faces. I promise to be safe so don't worry. This'll be an easy one and I should be done before the week's over. My sergeant is waving me over so I gotta go. I love you, Alex. Tell Leighton I love her, too, and give her a big kiss for me. Talk to you soon. Bye."

Ali felt tears prick her eyes as she replayed the message over again. She had a smile on as she closed them and listened to her wife's voice. She complied to her requests, and kissed and told Leighton what Ashlyn asked her to do. The little girl looked at her and grinned as she reached for the phone curiously. Ali giggled and moved out of her reach as she kissed her cheek again.

All Ali could do was pray and wait to hear back from Ashlyn.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Some would say you've gotten soft on us, Ash," Petty Officer James Garret teased with a nudge.

Ashlyn looked up from her picture of her family she was staring at and chuckled. "Says the boy who fell in love with a girl on his tour in Italy," she teased back, putting the picture deep in her boot.

"And the one in Germany," Sergeant Harold Cook added.

"Don't forget the one in France," Corporal Finn Wells laughed as he looked around outside.

Everyone laughed along and gave James some pushes and taps with their boots. He just rolled his eyes and pulled his gun closer at the good hearted banter. Sergeant Cook beat on the dashboard to get their attention and then pointed ahead. Everyone got quiet and cocked their weapons to get ready for business. Sergeant Cook informed everyone of their duties and came up with a plan at every possible situation that could occur.

"Harris, you and me will go ahead to check the roads and then radio them over when it's clear. Garret and Wells, you stay here with our limo driver and keep things in order," he finished with a pat to Petty Officer Greg Johnson's shoulder.

"Hooah, Sergeant," they all called in unison and moved around.

Ashlyn and Sergeant Cook got out and started their trek up the road through the village. Though the town was dangerous and there were more people that hated them there than not, they were able to make it to the end of the town with no problems. A few locals even pointed out known hotspots for bombs and they were able to get a clear check of things. Sergeant Cook nodded to Ashlyn and she put the radio to her lips to give their team the go ahead.

"This is almost too easy. Keep your eyes open, Harris. Watch the rooftops," Sergeant Cook ordered, scanning the area.

"Yes, sir," she nodded and pulled her gun closer as she did.

As they waited, they each watched the opposite side of the other like hawks with their fingers ready by their triggers. Ashlyn whispered out prayers and hopes that things would stay quiet and they'd get through one more job. Garret called over the radio that they were getting close and she let out a breath of relief. Sergeant Cook looked to her and nodded as they slowly made their way to where they were going to be picked up.

Just then, an explosion sounded and shook the ground, making them scramble and look for the source in crouched positions.

"Where the hell did it come from, Harris," Sergeant Cook shouted and ran behind a car for cover.

"I don't know, sir! Sounds like it was down the road," she guessed and peeked from behind the car they were at.

Another explosion sounded and then gunfire.

"WE ARE UNDER ATTACK, I REPEAT, WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! This is Alpha Squad 280, we are under attack! Send help," Johnson's voice shouted over the radio, gunfire in the background.

"Fuck! Son of a bitch," Sergeant Cook growled and cautiously stepped out. "LET'S MOVE, HARRIS!"

Ashlyn immediately stood and took off behind him. As she ran and scanned the area around them, she prayed in her head the whole time that her friends were alright and that she made it home to her family. As she got closer and the gunshots got louder, she zoned out and brought her gun up to aim. As she heard yells and smelled smoke, she gritted her teeth and ran faster. She couldn't register what Sergeant Cook was yelling and opened fire at the enemy.

She lost count of how many people she shot after the first 3 went down. All she saw was their Humvee tipped over with fire and smoke coming from the side. Bullets whizzed by her and dirt blew up at her feet as she reached cover behind the Humvee. She saw Wells pinned under the seat and kicked the window off to reach for him. She looked up as she extended her hand to him, to Garret taking a bullet to the chest.

That was when Ashlyn's world went silent and she lost herself.

It all brought back memories to her first time being in combat. She was in her 7th month and never fired her gun until they were attacked by rebels in the hostile town she was first stationed at. She was patrolling the area and heading back to the gate entrance to relieve her friend when 4 men tried to run down their gate with a truck. They were suicide bombers and looking to take out as many US soldiers as they could.

Ashlyn managed to radio it in and backup was on the way as she sprinted to help. Just as she got there, they set their bombs off and the truck exploded. If not for the 2 brave men there guarding the area, it could have been worse and more devastating. They opened fire on the speeding truck the whole time and managed to kill the driver. The truck was too close, though, and exploded 30 feet away from them.

That was how Ashlyn got her scar on her jaw. She had just got there and shot off a few shots as the truck exploded. A piece of metal flew through the air and nicked her, barely missing her head and killing her. She didn't even know it or the fact she hit her knees when it did until the medics pulled her aside to assess her. All she was worried about was making it to her friends and helping them. She held one of them, good friend of hers, in her arms as he took his last breath.

All of those memories and feelings rushed back to her as Garret hit the ground. She stared at him as he stared at the sky in excruciating pain and reached for his sidearm. Ashlyn snapped out of her trance and looked back to Wells. He was struggling to reach for her outstretched hand, and the fear in his eyes pushed her into super soldier mode. She stretched farther to him and grabbed his hand tightly, pulling with all her strength.

"LET'S GO, WELLS! Your ass isn't dying here today," she shouted over the commotion.

Ashlyn pulled him out and dragged him down to a ditch to hide him. He was hurt badly with what looked like a broken leg and head wound. She pulled out some gauze and put it over his head to stop it from bleeding out. She looked at his leg in a loss and just carefully placed it down to avoid him from further hurting it. She covered him up with some fallen debris and whatever things she could grab to hide him.

"Stay quiet, Finn. We're going to make it out of this. We'll get you back to your mom. We're all getting back to our families," she vowed and squeezed his shoulder.

All he could do was nod before passing out from everything. Ashlyn grounded her teeth together and stood with a vengeance. She was not going to be less than a few months away from seeing her family and 6 months away from leaving the military to be killed here now. She was not going to ever not see her wife and daughter's beautiful faces again. She was not going to miss growing old with Ali and raising their family together.

She was not going to lose and break her promise to her family.

Ashlyn charged up the small hill and raised her gun as she shot off bullets. She slid to the hood of the Humvee and looked around for anyone on her team. She spotted Sergeant Cook popping off shots behind a boulder towards the middle of the town, and Johnson nursing a leg wound as he shot his gun, too. She then looked down to where Garret was at and saw him staring at the sky, but with less life. She scrambled to him and covered his body as dirt flew from shots sent her way.

"GARRET?! Garret! Stay with me, buddy! Just keep your eyes open and squeeze my hand," she pleaded, grabbing his hand strongly.

"I-I'm not gonna m-make it, Ash," he panted and wheezed.

"Yes you are! Just hold on a little while longer, dude. Reinforcements will be here soon," she urged and put pressure on his wound with her other hand.

He closed his eyes tightly and some tears squeezed through them. "T-Tell my parents I love th-them. My brothers and sister, t-too," he begged, breath getting harder to catch.

She closed her eyes and shook her head as she pulled him closer. "You can tell 'em yourself, bro," she sniffled and forced a smile.

"You're dreaming, H-Harris," he laughed shallowly and looked to the sky. "It's s-so beautiful. Isn't it?"

"Fucking beautiful," she cried some and wiped her nose with the back of her hand that held his.

"My family and f-friends are looking at the same s-sky. Different time...but still. So i-is yours. Y-Your wife and k-kid," he choked out and started crying.

"Y-Yeah, man. You just keep talking to me so you can get back home and see it with them again," she smiled wider, tears cascading down her face.

Garret smiled weakly and his grip loosened. "I...see my grandpa, Ash. I-I haven't seen him since I was t-twelve," he said, eyes losing their light.

Ashlyn couldn't keep up hope any longer and cried with a trembling bottom lip. "Go to him, bud. I'll make sure you get back to your folks. I promise," she nodded and carefully laid him down. 

Garret gave the faintest smile and his eyes fluttered closed. Ashlyn leaned forward to touch their foreheads together as she silently cried at the loss of her friend. She heard and felt him take his last breath. She had helped trained him and he was a good kid. He came from a good family home and was a popular baseball player in high school. He was a momma's boy and she knew this would devastate everyone back at his home.

Ashlyn picked her head up and her face hardened at the death of another friend. She grabbed her gun, made sure Garret's body was away from anymore danger, then crouched again to get ready to attack. She saw Johnson looking at her and realized he knew that their friend was dead. She could visibly see him swallow hard and then wipe his eyes quickly as he reloaded his weapon. He looked back to her in determination and they both nodded.

They both rose from their cover and assisted their sergeant in opening fire on the enemy. Something took over Ashlyn as she mowed down hostiles and it kept her alive. She thought of Ali and the urge to want to kiss her again. She thought of Leighton and the want to hold her again. She thought of her family and friends, and the smiles on their faces that she couldn't wait to see again. She cast a quick look to Johnson and Sergeant Cook, seeing them fight harder, and it fueled her. 

Johnson and Sergeant Cook made their way over to Ashlyn when they confirmed the area clear. They were crouched down by the hood of the Humvee and both men looked to Garret's body. Ashlyn was trying to control her breathing as she sat down and held her gun to her forehead. Sergeant Cook ordered Johnson to call base and inform them of their situation. He got Ashlyn's attention and she informed him about Wells.

"We need to get off the road. We need to get Wells medical attention," Sergeant Cook said and stood cautiously.

"This radio is fucked, Sarge," Johnson informed frustratingly, slamming it into the dirt.

"Son of a bitch," he growled and looked inside the Humvee.

"I still got mines," Ashlyn said quietly and handed it off.

Johnson blew out a sigh of relief as he radioed to any and everyone that would listen about their current situation. Sergeant Cook grabbed a jacket out of the destroyed Humvee and put it over Garret to cover him. He kept his hand over his chest and dropped his head, and Ashlyn noticed his lips move in silence. She closed her eyes and put her head down before she ended up crying again. Her trigger hand started shaking again like it always did when she had to fire her weapon.

"Here," Sergeant Cook said, offering his canteen.

"Thank you," Ashlyn croaked out and took a huge drink.

Her hand stopped shaking as she took long drinks of water and she looked to him in thanks. He simply nodded and took it back for a huge gulp himself. He then offered it to a sweating Johnson as he tended to his scraped leg, then pulled out his map to take a look. He saw that they were a few miles away from a friendly area and looked out to the vast area on the best route to take. He never left a man behind, and right now they had one badly wounded and one K.I.A.

"I never leave a man behind," he stated to them, putting away his map. "We're about 3 miles away from a friendly zone. Wells' leg sounds broken from what Ashlyn said and Garret is...dead. We get out of here, we get out of here alive. All together."

"Yes, sir," they both nodded.

"Let's go home then," he said and made his way to Wells.

"I'll, um,...I'll pack Garret," Johnson offered quietly and crawled to him.

"You sure," she asked, looking to his bleeding leg.

"Adrenaline rush," he shrugged and moved it for good measure.

"Harris! You keep point and that gun hot and free," Sergeant Cook ordered as he came back to them.

"Yes, sir," she said determinately.

"Wells' leg is broke. Looks like a bullet grazed his head and it's pretty bad. We'll need to stay off the roads and use the night for cover," Sergeant Cook determined, eyes scanning the area.

"Carrying 2 bodies won't be easy to move without being seen. One person at point with a gun is even worse," Johnson said unsurely.

"If it were easy, Johnson, everyone would be doing this. I never leave a man behind and I won't start now. Your loved ones would want to bury you at home, too," he said with a hard look.

Johnson looked down in shame and nodded the same. "Yes, sir," he said quietly.

"Let's get the hell out of here and back to our families," he ordered and moved in a crouch to the ditch again.

Suddenly, a crack was heard through the air and Sergeant Cook hit the ground. Ashlyn and Johnson hugged the Humvee tightly, and got their guns ready again. They both called out their sergeant's name, but received no response from him. Ashlyn reached and scrambled for his foot without exposing herself, and Johnson grabbed her shoulder strap to keep her from going too far.

"Careful, Harris," he shouted in a whisper.

Ashlyn got a grip on the end of his pant leg and pulled with everything she had. She turned him over and saw then that he had a head shot wound, dead on the spot. She and Johnson stared in horror at the sight of their downed leader. Johnson repeatedly cursed and hit the Humvee, losing faith in surviving. Ashlyn saw her hopes of getting back to her family alive slipping as her sergeant's blood ran in the dirt.

"I'm not dying here. We're not dying here. I'm getting back to my wife, our daughter, and everyone else. We're getting out of here," she said in determination, staring through her leader and teacher.

"That was a fucking sniper, Ashlyn! We don't have the capabilities to take him out," Johnson exclaimed, losing his resolve.

Ashlyn turned to him in rage and grabbed him by the collar. "I don't give a fuck if we have to take out the whole damn Taliban! We're getting the fuck out of here and back to our families! Do you hear me, Greg?! All of us together," she half yelled and growled.

Johnson looked at her in half surprise and fear, but nodded. It was then that Ashlyn took over as leader, next in rank, and searched for a solution to get them out alive. She had 2 K.I.A. and 1 wounded now with another slowly losing the will to go on. She wasn't giving up so easily and the image of her family came to her mind. She reached into her boot and pulled out her picture.

"I'm coming home, Alex. I'm coming home to the both of you," she whispered and kissed their faces.

"What do we do," Johnson asked at a loss.

Ashlyn stared at them for a moment longer, running her gloved thumb over their faces with a small smile, and swallowed hard. She kissed the picture one more time before putting it back in her boot, this time deep in her sock, then grabbed her gun. She took a deep breath as she looked to the sky and sent up a quick prayer. The grip on her gun tightened and she took deeper breaths as she prepared herself. She had a job to do.

"The shot came from the northeast based on how he hit the ground," she surmised and looked to him in the eyes. "Put your helmet on the barrel of your gun and poke it out a little. We'll test it."

Johnson nodded and removed his helmet to place on the end of his gun. He looked to Ashlyn for confirmation and she nodded to him with a little encouraging smile. Johnson poked his gun up some, just enough to make it look like a person. Just as he was starting to lose faith that this plan was going to work, another shot rang out and his helmet spun off to the ground. Ashlyn had been looking through the broken rearview mirror for a sign and smiled in victory.

"Rooftop. 11 o'clock," she grinned to him.

"Fucking brilliant, Ash," he smiled back.

"I don't think he knows he got fooled," she guessed and made sure her gun was fully loaded. "Do it again, but this time use this and we'll both open fire on him."

Ashlyn handed him their sergeant's gun to use as a decoy. She passed him Garret's fallen helmet and watched him fix everything up appropriately. He finished and gave her a thumbs up to which she nodded. They got their guns ready and Johnson set their decoy up. He moved over to Ashlyn and they watched the sniper's lens glare as he took aim. Just as he was about to take another shot, they rose and unloaded their clips on him.

He fell from the roof defeated.

"Damn, Ash! You did it! It worked," Johnson cheered, finding hope and faith now. 

"We both did it, bro. Let's get the hell out of here," she smiled and backed away slowly. 

"We have a problem. We have 3 bodies to carry and there's only 2 of us."

"Fuck! We can't sit on the road like this, though."

"Maybe we should find somewhere to take cover and wait on backup."

"The longer we wait here the longer we risk danger."

"We don't have the resources to leave, Harris. We can get off the road, but we wait for help. They said they'd be here in 30."

"And why aren't they sending a chopper??"

"This area is too hot. They'll take it down the second it hits their airspace. We need to wait, Corporal. It's all we can do."

Ashlyn bit down hard in frustration and irritation, then cursed as she kicked the dirt. Johnson sighed and poked his head out to see if they were still alone. The area looked clear and he sat back down to nudge Ashlyn. She looked to him and he nodded to their fallen friends. The both gave sad frowns and moved to the bodies. They needed to get them and themselves off the road ASAP.

"Wells' is in the ditch and still covered up pretty good. I say we move over to those rocks and take cover there," she suggested, pointing a few hundred yards away.

"Good idea. Let's go," he agreed.

Ashlyn went over to a shallow breathing Wells and gave him a smile. His eyes were barely open and he turned his lips up the faintest. She winked to him and turned to see Johnson dragging Garret and Sergeant Cook by the straps of their vests. They looked to each other sadly and she turned back to Wells to tell him about their plans. He gave a slight nod and an inaudible sound. Ashlyn smiled to him again and lifted him up over her shoulders fireman style.

"You're lucky you're a skinny kid," she joked and earned a little chuckle. 

"B-Better than your f-fatass," he whispered and winced some.

"Oh, you got jokes now, huh? I should drop your ass," she laughed, careful to not hurt him as she walked.

All she got was another little laugh and pain filled cough. Johnson was bigger and stronger, so he made it to their extraction point first. He ran back to Ashlyn, keeping a look out for anyone, then grabbed Wells from her to run him back. Just as they got settled into the shade, Ashlyn remembered they had classified information in the Humvee. All of their plans, checkpoints, and sensitive information was in there.

"I've gotta go back. You stay here," she ordered and stood again.

"What the hell for," Johnson asked in bewilderment, looking up from Wells.

"We've got classified and sensitive information in the Humvee. If it got in the wrong hands then we'd be screwed. Everyone would be compromised," she pointed out.

"Fuck," he hissed and put pressure on Wells head.

"I'll be back in 2 minutes flat," she said and stood as she brought her gun around.

"No. I'll go," he said and stood with her.

"Fuck no! I'm faster and you're limping now," she argued and held her hand out to stop him.

"And you have a wife and kid," he reminded her.

Ashlyn swallowed hard at his words and looked down. "We all have someone. I became leader when sarge died. It's my duty to protect you and Wells. It's my duty to get everyone home," she insisted, knowing her role.

Johnson stepped forward to argue, but she raised her hand again. She turned and looked to see if the coast was clear. When she felt comfortable enough to leave, she took off as quickly as she could. She reached the Humvee and looked around in it quickly for the papers. Just as she saw them, she heard voices and feet walking. She cursed under her breath and saw that gasoline was around. She pulled out her lighter and belly crawled back down to the ditch.

"I hope this works," she whispered.

Ashlyn threw the lighter and watched the flame spark as it ran into the Humvee. She watched with a thankful sigh of relief as everything inside caught on fire. She had just turned around to get ready to stand and head back when an explosion rang out. The sound deafened her and the dirt flying blinded her. Her ears were ringing and she was disoriented as she lolled her head on the ground. She tried to stand and draw her weapon.

Just then, a shot rang out and Ashlyn hit the ground hard. She felt a searing pain in the right side of her chest and reached her hand up to it. She felt a sting at the contact and raised her hand up to the sky to see blood. She felt tears prick her eyes as she heard footsteps and voices approach. What made her cry the most was the faces of her loved ones flashing before her eyes. Her whole life came and went.

The image of the picture in her boot came to vision and she bit down hard, inhaling through her nose. Ali's grinning face, Leighton's peaceful sleeping face, and her holding her wife from behind as they stared at her with so much love took her over. All Ashlyn wanted to do was go home and hold them one more time. All she wanted to do was tell them she loved them one more time. All she wanted was them and it made her cry as she felt it all slip away.

Then something dark came over her vision and everything went silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to me and my drama...


	4. From Daylight to Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are so nice so I said, "What the hell..." One posting today. Happy Halloween :)

"When should you hear from Ashlyn?"

Ali smiled at the mention of her wife as she passed Leighton off to her mother-in-law. It had been a week and a half since she missed her phone call and she knew the time was approaching for her to hear from her. She grabbed Leighton's diaper bag and helped her walk everything to the car as she informed her of an estimated time. They both let out sighs at missing her and gave each other sad and knowing smiles.

"Only 6 more months, sweetheart," she reminded and hugged her goodbye.

"That's what we keep telling ourselves. I'll see you guys later. Take care and I love you both," Ali smiled, waving at Leighton through the window.

"You do the same. I'll call you later," she smiled back as she opened the door to get in.

Ali blew kisses at Leighton and the little girl gave a mostly gummy grin. It made Ali laugh and she stepped back to give them room to leave. Just as she crossed her arms to watch them go and Mrs. Harris cranked up her car, a black sedan pulled up. Ali looked to it and her face fell in confusion at the unknown visitor. The driver and passenger doors opened, and out stepped 2 men in military clothes.

Omar's face came to view, looking sad and remorseful, and Ali took a step back.

Ashlyn's mom watched as her daughter-in-law's face fell dramatically and she brought her hands up to cover her mouth. She turned her head to what she was looking at and slowly opened the door. She stepped out, eyes never leaving the men in uniform, and went to stand by Ali. Her daughter's wife shook as the men approached and opened their mouths with somber looks. 

"No," Ali wailed and her legs buckled. "No, no, no. Nooooo! Where is she?! Where's my wife, Omar?! Where's Ashlyn?!"

Mrs. Harris felt like she was going to throw up and grabbed Ali to hold. Her daughter-in-law was about to fall to her knees, but she kept her up and helped her stand. Ali turned into her chest, fisting it tightly with white knuckles, and sobbed there as she felt her world go dark and crumble. Ashlyn's mom stared at the ground in a daze, running her hand through Ali's hair unconsciously as the men told them the horrible news.

Ashlyn was dead.

Omar told them how Ashlyn had saved 2 men's lives and brought home 2 fallen ones back to their families. He told them how she became her squad's leader at the death of their sergeant, and took control to lead them to safety until help came. He told them how she knew that classified information was still in the Humvee and she took the initiative to run back to destroy it. He told them that she was shot and an explosion occurred, blinding her squad from seeing anything else. 

Everything was from Johnson's account and it broke him into tiny pieces at not being able to assist his corporal. All he saw through his binoculars was Ashlyn set fire to the inside of the Humvee, crawl back out, then make her way to hide in the ditch. He saw the rebels arrive and moved his lips to his radio to tell her when he remembered his was broken and he still had hers. He let out a curse and stood to run to her, but faltered when he saw Wells' passed out body.

Just as he went back and forth on whether or not to back her up, a gunshot rang through the air. He immediately hit the ground and pulled his binoculars back to his eyes, frantically searching for Ashlyn. He saw her on the ground and lifting her hand to the air. His grip tightened on his binoculars and he pulled his gun close. He decided to go after her and hope to make it back, but an explosion happened and he ducked in fear.

He had hit his leg and cursed as he reached for it to subside the pain. He looked to Wells and saw him grunt in pain and move the slightest. He looked back to where Ashlyn was, but all he could see was a cloud of dirt everywhere. He cursed for the hundredth time that day and brought his binoculars back up in a frantic search. To his surprise and panic, he was met with nothing and a blazing Humvee. He thought the worse and felt tears at a missing Ashlyn.

Johnson waited with eyes on the town for a sign of Ashlyn for the next 20 minutes as help arrived. After being shaken by the shoulders and a quick slap to the face, he was able to inform everyone of what happened. He watched as their lieutenant gave a swirling hand motion in the air and another squad loaded up. They took of into the town and everyone else headed back to base. Without a word from Ashlyn or anything to suggest her whereabouts, they had to call off the search days later.

Omar fought the hardest to keep it going after spending most of his time physically going out on search missions. Their lieutenant thought for sure they were just extending the inevitable and wanted to save everyone the pain. He called it off, after a pretty heated argument with Omar, and went into work to give his condolences to his fallen soldiers families. Omar stormed out and grieved as he sat on Ashlyn's bed. He knew what this would do to her family, most of all to Ali.

It was why he insisted on giving her the news.

"Mrs. Harris," he said quietly, but kept his eyes on his friend's grieving wife. "She's been declared 'Killed In Action' by the army. We've spent almost the last few weeks looking for her, but we've found nothing. She saved 2 of her men and brought back 2 of her fallen men. She's a hero and will be awarded as such-"

"A HERO," Ali yelled, turning to him and breathing hard. "She's dead, Omar! She had literally 1 fucking month left before she would be back home for a short stay! She had half a year left before she would be leaving the army! Now she's gone! My wife, your friend, is dead and gone. That's what you're telling me, right??"

"Ali," he whispered and squared his shoulders.

"No! Fuck you and fuck whatever stupid conclusions the 'army' has come up with," she continued and pushed him. "Until you give me a body then she's still out there. She could still be alive! Did you even look good?! Did you even try?! A fucking week is all it took for you to decide she's dead?? Ashlyn gave 6 years of her life to serve her country. That's 6 fucking years of missed birthdays, missed holidays, missed weddings, missed births, and other things she always regretted missing out on. It took you assholes less than 2 weeks to give up on her!"

"Mrs. Harris, no one is giving up on her. This is the statistics and things we base on past similar situations. There's nothing out there that suggests she could still be alive. We thoroughly check out every single lead we get," the other man provided, stepping forward to assist Omar.

"Statistics and things," she asked with an incredulous and sarcastic smile. "Wow! So that's all my wife is to you?? A fucking expendable asset?! Fuck you! Who the hell are you, anyways?!"

Ashlyn's mom had been silent the whole time staring at the ground. She felt her world spinning except for what she was looking at. She heard her daughter-in-law in the background yelling at the men, but she was too at a loss to calm her. Hearing that her daughter had died saving her friends made her stomach twist. It wasn't until she looked up to the curious and scared eyes of her granddaughter that she snapped out of it.

"Ali," she cracked and cringed at her voice, but still grabbed her arm.

"No! It's not fair. I can't be a widow. Not like this," Ali whimpered and weakly tried to shrug her off.

"Ali, please," she cried quietly and hugged her. "Think about Leighton, sweetheart. Ashlyn wouldn't want you hurting yourself like this. We have to be strong for her. You have to be strong for her."

Ali buried her face into her chest to cry her pain and loss, fisting her shirt. "She can't be dead. We have so much to do. What about everything we promised each other? What about our daughter," she sobbed harder and closed her eyes tightly.

She didn't know what to say because she thought similar things. "I don't know, honey, but I do know she would want you to be strong for both you and Leighton. She would want you to take care of yourself and y'alls daughter. She would want you to be strong, Ali," she urged, pulling back to hold her face and look at her.

Ali roamed her eyes over her face before dropping them in more tears. "I don't know how. She was always the strong one for us. What am I going to do without her," she cried and shook.

"Oh, sweetheart," she whispered, pulling her back in to hold and kiss her head. "You won't go through any of this alone. You have me, your father-in-law, your brother-in-law, and your parents and brother. You have family from your side and Ashlyn's that will be with you every step of the way. You have loving friends that will be there to support you. You have so much, Ali. You'll never be alone. The biggest reason why is sitting in the car," she reminded her, squeezing her close for both their sakes.

Omar watched with a broken heart as his friend's wife pain filled the atmosphere. He turned his head to the ground and whispered something to the man beside him. He nodded and headed back to the car, started it up, then drove off. Omar picked his head back up to Ali and Ashlyn's mom, who was looking at him as she still held her daughter's wife. Omar gave a nod, and she didn't need to ask if he was staying to be with them.

Ali turned her head slightly to see her daughter's bright blue eyes staring back at her. It made her cry harder knowing she would never get to know the woman that loved her unconditionally. It made her legs give out that she would never hear her voice again, be held by her again, tell her she loved her again, or know the heart that beat inside her. Omar grabbed Ali and took her from Ashlyn's mom to keep her up.

Ashlyn's mom took Leighton out of the car, holding her close and kissing her head, as she watched Ali be taken inside. The longer she held her granddaughter, the more her own pain bubbled to the top and poured over. She held her and cried into her little neck at the loss of her daughter, the state her daughter-in-law was in, and the pain everyone was surely about to suffer.

What looked like a for sure promising and honorable career for Ashlyn to get out alive of turned into the darkest moment in her loved ones lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst, man.


	5. Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I greatly appreciate all of your comments over the weekend. On a serious note, I hope I haven't offended anyone or anything with this type of storyline. All I can say is that it gets better and it isn't always gonna be sad :)

"Alex? Are you ready to go, honey? It's time."

Kyle got no response and knocked on the door again. He called out his sister's name again and waited. When he was still met with silence, he sighed sadly and took a deep breath. Ali had been a recluse from everyone except Leighton. She wanted to be alone at their house, holding Leighton close as she walked around and remembered things about Ashlyn there. When Kyle arrived from LA, though, he made it a point to stay with her and take care of them.

"Alex, honey, it's time to go," he repeated, grabbing the doorknob.

Still no response and he started to get worried. He didn't clearly know the state of his sister's mind and he was done waiting. He turned the doorknob and was thankful to see that it was not locked. He slowly creaked the door open and poked his head in tentatively. What he saw made his heart break and his chest tighten. He didn't know how his baby sister was going to get through this and it scared him.

Ali was sitting at her vanity, brushing through her hair like a zombie. Her eyes were puffy and red, her nose looked wet, and her face looked tired. Everything about her screamed exhaustion and defeat, and it tugged at his heart to see her so lost. It made his pain at remembering what today was and why she was like that come back up. He swallowed down the softball lump in his throat and walked fully in, closing the door quietly.

"Oh my God, Ash," he whispered to himself and wiped at the corner of his eye.

Kyle slowly and painfully with a hand to his churning stomach walked to his little sister. Ali just continued staring into the mirror, through her reflection, and unconsciously brushing her hair. He observed her looking like the world had ended and waiting on her turn to go and be with her wife. He watched her bottom lip tremble ever so slightly and a tear escape down her cheek, disappearing down her neck.

"Ali, sweetie, you still don't have your clothes on. We need to leave in a few minutes," he reminded her, kneeling beside her and grabbing the brush.

The moment the brush left her hands seemed to bring her back to reality. Ali's eyes widened some and she tucked her bottom lip into her mouth as she remembered where she was at. She remembered what today was and put her shaking hands on her vanity to hang her head. She closed her eyes tightly and sniffled through her nose as she felt tears try to escape. Kyle stood and hugged her from her position, hand running through her hair and whispering words of comfort.

"Come on, honey. I'll help you into your dress," he offered, pulling back with a long kiss to her head and leaving his hands on her.

"No. I'm not going," she whimpered and moved from his hold.

Kyle sighed and took a step back to give her some room to breathe. "Alex, you have to go. Mom and Dad are waiting with Leighton there already. Ashlyn's parents and Chris are on their way there now. All that's left is us. We have to go now, sweetheart," he said softly.

"For what, Kyle," she exclaimed, looking up to him angrily. "She's not going to be there! Why do I have to go if she isn't?? It's a joke!"

"Because you have to go to find closure," he argued and kneeled back down beside her. "Because your daughter is there waiting on you. Because she needs you to be strong for her. Because Ashlyn would want you to. Do it for the both of them, Alex; your wife and the daughter you two have together."

"We don't know if she's dead, Kyle," she continued, eyes watering and voice struggling. "There's no body, no evidence that suggests it, nothing! She could still be out there. She could still be alive. My wife is probably out there somewhere right now thinking everyone has given up on her. She's probably thinking that I have! I refuse to believe she's dead until I have her body back here. I refuse to believe it until I see it for myself and can bury her for real!"

"Alex! It's been 2 weeks since we found out what happened. There's still no word on her and thinking that she's still out there alive is only hurting you more. It's hurting everyone else more! You've shut yourself off from everyone and I can't stand to see you do it anymore. You're not the only one hurting or that lost Ashlyn. We all are! You have to get yourself together, because that little girl depends solely on you now. What about Leighton, Alex?! What about your daughter? The one that Ashlyn loved so much and would want you to pull it together for. Do it for her. Get it together for her," he urged, holding her by the shoulders to look her in the eyes.

Ali was rendered speechless by his words and slumped in his hold. As much as she wanted to scream, kick, and fight the world, she knew deep down she couldn't. She couldn't be selfish and neglect the only thing she had left that was her and Ashlyn. She couldn't destroy one of the things that she and Ashlyn had done together. She would never forgive herself for ruining Leighton or the memory she held of her and her wife. She loved their little girl too much.

"How," she cried quietly and clutched onto him for dear life. "How do I keep going without her? She's my wife, the mother of my daughter, and the greatest thing that ever happened to me. We were so in love, Kyle. We had the world at our feet and we were going to take it on together. We had it all and were only going to get more. We had so much planned. How do I just forget that and move on?"

Kyle softened at her state and pulled her in for a strong hug. "You don't have to forget it, honey. You just use it to keep going. That's what she would want you to do," he whispered into her hair.

She knew he was right and that hurt the most. She cried harder into his chest and pulled him closer.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ali didn't hear of word of what Omar said as he handed her the folded up flag. She didn't hear a word of anything really the whole time she sat there. As everyone stood to give memories and words on Ashlyn, she just held Leighton close to her chest with her lips in her hair. She was sitting between Kyle and Chris with their parents on the sides of them. She tried to ignore all the military themed things around her. She tried to avoid looking at the empty and closed coffin.

As it was lowered into the ground, Ali tried to block out her mom, Ashlyn's mom and grandma, and others crying. She tried to not look at Ashlyn's dad give a salute with a trembling jaw and tears at his eyes to what was suppose to represent his daughter. She tried to keep from crying when she saw Chris hugging his grandpa and crying profusely, something she never thought she'd see from her big and strong brother-in-law. She tried to ignore her brother and father's tear filled eyes of concern on her.

The one thing she couldn't ignore, though, was her daughter's sleeping face. She was glad that she wasn't awake to see all of the heartache. She was thankful that she had her to hold and love on, because she was still feeling at a loss. She was lucky that she still permanently had something of Ashlyn. Even though they were of no blood relation to Leighton, they adopted her together and loved her as if she was. None of that mattered except the love they had for her.

Ashlyn's funeral was the hardest thing she ever had to go through, a thousand times worse than her grandma's. She held her daughter close the whole time and only broke down once when pictures of Ashlyn and them and their family came across the TV screen. Kyle pulled her into his side and held her as he watched them too, tears escaping at a picture of the 3 of them at a beach in LA after surfing. Chris looked to him over Ali's head and nodded as he leaned over to hold her too.

He had made a promise to his sister that if anything should ever happen to her that he would take care of her. At first he brushed her off and laughed, not wanting to even think about her leaving them like that, but now he made it his mission. As he held Ali and kissed her shoulder, feeling her shake underneath him, he reached his big hand over to his niece. He put it over her body and broke down at the last thing left of Ashlyn.

Kyle stretched his arm more to hold them both and give them comfort.

Ali went straight home with Leighton and shut herself off from the world. She put her sleeping daughter down in her crib and stared at her for a moment with a small smile. She looked to her dresser to the picture of the 3 of them and it faltered some. She moved to it and picked it up to stare at. She could see her reflection in it and saw that she was crying. She wiped at her eyes furiously and set it back down before exiting the room.

Ali spent the remainder of the night walking through the house. She stopped in every room and reflected on a memory of her and Ashlyn in there. She sat at the kitchen table as she remembered the last meal she cooked her. She looked around the living room and sat in Ashlyn's favorite recliner to sit in with her in her lap as they watched TV. She went to their bathroom and smiled at Ashlyn dragging her in to take a 'shower' together. She passed by their daughter's bedroom and chuckled at catching her in there numerous times throughout the night.

When she made it to their room, saving it specifically for last, she stopped at their closed door. She had not been able to sleep in there ever since she found out Ashlyn was gone. The only thing she could do in there was quickly get ready or go in to retrieve something. She instead chose to sleep in Leighton's room by her crib in the recliner. It was hard being in their room for too long and remembering all the memories it held, especially the last time her and Ashlyn made love.

She walked in and stared into the room with glistening eyes. It was quiet and felt even more empty than she did. It was like it knew the other owner was gone and not coming back, and Ali never felt more alone in there. She made her way over to their dresser and pulled it open with shaky hands. She reached inside for what she was after, and pulled it out to hold up. She cried a little more as she pulled Ashlyn's army sweater over her head, putting it to her nose to inhale her.

She went over to their bed and climbed in under the sheets from the first time in weeks. She moved over to Ashlyn's side and cried harder as she buried her nose in her pillow and could still faintly smell her. She pulled it closer and hid her face in it, as she thought of Ashlyn holding her close and them laughing into the darkness. She shook as she thought about not being able to physically tell her wife one more time that she loved her.

Ali cried herself to sleep there with a strong grip on what was left of her wife's scent.


	6. Can't Give Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are a trip...

Three Months Later.

"How are you doing?"

Ali looked up to her approaching mother-in-law and smiled back. She stood from her seat and hugged her tightly. She always loved seeing her and couldn't wait to catch up. Ashlyn's mom hugged her even more tightly and kissed the side of her head before letting go. Ali motioned to the seat beside her and picked up Leighton from her stroller to pass her off to her. The woman's face lit up brightly and she happily accepted her.

"Hello, sweetheart. Gosh, you're getting so big," she grinned proudly and kissed her cheek.

"Yes, she is," Ali agreed, watching them with her own grin. 

"How are things, Ali," she asked again as she adjusted the little girl.

Ali's smile fell some and she cleared her throat as she looked away. "Good. I'm making it," she said and looked back up.

Ashlyn's mom was on the same page and didn't bother lying. "Me too. I miss her a lot," she smiled sadly and looked to her granddaughter.

"I miss her all the time," she nodded and blew out a shaky breath.

It was time to change the subject as she saw her daughter-in-law fight breaking down. Ashlyn's presence was clearly missed by everyone, but Ali's eyes always showed it the most. It was like a piece of her had died with Ashlyn and everyone hated seeing it in her. They were all coping through the loss in one way or another, and Ali's way to do it was to dive into work and Leighton. Her daughter came first in everything she did.

"How's work and things," she asked, changing the subject.

Ali looked back up and forced a smile, running a hand through her hair thankfully. "Good, actually. My boss has been talking about a promotion for me to take over for him when he leaves to one of our offices in LA. Fingers crossed," she laughed a little.

"You don't need crossed fingers, Ali. Everyone knows how good you are at your job. You deserve it and you're going to get it. Without a doubt," she smiled warmly.

"Thanks," she smiled back softly.

"How's your parents and Kyle," she went on.

"They're doing great," she laughed at the thought of them. "They all told me to tell you hi and to give their love, by the way. My mom has been trying to get me to go on a cruise with her, but I've been so busy with work and Leighton. I don't wanna leave her for that long, anyways."

"A cruise sounds fun. You should go and take some time to relax. Hanging with your mom should be even more fun. Leighton will be ok if you do. Especially if you let me keep her," she suggested with a wink.

Ali laughed and nodded along. "Really, huh? You know if you ever want her all you have to do is ask? I don't have to go on a cruise for you to get time with her," she teased gently.

"I know that, I just...," she trailed off and looked down with a shrug.

Ali noticed she was holding something back and moved closer to the table. "Hey? What's wrong," she asked in concern.

Ashlyn's mom looked up with a small smile as she played with Leighton's hand. "Nothing, I just...I don't know. It's nothing. Don't worry," she tried to sound convincing.

"It's not nothing. Talk to me," she pressed softly.

There was a moment of silence until Ali grabbed her hand. Ashlyn's mom looked up into her daughter's smiling wife's eyes and couldn't help but return it. She knew she could tell her anything, especially this, and not have to feel like she would offend her. This last part of the year had been trying, though, and challenging on all of them. Ali always working or shutting them off at home made her think that their relationship was different now.

"I love you, Ali, and I love Leighton. No matter what, you're my daughter-in-law and she's my granddaughter. You both are pieces of my daughter that help complete the memory I have of her. I just want you to know that I want to continue to have you both in me and my family's lives. We all love you so much and would hate to lose you," she confessed, trying to control her emotions.

Ali never felt so ashamed and guilty in her life before. She also never thought she would ever feel so loved before. In her mission to try to heal the loss of her wife, she neglected all her loved ones. She ignored the fact they were all trying to try to move on from Ashlyn just as much as she was. Ashlyn's parents were mourning the loss of their only daughter, and Chris fought to move forward at the loss of his baby sister. She knew just by looking at him during his weekly visits.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Harris," Ali started and reached for her hand. "I'm so sorry if I made you feel like I don't want you apart of our lives. I feel the exact same way as you do. You, your husband, Chris, and everyone else in your family mean so much to me. You're always going to be my family no matter what. Ashlyn is Leighton's daughter and she's apart of all of us. Together we can all make sure she knows who she was. I can't make it through life without all of you. You're my family."

Ashlyn's mom sniffled and put her tongue to the roof of her mouth to control her emotions. "You don't know how much that means to me, Ali. It means so, so much," she smiled with bubbling eyes.

Ali had the same look on her own face and squeezed her hand firmly. "Probably not as much as it means to me," she chuckled some and earned a laugh from her.

They felt a sense of calm wash over them and a weight lift off their shoulders. Ali knew that she would only get stronger and make it through this dark chapter of her life with everyone's constant love and support. She didn't think about it before, but now that it was discussed, she saw how loved she was. Though Ashlyn was gone and she missed her desperately, she still had her family there continually. The Harris' chose to want to still be in her life.

"Too much history between our families to get away from us that easy," the woman stated, smiling like she was reading her thoughts.

Ali looked back to her and slowly smiled as she nodded. "My thoughts exactly," she agreed and held her hand tighter.

"Then let's eat," she grinned and picked up the menu.

For the first time in a while, Ali gave a genuine smile as she watched her mother-in-law laugh at her daughter grab at the menu curiously.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four Months Later.

"Have you heard anything yet," Ali asked into her phone.

She was setting a now year old Leighton into her high chair for dinner as she shouldered her phone to speak. The last few months were almost like the last, but with more of her spending time with family and friends. They were all surprised to see her, but they didn't waste a moment in catching up with her and Leighton. It warmed everyone's hearts and breathe sigh of reliefs at seeing Ali out.

What they didn't know, though, was that Ali was still crying herself to sleep at night. When the day started to come to a close and darkness swept the sky, she had time to think about the fact she was a widow. She had the loneliness of their queen sized bed to remind her that she would never have Ashlyn to hold her again. It got worse last week on the day Ashlyn was supposed to be back home for good.

"Ali," Omar sighed sadly. "Nothing's changed. I think it's time we both started to move on and save ourselves the heartache. This isn't healthy."

Ali bit down hard and closed her eyes as she leaned into the counter. "I can't. I just can't. You were one of the main ones that said it was possible that she could still be out there. Now you wanna give up," she said harshly. 

"I'm not giving up, Ali," he said defensively. "I'm just trying to be real here. I will always hold out hope that Ashlyn is out there somewhere, but the reality is that I have to think she might not be alive. If we ever do find her, we have to be prepared that it might not be how we would hope. You know it, too."

Ali fought off tears at how true he was and shook her head stubbornly. "I'll cross that bridge when I get there. At the end of the day, you people still haven't found my wife. Whether that's a body or her alive, you still haven't given me closure," she continued.

"The army has officially closed her cas-," he started.

"I don't give a damn what they 'closed', Omar," she whispered loudly into her phone and turned from her daughter. "You people may be willing to give up on her, but I'm not! Ash is out there somewhere, and the fact that you expect me to just move on so easily without any closure baffles me. It makes me sick!"

"I'm not asking you to give up, Ali! I would never ask you to do that," he argued, offense in his tone. "I am just asking you to think ahead. I'm asking you to think this through and to try to move on. Because there's the possibility that she's not alive and I would hate to see you and everyone go through that pain again. Think about all of that, Ali. Think how it could affect Leighton."

Ali shook her head and gripped her cell phone tighter. "I have thought of all of that, Omar. It's why I can't give up. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on without knowing for sure what happened to her," she said through a lump in her throat.

"Ali, you know what happened," he tried to reason. "She's gone, and I hate admitting it more than anyone here, but it's seeming more and more true. We have to try to move on."

Ali swallowed hard and shook her head in disagreement. "I can't," she whispered and hung up.

Omar pulled his phone away, not believing she hung up on him like that, and sighed in defeat. He felt he just made things worse.


	7. Two Important Talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People, the angst will get worse before it gets better...

Ali pulled her jacket tighter around her body to shield herself from the chilly Virginia air. In a way, she felt she was also protecting herself from what she was about to do. As she got closer and heard the crunch of snow under her boots, she let out a shaky breath. It wasn't from the winter weather, but was masked as her breath puffed out and up. She knew it was aimed at the approaching stone and took another deep breath.

"Hey, babe," she smiled some, bending down to place her flowers.

Ali stared at the tombstone that read her wife's name, but didn't house her body underneath it in the casket underground. She ran her gloved hand over it and hung her head to wipe at her eyes with her other hand. It never got easier and it always felt harder. She thought about her conversation with Omar a few months ago and felt hope slip at finding her with every day of not hearing anything from him.

"No Leighton today," she started again and cleared her throat. "Just me. She's with your brother at the mall picking out things for Christmas. They hang out a lot together. I know you love that."

She smiled a little more wider at the tombstone and then looked back down. She fixed her flowers appropriately and to her satisfaction as she removed the old ones. She hadn't been out there since Ashlyn's birthday a few months ago. She remembered her mother-in-law saying that she and her father-in-law made it a thing to come there every Sunday. Most times they'd take Leighton with them.

"I'm not really good at this, am I," she asked quietly.

Ali hated visiting Ashlyn's gravesite because to her it felt like she was giving up. It felt like she was giving up on Ashlyn and their love, even though it was the complete opposite. Every time she came out here with Leighton, she would just sit there and talk about their week. It was a distraction for her and made her feel like she wasn't crazy talking to what she felt was a lie. No Ashlyn in the ground meant she wasn't exactly dead. It meant she wasn't gone to her.

It only took one visit with Ashlyn's parents and Chris for her to realize that she hated it. She just stood there awkwardly as they all talked, aside from Chris who was more reserved with his feelings, and listened. She listened to her in-laws talk about their daily lives and things they did with Leighton. She listened to them tell Ashlyn how much they loved her and couldn't wait to see her again. It all made Ali an emotional mess.

"This is stupid," she huffed and stood quickly. "You're not dead. I would feel it if you were. I'm NOT a widow! You're out there somewhere and I feel like I'm the only one that cares! I feel like I'm the only one holding out on hope and faith that you'll come back. I can't do this without you! I can't do all of this without you, Ash. I miss you every single day, every single moment. I can't just move on like the last 7 years of our lives together didn't exist and mean everything to me. That's a fucking lifetime for most people!"

Ali had tears coming down her face and didn't even bother to wipe them.

"I can't raise our daughter by myself! I don't know how to! I'm so lost without you. I don't know what to do without you, Ashlyn! I never thought it would be this bad. It's not fair. It's not fair that I have to do all of this by myself. You promised, Ashlyn! You promised that we would do all of this together. Instead, I'm the only one here now doing it BY MYSELF!"

Ali's chest was heaving and she was trying to catch her breath.

"Out of all the times I thought about the worst happening to you, I never thought that it would be this hard. I never thought that I'd go through something like this. This pain is the worse thing ever and I don't know how to get past it. I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest. I feel like a piece of me is dead and won't ever be the same. I've been in love with you since we were fucking 13, Ashlyn! We've been through it all to get to where we were last year. It was our time to live happily ever after. Our family was about to be together! And then this happened and now we're here. Me yelling at a stupid rock, and you God knows where!"

Ali had her fingers curled in her hair as she tried to calm herself and stop crying.

"That's what I signed up for, though, right," she continued with a humorless smile. "I knew what could be expected when I said I was ok with you leaving to join the army. I couldn't complain even more when I agreed to marry you. You could get seriously hurt, you could come back with emotional and mental problems, or you could die. And what do you fucking know, you went for broke and picked the last one. How is it that you could save all these other people or bring back their bodies to their families, but yours? Why do we, me and our loved ones, have to be the ones without full closure?"

Ali's anger was speaking for her and she was finally letting out her frustrations. The only problem was that Ashlyn wasn't there to hear them.

"Everyone keeps saying that I have to let you go," she sobbed quietly and put her hand over her mouth. "Everyone keeps saying that I'm just torturing myself; that I'm making things worse. They don't even have to say it sometimes because I can see it in their faces. I thought I was doing a good job at hiding it, but they always look at me with remorse. I hate it, Ashlyn! I hate feeling this weak and powerless. I just want you back. I just want you back here with me and Leighton."

Ali dropped to her knees in the snow and cried into her hands.

"I miss you so much, baby," she cried and looked back up to the tombstone. "I can't see a future without you in it. I can't see myself moving on from you. We were this close, Ash. We went through 6 years of separation to finally get to where we were last year and to start our lives together. We were going to build our family and do everything we ever talked about. It can't be all over just like that. Not like this. I feel like you're still out there somewhere. I still feel you with me. I just...I love you so freaking much. I miss you so much. How do I move on from that? How do I keep on without you?"

It was silent and Ali for some reason waited on an answer. She didn't get one and she felt that much more lost.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five Months Later.

"I can't believe you're leaving tomorrow. I already miss you," Kyle smiled sadly.

Ali looked to him from her dinner and gave him an equally sadder smile. She had been in LA with him for the last few days of her business trip. She worked in a few extra days off and they spent all the time together. She missed him dearly and didn't know how much until he picked her up from the airport. As he lifted her in the air and spun her around, she closed her eyes as tears of joy pricked her eyes.

"You'll be back home and with all of us soon. I know Leighton misses you," she smirked knowingly, forking some salad.

He laughed and finished his water with a nod. "Definitely miss her and I can't wait until I'm on vacation. I miss everyone, especially my little ballerina," he winked and they shared a laugh.

"I can't wait," she agreed and pushed her finished plate away.

Kyle watched his little sister as she looked out to the busy LA traffic and the wind blew her hair. She seemed to be in deep thought and he had an inkling as to what it was. It had been a whole year since her life was turned upside down and he guessed that was probably her main reason for not wanting to be home. Their house together held so many memories and he knew his sister was still grieving.

"It's been a year," he stated, clearing his throat nervously.

Ali was running her hand through her hair to clear her vision, but stopped halfway at his words. She had in fact been thinking about that and was trying to clear her mind of it. She sighed and finished running her fingers through her hair. She didn't feel like having this conversation outside on a restaurant's sidewalk seating area. She cleared her throat and motioned with her eyes to him that she was ready to go. Kyle immediately signaled for the check to pay and leave.

Kyle watched as his sister excused herself to go check on Leighton. He didn't mean to ruin their mood and her last night in town. He just wanted to make sure that she was really doing ok, especially after they all learned she was still looking into Ashlyn's case. Omar was worried for her and didn't want her to lose herself in that desperate and surely unpromising search. Ali was slowly slipping away and was scared, which was why she was glad she was with her brother.

They grew up telling each other their most deepest and darkest secrets. He came out to her first and she kept it secret for almost a year before he told everyone else. He had helped her through so much, Ashlyn's funeral coming to mind, and she knew he would he always be there. Aside from Ashlyn, her brother was the closest person to her and who held her secrets. She took it as a sign that she had work in LA right around the anniversary of Ashlyn's death.

"Everything ok," he asked, not meaning just the phone call.

Ali looked up to him and smiled, nodding to his question. "Perfect. She just fell asleep about 10 minutes ago. Mom sounded relieved," she joked, trying to stall a little longer.

Kyle smiled, not reaching his eyes, and nodded back. "I bet...as happy as I am to hear that, and I truly am, I meant you," he said seriously and getting to the point.

She looked down and swallowed hard before looing out to the street. "Can we go somewhere," she asked quietly.

He nodded and walked up to her in concern, grabbing her hand and leading the way. "How about the beach," he suggested with a soft smile.

"Perfect," she smiled thankfully and walked closer to him.

They walked in silence the few blocks to the beach and Ali was thankful for it. It gave her time to think about things and put her words together. She knew her brother worried about her, especially being so far away, and that their parents made it worse when he asked about her. Ali tried her hardest to try to act normal and 'move on', but it was so hard. She just missed Ashlyn so much and felt so cheated out of a life with her.

"Look at that sunset," he whispered in amazement.

Ali was brought out of her thoughts and looked to him. She followed his stare and marveled at how beautiful it was indeed. It made her smile as she thought about how much Ashlyn loved sunsets, too. Those thoughts shifted to their many nights camping by the lake and the times they'd stare at it naked under their covers. Ali blushed and bit her bottom lip as a smile snuck up on her, shivering at remembering Ashlyn's touch.

"I love to sit out here and just watch everything. People skateboarding, the surfers, the lights from the pier...whatever," he told her, taking a seat in the sand.

"I can see why," she agreed, smiling some as she sat next to him.

Kyle looked at her and stared as she watched the ocean. "Talk to me, Alex," he said gently.

Ali took a deep breath and tucked some hair behind her ear. "It's hard. It's so hard, Kyle," she whispered, looking down as the wind blew her hair again.

"But you're still here. You're still fighting every day," he said knowingly.

"But she's not," she disagreed and looked to him. "She's not here with me and that makes it hard. I try every day to move on, but I can't. I go straight back to holding out hope she's still out there. How can I ever expect to move on if it's been a year and I still feel like it was yesterday?"

"Moving on won't be easy, Alex. There isn't a book or a manual or a user's guide on how to get through something like this," he sighed and grabbed her hand between them. "The only way you do is to keep getting up every day and showing it you're ready for whatever it throws your way. You keep looking at Leighton and let that push you. I know you're strong, Alex. I've seen that strength countless times. You're my hero in so many ways. I know you can do this."

She looked down at her lap and shook her head. "It's a struggle every day to get out of bed, Kyle. I want to just lay there with the blinds closed and ignore the world. But when I hear Leigh's voice carry down the hallway to my room, I actually crack a smile. A genuine and happy smile, because my little girl gives me so much faith. She gives me faith that things will one day be alright. It's those moments alone that make it feel like it won't happen," she confessed in a little crack.

He scooted closer to hug her around the shoulders and tuck her into his side. "You're not alone, Alex. We're all here for you and we all love you. You've suffered through one of the worst things ever, but you're still standing. You're still strong and tackling everything that comes your way. Ashlyn would be so proud of you. She'd be so proud of you and how well you're taking care of your guys' family. She loved you and you were a hero to her. That should push you more," he smiled, staring at the side of her face.

Ali smiled as she took his words to heart, knowing them to be so true, then looked up to the ocean and then to him. "She would, wouldn't she," she said rhetorically.

Kyle's smile broke to a grin and he gave her a little shake in their embrace. "Without a doubt, AK," he chuckled and kissed her temple.

Ali laughed softly and laid her head on his shoulder. "I love you, Kyle. Thanks for everything," she sighed with a smile.

Kyle smiled and laid his head on top of hers. "I love you more, Alex. No thanks needed," he said and held her tighter.

They sat and watched the sunset, and for once Ali felt like she was a step closer to healing.


	8. Looking to Heal

"I've been going to therapy or the past 3 months."

Ali looked up to Ashlyn's tombstone and then back down in embarrassment. It had been 5 months since her visit with Kyle. She thought she was getting better and healing, but she had a major setback 2 months after. The looks in her family's eyes seemed to really grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her. Their concerning words about her mental and emotional state, and for Leighton as well, fueled her more to get better.

"That's why I haven't been here in a long time," she continued and picked at the grass. "I, um, I called my voicemail after missing a call from work, but then your voice came on. I completely forgot about that voicemail. I always answer my phone and rarely have to check it. My phone is always glued to hand, as you always say, and that one time it wasn't."

Ali looked up and smiled at the memories of her wife teasing her.

"That was the last thing you said to me," she whispered faraway. "My parents found me on the floor in the living room. I was sitting by your recliner and bawling my eyes out. I hadn't cried that hard in a long time. Luckily, Leigh was with your parents."

She looked back down in shame and swallowed.

"My mom was so sad and scared that she started crying. My dad had to carry me upstairs to bed. My mom laid behind me and held me while my dad sat on the edge of the bed with his hand on my leg. They were so worried for me and how I was doing. There was some yelling and arguing, but after they told me that my behavior would end up affecting Leighton, I snapped out of it. The thought of me hurting her in some way made me come back to reality. The thought of failing her, which would in turn mean failing you, made me shape up."

She gave a small smile as she stared at her wife's name.

"I never want to do that, Ashlyn. I never want to fail you or our daughter. I love you both too much to do that. That's why I sought out help. That's what I've been doing; for our little girl. Me getting better for myself and for her. It's been helping out a lot. I actually feel better each and every day. It's a small amount, but it's still something. I know if I keep up with it and keep going that I'll get there. I just know it. But I have to do it for myself. Because the moment I can do it for myself is the moment I can do it for our daughter."

Ali wiped at the corner of her eye and fanned at them to keep them dry.

"I just...I hope you don't feel like I'm neglecting you, babe. I'm not. That's the last thing I'd ever do. I just need to do this one step at a time if I want to continue to get better. I just have to take my time and be patient."

Ali didn't know why she felt like she had to explain herself until she stood. She felt like she was starting to believe she was going to have closure with Ashlyn. That hit her hard in the chest and she put her hand over her heart. She didn't bother stopping the few tears that escaped. She was learning in therapy how to heal through the loss of her wife and the progress was showing now. She felt bad and scratched her forehead.

"I love you so much, Ashlyn. Leighton loves you so much. Every day we all tell her in some way or form who you are. I promise you she'll always know who you are. I have to go. Just remember that I'll always love you and you'll always have my heart. Remember that."

She stared at the tombstone a little longer before pressing her fingers to her lips. She sniffled as she pressed them to her wife's name.

"I'll see you later, baby," she promised and quickly left.

Ali headed back to her car feeling guilty about getting close to closure.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Five Months Later.

"You did so good today, honey," Ali grinned, nose crinkling at her 2 1/2 year old daughter.

"She did really good. Miss Leighton is a very healthy and strong little girl," Leighton's pediatrician, Dr. Jeffrey Winters, agreed.

Ali looked to him and smiled after kissing her daughter's cheek. "Thank you, Dr. Winters," she nodded and stuck her hand out to him.

Dr. Winters chuckled and shook her hand. "Means a lot coming from the woman who tried to bite my head off earlier after finding out I took over Dr. Anderson's patients. And please, call me Jeff," he winked.

Ali blushed and brought her hand back to her daughter's back. "Sorry about that,...Jeff. I like being in control of things and that definitely threw me off," she smiled sheepishly.

Jeff laughed and grabbed his little patient's hand to bob up and down. "No problem at all, Miss Harris. If it had to be anyone, I'm glad it was you. I totally understand what you mean," he said, looking to her more serious than needed.

Ali was all too familiar with that look, as she got it a lot from men, but it was different with him. He didn't look at her like some thing to conquer or some piece of meat. He looked at her with nothing but complete and utter respect. He looked at her like a person, but a woman, that he could have an intelligent conversation with, joke around with, and with a sparkle in his eyes. Jeff was very infatuated with Ali and thought she was so beautiful.

"Um," she said, clearing her throat and shifting on her feet nervously.

"As I was saying," he started, shaking his head and clearing his throat too, "you're daughter is healthy and everything looks fine. All in all, a very good checkup. You guys are free to go."

Ali giggled at his joke and shouldered their bags higher. "Thank you, Dr. Winters. We'll see you in a few months," she smiled and headed to the door.

Jeff just grinned brightly and grabbed the door for her. "Jeff, remember. Can't wait to see you guys again, Miss. Harris," he nodded softly.

"Ali. Call me Ali," she smiled more and dipped her head as she headed out.

Jeff watched her walk away and look at him one more time before disappearing around the corner. His smile never left and he clicked his pen as he tapped his clipboard. He was sure it was probably unethical to like one of his patient's moms like he was now, but he didn't care. Ali's smile and laugh had already sunk their hooks deep in him. She had an equally cute daughter and he was finding it hard to find something wrong with her.

"Yep, Jeffrey. You're screwed," he said after puffing his cheeks.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Weeks Later.

"Ali," a familiar voice said in question.

Ali was out with one of her close friends, Bella, for lunch. They had spent the whole time giggling and gossiping about things going on in their lives. Bella had been dating Omar for the last 6 months, courtesy of Ali, and was so happy. It warmed Ali's heart and made her feel good about getting 2 really good friends together. She felt she owed Omar the most and still felt bad about how she talked to him, even though he had long forgiven her.

Leighton was out with her Uncle Chris at the movies and would be picked up later. Ali and Bella had just finished eating when someone called her name. She recognized the voice and raised her eyebrow in curiosity as she turned to it. She was met with Dr. Winters, who was smiling brightly with twinkling eyes. She returned it and stood from her seat to shake his hand. Bella observed them with a knowing smile.

"Dr. Winters! How are you doing," she asked and noticed him slowly let her hand go.

"Jeff, remember," he winked and chuckled.

"Right," she laughed along and nodded. "Jeff, how are you?"

"I've been good. Just coming to grab something to eat with friends," he informed with his thumb jutted towards the back.

At the mention of the word 'friends', Ali remembered hers. "Crap! Sorry, Bella, this is Leighton's pediatrician Dr. Winters. Dr. Winters, aka Jeff, this is my close friend Bella," she introduced and moved out of the way.

"Nice to meet you, Bella," he smiled warmly and reached over to extend his hand.

"Likewise, Jeff...or is it Dr. Winters," she asked with a teasing smile as she shook his hand.

"Definitely Jeff, especially when I'm not in the office," he laughed and stood back.

They all laughed and Jeff admired Ali the whole time she did not too slyly. Bella noticed while Ali didn't, and had to bite back a teasing smile. Jeff noticed he was staring when Bella looked to him with suspicious eyes. He cleared his throat and Ali looked up to him, making him rub the back of his neck nervously. Ali looked to him in concern and Bella snickered into her hand. Ali still had her power to make men uncomfortable.

"I have to go, but it was nice seeing you. I hope you ladies enjoy the rest of your lunch. Tell Leighton I said hi," he smiled and took a short step back.

"Ok. Thank you. I hope you have fun with your friends," Ali smiled back and watched him.

"Thank you, Ali. I hope you have a good day," he said softly and waved as he left.

Ali watched him greet his friends before sitting back down without a care. Bella had been staring at them the whole time, and now she was shaking her head at her friend. She could clearly see how interested he was in Ali, but her friend was a little more harder to read. Ali had went back to her drink and started people watching. She felt someone staring and looked to a smirking Bella.

"What," she asked and tried to not smile.

"Seriously," she asked and laughed.

"What," she laughed at a loss.

"He likes you, Ali," she stated, leaning close so no one heard.

Bella knew it was a touchy subject for Ali, but she was worried for her friend. Ali had not once mentioned dating anybody since Ashlyn's death. She knew she had to say something about the exchange and hoped it would open Ali's eyes. She thought she was being a good friend.

Ali looked at her like she was crazy and shook her head in disbelief. "You're crazy, Bell. He's Leighton's pediatrician. He doesn't like me, he's just really nice," she said, ignoring her twisting stomach and took a drink with a chuckle.

Bella snorted and leaned back into her chair leisurely. "Bull, Al. He wouldn't stop staring at you and he had the look," she stated simply.

"The look," she asked, trying to hide her uneasiness and already knowing the answer.

"Yeah. The 'look'. The one that guy has for you when he thinks you're the most beautiful thing ever. Hook, line, and sinker," she winked and curled her finger like a hook.

"Ok, you're crazy, Bell," she laughed her off and shook her head. "I have to go pick up my daughter. You ready to go, Miss 'Hook, line, and sinker'?"

"Whatever, Ali. You know I'm right," she smirked and stood to leave. "Let's go get my favorite niece!"

Ali laughed as she stood and shook her head again. She thought her friend was crazy and seeing things. Jeff was nice and did seem to stare a lot, but she couldn't base him liking her off 2 meetings. Ali's eyes trailed to the back of the restaurant and she caught Jeff staring. He blushed, though she couldn't see it, and gave her a big smile. Ali returned it and held his stare for a moment before grabbing her purse. He nodded to her and she did the same as she left.

As she made her way to her car, she suddenly felt dirty and like she was cheating.


	9. One Last Message

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, y'alls comments are a trip.

"Ali! We meet again."

Ali turned around to Jeff and smiled. She was out getting coffee at the same restaurant they saw each other at a few weeks ago. She was on her way to a therapy session and shouldered her purse higher. Jeff almost felt like a loser for passing by the restaurant every day in hopes of seeing her. He wasn't the best at getting dates, even though he was very good looking, but something about Ali made him want to try and be more confident.

"So it seems," she chuckled and nodded. "How are you doing, Jeff?"

"Great. Really great now," he answered a little too excitedly. "Um, how are you doing?"

"I'm really great too. Just can't wait until this day is over," she said with a dramatic sigh.

"One of those days, huh," he laughed and nodded in agreement. "Where you headed to?"

Ali's smile fell at his question and the possible uneasiness sure to come with her issues. "Work. I've got a presentation and want to be prepared," she lied and avoided eye contact.

Jeff nodded with an interested look, not catching on to her lie. "Cool. What do you do," he asked curiously.

"I work at an up and coming fashion company as an assistant to the head of marketing. Real girly stuff," she said with a little shrug.

"I don't know about that. I like looking good. What do you think," he laughed, holding his blazer open jokingly.

"You're pretty snazzy for sure," she laughed along.

"That means a lot coming from you then," he smiled sweetly and bowed.

Ali giggled again and he looked back up to her in victory. They moved up in the line carrying on conversation, Jeff making Ali laugh whole heartedly. She hadn't laughed that hard in a while and found herself grabbing her sides. Jeff felt like he had accomplished the greatest thing ever when her face scrunched up in amusement. It propelled him to find any and every way he could to make her laugh so he could stare. Then, Ali ordered her coffee and he snapped out of it.

"I've got it," he offered and stepped forward, pulling his wallet out.

"Oh, no, Jeff. That's really sweet, but I couldn't," Ali smiled appreciatively.

"It's no problem and I want to, Ali. It'd be my pleasure," he smiled warmly and pulled out money.

Ali wanted to argue with him, but was cut off when he ordered his drink. Instead, she stood there and waited with a smile as he paid for both of their coffees. They made their way back outside and talked a little longer before Ali looked to her watch and noticed she had 8 minutes to get to her session. She missed the look on Jeff's face as she told him, his smile falling and eyes showing sadness. When she looked back up to him, he smiled more and tried to lighten his mood.

He had something he had burning to ask for a while now.

"Look, there's something I wanted to ask you," he started and shifted uncomfortably.

"What's up," she asked and looked back up to him from her purse.

"Ok, um, I don't normally do this because I'm terrible at it, but I was wondering if maybe...maybe you'd like to do this again," he asked hopefully.

"Coffee," she asked not catching on, more occupied with trying to find her phone.

"Well, yeah, but like...as...like a...date," he rambled.

Ali froze at the word and she tried to ease the panic rising in her. She hadn't been on one of those since high school, and now here she was a 26 year old woman being asked out...by a guy no less. Jeff took her silence as a bad sign and that he had made a mistake. He didn't know if Ali was even married, never looking at her ring finger before, but he never thought to look for one. He didn't see one when he looked down to her hand.

Ali felt the easy way out of this would be to show him her hand, but she didn't feel them and then remembered she took them off that morning to take a shower. She was in such a rush to get out that she forgot them by her sink. She never went anywhere without them on and felt naked all of a sudden. She didn't know how to respond to his question and was starting to feel bad for leaving such a sweet guy hanging. He definitely didn't deserve it and she racked her brain for an answer.

"Jeff, um, look-"

"You know what? It's cool, Ali. I shouldn't have been so forward. It's especially unprofessional."

"No, no. It's not unprofessional, Jeff. It's just that, I don't know, I haven't been asked on one in a while."

"What? Really? A girl as beautiful as you has it hard getting a date?"

Ali laughed and tapped her finger on her coffee cup. "Something like that," she said quietly.

Jeff smiled and looked to her hands with raised eyebrows of disbelief. "Weird and very, very hard to believe," he said mostly to himself.

"Says the cute doctor who doesn't 'normally do this'," she countered with a teasing grin.

"Point taken," he laughed softly and shifted some. "So, you think I'm cute?"

Ali laughed and looked back up to him with a small blush. "Yes," she admitted.

Jeff grinned like a fool and reached into his back pocket. "No rush and no pressure, Ali. If you want to grab a coffee then let me know," he smiled and handed her his card.

Ali looked at it for a second before taking it. "Thank you," she nodded and raised it.

Jeff winked and took a step to leave. "My pleasure. Just remember that I'm cute if you start to debate on it too hard," he grinned and took another step.

He earned a giggle and gave a parting nod before leaving, smiling like an idiot with an extra pep in his step. Ali stared off at him with a quiet laugh and headshake. She really did think he was cute with his scruffy beard, model hair, and dark green eyes. She really couldn't believe he found it hard to date as she twirled his card around with her fingers. When she looked down to it, she felt those same feelings she felt last time she saw him at the restaurant.

"Dammit," she sighed, feeling like a cheating wife and heading to her session.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's not cheating and it's not wrong to feel like this, Alexandra," Dr. Janice Grey assured.

"I'm a married woman! This is wrong on so many levels," Ali insisted.

"You're a widowed woman, Alexandra. You're a woman who lost the love of her life and is now trying to find a way to move on. It hasn't been an easy road, and that wound may never fully heal, but it will get better. There will always be a scar, but it will be easier to manage. You will see better days and it all starts now. That's what we've been working towards and you've been doing so good. This is progress," she assured.

"How? How is this progress?? How is me feeling like I'm cheating on my wife progress," she asked, desperation and loss evident in her voice.

"Because it means your heart it ready to move on," she simply stated.

That hit Ali like a ton of bricks and it made Dr. Grey smile as she observed her take it all in. Ali knew she was right and it scared her. She loved Ashlyn with all of her heart and that would never go away, but these new feelings for Jeff were showing her that she could love again. Not that she did love him, only meeting a few times, but it meant that she was capable of getting back out there to try.

"So what you're saying is that because I kind of like Jeff,..." she trailed off, not wanting to finish.

"That your heart is healing and willing to try to love again," she finished for her.

Ali swallowed hard and looked down to her lap. "I don't want to let her go," she whispered after a moment.

Dr. Grey gave a small smile and watched her fidget with her fingers. "You don't have to ever let her go, Alexandra. You just have to make room. She would want that and for you to be happy. For you and Leighton both. She would want you to move on," she urged gently.

Ali looked up to her and absorbed her words. She knew she was right and it hurt knowing she had to let Ashlyn go.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"She is right, Ali. You don't have to feel guilty about liking Jeff," Bella assured and grabbed her hand.

"That's easier said than done, Bell. Ashlyn is all I've known and been with since we were 17. I can't just turn something like that off. I don't want to, either," Ali sighed tiredly and ran her hands down her face.

"No one's saying you have to, Ali, but you can one day be happy with someone else. That's all we and Dr. Grey are saying. She's right; Ashlyn would want that for you and Leighton both," Omar agreed with his girlfriend.

"I'm so sick and tired of everyone saying what Ashlyn wants! We don't know what she wants, because the last thing I remember her wanting was us. Me and her daughter," Ali snapped and rolled her eyes from them.

Bella gave Ali a stern look, but she ignored her and stayed looking off to the side. Omar looked to his girlfriend and grabbed her thigh underneath the table to assure her it was ok. She nodded to him and grabbed his hand to hold, thankful that he was there for the next few weeks. They were so in love and definitely saw a future together. It was a hard road travel to get there, because Bella was nervous dating a soldier and feared of going through what Ali was enduring.

Omar saw it as a sign that he was in Virginia around the time Ali was having these mixed feelings. A few weeks ago, he had found something buried deep in some things of his that Ashlyn had given him. It was a letter addressed to him and gave specific instructions of what to do with the contents. Omar was afraid where this conversation could go with Ali, but he knew he had to do this one last request for his good friend.

"You're wrong," he said and stood.

Ali whipped her head to him for a retort, but stopped at him reaching in his pockets. Omar was looking down at the letter he held in his hand and biting down hard. He felt so honored and proud to be a friend of the woman that gave her life for her friends and the sake of their many missions. He felt even more proud when she tasked him with this mission, her last one, to help her wife cope with her loss. He was on a mission to succeed.

"What is that," Ali asked quietly as she stared at it.

Omar snapped out of his thoughts and looked up to her. "It's from Ashlyn. We'll give you some time alone," he replied and set it down in the middle of the table.

Bella craned her neck to see an envelope with Ali's name written on it. She looked back to her boyfriend confused and he simply shook his head. She opened her mouth to ask about it, but he cut her off when he reached for her hand. Bella grabbed it without question and stood to leave with him. She looked to Ali and saw that her friend looked like she was struggling to not cry. Omar had to tug her away or else she would've stayed with her.

"She needs to do this alone. We'll wait outside," he whispered to her.

Bella kept her concerned eyes on her friend, but let him lead them away. "Ok," she said sadly.

Ali hadn't moved a muscle and didn't even notice they had left. She stared at the letter on the table and could clearly see Ashlyn's chicken scratch she called writing on it. Had she not feared the thing that practically represented a black hole to her on her kitchen table right now, she would've been overjoyed with something new of Ashlyn's. Her thundering heart and now shaking right hand involuntarily made her reach for it.

She opened it to read out loud and then in her head again.

"Dear Ali," she read and started crying that moment. "I just want to say the one thing that is the truest thing in the world, that you know with all of your heart, and that will die with me happily...I love you so fucking much, baby!!! I don't want you to do anything you're too uncomfortable with, but I hope one day you can watch this video. Just whenever you're ready, babe. P.S.: I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH WITH ALL OF MY HEART AND EVERYTHING!!! :D."

Ali couldn't help but to bust out laughing at her wife's declaration of love. She was grabbing at her stomach and rolling in her chair as she tried to look at the letter through her tears of laughter. For once in a very, very long time, she found herself happy and laughing at the memory of her wife. Though she was missing her dearly even more now, she was happy to have something to remember her by. Pure, 100%, no filter Ashlyn.

She read it one more time, chuckling and giggling as she re-read her wife's loving words, then reached for the envelope again. She pulled out the DVD inside and got excited at the thought of what could be on it. It also shadowed her sadness and fear of what could be on it, as well. She couldn't wait to see her wife's beautiful face, her looking so hot in her uniform, or hearing her light voice. She hurried to her laptop in the living room.

"Stupid thing won't act right," Ashlyn's voice sounded, but her arm blocked the screen.

Ali's breath caught in her throat at the sound and she felt a teary smile sneak up on her. She waited with a bated breath for Ashlyn's face to show, as she messed around with the camera and tried to get it just right. Ali laughed silently as she listened to her wife cursing and fiddling with the buttons. Her whole world stopped around her and it was just them, her and Ashlyn's face on her laptop, when her wife sat back down and smiled lovingly into the camera.

"Hey, babe," Ashlyn grinned hugely and waved while blowing kisses. "I love you, I love you, I love you! Tell Leighton I love her so much and give her a big kiss and hug for me! Tell my parents that I love them so much, tell my brother I love him with everything I have, and tell my grandparents that I love them to the moon and back. Tell your parents I love them and thank them for giving me such a hot and smoking wife, and tell Kyle I love him like a brother. Just tell everyone I love them, basically."

Ali laughed along with her wife and sniffled. "I love you more, baby," she smiled quietly, running her fingers over her image.

"So, I've got like 10 minutes before I have to leave to go do some stupid training thing," Ashlyn started again, tongue stuck out boringly.

Ali laughed hard at her wife's face as she rolled her eyes for added effect.

"I mean, I've learned this same stuff over and over again. Like, really? I have to go and practice the same bomb diffusions and shit," Ashlyn went on and rolled her eyes again.

Ali just kept on laughing and saw that Ashlyn did a little bit too. It was like she knew that would make Ali laugh.

"Anyways, gorgeous, I hope you never have to see this unless I'm retired from the army or something and show you it," she continued, getting serious.

Ali's amusement winded down and she shifted in her seat uncomfortably at the surely distasteful talk about to happen.

"There's this thing we do here at base where if something happens to us then we get one of our buddies to deliver a message to our loved ones," she said, looking down in evident shame and regret but then back up seriously. "I hope you never have to see this, Alex, but I don't ever want to leave this world without you knowing how much I love you. I don't ever want to leave this world without saying it to you one more time. I love you, Alexandra Blaire Krieger-Harris. I love you all the way deep to my core, right in my soul. I've got so much love for you, baby, that it hurts. It hurts in the best way possible, though. It's so fulfilling and gives me the strength to carry on. Because of you, babe, I've made it 6 years in the army. I love you so much."

Ali was now bawling like a baby as she stared at the greatest thing to ever happen to her. Ashlyn's words pricked her in the heart.

"Wow," Ashlyn chuckled a little and looked down to wipe her eyes. "That was so hard and easy at the same time. Hard because of the reasons I have to get this out to you, but easy because it makes so much sense. That's always been us, though, huh? It certainly was a struggle to get together, and it was a real challenge to stay together. I'm so lucky that you loved me enough to stick through this as my girlfriend, my fiancé, my wife, and lastly as the mother of my children. I can't thank you enough for being everything and more to me."

Ali was wiping at her eyes and trying to stop crying. "I loved it all. I love you," she smiled softly and tried to clean her face.

Ashlyn cleared her throat into her fist and smiled into the camera. "I love our life we've built together, honey. I love our beautiful daughter that we adopted together. I love the fact that we brought all of our families together, and we all get along like some huge royal family. I just love how close we all are and how much we all love each other. I wish I could be there to see it all with you and Leighton. I'm so sorry that I'm not," she said, visibly swallowing hard.

Ali cried harder and wiped under runny nose at their stolen future.

"It's so weird that I'm having to say this right now," she whispered and looked up to the side. "It's like I'm signing away my life. I feel like I'm already saying goodbye to you and our daughter and our families and friends, even though I'm still alive. My life has always been you, but of course it's different now with our baby girl. You made me an even better person when we got together, but that little girl made me step it up even more. I just want to be the best I can be for you guys. I just love you both so much. So, so freaking much."

Ali was grinning like a fool now, always loving to hear her wife say how much she loved them and their family.

"I know you'll hate me for this video because it means I broke my promise and didn't make it back home to you guys," she said remorsefully and glumly. "I wanna start out by saying that I am so freaking and desperately sorry for leaving you to do all of this by yourself. I feel so guilty right now and I'm still alive. The thought of you and Leighton having to go on without me is making me cry. Not trying to crack jokes in this serious moment, but Omar is making faces at me and dancing like an idiot to make me feel better. It's working a little and I'm glad I have him to help me finish the hardest thing I'll ever have to say to you."

"Hey, Ali," Omar's voice sounded, making Ashlyn and Ali laugh.

"I could never ever hate you, baby," Ali cracked out with a smile and touched her face on the screen.

"Alex, we have the greatest love story ever. I love you beyond words and you love me just as unconditionally," she started again with a deep breath. "It's because of that love that I want nothing but happiness for you. I want you to be so happy and healthy that it spills off to our daughter. I want nothing but the world for you and Leigh. That means that if anything ever happens to me, I want you to know that I want you to move on."

Ashlyn had to clear her throat again and swallow to wet it's dryness, making Ali look away to cry at what was about to come.

"Babe, you have so much love in this world to give. You have the biggest and most caring heart I have ever seen, and I'm so proud to be able to say that I'm someone you love. One of my favorite things to see you do when I was back home was watching you loving on our daughter. You looked so natural and beautiful, babe. It was the most beautiful setting I ever seen you in. I'll never forget that," she said with a proud smile.

Ali shyly smiled as she looked down, then chuckled at her wife making her still feel like they were teenagers.

"Now, the way you love me is a whole other thing. Got me through some pretty rough nights, sexy," she said with a suggestive smirk and wagged her eyebrows.

Ali looked up in amused shock that she would say something like that with other people around.

"Don't worry, Alex. It's just me in here," she laughed, knowing her wife would think just that.

Ali cackled at that into her hand, never ceasing to be amazed at how well Ashlyn knew her.

"We've been best friends ever since the 4th grade when I gave you my pink cupcake at lunch. I hated it because my mom was trying to basically make me more girly and shit," she gagged with her finger in her mouth. "I mean, she knew I liked sports and would rather go camping than play with dolls or try on dresses. She told me it was her way of trying to help me adjust to a new school after moving from Florida, but I was too tomboy for that shiz. Not to mention, I had you as a friend the first day I arrived. Thankfully, though, we're at a better place now and she gives me bowties as presents instead of dresses."

Ali laughed even more harder at how true her wife's statements were.

"You love me so much and I keep that with me wherever I go out here. It keeps me stronger and keeps me pushing to make it, especially through this last year. You're the most gentle, caring, loving, and sweetest person I know. You're the best wife, mother, daughter, sister, granddaughter, daughter-in-law, and sister-in-law ever! Like, you put me to shame, babe," Ashlyn half joked and they both laughed softly.

Ali moved closer to the screen and zoned even more in.

"You're the greatest lover ever, and yes I know we were each other's first times and stuff, but it won't ever get better than that because I love you," she said truthfully and shrugged the same. "Damn. I just thought about our 'honeymoon' we had that night under the stars by the lake. Your hands running all over me, your breath in my ear, moaning out how much you love me. Shit! It's getting hot in here. Damn, I love you, baby."

Ali had to fan herself at the memories, too, and ran a hand through her hair.

"Damn, Alex, you're the best," Ashlyn whispered with a smile at the corner of her lips.

"Not as much as you are," Ali replied and stared at her.

"This is the part where I tell you that I'm ok with you finding love with someone else," Ashlyn said bluntly and looked into the camera seriously.

Ali paused the video quickly and closed the laptop some. She was not ready for what Ashlyn was about to say, and she didn't want to hear it. This would mean that her and Ashlyn were really over and never would be together again. This would mean that her and Ashlyn's love story would end, because she was going to tell her to let her go and move on. Ali wasn't ready to say goodbye to her wife and close the book on their life.

Ali opened the laptop back up slowly and cried silently as she stared at her wife. She placed her hand over her pixel image and dropped her head as she shook quietly with tears. She brought her other hand up to cover her mouth and keep from making sounds. Ali looked back up to Ashlyn's paused face and took in her beauty. She took it in like this was the last time she would ever see her; Ashlyn in her uniform with a bun and a little makeup.

"I can't do this," she cried.

But she knew she had to. Because she would never be able to get through another day without knowing the last thing Ashlyn had to say to her. That was the only reason she pressed play and held her breath as her wife began her speech. She would do this for Ashlyn. She would fulfill her last wish by finish watching this and try her hardest to carry it out. She would do all of this because she loved her wife.

"I'm going to be truthful with you, Ali," she started with a smile of pursed lips. "I hate to even think about you with anyone. You know how jealous I can be, babe."

And that got Ali to laugh and for her heart to lighten up to hear the rest.

"I don't picture you with anybody else BUT me! I don't see you loving anybody BUT me," Ashlyn laughed loudly with hands in the air.

Ali was still laughing at her wife's crazy yelling and started to feel a weight leave her shoulders.

"But that's selfish and I wouldn't be able to 'rest in peace' knowing that my girl is always hurting over me," she continued, turning back serious.

Ali swallowed and looked back down to her lap, knowing she'd feel the same way if the roles were reversed.

"I want you happy, Ali," Ashlyn's voice sincerely said, making her look back up to her. "I want you and our daughter to find someone that can love you, take care of you, and be there for you. No one can ever love you guys like I do, but they'll love you guys in their own way. I want you to give someone the greatest gift and blessing you gave me, and that's loving me for all of me. I just want to know that you'll take care of yourselves and move on as best as you can if anything ever happened to me. That's my...that's my dying wish. I love you both so much, Alex."

Ali wiped at her eyes again and nodded slowly to her wife's words.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry that all of this happened and I can't be there with you anymore. I'm so sorry for everything. Please just try to remember that," Ashlyn choked out and then cleared her throat into her fist again. "This part is for our baby girl. Leighton, I just want you to know that you're the greatest thing to ever happen to me and your mommy. I wish I could've been there for everything with you and I'm sorry I'm not. Honey, from the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were ours. I knew you belonged to us and that you were our daughter. That'll never change. Just because I'm gone doesn't mean that love from me to you stops. It'll always be there, sweetheart. Just ask your mother. I love you, Leighton."

Ali smiled painfully at how strong Ashlyn was trying to be and never felt more proud to be called her wife.

"And on that note," Ashlyn chuckled watery, wiping at her eyes and face. "I leave with these last few words to everyone; I love you all with all of my heart. Mom, I love and thank you for being the best mother out there a girl could ever ask for. Thank you for being the beacon of what a mother is supposed to be like and for teaching me along the way. Dad, thank you for always being there for us. I love you so much and you taught me so well as to how to love my wife just by looking at you and Mom, and how to provide for my family. Chris, my awesome big brother, I love you so much, dude. I know my wife and daughter are in good hands with you watching over them. Take care of my girls for me. All of you. To my grandparents, thank you for always being some of my biggest supporters. I love you both so much. To the rest of my friends and family, you Kriegers at the top of that list, I love you all so much. I made it this far with your constant love and support, and it never went unnoticed by me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Take care of our girl, Kyle. I love you, brother."

Ali had to wipe her mascara tears into her shirt as they burned her eyes from crying so hard.

"I love you, Ali. I'm so thankful that I got to spend the time we had together," Ashlyn said in a broken voice and trembling bottom lip. "Please take care of yourself for your sake and our daughter's. Don't lose yourself over me, babe. I'm ok with you moving on. I promise I'm ok with it. Just...just don't ever forget me and how much I love you. That doesn't die with me. It lives on through you and that's why you have to go on. Please do, sweetheart. I love you."

There was a moment of silence as they stared into each others eyes, almost like they were pouring out their love through them and speaking through them.

"G-Goodbye, Alex."

The screen went blank and Ali scrambled to rewind the last 2 sentences over again. She did it too many times to count before breaking down and losing herself in her pain. Ashlyn said she loved her, their daughter, and that she wanted her to move on. She said she wanted her to share her big heart and love with the world because she had so much of it all to give. Ali loved Ashlyn, and though it was hard to finally hear the things she had been fearing for a while now, she felt closure was near.

The video was the final nail in the coffin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the love/hate relationship spills over to hate...it wasn't easy writing this for me, either!


	10. Saying Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe you'll all like me tomorrow...

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

Ali was nervously sitting at a little table by the window of a coffee shop. Her hands were rubbing up and down her thighs in anticipation, and her right leg bounced under the table. It had been a 2 weeks since she had watched Ashlyn's DVD, and she was trying her hardest to comply to her wife's wishes. After she had let everyone watch it, except for the sexual part, and they all absorbed it in some way or form, she made a phone call.

Ali's thumb hovered over her phone for minutes as she stared at the screen. In her other hand she held a rectangle card and heavily debated on dialing the numbers. She hadn't told anyone in their families about being asked out by Jeff, afraid of how they would react. She knew deep down she had nothing to worry about because they all wanted her happy, but it didn't help qualm her worries.

It took a quick phone call to Kyle to give her a push to do it. After hearing his encouraging words and pep talk, she hung up and turned Jeff's card over in her hand. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, then dialed the number quickly. She put it to her ear and waited with a bated breath for him to pick up. After 2 rings, his voice sounded and it paralyzed her with fear. She didn't know what to say to him.

She immediately thought about hanging up and switching pediatricians. She immediately thought about Ashlyn and how she felt like she was still betraying her. Just as fast as those thoughts came, she remembered her promise to her wife. She remembered Ashlyn begging her to move on for her sake and the sake of their daughter. She remembered Ashlyn saying she could never rest in peace unless she knew she was ok. Ali truly believed it.

She found her voice and told Jeff it was her. The surprise in his voice didn't go unnoticed, nor did the complete and utter excitement. It actually made her genuinely giggle and if she had been around to physically him, she would have seen him blush. Ali stayed quiet for most of their conversation and let him do most of the talking. She was new to the dating scene and he made all the plans. Now, she was waiting on him to arrive.

"This is going to be bad. I don't know how to do this," she continued to herself.

Ali decided to stand and do something to take her mind off her nerves. She figured buying them coffee would be a great distraction, and plus he had already bought hers last time. It took her no more than 5 minutes to get them, remembering what he ordered last time after a minute's thought. It also was because the place was slightly empty at noon, much to her pleasure of not having to embarrass herself in front of people.

Just as Ali sat down, Jeff walked in and scanned the area. She had her back to the door and was sliding his coffee across from her. As he smilingly made his way over to her, he took a moment to admire the fact she had bought them coffee. That was definitely a first and drew him in more to her. He also took note that Ali was really early for their date and looked to be nervous. He thought he was a mess until he saw her.

"Ali," he greeted warmly with a hand to her back.

"Jeff," she smiled back and stood quickly.

They did the awkward 'Do we shake hands or hug' dance before settling on a little awkward hug. They both laughed and Jeff helped Ali back into her chair before sitting. She shyly thanked him as she turned her attention to her drink, and he grinned charmingly as he told her no problem. They sat there in silence for a moment and racked their brains for a conversation starter. Jeff needed to wet his dry and nervous mouth, so he took a drink.

"You remembered," he asked in surprise.

"Yeah," she replied, looking up to him with a smile.

"Thank you," he winked and made her blush again.

"No problem," she said shyly.

Jeff stared at her for a moment in study and saw how uncomfortable she was. He didn't know if it was because of him or the nature of their relationship, him being her daughter's pediatrician, and felt bad. He never wanted her to feel like she owed him any favors or had to feel guilty about telling him no. He only wanted to do this if she wanted to and was comfortable enough to. Jeff was a really good guy and held women with the highest respect.

"Ali, look, I would totally understand if you didn't want to do this. It won't hurt my feelings if you tell me you don't want to try this. I promise," he assured her, leaning closer to get her attention.

Ali looked up to him and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. He had taken it all wrong and she wanted to assure him it wasn't him it was her, as cliché as it was. He really did seem like a really good and sweet guy. Ali had her own internal battles she was going through, and she didn't want to take him down with her. If she was going to do this, she felt she had to be truthful and open with him at the start.

"I'm a widow," she blurted out.

Jeff was taken by surprise by her admission and reared his head back the same. Ali cursed on the inside at being so blunt and forward, then pulled back to nervously run her hand through her hair. This is not how she planned on all of this to go down, but she couldn't stop now. If she did, she might not ever be able to tell him all of it again. If she didn't try to get this off her chest, she may never be able to move on like Ashlyn wanted her to.

"Um,...wow. Ok. Look, we don't have to talk about it if you don-," he tried to assure her, clearly uncomfortable.

"I have to and you need to hear it," she cut him off, pushing through as strongly as she can. "I know it isn't first date material or anything, but I have to do this. If I don't start now, it'll just get harder and I may never be able to do it. Please. If you don't want to hear it, then I'll leave right now."

Jeff stared at her for a moment contemplating, then nodded. "Whatever you're comfortable with," he smiled softly, not wanting to let her get away so easily.

Ali gave a faint smile back before clearing her throat and raking her fingers through her hair again. She didn't know where she was going to start with this, but she knew she had to start somewhere. She had to let Jeff, this great and really nice guy, know what he was getting himself into from the start. She had to be fair and honest with both his and her feelings. He was an innocent bystander and she was a healing, grieving wife.

"My wife," she started and looked up to his bulging eyes, ignoring it for now, "was a corporal in a bomb diffusion unit of the army. We were high school sweethearts and were married for almost 7 years. Leighton is our adoptive daughter."

Ali gave him that little bit of information as a start and studied him. His Adam's apple was bobbing up and down as he looked at his coffee cup. Ali wanted to laugh at how shocked he was, but knew that this was a serious moment. She instead fidgeted her fingers over her own cup and flicked her eyes between the both of them. Jeff kept opening and closing his mouth, scratching his head at a loss of words.

"I would totally understand if you didn't want to do this," she said, using his earlier words and smiling gently.

He looked up to her like she was crazy and laughed when he registered what she said. Ali laughed along, happy and proud she lightened the brooding mood that was setting over them. Jeff widened his eyes and took a drink of his coffee in amusement. That certainly wasn't what he was expecting her to say, and it certainly didn't scare him away. After all, Ali had agreed to his coffee date and he felt she was owed to continue explaining.

"Not at all. Just surprised. Please, continue," he smiled encouragingly.

Ali sat up straight in surprise and looked at him in amazement. "Really," she asked, narrowing her eyes some in study.

Jeff chuckled and nodded as he leaned closer to listen. "Really. This is a date, right? I want to get to know you. All of you, Ali," he winked softly and gave his full attention.

Ali was rendered speechless as she stared at him. She took it as a sign that this was what she needed to do. She opened herself up some and shared her story. And Jeff listened without batting an eye.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's been a while. A really long while," Ali mused, looking around the area surrounding herself.

She dropped her eyes back to the same old tombstone, then took a seat in front of it. She had so much to share with her wife and didn't know where to begin. For the first time, and especially since visiting her here, she felt like things were going to be alright. She had been happy and doing what Ashlyn had asked her to do. She had been fulfilling her last duties as Ashlyn's wife and seeking out happiness. She felt she was there.

It had been a year and half since her coffee date with Jeff. One year and they were really happy together, dating and living life just like Ashlyn had hoped for her. It wasn't an easy road to get there, though, and Ali had many setbacks. It took them being really good friends for 4 months before she could commit to trying to date him. He had listened to everything she had shared with him that day in the coffee shop, but when he got the full story later in pieces is when his true colors shined.

Jeff wasn't scared off by Ali telling him her life story. Maybe it had to do with the fact she was so reserved to share and he learned more through time. He didn't care that Ali was married to a woman. He was remorseful to the fact she was still working through being a grieving wife. He admired her strength and courage to be so open, and he fell even harder for her as time went on. Taking things slow made him fall in love with Ali.

Ali couldn't deny the fact that she had feelings for Jeff. He was so kind, gentle, caring, and sensitive to her and all of her feelings. He didn't rush anything with her until she was ready. He treated her with the utmost respect and made her feel like she was worthy to be happy again. Most of all and most important to Ali, he was great with Leighton. He took her daughter into consideration with everything they did and it made her even more thankful for him.

It didn't take Ali's family long to warm up to Jeff when she first introduced him to them. They were happy for her and loved seeing a little more life in her eyes. Though the sight of them made them miss Ashlyn, Ali's smile and laughter eased the pain. It took Ashlyn's family a little longer to warm up to Jeff, clearly missing Ashlyn and realizing this was it. They were afraid of what this could mean for the future, but Ali assured them nothing would ever change. It put them at ease.

Jeff had won over Ali's family, both Kriegers and Harris', and her friends the same.

"I've been doing what you asked," she continued and picked at the grass. "I...I've been seeing someone, Ash. He's really great and everyone loves him. He loves them all, too. We're all still a big and happy family, your family and mines. That'll never change. I promise."

Ali looked back up to Ashlyn's name and gave a smile.

"He's great with Leighton and she likes him. He used to be her pediatrician, but he's not anymore, of course. I managed to find an even better one with his help. Everything's good," she assured.

Ali tucked some hair behind her ear and cleared her throat.

"I like him," she admitted, looking up quickly. "I like him a lot and he's really sweet. I think he's in love with me and I can't lie and say that I don't love him in some way or form. I know I'm not where he's at as strongly, but I think I can get there at least closely some day. What you and me had was completely different and unattainable, but I have to believe that I can find something close with him. Close, but totally different, of course. I don't know. I just felt like I should tell you."

Ali wiped at the corner of her eye as she felt it tear up. 

"He's such a good man, Ash. I think you would be proud of the fact I chose such a great guy. I think you would like him. But I still love you, though. It's because of that, that it's hard for me to sometimes to fully commit to him in other ways," she went on.

Ali ran her hand under her nose and then looked off to the side to wipe her eyes again.

"I haven't slept with him in any kind of way and it took me 3 months of dating him to finally be able to kiss him. He's been so patient and I honestly think he could do it for forever if it meant making me comfortable, but that's not fair to him. Like you said; it's not fair to me or to our daughter to continue to live like that. That's why I'm here today; to tell you that I have to let you go in order to give me and him a chance," she sniffled and stared at the tombstone.

Ali looked around the graveyard for the right words to say, then back to Ashlyn's name.

"I will always love you and everything we had together," she cried softly. "I will never forget you and our time together. I will never let our daughter forget you and how much you love her. She already knows so much about you just from our family alone, and I never let her go to bed without seeing the picture of you or us. Leighton will know you, I promise you that with all my heart. She's OUR daughter and that will never change."

Ali swallowed hard as she stood and cleaned her face of her tears. She stared at the thing that represented her wife for a long moment. This was it and she knew she had to get these last words out. She knew she had to say this and walk away before she couldn't and wouldn't have the strength to do it later. It hurt her to do it, but she was finally moving on and needed closure. This was it.

"This is goodbye. I love you, Ashlyn. I'll never stop loving you. I'll never forget you. I'll always love you and you'll always be in my heart," she sobbed quietly as she put her hand to her lips to kiss and then pressed them to the tombstone. "Goodbye, babe. Watch your 6."

Ali held her hand there for a moment, closing her eyes and letting the wind blow around her, then slowly pulled away. She turned to leave and didn't look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me *flinches*


	11. Opening New Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, today you all will leave the pitchforks and torches far away...
> 
> I mean, I did warn you in the summary lol.

"Hey, babe."

Ali's smile grew as she approached her boyfriend and he met her with a hug and kiss to her lips. She pulled back to give him another smile before pecking his lips again. Leighton made her presence known when she pushed her way between them and looked up. Ali laughed and bent down to pick her up and hold between them. She was getting so big, especially after turning 4 last month.

"Hi, Jeff," Leighton smiled brightly and kissed his cheek.

"Hello, Miss Leighton," he chuckled and kissed her head. "And how is my favorite little 4 year old doing?"

"Good," she answered cheerily and looked to her mother. "Mommy and me got ice cream today after her work. I got to get sprinkles!"

"Oooooo, sprinkles! I know how much you love those," he entertained and reached for her.

Ali giggled and passed her off to him. "We all do. How was work," she asked him.

Jeff smiled and tickled her after getting a hug. "Good. Just glad it's over and I get to hang with my 2 favorite girls," he winked and grabbed her hand to lead the way.

Ali smiled and linked her arm with his as they made their way out of his office. They said goodbye to his receptionist, and went to his car to leave. They were having dinner at Ali's parents house and were getting ready to start the weekend. They had both had long weeks at work, and Jeff had been working extra hard for some time off to spend it with them. He had some big things planned and wanted to spoil them rotten.

They made it to Ali's parents house with conversation about their day and plans for the upcoming weekend. Ali listened and nodded along to everything her boyfriend said. She stole glances to Leighton in the back and smiled at her playing with her doll. She looked to Jeff a second after to catch him doing the same thing with a smile on his lips. It made her smile thankfully at having such a great boyfriend.

"Mr. and Mrs. Krieger," Jeff greeted, hugging them and kissing her cheek. "How are you guys?"

"Good, son. How're all of you," Mr. Krieger smiled, stepping aside to let them in.

"We're great," Ali answered and hugged her parents tightly.

"What about me," Leighton piped in and raised her hands.

"Oh, Grampa, how can we forget our favorite granddaughter," Ali's mom asked, playfully swatting his shoulder before reaching for her.

Ali watched her parents love on her daughter and smiled at all the love she was blessed to have. Her mind wandered to the one person she wished was there the most to see it, and she looked down with a sad smile. Jeff had wrapped his arms around her shoulders at that moment, and she looked up to his smiling face. He didn't know what she was thinking, thankfully, and she smiled back as she moved to hold him around the waist.

"Let's eat," Mr. Krieger announced and motioned for everyone to go ahead.

They all cheered and laughed as they made their way to the dining room. Ali sighed with a little moan as she inhaled her favorite meal. Her mom had prepared her famous lasagna with salad and red wine all set at the table. Jeff chuckled as he kissed the side of her head and helped her to a seat. Mr. Krieger sat at one end of the table while Jeff occupied the other with the women between them. Leighton was seated next to Ali so she could help her eat.

They enjoyed dinner in a comfortable conversation that rumbled laughter across the table. Ali was on her third glass of wine and was glad Jeff was driving. She was having a really stressful week and the wine took the edge off. She couldn't wait to start the weekend and hang out with her daughter and boyfriend. Before she knew it, her mom was coming out with brownies and ice cream, Ali's favorite dessert as a kid, and she was diving into it.

"Wow, Mom! If I didn't know any better I'd say you were trying to win brownie points with me...no pun intended," she smirked and finished the last bite.

Ali's mom winked to Jeff and ate some ice cream. "Something like that, sweetheart," she smiled.

Ali's dad gave Jeff a wink too, and stood from the table. "Leighton, honey, can you come help me and your grandma in the kitchen," he asked and helped her from her chair.

"Yes, Grampa," she smiled sweetly, chocolate at the corners of her mouth.

"Eat up, sweetheart," Mrs. Krieger winked and gave her daughter more before leaving.

Ali looked after her family weirdly with a raised eyebrow, but continued eating. "Ok, they're acting weird," she mused and shook her head.

Jeff stared off after them and cleared his throat. "You're seeing things, Al," he grinned and stole a piece of her brownie.

"Hmmm," she hummed and fed him some ice cream. "You don't know my parents."

"They seem normal to me," he chuckled and rested his arm on the back of her chair.

"Yeah, right," she laughed and shook her head.

Jeff stared at her as she enjoyed her dessert and couldn't help the winning smile that crept on his face. He admired her beauty, always thinking she was the most beautiful woman ever, and sighed at how lucky he was to have her. He was so glad that he kept fighting for her and never gave up on a chance at them. He was so lucky to say that Ali was his girlfriend and to be able to have her share her family with him.

"What," Ali asked shyly, tucking some hair behind her ear.

Jeff literally shook his head and laughed at being caught. "Sorry. Just admiring how beautiful you look," he admitted and held her eyes.

Ali blushed and looked to her bowl to chuckle a little. "I'm still in my work clothes," she said in disbelief.

"Even better," he said softly.

"You're too sweet, honey," she said and palmed his cheek.

"I love you," he told her simply, shrugging the same and moving closer.

Ali bit her bottom lip and tried to match him as much as she could. "I love you, too," she replied and kissed him.

It took her 10 months of them dating to finally be able to tell him she loved him, and it still felt new some. It took him only 4 months to realize he was head-over-heels crazy for her. It made Ali feel guilty at not reciprocating his feelings as fast as she felt she should have, but he was so patient and understanding. He knew it wasn't going to be easy to get Ali to love someone again. He was up for the challenge, though, and held out on faith she would.

Ali knew she loved him and in some way was 'in' love with him the same. He had brought her out of a very dark place and she was sure she would've gotten worse. He loved her and it was so different from Ashlyn in every way, but still felt good. It made her pain at missing her wife numb, and it distracted her from thinking about her too much. It also helped her move on to finally accept that she may never have Ashlyn's body back.

It was hard to say she loved him as much as he loved her, but it wasn't fully false that she did. This kiss felt different and it made her pull back curiously.

"What was that," she asked him, hand still holding his face.

Jeff smiled softly and licked his lips a little nervously. "Um, can we talk. Seriously," he asked, reaching up to grab her hand to hold.

Ali's face fell in concern and even more curiously at his tone. "Of course. What's up," she asked and grabbed his other one.

Jeff looked down at their hands and gave a nervous chuckle. "I love you, Ali. You know that, right," he asked as he looked into her eyes.

Ali nodded slowly and stared at him in study. "Yeah, I know that," she answered and squeezed his hands encouragingly.

"And you know I'd do anything for you and Leighton? That at the drop of a hat I would be there for you both," he continued.

"I know all of that, Jeff. Where's this coming from," she asked.

He cleared his throat and swallowed hard as he slipped out of his chair to one knee. They were still holding hands and Ali snatched hers up to cover her mouth in shock. This was certainly not where she was expecting this night to go, and she could feel her heart thundering in her chest. Her palms were getting sweaty and she was finding it hard to not cry. What scared her most was that they were tears of fear.

"Alexandra, you've been through so much and yet you're still here standing tall. You've endured one of the worst things a person ever has to go through, and yet you're still here fighting. I've admired you from the day I first met you at my office, but it only soared as I got to know the incredible woman you are," he said, clearly trying to keep himself together.

Ali stared at him in wide-eyed shock that amplified as he reached into his back pocket. The moment he revealed the ring she gasped. It was huge and looked very expensive. The thought of it taking the spot that once held her wedding band and engagement ring from Ashlyn made her feel weird. Jeff just continued his nervous smile and brought the ring closer to her with a slight shake.

"I love you with all my heart and I can't imagine my life without you. We've been dating for over a year and it's been the best time ever. I'm so thankful for you and us. You've made me so happy and all I want to do is make you happy. I want to be all of that and more for you and Leighton. I love you both so much, and I know you have to take her into consideration with this and I understand. Just know that I'll wait for you as long as you need," he promised and grabbed the ring out.

Ali felt like she was dreaming as he grabbed her hand and held the ring by her ring finger.

"Will you marry me, Ali? Will you marry me and make me the happiest man alive? Will you allow me to love and provide for you how you and Leighton deserve? I'm not just asking to be with you, honey, I'm asking to be with you both and to have you both. I'm asking that you give me the honor and privilege of allowing me to call you my wife. I love you and Leighton. Will you marry me, Alexandra," he asked with a hopeful smile.

Ali was still speechless with her right hand over her mouth. She didn't even know how to begin to answer him, but his puppy dog eyes and the ring glistening screamed at her to. She knew this was bound to one day come up, but she didn't think it would be so soon. They had been dating a little over a year, but she still felt that they needed time. Then she thought of Ashlyn and her words of goodbye to her over a week ago, and found herself answering him all of a sudden.

"Ali? Are you ok, sweethea-," he started.

"Yes," she whispered.

Jeff's eyes widened and he leaned closer to her. "Did you say-," he asked, but was cut off with her lips.

Ali kissed him hard and with as much conviction as she could. "Y-Yes. I said yes," she forced a smile and nodded profusely.

That was all Jeff needed to hear and the hugest grin she had ever seen on him broke over his face. He picked her up and let out a yell of victory, spinning her around and kissing her hard with all the passion he had. Ali smiled against his lips and giggled as he set her down. Her parents came out cheering and congratulating them. As Leighton ran up to them and he picked her up to spin her around, Ali felt like things were going to alright.

She listened to her daughter's laughter in the air and felt a mix of pride and guilt at checking another thing off Ashlyn's wish list.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three Months Later.

"What," Omar exclaimed groggily into his phone.

"You heard me, sergeant. You need to get down here. Pronto," Lieutenant Grant ordered and hung up.

Omar let the phone slide down the side of his face, flabbergasted at what he had just heard. He quickly got out of his bunk, wiping the remainder of sleep from his eyes, and hurried to get his clothes on. He felt like the seconds it took him to get ready ticked away like hours. After finally getting dressed and being presentable, he sprinted to his superior and hoped he hadn't misheard things.

Ali calling to tell him about her engagement to Jeff rang through his mind. He felt that things had really taken a turn now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!?! THERE SHE IS...
> 
> But is she alive or nah? ;)


	12. Surprise?

"Did you have fun today, honey?"

Ali was tucking in a very tired and yawning Leighton after spending all day hanging out together. They stayed at home on Ali's much needed day off and had their monthly 'Girl's Day'. It consisted of a tea party, painting their nails, cuddling on the couch to watch Disney Princess movies, and eating Leighton's favorite dinner of macaroni & cheese. Every time they ate it, it made Ali think of Ashlyn and how similar their daughter was to her.

"I had lots of fun, Mommy. I love Girl's Day," she answered sleepily, rubbing her eyes.

"I love them more. We had a pretty good weekend didn't we," she asked, placing her doll beside her.

"Mmhmm," she yawned again and hugged it close. "I loved when Jeff got me Princess Belle."

"Jeff loves that he did too," Ali smiled and patted the doll.

"I like Jeff, Mommy," she said out of nowhere.

Ali took a moment and nodded to her words. "Me too, honey. I like him a lot," she smiled a little more.

Leighton giggled and picked at her doll. "No, Mommy. You LOVE Jeff! 'Member," she said.

Ali rolled her eyes and laughed at her. "Of course, sweetheart," she nodded, finding it to be so true.

Leighton giggled again and reached her hands up to Ali expectantly. Ali grinned, nose scrunching and eyes forming smiles, and leaned down to say goodnight. She hugged her little girl tightly, kissed her nose, then rubbed them together. Like always, Leighton giggled and held her mom around the neck to not break it. Ali laughed and kissed her forehead before pulling away to sit back up.

As she watched her daughter be amused, a question that had been burning her for a while flamed up more.

"How do you feel about me and Jeff getting married," she asked curiously.

Though she adjusted well to Ali and Jeff dating, sometimes Ali still worried about how her daughter truly felt about her dating. She was young when she started talking to Jeff, but now she was old enough to understand a little more. It was one thing to be dating Jeff, let alone anyone, but it was a whole new ballpark preparing to get married. They included her in almost everything and Jeff insisted on bonding more with her.

"I dunno," she answered and shrugged. "I love Jeff, Mommy. He's funny, nice, and always buys me lots of pink. I'm happy."

Ali grinned at her answer and smoothed the covers over her. "Good to know, Leigh. You'd tell me, though, if something about this bothered you, right? I want you involved in all of this and to be as comfortable as you can be. You can tell me anything, honey. Ok," she told her, making sure to have eye contact.

Leighton nodded and reached up for another hug. "Yes, Mommy. I love you," she said by her ear.

"I love you more, lovebug," she whispered and kissed her hair before pulling back. "Ok. Time for bed. I love you."

Leighton nodded as she yawned and stretched in her bed. Ali smiled at her for a second before turning on her night light and moving to the door. Leighton was fighting off her sleep and moved to sit back up as Ali was exiting. She had her hand on the doorknob and was moving to close it, whispering goodnight once more, when the little girl called her back in. Ali immediately opened the door and flipped the light on.

"What's wrong, sweetie," she asked in concern.

"I gotta say goodnight to Momma," she stated, pointing to her dresser like her going to sleep depended on it.

Ali smiled to her, not reaching here eyes, and walked back in slowly. She cleared her throat as she went over to the dresser and grabbed the picture frame on it. Just like she always did since the day they got Leighton, she walked it over and handed it to her. Leighton grabbed the frame with a big and happy smile, then kissed it and started talking to Ashlyn's picture. It both warmed Ali's heart and made it ache some.

"Hi, Momma," Leighton grinned and walked her fingers over the frame. "Me and Mommy had lots of fun today! We had 'Girl's Day' again and I gots to paint my nails pink. See."

Ali smiled sweetly at her showing off her nails to Ashlyn's picture. She scooted to sit beside her against the headboard and tucked her into her side. She stared at Leighton going on and on about all the things they did today, and soon her smile turned into a soft grin. They hadn't been able to just sit and do this as much with Ali being so busy with both work and wedding plans. It was so peaceful seeing how much her daughter loved Ashlyn.

Leighton yawned again in the middle of her sentence and Ali patted her thigh gently to let her know to finish up. Leighton nodded as she looked at the picture, then brought it up for another kiss. Ali smiled and ran her fingers through her hair as she finished up talking. She got sad at knowing Ashlyn would never get to see how special of a daughter they had. She wished Leighton physically got to know and witness the blessing of love Ashlyn gave.

"I love you, Momma. I hope you sleep good, too," she smiled tiredly as she held the picture up. "Oh! And I hope you have fun flying with the angels! And that you keep watching over me, Mommy, Grandma and Papa Harris, Uncle Chris, Uncle Kylie Wylie, Grandma and Grampa Krieger, and Great Grammy."

Ali chuckled and pressed her lips to the top of her head, fighting back tears at her caring daughter's words. Leighton kissed the picture one more time and then looked to Ali. Ali smiled down to her before kissing her forehead and standing. Leighton handed the picture frame to her and got back under her covers. Ali walked it back over to the dresser, letting her hand and eyes linger on it for a moment longer, then went back to her.

"Goodnight, munchkin. See you in the morning," she promised and tucked her in with a kiss on the head.

"Goodnight, Mommy. I love you," Leighton yawned once more.

"I love you more," Ali smiled softly and watched her doze off.

"You gotta say goodnight to Momma and that you love her, too," Leighton insisted tiredly.

Ali hesitated for a second and then made her way over. "Goodnight, Momma, and I love you," she said, clearing her throat and looking back to her daughter for approval.

Leighton smiled and nodded in satisfaction as she rested into her pillow. Ali laughed softly and made her way to exit the room. With one last look to her daughter, she flicked the light off and cracked the door. As she headed down to her bedroom, she sighed at how powerful those words use to be. Before they would slip off her tongue so easily, but now they seemed numb. Almost like it was a lifetime ago.

Ali stayed true to her promise to Ashlyn and tried her hardest every day to move on. She had finally had a breakthrough not too long ago and was now a newly engaged woman. Jeff was the best thing to happen to her and Leighton in the last year, and they couldn't have been more happier or luckier. Though he would never take Ashlyn's place, he made it more easier to move on and held his own place in her heart. 

Now, she was soon getting married and starting a new chapter.

Ali slipped under her covers and stared at the ceiling, thinking about all the changes that occurred in almost 4 years. She sighed, sadly and happily, then turned over to go to bed. Ashlyn's picture, her military one she just told she loved, was the last thing she saw before letting sleep take over. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Omar couldn't believe it.

"What the hell happened, lieutenant," he asked in a quiet shake.

"Well," Lieutenant Grant started and rubbed the back of his neck. "A few weeks ago we intercepted some weapons crates hidden inside food trucks about 45 miles east of here. They were headed to a known enemy town to be dispersed amongst a rebel camp there. Our guys were sitting on a road a few clicks away watching the area and executed the perfect ambush on them. We managed to keep some pretty dangerous weapons out of enemy hands and even acquired some information from the 2 men we captured."

Omar nodded along to everything as he stared at the object of his attention. "Is that how...," he trailed off in a cracked whisper, pointing ahead.

"Yes," he answered regrettably and followed his gaze. "The rebel camp found out what happened and offered an exchange. The weapons and their men for something that they assured we would not want to pass up on."

"Two weeks, lieutenant," he reiterated in disbelief and moved to the chair. "It took you two weeks to execute a snatch and grab!"

"The mission could not be compromised, sergeant. You know that better than anyone. I had direct orders from above. I wanted to go in there as badly as you did," he reminded him in a tone of authority.

Omar took a moment to calm down and reached his hand out. "Sorry, sir. I just wish we got to her sooner," he said, biting down hard as he stared and squeezed his hand.

Lieutenant Grant nodded in understanding and walked behind him. "She's back. That's all that matters. She's back," he told him and patted his shoulder before exiting.

Omar stared at the body in the bed and tried to hold back his tears. "I'm so sorry," he whispered and let them fall.

Ashlyn laid in a hospital gurney and Omar cried right beside her, strong grip on her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter's end note was supposed to be on this one and I feel like I ruined everything I had planned now!


	13. Keeping A Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you know me, then you know I like to tease...I like to keep you guessing and make it entertaining. This is an angst-y story. But that's the price I pay lol :)

Omar raced to the infirmary, almost knocking over people and hurting himself on the way. He had just received a call from medical no less than a minute ago, and his heart thundered in his chest at the possible awaiting news. He was training new recruits, droning on through it and not as attentive, and hoping to get through the day quickly. It had been 2 days since they got Ashlyn back.

"Sergeant Omar Gutiérrez," he announced, quickly giving a salute.

"Sergeant," the nurse greeted with her own salute. "This way please."

Omar nodded and fell in step behind her, practically stepping on the back of her heels in anticipation. The nurse had to bite back a smile at his eagerness and was happy to make it to the door. He was practically trying to trample her to get to their destination. She opened a door and ushered him in before casting a smile into the room. Omar was rubbing his hands up and down his thighs as he stared ahead.

He had hoped for this for almost 4 years and never felt more guilty than he did now. He had given up on his friend, the same friend that never did that to her men and fought to bring them home, and he felt unworthy. He stared at her face, eyes closed and chest moving ever so slightly, and felt tears of joy at his eyes. He took in all the monitors and things hooked up to her, and let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"Maybe one day you'll look this hot."

Omar raised his eyes to Ashlyn's tired and open ones. She had a smile tugging at her lips and she raised her hand in a fist to him. Just like that, Omar started laughing and running his hand over his neatly cropped head. Ashlyn was still the same old Ashlyn, and it brought joy to his heart. He walked up to her wiping at his eyes and then bumped fists with her. They stared at each other for a few seconds, fists still touching, then smiled widely.

Omar leaned down and hugged her as strongly as he could without hurting her. He felt Ashlyn breathe heavily and hug him back tighter. It was like she couldn't believe she was here right now and hugging him, and it made him pull her more to him. She wasn't badly injured and only had some cuts and bruises. If anything, she was well on the skinny side and it made Omar loosen some. They still didn't know all that happened to her.

"I missed you, buddy," she whispered brokenly by his ear.

"Missed you more, girl," he chuckled watery and hugged her a little more tighter.

They pulled back and laughed softly as they wiped at their eyes. They were both the same in not wanting to show their emotions, being army brats and all, and tried to shrug it all off. They looked at each other for a moment, neither one believing that they were seeing the other, and chuckled. Omar didn't see himself leaving anytime soon, so he pulled up a chair and sat right by her.

"How you feeling, Harris," he asked softly.

Ashlyn looked around the room and smiled wider. "Happy to be home. I'm even happy to see your dogface," she teased and they both laughed.

Omar reached up and squeezed her hand quickly. "Good to know your humor is still in tact," he teased back.

"She never left," she winked.

There was a moment of silence and Ashlyn looked to Omar with all the questions burning inside of her. It had been almost 4 years since she saw her family and she missed them dearly. They were the only reason that she made it through her time as a 'prisoner of war'. Omar saw the look in her eyes without a doubt, but he hesitated to answer. How was he supposed to tell his best friend that her wife was engaged to someone else, let alone, a man?

"I-I wanna see them. I wanna see...Ali and Leighton. I wanna see all of my family," she cracked out, cringing at the sound.

Omar sighed sadly and looked down at his boots. "We still haven't released to the public that we found you," he informed and chanced a look at her.

Ashlyn swallowed hard and blinked her pooling eyes. "Why? At least they can know I'm alive. I want my family, O. I want my wife, our daughter, my parents, my brother, everyone, here with me," she said, looking to him seriously.

"Ash-," he tried again gently.

"Don't 'Ash' me, Corporal Gutiérrez," she snapped and hardened. "I fucking deserve this after everything I've been through. The army owes me! Four fucking years of it, too!"

"It's Sergeant Gutiérrez and you don't have to remind me," he argued back, offended by her words. "I fought hard and pushed them to keep searching for you, but they said the chances of you still being out there were 4%. The area was extremely dangerous, we were hated by everyone there, and the explosion led us to believe the worst happened to your body. We didn't abandon you, Harris!"

Ashlyn turned from him and shut her eyes tightly. She knew that they would have come for her with everything if they knew where she was and especially if they knew she was still alive. She didn't blame them and was just more angry at the fact she missed out on so much time with her loved ones. She wished she could go back in time and do things differently. She wished she could go back to when she was 18 and not join the army.

"If we had known you were still alive, Ash, then we would've went through hell and high water to get to you. Nothing would've stopped us. Nothing," he finished, lump forming in his throat.

Ashlyn knew he was telling the truth, but she just wanted to blame any and everything she could on why she missed years with her family. She remembered being flown in the helicopter and being assessed on the way back to base. She remembered the medical team tending to her and making sure she was alright. Then she remembered them telling her the date and she almost threw up at hearing it.

"I miss them. I missed so much," she whispered so quietly and faraway.

Omar softened at her tone and stared at the bed. "But you're here and you can get it all back. That's what matters," he reminded her and looked into her eyes.

Ashlyn closed her eyes and slowly nodded. "How are they? How are they all? Do you have any pictures or anything," she asked hopefully and desperately.

Omar gave a genuine smile at the thought of them. "They're doing good. I've got some pictures at my bunk I'll bring by to you. Leighton is a big girl and so beautiful. You'd be really proud of her and everything. She lights up the room," he answered and chuckled a little.

Ashlyn grinned with tears at her eyes. "And Ali? How is she? How's my wife, O," she asked the same.

Omar just stared at her and tried to figure out how to tell her everything that had happened. He didn't want to make her feel guilty about how Ali grieved or to break her heart at how she was now doing. He figured he could just brush her question off for now and say she needed rest, or go on about the rest of her family. The look she was giving him, though, made him not do either. Ashlyn looked like a woman so in love and desperate to know about her wife.

"Dammit," he cursed under his breath and broke eye contact.

"What's wrong? Is she ok?? Where's my wife, Omar?! Is Ali ok," she asked panicky and tried to get out of bed.

He immediately stood and laid her back down. Ashlyn tried to fight him off, but she was too weak and tired to, along with how strong he was. Omar grabbed her shoulders strongly and made her look him in the eyes. He didn't want to break her heart and felt like he was delivering a 'Dear John' letter to her. He knew it wasn't the case, but it wasn't going to stop her heart from surely breaking.

"Omar! My wife?! Where's Ali," Ashlyn yelled to him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Omar swallowed hard and prepared himself. "We need to talk, Ash," he replied carefully and looked down between them.

Ashlyn's eyes widened at how remorseful he sounded, but when he looked back to her with regret her heart broke. All that ran through her head was that this wasn't going to be good. And it wasn't.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is she happy," Ashlyn asked, struggling to fight off tears. "Does she love him?"

Omar looked back up to her and then back down. "Ash, she just-," he tried to reassure.

"Just answer the damn questions," she snapped firmly in irritation.

Omar looked around them and then hung his head. "Y-Yes. Yes," he answered with a nod.

Ashlyn bit down hard and didn't hold back her tears anymore. She fought to tell and reassure herself that she couldn't be upset. She reminded herself that she had asked Omar to give Ali the letter and DVD if anything happened to her. She coached herself mentally that she needed to be strong because things were going to be so different and probably would stay the same. She was scared, though.

"Is...he...i-is he a...good guy," she asked through sniffles and a broken-hearted voice.

"Ash, don't-"

"Just tell me, Gutiérrez!"

Omar looked down again and then back up to nod guiltily. He felt bad that he told Ali to move on and to give Jeff a try. He really was a good guy and made Ali and Leighton happy. He hadn't seen Ali smile as genuinely as she did since she met him. Ashlyn had already told him none of it was his fault and that he was just being a good friend, but it didn't suppress his guilt or make him feel any better.

Ashlyn took a moment to process everything and turned her head to the window. She cried there and thought back to before her supposed death. She thought of her life and how lucky she was. She thought of her parents and her brother, and all the summers they spent back at her grandparent's home in Florida. She thought about her life after when they moved to Virginia. Then it went to her and Ali and the life they built.

She stayed there and shook with tears as she tried to not draw too much attention. The pain was unbearable and she couldn't hide how hurt she was. It was worse than anything she ever felt before and didn't even rival her years of captivity. Her wife, her Ali, was moving on happily with someone else, a man, and she felt so left out. They were practically a big and happy family, Ali, Leighton, and this doctor guy named Jeff.

The more Ashlyn thought about it, the more she just wanted the world to swallow her up and make her disappear. She was too afraid and embarrassed to reveal herself to anyone and wanted to just hide away. She knew she couldn't do that, though, and missed everyone back at home more. Even though her heart was broken, she wanted to see Ali again. She wanted to see Leighton and how big she was. She wanted to see her parents and brother again.

"Don't tell anyone I'm alive," she said, trying to reign in her emotions.

Omar looked up to her incredulously and shook his head to clear it. "I'm sorry, but it sounded like you just said to not tell anyone you're alive," he asked in mock disbelief.

Ashlyn sniffled and blinked her eyes before turning to him. "That's exactly what I said," she replied, eyes leaving no room for argument.

"Ashlyn, are you out of your mind! We can't keep something like this a secre-"

"You fucking can and you will! This is what I want, Omar. I've earned it and I'm going to get it."

"Your family has thought you were dead for 4 years, Harris! You're just going to let them to continue to believe that?? Do you know the stuff they thought about you?? What about Ali and Leighton?!"

"I'm going home in a few days. I'll meet my parents and brother, but Ali and Leigh will have to wait for now. I can't do it yet!"

"Ali would want to see you! Just because things are different now doesn't mean she still doesn't love you."

"She's getting married to someone else! Someone else who you said she's in love with! I need time."

"Time?! Jesus Christ, Ash, there's been enough 'time' wasted! What about Leighton?? That little girl loves you and she would want to see you. Everyone's always telling her stories about you and she's so proud to call you her mother. At least think about her!"

"DON'T use her against me! I love that little girl with all of my heart and I'm doing this for her. I won't ruin my daughter with all of my issues."

Omar looked at her in disagreement and then looked away with a shake of the head. Ashlyn lowered her hand and then ran it through her hair, forgetting she had a cut and cursing at hitting it. Omar looked back up to her in concern and she chose to avoid eye contact. She was adamant about doing this and was going to get it one way or another. Omar knew that and thought it was better to avoid drama and just comply for now.

"I'm only going to do it because you have all of our respect," he bit out and stood. "You're my best friend, Ash, but I hope you know what you're doing."

Ashlyn watched him stomp out and turned back to the window. She was glad he left as she started crying again at what felt like her world ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now can we all chill and be cool again, or nah?


	14. What Really Happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! There's violence and things.

"They know where to meet me and everything? It's all set up?"

Ashlyn didn't have anything with her except the clothes on her back and a folder of things. She was standing nervously in the middle of a airport and trying to keep herself together. Omar just gave her a small smile and nodded. He couldn't believe he had convinced the army to keep Ashlyn's return a secret for a few days to let her adjust, but they gave her it of respect. After hearing everything she went through last night, it made him a little more at ease to do it.

He thought he had heard it all when Ashlyn started her story about everything that happened to her during captivity. It was only stories before, so hearing an actual friend's fight and struggle made him feel even more guilty. He ran through his mind about how he could've fought harder for her. Images of the look in Ali's eyes as he handed her the folded flag made him feel ashamed. She fought him the most in not giving up.

Ashlyn's worst injury sustained during her captivity was her gunshot wound. The explosion happened a few yards away from her and clouded her vision. The rebels had been informed that there were enemy soldiers in their area and sped there to assist their men. By the time they got there, it was clear of anyone except their dead men. Unfortunately, though, one of them spotted Ashlyn and took a shot.

She hit the ground and he thought for sure he had killed her. As they made their way down to the ditch they saw her fall down in, the Humvee exploded and made them find cover. They knew they had to move fast before US reinforcements made their way to the area, so they quickly looked to salvage anything. They went to Ashlyn first, saw she was still alive, then put a boot to her face.

That was the thing that came over Ashlyn's vision and she was knocked out cold. She later awoke in a dirty and dark, small cell. She had no clue where she was at and could only see out of a tiny rectangle hole in the ceiling. It was the only light provided in there aside from the few torches lit around outside her cell. It looked like she was in a cave, and she noticed all she had on was her undershirt, uniform pants, and boots.

When she moved her arms to check her pockets, that's when she remembered she was injured. She cursed loudly and in blinding hot pain as she reached for it shakily with her left hand. She saw she had a hole in her shirt and remembered she got shot. She pulled the shirt off of her shoulder some and bit her bottom lip hard at the sloppy mess of a dressing on it. Someone basically just halfway cleaned it and threw gauze on it.

Ashlyn slid down the wall onto the floor and tried to take a look at it without putting her dirty hands on it. She knew she probably needed stitches and luckily it was an in and out. Just as she was lowering the gauze back on it, she heard loud boots make their towards her. She quickly stood and took up a defensive stance, ready to use all of her close quarter combat skills she had, injured and all.

A burly man, who looked to be the leader as 2 other men flanked him, approached her cell with a smug look. He looked at Ashlyn like she wasn't even worthy enough to sit at his dinner table and tapped his fingers across his AK-47 in study. He tilted his head as he stared her up and down, and Ashlyn tried to not show any sign of weakness. She just stared at him menacingly and hoped to intimidate him.

He laughed and turned to his men to say something in a language she wasn't familiar with and they all laughed along. Ashlyn just swallowed and looked between them all, trying to not break and give them the satisfaction. Deep down in the pit of her stomach she was scared for her life and what the future held as they all laughed. The leader swirled his finger in the air and the other 2 men went to open the cell.

Ashlyn knew she didn't stand a chance with her messed up arm, but she still crouched low and ready. One of the men took the initiative to step forward first to grab her, but she dodged him and put an elbow to his nose. He fell back and yelled in pain as blood trickled into his hand. He looked up to her blazing hot mad and the other men laughed at his foolishness to not be more cautious.

The leader said something and the man stood up slowly, still in pain as his nose bled. Ashlyn gave him the slightest smile and raised her left fist up ready to strike again. The other man, the one that hadn't been hit, raised his handgun at her and smiled crookedly with a simple headshake. She cursed and almost lowered her fist, but then thought that this wasn't going to be good either way. She would decide her fate.

Just as she started thinking back to her family, Ali and Leighton's faces coming to her mind first, the 2 men lunged at her as a team. Ashlyn had just came to focus to defend herself when a fist connected with her bullet holed shoulder. She cried out in pain and then was met with the butt of a gun to the back of her legs. The man's who's nose she was sure she broke, put her in a choke hold while the other tied her hands together.

Ashlyn stared at the leader as she tried to catch her breath and he stared back in triumph. He looked to his men, said something, then nodded his head. They both replied to him and the hold on her neck tightened, making her whimper and spit come out of her mouth. She was struggling to breathe and felt light headed. She thought she was going to die, but then the leader walked away and that's the last thing she saw before something hit her over the head.

She awoke some time later, not knowing exactly when, tied to a chair and gagged. Her head lolled and she tried to lift it up, and as soon as she got her bearings she struggled in her restraints. Forgetting that she was injured, she hissed in pain and then realized she wasn't alone. She looked up to the same men, this time without the one who's nose she busted. The leader looked at her and smiled as he approached.

He went straight to her injured shoulder and grabbed it, putting his fingers directly in the bullet hole. Ashlyn almost passed out from the pain and yelled through her gagged mouth. It only made him apply more pressure and bend down to show his smug smiling face to her. Ashlyn tried her hardest to bite back her pain and not show him the satisfaction. When she managed to only be shaking and staring hard at him, he stopped.

Ashlyn was thankful for her military training in case situations like this arrived. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, but then he reared the back of his hand back hard and across her face. Ashlyn didn't even make a sound as she hit the ground, mostly because the loud smack drowned out anything. It echoed through the cave and she spat out blood as she tried to stop the room from spinning.

She felt rough hands on her drag her and the chair back up. She was hanging her head and blood trickled out of her mouth. She thought for sure she was missing teeth or something because her mouth was so numb, but was thankful to find them all there with her tongue. She winced on the side that got hit and cautiously moved her jaw around. She couldn't spit into the ground with the gag and squinted as she looked up to him slowly.

The man was grinning at her and leaned close to her face as he grabbed it roughly, removing the gag the same. Ashlyn let out a menacing chuckle and jerked her face away from him and spat blood. If she was going to die, she was going to be a jackass about it and make them work for their torture. The man didn't like the sound of her fake amusement and put all of his weight into a fist into her gut. She yelped and groaned as he slowly removed it. Her face was red and she was trying to catch her breath.

Ashlyn started laughing in pain and the man thought for sure she was going crazy. She heard a radio and then his voice, and chanced a look up to him out of one eye. He looked back to her and smiled as he put his radio away, then made his way back over to her. He grabbed her hair roughly and reared her head back to the ceiling, making her cry out some. She looked to him and spat in his face.

That pissed him off something angry and he dropped his hold to swipe his hand over his face. He looked at her in rage and clenched his fists at his sides as he approached her. Ashlyn started to realize that maybe that was a bad idea and it was confirmed when he grabbed her neck hard with one hand. He tightened his grip and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Just when she thought she was going to die, he let go.

Ashlyn barely had a second to suck in a breath before his fist came across her face. She almost hit the ground roughly again, but he caught the chair and set it back up. The whole left side of her face felt like it was swollen and throbbed. She knew she was seconds from passing out, and he must of have, too, because he shook his hand out and stepped away. Ashlyn's head moved lazily around and he tipped it back to make her stop.

Just then, she heard boots coming their way. She didn't have the energy to move her head, but her guess was confirmed when she heard a man speak. It was the foreign language and then English, but it was with an accent and she dropped her head to try to see. There was a man in a suit with the guy whose nose she hurt, and he looked nervous like he wanted to be anywhere but there. The leader motioned for him to come over and he was pushed by the injured nose man.

The scared man introduced himself and then the other men in the room. Apparently, he was a local teacher and the only one for miles that knew English. The leader man was in fact the head of the rebel camp and the other 2 were his right and left hand men. They were all smiling smugly and crookedly at her and her pain. It made Ashlyn's top lip pull over her teeth and she spit out blood into the ground.

The man was polite and showed remorse to Ashlyn, apologizing about everything and asking if she was alright. She simply nodded and tried to rid the pain on her face and shoulder. The leader then spoke loudly and the man flinched at the tone and words. The teacher then went to inform her that they wanted to know of the whereabouts of her squad, any intel, and who she was specifically.

Ashlyn looked between the teacher and captors like they were literally psychotic. Even if she did know anything classified like that, she wouldn't reveal it to them and compromise any plans of the army. She was here BECAUSE she saved her men and wouldn't give them up for nothing. She was their leader, and if she couldn't make it home to her loved ones, then at least they could. She was a soldier.

When she expressed just that, the teacher looked scared for her and turned his head slightly to cast a glance at the men. He did not want to contribute to the injury and likely death of an American soldier, let alone a woman. He begged Ashlyn with his eyes to give up something, but she ignored it and looked to the men. Though they couldn't understand her and she knew it, she hurled curse words at them and promises that she wouldn't say a thing.

The leader stood off the table and looked to the teacher for an interpretation. He looked to Ashlyn and then back to him, opening and closing his mouth in hesitation. Ashlyn told him to say everything she said exactly, word for word, and she gave them a hard look. The teacher sighed and shook his head as he turned to the men. If he was going to be forced to do this, he was going to save as much of his conscience as he could.

He only gave them the PG version of what she said, and what pissed them off more was that her saying she wasn't going to give up anything. The leader stormed over to her and grabbed her hair roughly again, making sure to make it hurt. She bit down hard on a cry of pain and stared at him with determination. He leaned close and said something lowly to her, hot breath hitting the side of her face.

He roughly pushed her head forward and she tried to roll the pain out of her neck. She looked to the teacher and he had a look of absolute fear. Just as he opened his mouth to tell her what he said, the men came to him and pushed him out with the butt of their gun. The one with the busted nose stayed this time and looked to Ashlyn with a smug smile as he set his gun on the table.

This wasn't going to be good and Ashlyn tried to swallow her fear down.

They tortured her for 2 days. She lost track of time without any signs to see the days changing. Everything seemed like a blur of pain along with blood, sweat, and tears mixed in. Starting that day, they roughed her up some, careful to not knock her out, and made sure she felt how serious they were. Still, she gave them nothing and took each blow to the face and body as strongly as she could.

She was thrown back into her cell bloody, battered, and bruised, feeling like she was dying.

The final day they took to other forms of torture. They strung her up by her hands to the ceiling and taunted her for a while in her uncomfortable position. Ashlyn tried to get find relief and catch her breath as the leader spun her around a little and almost playfully. He was enjoying himself and hoped she didn't tell them anything for a while. He smiled up to her and tapped the back of his hand on her face to make her open her eyes. She did and jerked away from him. 

He turned back to the teacher and told him to ask her was she ready to talk. Ashlyn answered no and for them to go to hell, and the teacher grudgingly answered him. Ashlyn was finding it hard to stay conscious and her arms hurt being strung up like a thing of meat. The leader looked to him men and said something, and they all laughed out loud. The teacher looked away from them in disgust.

Ashlyn was about to pass out when she heard a spark and she looked up to it. She was met with a stick Taser and the guy with the busted nose coming towards her. She struggled in her restraints and jerked on them in hopes they'd break. As he stepped closer and gave her a sick smile, she kicked her bound legs at him and hurled curses at him. He didn't understand a word and only the look of fear in her eyes, making him chuckle menacingly.

Ashlyn barely remembered anything that happened that moment and after. She didn't even remember how long it occured. She just remembered the constant shock waves sent up her body and the inability to cry out in pain. She remembers the flashes of the men's faces, all smiling or laughing at her, as she slumped at the moment of a break. She didn't even remember them using her as a punching bag for a few minutes and toying with her.

Afterwards, they tied her to her chair again, slammed it back on the ground, and dug a boot into her gut. Ashlyn barely had time to catch her breath before they covered it with a black bag. That scared her not being able to see what they were going to do to her, but it was also short lived before she felt water being poured on her face. Soon she heard the teacher's voice begging her to talk.

She was drowning, couldn't get out a word, and was struggling against everything. They stopped after about 30 seconds, which felt like an hour to her, lifting her wet and covered head, and had the teacher ask her questions. She refused and coughed up water, then her head was thrown back to the ground roughly. She felt dazed and then more water being poured on her again. They did it for an hour and received nothing.

It would've been worse if they didn't have to leave to back up their men in another town.

They came back, though, and started where they left off. Ashlyn almost felt lucky that her torture wasn't as long and bad as some of the stories she had heard. Being a woman didn't help and she could've endured far worse things than a male P.O.W. would have. Though her torture was horrendous and not to be seen as not, she was thankful she wouldn't have too much to work through in definite therapy.

Ashlyn's hands and legs were still tied together as she laid on her side on the cold, hard floor. She was facing the wall and scrunched up as tightly in a fetal position as she could be. He whole body ached and hurt in excruciating pain. She was sure her bullet wound was infected and she was starting to run a fever. If she was going to die, it wouldn't be by the hands of those men and she was happy.

Faint footsteps coming her way made her slowly scramble to the corner of the room. She hunched over and tried to hide her face away from them. She was slowly losing her mind and will to go on, and she was heavily debating on charging at them and dying trying to get away. When she heard her cell door creak open and hands grab her up rough and without care, she lost the energy to do it.

She was thrown into the chair again and they didn't even bother to try to tie her to it. They saw that she was weak, frail, and slowly losing her grip to keep it together. It made them all rumble out chuckles at her state. Ashlyn looked to them out of her good eye and raised her hand to flip them off. It hurt to move her body, but she made sure to keep it up for a few seconds. It made them laugh at her more.

The teacher wasn't even there this time and she felt like this was it. She thought this was the end and they saw no use for her anymore. She was battered and bruised, and looked like she just got out of a long and hard fought boxing match. Her left eye was swollen shut, her right eye was black and just open enough for her to see, her face was spotted with bruises and cuts, her lips were busted and had dried blood on it, and her body was riddled with bruises and possible broken ribs.

The leader pulled out his knife and put it to her cheek, saying something and running it over it. Ashlyn pulled her head away from it and he grabbed the back of her head to bring her back. He hissed something into her face and poked the end of the blade into her cheek, drawing out blood and smiling evilly when he did. He then trailed the blade down her face to her sternum and then to her belly button.

That was when Ashlyn wanted to die.

Fortunately, he moved back and sliced at her stomach. She hissed in pain and started breathing hard at what would happen next. It wasn't a deep cut, but it stung and bled enough. He did it again at her arm and then to her thigh, earning the same sounds from her. Ashlyn surged every ounce of strength she had and lunged at him. She ran straight into him and they fell back hard to the ground.

She managed to get in a few elbows and knees before she was drug off of him. He scrambled to get up and grabbed his knife from the ground. He dove it straight into the side of her thigh and earned a scream of pain. He just grinned crazily into her face and reveled in his actions. Ashlyn saw it and boiled with anger, so she head-butted him hard in the nose. He stumbled back and grabbed at it as he hurled curses at her.

That was the last straw for him and he had them slam her on the table. She struggled against them and tried to hit and spit at them with everything she had. They just laughed at her struggling and teased her as they leaned close to where she could almost hit them. Their mocking made her angry and she fought harder before the leader slapped her and put his knife to her throat.

Ashlyn stopped moving and lifted her head as high as she could and away from the blade. He smiled as he took in her face and the fear of the inevitable in her eyes. He raked his eyes down and to her body, but kept his knife at her throat. Her lips trembled at the disgusting way he looked at her body, and she swallowed hard in preparation. He pointed the blade into her throat, making her shake, then drug it down to her sternum.

He looked to his men, who were all smiling like him and waiting, then nodded his head to the side. Ashlyn barely had time to look from them to him before she was blindfolded. She kicked and struggled in her restraints, yelling out to anyone for help, and then she was hit across the head. It was hard enough to not be knocked out, but enough to daze her. She felt something wet on her temple and the next thing made her snap back.

The knife ripped at her shirt at her chest.

Just as the leader shouted and hands grab each of her arms, an unknown voice barked loudly and she was let go. Ashlyn released a breath she had been holding and cried silently in joy to her savior. She knew what was coming and she wasn't going to be a victim to these men. She had already decided she was going to fight with everything she had and die trying to escape. Her loved ones faces took over and gave her strength.

Ashlyn heard feet scramble and then the blindfold was removed. She looked up to a man that had on dusty rebel military garbs, and he stared at her blankly. Ashlyn's head lolled to the side and she squinted as she turned her head away from the light above them. The man looked up to the other men and ordered something to them, but only the leader stayed. He looked uneasy and nervous as he shifted on his feet.

The man looked off to the side and said something, and before Ashlyn knew it she was being hoisted up. She fought against them out of reflex, but was too weak and beaten to do much. The man walked up to Ashlyn and grabbed her tied together hands. She tried to jerk away from him and failed weakly, and he pulled them firmly to his chest with a look. It said to calm down and trust him.

Ashlyn didn't know why, maybe it was the will to not go on anymore or the fact that she saw fighting ending badly, but she stopped. He reached to his side and pulled out his knife. The sight of it scared Ashlyn and she went back to struggling, but the man did the same thing again. He pointed to her ties with the blade and lowered his head some as if to ask her. She relaxed slightly and nodded some.

He released her and then her feet before turning back to the burly leader. He gave him a hard look and said something that made the leader look down to the ground. The last thing Ashlyn saw was the man pull out his gun and cock it as she was led outside by the men holding her up. The last thing she heard was a gunshot and then silence. On her way out she saw the other 2 men being led away at gun point around back and then 2 quick gunshots.

Ashlyn was sat in the back of a truck, but she slumped over to the floor tired and spent as soon as the men left her. She laid there and thanked God that she didn't go through worse just now and that she was still alive. She started crying at the fact that she got to live another day and would hopefully see her family. She cried tears of joy on the floor, little laughs coming in, as she thought of Ali and Leighton.

Then, doors opened and the truck rumbled as it started, and they were moving. Ashlyn fell asleep back there and awoke in a room feeling sore and in pain. She was in a bed in a tent and was feeling better physically. She didn't feel as sick anymore, her ribs and head were taped, her body wasn't throbbing in pain, and her shoulder felt like there was a tug of stitches. She moved to sit up and noticed she was tied to the bed.

Just as she thought things went from worse to good, she tugged at the cuffs as a sign of mistrust and possible more bad things to come. Ashlyn fell back into the bed, the most comfortable thing she slept in yet, and closed her eyes tiredly. Just as she was falling asleep, she heard the flap of the tent open and someone clear their throat. She opened her eyes to the man that saved her and sat up some.

He turned to where he came from and said something, and in came another man. He spoke English and was an interpreter for the man, also apart of his militia. Ashlyn simply nodded at him and cut him off from asking any questions, making it a point to tell him she didn't know anything. The interpreter turned to his leader and said something to which he nodded. He then said something and walked out of the tent.

The interpreter turned back to Ashlyn and said that they weren't looking for anything she knew. He informed her that even if she did know anything that they wouldn't care for it because that wasn't what they wanted. As valuable as army classified documents and intel would be to them, her alive was priceless. Ashlyn knew then that she had become a bartering pawn and prisoner of war.

Ashlyn was their prisoner for over 3 years.

It was far better than anything she would've ever gotten from her previous captors. They housed her in an actual prison like cell and actually fed her. She hadn't eaten since the day her squad was attacked and that was almost a week ago. They only gave her a dirty cup of water a day, trying to keep her alive so they could torture her more. Now, her wounds were tended to and she was kept well.

Ashlyn thought she was developing a type of Stockholm's syndrome at it all, but realized she was just thankful. Though she only ate 2 little meals a day that weren't really good, she was glad to be out of her previous hell hole. Though she never left her cell and only talked to the interpreter once a week to see if she was doing well, she was happy to not sleep on the cold dirty floor anymore. She was glad to not be tortured anymore.

What brought even more joy to her was finding something she treasured most on her person. She was taking her boots off almost 2 weeks later to hang her dirty socks up to dry when something fluttered out of her right sock. She quizzically leaned over, grunting at the tug of her ribs and stitches on her bullet wound, and grabbed it. It brought tears to her eyes and she smiled as she laid back to stare at it.

It was her picture of her, Ali, and Leighton before she left. It brought so much joy to her current situation and gave her hope to keep going. It made her fight harder to stay alive and keep pushing in hopes to see them again. Her new captors saw her valuable alive and made sure to keep her just that. The thought, urge, want, and will to see them all again made her fight to make it everyday. She marked them off as the days passed.

But hope slipped through her after a year and a half.

Ashlyn only had a decent sized square window to look out of to keep up with the time. Waiting on the interpreter to tell her what the date was excruciating enough. The longer she stayed there, the more she lost hope on ever being let go. Every time she asked she was met with strict and hard no's. Soon, she gave up on the idea and notion of ever being let go, and stopped asking for the date. 

Ashlyn thought long and hard about what her family and friends were doing every time she had a quiet moment. She thought about all the holidays and things she was missing out on. She thought about how big Leighton was getting and it made her smile. She thought about Ali, how she loved her and vice versa, and what she was doing all time. It made her smile turn up more. 

It seemed that the longer she had to think about it all, the more she felt she was never going to get out. She held out that everyone was out looking for her and would find her one day. Her body was nowhere to be found and she hoped that they would use that to push harder to locate her. But after the first year, she fell into depression at never being found and each month after just added to it.

Then, out of nowhere, she heard an explosion and gunfire outside her window.

She scrambled to the window to look out it, but couldn't really see anything. Just as she jumped back on her bed, there was another explosion that hit the cell next to her and caused the building to shake. She hit the ground hard and on the back of her head mostly, as she fell from her bed and grimaced as dirt clouds filled the air. The next thing she knew, she was being helped up and rushed out of the room.

It was like something out of a movie and she at first thought she was being moved to another location. It wasn't until she heard Corporal Harris in her ear that she knew it was her people and she almost cried in joy. She was still rocked from the explosion and was being assessed by medical on the way back to base. She passed out after receiving the date and woke up to a nurse a day later.

Now, here she was ready to go home and to try to get most of her life back. She knew it wasn't going to be easy and hard times were on the horizon. She knew she had a lot of counselling to do, but she was commited to getting better. She wanted her family back.

Omar studied her as she looked to where she was to board. "I hope you know what you're doing, Harris," he said again and stepped to her.

Ashlyn looked to him and gave him a small smile and nod. "Me too. Be safe out there. Ok? Watch your 6," she said and stepped to hug him strongly.

"Hooah. You do the same. Call me," he sighed and pulled back with a pat to her back.

Ashlyn just gave him a big smile and nod before turning to board her plane. Omar just stared off after her, waving when she turned around one last time. Ashlyn waved back and headed inside, pulling out her tattered and ruined picture out of the folder to look at it. She hoped she was making the right decision and took a deep breath as she headed down the hall to her seat. Omar hoped the same thing as he fell into a chair.

"Good luck, Ash," he sighed worriedly.


	15. Reunion Part 1

"I wish they would tell us what this is about and why we couldn't tell anyone about it."

Ashlyn's mom was impatiently pacing up and down the hall of a recruiting office for the army. It was the exact same one she and her husband went to with Ashlyn when she wanted them to come and talk to them with her about joining. It brought back memories and they made her happy, sad, and angry at the same time. She hate the place and never wanted to see it again, but they were called down for something important.

"Honey, I'm sure they have their reasons. Why don't you have a seat and relax some," her husband coaxed and patted the chair beside him.

"Are you ever not a soldier," she half joked and continued pacing.

"He sure as heck isn't," Chris mumbled with a knowing smile.

"Whatever, boy. Being in service doesn't leave you the moment you retire," he defended jokingly.

"Obviously," he heard his wife mutter.

"Ok, I get that we aren't big fans of the army anymore, but can we all just take a second to relax. You're both driving me up a wall," he said, leg bouncing and hand tapping on it.

His wife softened, knowing he was always teetering on the fence about loving and hating the thing he dedicated some of his life to. She moved to sit beside him and grabbed his hand with an apologetic smile. He returned it and squeezed her hand as Chris sat on the other side of him and patted his back. They were both proud of him and Ashlyn and everything they did for their country.

"It's ok, guys. I know we all don't exactly have the highest opinions anymore about the army," he assured them, patting each of their legs.

"It doesn't change the fact that you're proud of your time served or Ashlyn's sacrifice or your father's service in World War II," she smiled softly and kissed him.

"Yeah, Pop. Grandpa was our hero growing up and so were you. Me and Ashlyn loved hearing y'alls stories about your time away. I'm not gonna lie, I hate what happened to Ash and I want her body back too, but she made us all proud. She wouldn't want us bashing them, either," their son added.

"Thank you, son," he winked and hugged him around the shoulders. "God, I miss my father. He loved hearing things like that."

They all looked down and nodded along sadly at the memory of the man. Last year he passed away in his sleep and they all were devastated yet again, but not as worse as it was with Ashlyn. He had been sick around the time, but looked to be getting better and just looked tired. Ashlyn's death was hard on them all, and he was really close to his only grandchildren. They all guessed that along with that and his own health were just too much.

"At least they're together," Chris said and cleared his throat with a small smile.

"Thankfully," his dad agreed.

Ashlyn's mom just stayed silent and looked away from them to blink away her tears quickly. She hated that anyone had to die and leave this world period. Her daughter was so young and had so much to live for. Her life was taken too soon and she left behind a broken and grieving wife and family. Her daughter would never get to grow up knowing who she was and it hurt. She just missed her all the time.

Ashlyn's dad noticed his wife's state and cleared his throat. "Maybe I can go see what's taking so long," he offered and kissed her head.

She smiled up to him quickly and then looked back down. Chris caught his father's eye and nodded as he took up his seat beside her. He grabbed her hand and shook it to get her attention, grinning to her when she looked. She couldn't help but laugh at him making faces and grabbed his chin to kiss his cheek in thanks. She may have lost one child, but her other one never missed a moment to love on her and make her smile.

"I didn't find anything," Mr. Harris informed tiredly when he came back.

"Ok, this is getting real annoying now," his wife fumed and stood.

"Mom," Chris warned gently.

"I'm ready to go and I'm sure they have nothing good to offer us, anyways," she defended and crossed her arms.

"Not exactly," a man said behind them and they all whirled to him.

"Captain Green," Ashlyn's dad greeted and shook his hand. "Good to see you, sir."

"Good to see all of you, too. Sorry for the wait," he smiled apologetically and shook all their hands.

"What's this about," Ashlyn's mom asked, cutting to the chase and shaking his hand once and quickly.

"Honey," her husband whispered warningly.

"It's ok, sir. If you would all join me in my office, then I can discuss why you're here," he chuckled softly and pointed to his door.

"I don't have time for games and I want to know what was so urgent we had to rush down here. Now," she repeated tersely.

"Mom," Chris said stifling a snicker and trying to not look amused.

"Well," she told him and looked back to Captain Green.

"Oh, God. Help us," Mr. Harris sighed and placed his hand on his forehead.

Captain Green bit back a laugh and cleared his throat. "I assure you, Mrs. Harris, you'll want to sit down for this. Please. This way," he said and headed into his office.

That got all of their attention and they all looked to each other questioningly. Ashlyn's mom looked to the office like it held a big and juicy secret, then walked quickly inside. Chris and his dad exchanged a look and then shrugged before following her in. They had no clue what this was about and it made them antsy. They were hoping above everything that maybe they found Ashlyn's body.

"Talk," Ashlyn's mom stated, not sitting and hand on the desk.

Captain Green went wide eye in surprise and leaned back in his chair slightly. "Are you sure you don't want to take a seat-," he tried.

"Talk," she ignored and shook her head impatiently.

"Sweetheart," her husband said and grabbed her waist to pull her back.

"Mom is on a roll today," Chris chuckled to himself and sat.

Ashlyn's mom gave her husband a stern look and he retracted his hands quickly. He cleared his throat and looked to Captain Green to hurry up and speak to avoid her from losing it in his office. Captain Green gave a quick smile and thought back to when he first met them. He had been Ashlyn's recruiter and was sad to hear about her passing. Now, though, he was able to deliver fantastic news to them and couldn't wait.

"We have some news for you all. It's about Ashlyn," he started and looked to them seriously.

"I hope this is about you finally finding her body," Mrs. Harris more demanded than asked.

"Something like that," he answered, shifting in his seat at the intense and sad looks on their faces.

"Well," she continued with attitude, trying to not cry and waited. "And why were we asked to not tell Ali and their daughter? That isn't right."

"Mrs. Harris, I assure you that I agree with you, but this was a special request. I have my orders, ma'am."

"Orders?! She's Ashlyn's wife and they have a daughter together. You're orders are to the people of your country and to protect and to serve! She deserves to know more than anybody."

"I was asked to not speak-"

"Bull! I'm calling her."

"Honey, hold on."

"No! This isn't right."

"Mom, dad's right."

Captain Green stood from his seat and tried to talk her out of calling Ali. She was already arguing back and forth with her husband and son about it, and didn't care anymore. Ali was Ashlyn's wife and deserved more than anyone to know what had just developed. She would want to know that Ashlyn's body had been discovered and they could now properly bury her. It would hurt, but would finally bring closure.

They were all talking and trying to get her to not call Ali so loudly that they didn't hear the door open. They didn't see the person behind them and the amused look on her face. They didn't see the huge, bright, and glistening eyed grin at them, dimple deep as ever. They didn't see the way her hands shook nervously and in anticipation. It had been over 3 long years and she couldn't believe she was seeing them in the flesh.

It felt like a lifetime to her.

"Mom? Dad? Bubba?"

They all froze in place and stiffened at the sound of the voice. They hadn't heard it in so long and they were sure a ghost was present in the room with them. It was without a doubt familiar, but sounded a little different. It sounded like it had experienced some things, but it sounded relieved and so happy at the same time. Captain Green sighed in relief and blew out a breath as he went to sit down.

Ashlyn's mom turned around slowly and silently at first. When her daughter came to her vision, she thought she was looking at an angel and started crying. Her husband's jaw trembled and he closed his eyes as he turned to her also. He opened them slowly and tentatively, afraid it was all a dream, and let out a watery sound at the sight of her. Chris just stared at his parents faces, tears in his eyes, then whipped around to her.

They couldn't believe Ashlyn was standing right there.

"What the fuck is going on," Chris whispered in awe.

"Are you cloning people now," Ashlyn's mom asked and took a step.

Ashlyn busted out laughing and grabbed at her stomach. "They wish they could get a clone as good looking as the original," she joked and winked to Captain Green.

He laughed along and sat back in his seat leisurely. "We don't make 'em like her. We can't. She's priceless," he winked back to her knowingly.

She smiled at him shyly and looked back up to her family. All of their jaws were pretty much on the floor and she had to refrain from laughing. It was a serious moment, but she wanted to show them she was as much herself as she was before her supposed death. Though things were different and a lot happened to her, she hadn't changed that much. One thing that never changed was her love she had for them.

"Geeze," she smiled teasingly and stepped to them. "No hug."

She was their Ashlyn 100% and it made them laugh out loud. Before Ashlyn knew it, her mother was engulfing her in a huge bear hug. She couldn't breathe and her body was a little more smaller than the last time she saw her. She had been eating a lot, but not at once to avoid further injury. She couldn't wait to get back to her original size and to hit the gym. She missed her physique, but it didn't stop her from hugging her mother back strongly.

"Mom," she exhaled into her shoulder and started crying. "Oh my God, Mom. I missed you so much. I love you so much. I'm so sorry. I love you so much."

"Don't apologize, baby," she cried and kissed her neck. "You're back. We've got you back. That's all that matters. I love you so much. I love you so, so much, honey. I've missed you so much. Don't apologize."

"It's really her. Not a ghost," Chris said in disbelief as he stared.

"My little girl," his dad agreed and let his tears fall.

Ashlyn looked to the 2 most important men in her life and smiled. "Gonna let her get all the lovin'," she teased and hugged her tighter.

They all laughed through their tears and walked up to them slowly, taking in the sight. Ashlyn's dad went from silent tears to body shakes as he wrapped his wide arms around both his girls. Ashlyn managed to get an arm around him and put her nose in his shoulder as he held them. She cried in his embrace like she use to when she was little and hurting, and he kissed her head for a moment to revel in it.

Chris smiled so proudly and came up on her other side to hold his family in their huge embrace. Ashlyn laughed when she felt him and tickled his stomach. He laughed with her and she moved her head over to his side to touch foreheads. He grabbed the back of her neck and she kissed his cheek before resting her head on his shoulder. Chris cried tears of joy as he held her with one arm and told her he loved her.

Captain Green wiped at the corner of his eye as he watched the family mend back together.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'll ride with Chris. I wanna talk to him about some things," Ashlyn informed her parents and kissed their cheeks goodbye.

"Are you sure, sweetheart," their mother asked, never letting go of her hand.

"Yeah, Mom. I'm staying with you, remember," she smiled and squeezed.

They had all just got through having lunch and catching her up on all of their lives. They tried to avoid Ali and her engagement to Jeff, but Ashlyn told them she already knew. She said it was the reason why she didn't want it announced to the world she was alive for right now, and that she needed time. They didn't really agree, but they would do whatever made her comfortable, much to her appreciation.

They didn't, though, waste any time on filling her in on Leighton. It warmed Ashlyn's heart and made her cry happy tears at each new story. Though they assured her she knew who she was and was proud of her and loved her, it didn't ease Ashlyn's nerves of meeting her. She felt like a complete stranger to her daughter and didn't want to ruin things with her. She wanted to meet her and hold her so badly more, though.

It was a happy conversation for the most part. Ashlyn only cried when she learned that one of her heroes, her grandfather, had died last year. She felt like she missed so much and felt guilty that she missed saying bye to him. She felt like he died believing a lie that she was dead and it hurt. They assured her that he thought of her as his hero and always spoke highly of her. It made her feel a little better.

Ashlyn remained mum about her time away for the most part. She only told them about what really happened and being held captive in the more humane way, and avoided too much details. She didn't have to say much to her father, though, for him to know there was more to it. He could see it in her eyes and knew it was bad enough to change something in her. He even expressed it when he pulled her aside quickly, to which she assured him she was going to work on it.

"Ok. I love you," Mrs. Harris smiled and hugged her one more time.

"Love you more," Ashlyn said and kissed her cheek.

"What about me," Chris teased with open arms.

"Jesus, Christopher," their mom chuckled and hugged him the same.

"You come back from the dead and everyone just forgets me," he joked to his sister and winked.

"I'm better looking than you. That's why," Ashlyn winked and playfully swung at him.

"Oh, I'll remember that," he laughed and picked her up from the side to spin.

Their parents observed them having fun, laughing and yelling into the air. It made them think back to when they were younger and attached at the hip for everything. Ashlyn always wanted to be like Chris, and Chris adored having Ashlyn follow him everywhere. Their mom looked to their dad with a knowing and teary eyed smile, and he returned it with the same emotion as he kissed her.

Their family was back together and everything felt complete.

"See you guys later," Ashlyn called and waved as they headed to his truck.

"Be safe," their parents yelled to them.

"I don't ever want to let her out of my sight," Ashlyn's mom said.

Ashlyn's dad looked to her and pulled her closer. "Me either. But she's back. She's back home now. For good," he smiled and kissed her head.

"Where she belongs. Finally," she agreed and looked to him for a real kiss.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why don't you just go in, Ash," Chris sighed.

Ashlyn looked out her window and shook her head softly. "I can't. It's too much," she answered quietly.

Chris sighed again, this time sadly, and rested his head against the window. "She misses you, you know," he told her.

"I bet," she answered bitterly.

"Ash, she only did what you asked. If you would've saw her when we first learned about you...you'd think differently," he said, staring at her.

"I don't want to feel like this, Chris, but I can't help it," she replied, looking down to close her eyes. "It just hurts so much."

He softened up at her state and put a hand to her back. "Sorry, kid," he whispered and rubbed her back.

She looked up to him and gave him a small smile. "Thanks, Bubba," she said and wiped at her nose.

The next thing Ashlyn heard made everything around her stop in time. It felt like slow motion as she lifted her head up and to the source of the sound. She felt her heart beat out of her chest and a smile creep her lips at the sight. It was like she had never seen a more beautiful sight and she hadn't. At least, not until a little head off brown hair came running out of the building and into her angel.

She didn't need to ask who the little girl was, and Ashlyn felt tears slip down her cheeks at the sight of her laughing wife and daughter.

"She's even more beautiful," she whispered and pressed her hand to the window. "And look at my little girl."

Chris smiled as he watched her watch them. "Not so little anymore," he said proudly and mostly to himself as he followed her stare.

Ashlyn's lips opened to form a grin and she rubbed her pointer finger over them through the window. She couldn't believe she was seeing them in the flesh. She wanted to go to them, wrap them up in her arms, and never let go. She wanted to tell them how much she loved and missed them. She wanted to take them home and never leave, to carry Ali to their bedroom and make up for lost time, then to play with her daughter forever.

She almost did just that as she stared at Ali's nose crinkling grin and their daughter's huge cheeks turn up in a grin. She watched as Ali took a knee in front of her to fix her hair and clothes. She watched how nurturing and mothering Ali was to Leighton. It made her fall more in love with her and she felt her hand go to the door handle. Chris looked down to it and held his breath in anticipation.

"I need to see them," she said, like she was defending her action and never breaking her stare.

"Go," he encouraged.

Ashlyn felt her smile go wider and her cheeks hurt, but it all soon fell within that moment. A man had walked up and she watched as Leighton got excited, holding her hands up and bouncing on the balls of her feet. Ashlyn felt herself slump as she watched him pick her up and spin her around, her giggles filling the air. When she looked to Ali and saw nothing but love on her face, she felt her heart shatter and fall to her stomach.

When they both kissed, Ali grabbing the front of his jacket with one hand, she felt like she was going to throw up.

"Drive," Ashlyn said with a shake and fell back into her seat slowly. "Leave now. Get me out of here."

"Ash," Chris said remorsefully and reached for her.

"Now, Chris," she yelled and put her head between her knees.

Chris started up his truck and took off as fast as he could without being seen or looking suspicious. He knew Ali and them knew his truck and just hoped to get out of there fast enough. He looked at his sister in worry as she curled her fingers in her hair. Ashlyn was fighting everything to not break down and trying to also hide from her position. She saw the worst thing ever, her family happy with someone else, and let her tears fall.

"It'll be ok, sis. I promise," Chris whispered, patting and rubbing her back.

Ashlyn didn't believe it at all.

Meanwhile, Ali, Jeff, and Leighton were all staring off to where the truck disappeared off to.

"Uncle Chris," Leighton asked excitedly and squirmed to get down.

"I don't know, honey," Ali answered, still staring off questioningly.

"Looked like his truck," Jeff mused and wrapped his arm around her waist.

"It did, didn't it," she agreed and looked to her daughter. 

"I saw the princess sticker I gave him on the back, Mommy," Leighton said, grabbing her hand and looking up to her. "Can we go see him?"

Ali smiled down to her and ran her hand through her hair. "Later, sweetheart. After dinner, ok," she promised.

"Ok," she nodded enthusiastically.

Jeff led them to his car and Ali couldn't help but to look down to where the truck disappeared off to with a weird feeling.


	16. Reunion Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the encouraging and kind words, and the continuous support on this fic. It's so greatly appreciated! :)

"Why'd you take her there, Christopher?!"

Chris tried to dodge his mom smacking her dish towel at him, but failed. Instead, he yelped and flinched away as it whipped at his arm. His dad was sitting across from him at the table and shaking his head disapprovingly, sipping a cup of coffee. He had just informed his parents of his and Ashlyn's drive and reaction at seeing Ali. The moment they got to their parent's house, Ashlyn headed upstairs to sleep.

"She wanted to go! I told her not to unless she was sure she wanted to talk to Ali," he defended and rubbed at his arm.

"Bad idea, son," his dad said and finished his coffee.

"I didn't know," he argued and frowned.

"Obviously," his mom chastised and hit the back of his head.

"Ouch," he whined and rubbed the spot.

"Go easy on the boy, honey," her husband chuckled and grabbed her to sit in his lap.

Mrs. Harris wrapped her arms around her husband's neck and laid her head against his. "That hurt her worse than anything ever," she stated and pouted at her daughter's pain.

"She's a big and strong girl. We'll all figure it out," he assured and kissed her temple.

"Sorry, Mom," Chris apologized sadly and looked at his hands on the table.

"It's not your fault, honey," she assured and grabbed his hand. "Let's just hope Ashlyn won't keep this secret too long."

They all looked up to the ceiling where Ashlyn was up there in her room and sighed. Ashlyn was tired from her flight, eating a good meal with her family, them all catching her up, and her heart breaking at the sight of her wife and child with another man. She was exhausted and her mind tortured her with images of Ali and Leighton with Jeff for a moment. She was so happy when she fell asleep, but her dreams didn't help much more.

She thought for sure her torture would fill her dreams up more, but it didn't compare to her family with Jeff. She saw Ali and Leighton moving far away with Jeff to live happily ever after. She saw Ali and Jeff getting married and laughing mockingly in her face. She saw her daughter run away from her to Jeff, calling him daddy and saying she wasn't her mom. It all hurt and made her toss and turn in bed with little whimpers as she slept.

Her family was all downstairs and trying to figure out how to help her. They were all at a loss and stumped because she didn't want to tell Ali she was alive yet. It would still be a week before the army would announce it, and they knew without a doubt it would be bad if they waited that long to tell Ali. So when the doorbell rang and Mrs. Harris went to answer it, they didn't know if it was a sign or rotten luck.

"Hey," Ali greeted brightly as she held a sleeping Leighton.

Ashlyn's mom almost fell over at the sight, but caught herself as she gripped the wall. "Ali! Uh, um, w-what are you doing here," she asked, forcing a smile and flicking her eyes to the staircase.

"Leigh wanted to see you guys," she answered and shifted her higher. "We thought we saw Chris' truck earlier at my job, but we weren't for sure. Guess we can ask him." 

"Y-Yeah," she stuttered, blocking the doorway unconsciously and looking nervous.

Ali noticed she was acting weird and tilted her head curiously. "Something wrong, Mrs. H," she asked in concern.

"N-No. Nothing at all," she said, forcing another smile and looking around nervously.

Ali didn't believe her and took a step back. "We can come back another time," she said uncomfortably.

Mrs. Harris didn't know why, but she reached out for Ali's arm and grabbed it. She knew this was a bad idea and she didn't have Ashlyn's permission. The look of concern on Ali's face and the love that she knows she harbors for her daughter made her pull her in the house more, though. She loved Ali like a daughter and her granddaughter had her heart. She couldn't let them leave on a lie from her lips.

"Chris is in the kitchen. Papa would love to see her, too," she smiled warmly and walked them to the kitchen.

"Are you sure," Ali asked unsurely, but kept walking.

She loved visiting the Harris' and hanging out with them. They made her remember all the good things about Ashlyn and not the fact that she was dead. They filled her daughter in on stories about her and she loved seeing Leighton's eyes light up in amazement. Ali loved hearing her daughter get excited about something about Ashlyn, and even felt her heart flutter just the slightest when she remembered something.

She finally felt like she was at a place that could see her moving on with Jeff. She could actually see them as a big and happy family. She loved him and he loved them more. Leighton loved him, he got along with everyone in their lives, she got along with all of his loved ones, and the future looked bright. Ali was actually enjoying being his fiancé, and she never thought she would ever feel this way again.

"Jeff went to visit friends and says hi. We just came back from dinner and she fell asleep on the way over," Ali informed.

Mrs. Harris just nodded along, tucking her lips into her mouth in anticipation. She didn't trust herself to not say anything without thinking. Ali looked at her from the corner of her eye and noticed she looked nervous. She didn't have time to call her out in it as they made it to the kitchen. Mr. Harris looked up in shock and then to his wife sternly. Chris followed his stare and stood quickly when he saw them.

"Ali," he blurted out and almost tripped over the chair.

"Chris," she smiled a little and looked him up and down.

"W-What are you doing here," he asked and rubbed at the back of his neck nervously, looking to his mom questioningly.

"Ali and Leighton just came from dinner and wanted to see us," Mrs. Harris answered and patted her shoulders.

"Yeah, we thought we saw your truck speeding away earlier," she nodded and looked back to him. "Were you at my job?"

Chris gulped and looked to his parents for help. "Um, no. You sure," he lied, faking a smile.

Mr. Harris cleared his throat and stood with him. "Lot of folks have that truck," he smiled and patted his back.

Ali eyed them suspiciously and shook her head slowly. "No. Leigh said she saw the princess sticker she put on it. It looked exactly like your truck," she insisted.

Mrs. Harris started to realize this was a bad idea. "Didn't you let Dylan borrow your truck, sweetheart," she asked her son, conveying with her eyes for him to agree.

Chris looked at her and then nodded as he caught on. "Oh, yeah! Sorry. I forgot I let him use it to haul some wood. Must've been him," he said, thankful and breathing an internal sigh of relief.

Ali pursed her lips together in thought, then nodded slowly. "I guess. I didn't really see who it was," she said, not 100% convinced.

"Dylan has been known to speed like a bat out of hell," Mr. Harris chuckled and walked up to them.

"Should've seen him in high school," Ali giggled and passed Leighton off to him.

"That crazy S.O.B.," Chris chuckled at the memories.

"Language," Mrs. Harris chastised and went to stand next to Ali.

They all laughed and forgot for the moment that Ashlyn was upstairs asleep. The Harris' then remembered when Ali told them a story that involved Ashlyn about Dylan peeling out of the high school parking lot. Ali didn't really talk about Ashlyn as much as everyone else did, and they noticed her smile sadly when she said her name. It was only for a split second and they looked away to avoid spilling their secret.

"So, what's the plans for the weekend," Ali asked them as they sat around the table.

"Nothing much really. Probably just chill," Chris answered, looking to the clock.

Ali noticed they all did and quirked an eyebrow at them. "Got somewhere to be," she asked them.

Mrs. Harris looked to her and smiled. "No, sweetheart," she answered and patted her hand.

"You sure," Ali asked unsurely.

"Positive. Just wanna hang with little princess a little longer," Mr. Harris assured and held her closer.

Chris looked up to the ceiling and kicked his dad's foot. "How about we all go out back," he suggested and stood halfway.

Meanwhile upstairs, Ashlyn was awaken with a start and bolted up in her bed. She was breathing hard and her chest was heaving. She slowly and with a little shake got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. She splashed water on her face and neck, trying to rid herself of her dreams of Ali, Leighton, and Jeff, then headed back to her room. She could smell her mom's cooking and wanted to head to her family.

Ashlyn had on a t-shirt, sweat pants, and socks, so she figured she was presentable enough. She tied her hair into a bun as she headed out her room and down the hall. She smiled as she ran her hand along the wall and felt safe. She was back home with her family (most of them) and couldn't wait to see everyone else. She couldn't wait to catch up with friends. She hoped to soon gain the courage to see Ali and Leighton.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't hear the faint voices of everyone talking in the kitchen. Her family was so focused on getting Ali to go outside and to warn Ashlyn, that they didn't hear her soft footsteps approach. Ashlyn just smiled as she thought about how much she missed her mom's cooking. Ali just looked at them in question and opened her mouth call them out on their behavior.

"What's going on with you guys? You all have been acting weir-,"

"Mom? What's for dinner?"

The Harris' all froze and looked in shock and apprehension from Ashlyn's approaching voice to Ali's face. Ali looked like she had seen a ghost, even though she hadn't seen Ashlyn yet, and the color drained from her face. She slowly turned in her chair to the sound and held her breath in anticipation. She couldn't believe what she had just heard and she thought her heart was going to jump out of her chest.

"Ali, sweetheart," Mrs. Harris said quietly and reached for her arm.

"Mom! Dinne-"

Ashlyn walked into the kitchen scratching her head and yawning, but froze when she saw everyone. There was her family, all looking at her with apologies and shame, and there was Ali, looking at her like she saw a ghost and couldn't believe it. Ashlyn had eyes only for her when she saw her, and slowly dropped her hand to her side. She couldn't believe her beautiful wife (?), her Ali and the love of her life, was right in front of her.

Ali stared back at her in utter disbelief and shock, trying to figure out how her dead wife of over 3 years was looking alive and well. She took in that she looked tired and skinnier than she remembered. She stared at her beautiful face and felt tears in her eyes at the fact she was looking at it for real. Her heart fluttered how it use to when she would see her, and she slowly stood from her seat.

"Ali," Mrs. Harris said again as her hand slipped off her arm.

Ashlyn just stared back at Ali, eyes watering the closer she approached, and she fought to keep her hands at her sides. She didn't want to scare her and she wanted to reach out and touch her all the same. She blinked her eyes and opened them to see Leighton in her father's arms. She smiled at it and then tore her stare away back to Ali. She was staring at her the same still, but was now slowly raising her hand.

The moment her hand touched Ashlyn's cheek, they both felt like they were home. Ashlyn closed her eyes and exhaled a breath at the contact, still not moving to touch her. Ali now had silent tears falling and palmed Ashlyn's cheek, still not believing she was touching her. It was like the flesh on flesh contact sent jolts up her arm and to her heart, making her shiver. It was like she was alive again.

"Oh my God. Ashlyn," she whispered shakily.

"Ali," she smiled softly as she nodded, reaching up and grabbing her hand.

The moment she touched her, Ali fainted and Ashlyn caught her right against her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting somewhere ;)


	17. Shock To The System

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuggGGGGHHH! I hope it's really your birthdays, Stevey57 & warriorprincess11... -_____-
> 
> Happy birthdays!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

"ALI," everyone yelled.

Their voices and the scratching of the table woke Leighton up with a start. She was looking around wildly and trying to circle her arms around her grandpa in panic. The man noticed and walked her outside so she wouldn't be scared by everything. He informed everyone and walked around in the backyard with her, patting her back and whispering to her as she dozed back off. Everyone else tended to Ali.

"Alex?! Alex, are you ok? Wake up, Ali," Ashlyn rushed, holding her up and tilting her head back.

Ashlyn admired how beautiful she looked with her hair all over her face for a second before gently removing it. She almost leaned forward and kissed her lips, but refrained from doing it by not knowing where they stood. She respected Ali so much and didn't want to do anything to complicate things more. Instead, she picked her up bridal style and went to the living room with her mom and Chris following closely behind.

"Pillows," Ashlyn said and hoisted her higher in her arms, eyes never leaving her face.

Both Chris and their mom moved quickly to clear the couch and make room for her. The whole time they did, Ashlyn stared at Ali and reveled in the feeling of holding her in her arms again. She could see the difference in her face and how the last 3 years had affected her. She could feel that she weighed a little less as she held her, and she could see the tired bags under her eyes hidden beneath her makeup.

"Set her down, honey. It's ok. You can lay her down now," her mom said softly with her hands on her arm.

Ashlyn snapped out of her stare and looked to nod to her, swallowing hard and slowly bending down. She carefully and gently laid Ali down, then put a pillow under her head just the same. She used her middle finger to move Ali's hair out of her face, and then smiled softly as she watched her breathe. It was the most beautiful sight she had seen yet, and she could do it forever. She loved this woman forever and with everything she had.

"She just passed out. Fainted. She'll be ok in a minute," Mrs. Harris whispered to her and ran her hand at the back of her head.

Ashlyn just nodded faintly and continued to stare at Ali. She thought it would probably be creepy, even though Ali was her wife and even though that was still up in question, but she couldn't help herself. She ran her finger down the side of Ali's face and to her chin. She couldn't believe she was touching her wife again and it made her smile turn to a grin. She cupped her cheek and ran her thumb along her jaw and chin.

"She's so beautiful. Nothing's changed," she said quietly and to herself.

Her mom smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Not at all. Neither have you," she said softly.

"I'll get her some water," Chris offered and patted his sister's shoulder as he left.

Ashlyn never let her eyes leave Ali's face, and she ran her hands down her left arm to her hand. She wanted to hold it and wait on her to wake up. She wanted to be there the moment Ali opened her eyes and to tell her how she loved and missed her. She wanted to kiss her like she had never kissed her before, and hold her like no tomorrow. She wanted to love on her and make up the last 3 years.

She never wanted to let her go.

But then, she felt something poke her hand and looked to it. The sight of it made her stomach knot and she thought she was going to throw up. She felt like she got sucker punched in the gut and grabbed at her stomach with her other hand. She held Ali's hand with her slightly trembling one, and stared at the object that felt like the end of her world with tears blurring her vision. Her bottom lip trembled and she closed her eyes as she turned her head.

It was Ali's new, huge, and expensive looking engagement ring.

"I can't do this," Ashlyn whispered brokenly and rushed to the door.

"Where are you going," her mom called and chased after her.

Ashlyn was stuffing her arms in her jacket and sticking her feet in her shoes. "I need a minute," she answered hollowly.

Her mom grabbed her arm as she opened the door. "Ash, please. Think about this," she practically begged.

Ashlyn swallowed hard and stared outside. "I already did," she choked out and left.

Mrs. Harris stared at her daughter run off to heal her broken heart.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ali was dreaming about a life with Ashlyn and Leighton, but it wasn't the one from 3 years ago. It was a new one and she loved how happy they all were. She couldn't believe that Ashlyn was with them and alive for it, most of all. She could stay asleep forever if it meant that she could have that life, but she knew it was impossible. Then she felt a calming sensation move from her face to her left hand, then leave suddenly.

She woke up with a start and shot up quickly, trying to get her bearings together. She saw she was on the Harris' couch and grabbed her head to try to remember things. She scratched it hard with both hands, not believing that she saw and touched Ashlyn. She heard talking in the kitchen and stood, tentatively and cautiously heading towards it. She needed and wanted answers now.

"She's pissed, Mom! You shouldn't have done that," Chris exclaimed.

"What was I suppose to do?? I couldn't lie to the one person that misses Ashlyn more than us! She deserved to know," Mrs. Harris argued. "I didn't want to, but I couldn't help how she was looking at me. It's fate, Chris."

"FATE," he laughed incredulously. "How is it fate, Mom, that your daughter is out there God knows where doing God knows what?? She's hurting!"

"I know that, Christopher," she snapped. "I don't need you to tell me how to feel like even worse of a mother."

Ali heard him sigh as she listened to them from around the corner and against the wall. She didn't need to ask and she knew everything she dreamt about was real. Not so much the family part, but that Ashlyn was indeed alive and here. That she had indeed seen and touched her wife in the flesh. Ali couldn't believe it and brought her hand up to cry into. Now, she was angry and worried about where and why Ashlyn disappeared.

"Where is she," she asked, rounding the corner on a mission.

They both looked to her in shock and opened their mouths. Ali didn't budge and looked between them for an answer. She furiously wiped at her eyes and gave them hard looks. They both looked to each other uneasily and closed their mouths at a loss. They really didn't know where she was at and they didn't have a cell phone to call her on. Ali noticed and stepped into the kitchen.

"How long," she said and tried to control her shaky voice.

Mrs. Harris looked down in shame and fidgeted with her fingers. "We just found out today," she answered and chanced a look.

"How long," she pressed and walked closer.

Chris could see the desperation in her and cleared his throat. "Ali, it's complicated," he said and shifted on his feet.

"COMPLICATED," she shrilled and smiled humorlessly. "In case you didn't notice, Chris, your sister was just in here. She was alive and breathing, and she looked very real to me. Complicated left out the door a long freaking time ago!"

"Ali-," Mrs. Harris tried again.

"No! No more lies, no more nothing," she exclaimed and sliced the air. "I want to know now! Spill."

Ashlyn's mom was reminded of when she and her learned Ashlyn was dead. She saw that same anger, hurt, and loss in her eyes, and knowing she contributed to it this time made her heart ache. She never wanted to see that look in Ali's eyes again and she vowed never to. Chris was looking between them as Ali stared them both down. He didn't know where to begin and wanted to go find Ashlyn.

"Mom," he said softly and grabbed her arm.

"They found her last week," she started, eyes never leaving her face and trying to not cry. "She was being held captive and they found out and rescued her. She hasn't told us much and the army is releasing the details later. That's all we know."

"Why," Ali asked, starting to cry again. "Why didn't I know? Why was I left out?"

"She...she...," Chris stuttered at a loss.

"I'm her wife," Ali stated loudly like it was all the answers needed.

"She knows you're engaged to Jeff," Mrs. Harris informed solemnly.

Ali closed her mouth and lowered her hand from the air, remembering that she was an engaged woman. She remembered that she was due to marry Jeff in the winter, and she remembered how happy they were. Ashlyn, though, threw all of that for a loop and confused her. The one person she loved forever and was married to was back and kicking. Her wife and mother to her daughter was somewhere outside.

It made Ali angry that she ran out on them and didn't stay to explain. It made Ali boil that Ashlyn had been found a week ago and didn't want her to know. She cried, wept, and grieved over her loss, thinking that her world ended. She couldn't believe that Ashlyn kept something like this from her specifically, knowing how much she loved her. She needed to find her and let her know all of it.

"Where is she," she asked lowly.

They both looked to each other at a loss and then back to her to shrug the same. Ali had an idea and moved back.

"Watch Leighton. I know where," she bit out and left quickly.

All Chris and his mom could do was stare off after her and hope it all ended well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! No more!
> 
> Blame Trooper12 if it wasn't satisfying ;)


	18. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmkay...I've had a lovely week getting to know you guys in the comments section! I honestly love it more than getting kudos or hits!!! You guys are ALL amazing :) Anyways, just though I'd let you all know how much I appreciate you and how much you always make my day ;)

Ashlyn walked slowly down to the water and kicked at the rocks when she came to a stop. She smiled as she took in the marvelous view of the lake and breathed in the air deeply. That smile turned into a grin and she lifted her hands out wide, closing her eyes to take a moment. She opened them a moment later and laughed at how sappy she was being, but she didn't care. She missed home.

She bent over and picked up a rock to skip across the lake. She absolutely loved this place and it held so many memories. She skipped a few more rocks and then turned to walk along the bank. She saw the little woods that she use to go camping in, and stopped in her tracks at the memories that rushed with them. Her and Ali camping as teenagers when they dated, her and Ali's honeymoon, her and Ali as wife's.

It made her all sigh and she continued walking until she came to an even more significant landmark. She couldn't even help but to smile at the sight of the fallen tree, and she moved to sit on it. It held some of her deepest thoughts and she got comfortable on it. She had more thinking she needed to do and she was hoping to not break it with her problems. She sighed as she looked out to the water and thought of Ali.

Ashlyn had no clue what she was going to do and what the future held. Ali looked like she wanted to see her, and her touch felt so right and like she never wanted to let her go. Ashlyn never wanted her to and would spend forever in that moment if it meant she could have Ali. She wanted her family back without a doubt, but she wanted them happier more. She couldn't help but to remember seeing them with Jeff.

She didn't know what she was going to do with her life anymore. The plan 3 years ago was to come home and figure it out as she held Leighton and kissed Ali. She had time then to sit and think about what she wanted to do, but now she was feeling desperate and rushed. Ali was marrying a very successful doctor who could afford for her to quit working and take care of them. She didn't know how she was going to compete with that.

As she stared out into the water and felt everything slipping through her fingertips, she sighed sadly. Nothing felt worse than knowing why and how she was losing her family, yet not knowing how to get them back. She felt so lost, hurt, and broken, and she wanted to just cry. She felt it shouldn't be so complicated since she loved Ali so much, but she needed to know how she felt. She was too scared to ask, though.

Unfortunately, she didn't have much time to think about how to talk to Ali. She heard the crunching of gravel and almost turned to it to see who it was. She figured it was a stranger and got up to find more privacy to sulk in. They lived in a small town and she didn't want to give anyone a heart attack at seeing her. She headed further down the bank and towards some boulders. She figured she could sit there for a while unbothered.

"ASHLYN," she heard someone faintly yell.

Ashlyn could barely hear whoever it was over the sound of the water and the sounds in the woods. She didn't feel like talking to anyone and headed faster towards the boulders. No one at the house knew where she was at and she didn't want to be found. She heard the same person yell her name and turned her head slightly to them. Who she saw made her stop walking and stay in her position.

"No fucking way," she whispered and walked towards the woods, acting like she didn't hear.

She knew she shouldn't be surprised that Ali had found her at THEIR spot. She knew she loved to go out there to think and clear her head. Ashlyn cursed herself for being so predictable and hurried without looking too obvious. She hated to run from Ali yelling to her, but she couldn't face her right now. She also didn't know what she exactly knew and was scared at the awaiting wrath.

"ASHLYN MICHELLE HARRIS! STOP," Ali's voice traveled more clearly.

Ashlyn stopped right as she hit a clearing in the woods. There was a huge tree and she walked up to it, placing her hand on it and not turning around. She couldn't run from Ali and she realized she would always do what she asked. That hurt because she knew she may have to let Ali go to someone else and that meant breaking her heart. She swallowed hard as she heard tree branches snap and Ali get closer.

She suddenly heard silence and felt her presence with her, making her gulp and press her hand harder into the tree. It was holding her up and she was thankful she grabbed it in the first place. She didn't dare turn around, and then she heard more tree branches snap and felt someone behind her. Ashlyn shut her eyes tightly, clamped her jaw down hard, and inhaled through her nose.

"Look at me," Ali said, voice shaking in anticipation.

Ashlyn stayed in her same position and opened her mouth, but then closed it.

"A-Ashlyn," she said again and moved to stand beside her.

Ashlyn swallowed, still not moving her same position, and shook her head no.

"Dammit! Look at me," Ali shouted and grabbed her arm in frustration.

Ashlyn let her turn her around to face her and she opened her eyes in defeat, but looked off to the side. Ali noticed she looked like she was trying to not cry and she calmed down some. She was mad at Ashlyn, but she loved her and didn't want to hurt her. The whole drive there she thought about how Ashlyn was a prisoner of war and she broke down on the way. Seeing her again made those emotions come back up.

"Why," Ali said from the back of her throat.

Ashlyn closed her eyes at the sound and looked to her in pain. She didn't have to ask Ali to elaborate on what she meant, and she felt horrible for being the cause of that pain. She knew she was making a terrible mistake when she asked the army to keep her return a secret, but she didn't have the guts to face Ali. She was engaged and happy from what she was told. She didn't want to ruin her happiness.

"Please," Ashlyn whispered, begging with her eyes. "Don't."

Ali closed her eyes at hearing her voice then looked down to wipe her eyes. "I deserve to know," she countered and looked back up to her strongly.

Ashlyn's jaw trembled and she shook her head as she stared at her. "You already know," she answered.

Ali put her tongue to the roof of her mouth and shook her head angrily. "No. I need to hear it from you. Everything," she pressed and stepped closer.

"Ali, don't," she said quietly and backed into the tree, hands up protectively.

"I deserve to know," she repeated, voice raising and finger pointed at the ground. "Over 3 years, Ash! Over 3 fucking years of not knowing about you and now all of a sudden you're here. Are you kidding me?! You left me out like that!"

Ashlyn's anger boiled at being labeled the bad guy and her face showed it. "I didn't leave you out of a damn thing, Alex! I did it to protect you and Leighton. I wanted to ease back into things like a normal person as normally as I could! Sue me for that," she snapped, hands thrown in the air.

Ali shook her head stubbornly and got in her face. "You did NOT do it for me and Leighton. You did it for yourself! Don't pull that crap on me! I know you know about me and Jeff, Ashlyn. Stop lying to me and tell me the truth! Just fucking say it! Stop being a coward," she yelled in her face.

"Coward," Ashlyn seethed and got in her face. "Don't you dare call me that! You don't know the shit I've been through the last 3 years. You don't know the shit I've seen the last 3 years. Everything I went through was to get back to you guys, Alex! You think it was easy coming back here and not seeing you first?!"

"Actions speak louder than words, Ashlyn," Ali defended, guilt from her words building in her stomach. "You've been found for a week and didn't want them to tell me?! A fucking week, Ash! A week! Are you serious right now?? You don't think I have a right to be upset?? Put yourself in my shoes!"

"I don't need this," Ashlyn mumbled and rolled her eyes, moving to leave.

"I'm your wife," Ali yelled and went after her, grabbing her arm.

Ashlyn whirled around to her and looked her closely in the eyes. "Are you, Alex?? Because that says differently," she argued, bitterness in her voice as she looked at the engagement ring.

Ali looked to it and moved her hand behind her back. "Don't," she warned in a low voice.

"Are you my wife, Alex," she pressed and turned to her fully, moving even more closely.

"Ashlyn," she said again and closed her eyes. "I'm warning you."

"It's a simple question, Ali," she challenged and got eye level with her. "I wanna be with you without a doubt, but do you want to be with me?? Are you my wife or not?"

It was silent as her lip trembled and she bit it as she opened her eyes a second later. "You're an asshole," she said brokenly and brushed past her.

Ashlyn cursed and felt her emotions take her over. She couldn't even fight it if she tried, and before she knew it she was grabbing Ali's arm. Ali tried to fight her off and retract it, but she felt weak in her touch and realized she didn't want to fight her or it. Ashlyn turned her around and didn't give either of them a moment to think as she crashed their lips together. It was like fireworks, home, and perfection all at once.

The moment their lips connected, Ali found herself molding into Ashlyn and grabbing her neck with both hands to pull her closer. Ashlyn had one hand on her neck and the other pulling her close around the waist. The kiss started out sweet and like a reunion, but soon turned into desperation and hunger. It was what they were feeling inside and they added passion into it as it slowed. They forgot the last 3 years for that moment.

Ashlyn pulled away first and out of fear, slowly nipping at her lips. She didn't want to break their kiss, but she needed to see if Ali felt it all like she did. She needed to see it for herself in Ali's eyes that she still loved her and wanted her. Ashlyn knew without a doubt that it was what she wanted, but she was driving herself crazy without knowing what Ali wanted. Did she want to be with her or Jeff?

Ali's eyes were still closed, and she fluttered them open to Ashlyn's desperate ones. She saw the same love there that she saw since they were teenagers and it made her eyes water. Nothing changed with Ashlyn, but so much changed with Ali. She didn't have to try to move on from her and she didn't meet someone like she did. Ali was extremely confused and couldn't think straight this close.

"I can't," she whimpered and pulled away.

Ashlyn felt her world shatter when Ali pushed her away gently by the chest, covered her mouth and nose with her hand, and walked away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooooo! It happened...but what's next ;o


	19. Confused

"I shouldn't have kissed her...shit!"

Ashlyn was on her third beer and threw it into the grass hard. She was in her parent's backyard with Chris and she was telling him everything that had happened. She told him about where she went, her and Ali's talk and kiss, and the way she walked away from her. She spilled her heart out to her big brother, the alcohol taking over her senses, and was on the verge of tears. She was hurting and he could see it.

"It'll be ok, Ash. Things will work out between you two," he tried to assure, but sounded not as convinced.

Ashlyn looked away from him and shook her head. "It won't. You didn't see or hear the way she sounded. I lost her," she sulked and grabbed another beer.

Chris grabbed it from her and she protested, but he opened it. "You and Ali have been through it all, Ash. Do you honestly think history like that will just go away and disappear," he stated and passed her the bottle.

Ashlyn stared at it and grabbed it after a moment. "Things change. People change. That's 3 years of change," she muttered and took a huge and long drink.

Chris shook his head at her and finished his first beer. "Feelings don't, though. Especially y'alls," he said simply.

"What do you know," she scoffed in irritation and downed the rest of her beer.

"I took care of them like you asked me to," he snapped and turned to her offended. "I watched Ali break and crack like glass. I watched her struggle every day to put herself back together to make you proud and to take care of Leighton! I watched your wife grieve for you for 2 years, Ashlyn! The last year a half I watched her try to move on without feeling like she was betraying you. Cut her some slack!"

"Slack," she exclaimed questioningly. "What about me and my feelings?! Don't they matter?! I spent almost 4 years thinking about everything I thought I lost. All I had with me to keep fighting was the picture of us together! I have every right to be upset about everything that's changed."

"You do have a right, but you need to take her feelings into account," he pointed out.

"My WIFE is getting married to someone else and is going to start a family with him and OUR daughter," she growled and threw her bottle down. "Where the FUCK does any of this hurt her at??"

"We thought you were dead, Ashlyn," he repeated and turned to her.

"BUT I'M NOT," she shouted and smacked her hands to her chest. "I'M BACK!"

"And things have changed and you two need to talk. You can't just rush and fall back into things like y'all did when y'all was teenagers anymore. You have Leighton to think about," he reminded her.

Ashlyn was breathing heavily and panting, chest heaving hard and big. She stared at him and realized he was right, which made it all hurt more. Things had definitely changed and were completely different from over 3 years ago. They had to think about Leighton and how everything would affect her. She didn't know her and it made her heart ache. She turned from him to wipe her eyes and nose.

"Dammit," he cursed and stepped to put his hand on her arm. "I'm not trying to upset you-"

"You're right," she said and looked to the sky away from him. "About everything. It's not fair to Leigh."

"It still doesn't hurt any less," he said softly and rubbed her arm.

"How, Chris,'" she asked, sniffling as she looked to him. "How come it feels and seems so easy for me to just want to be with her and our daughter? How come it isn't for her?? I just want them back."

Chris didn't know the answer and could only hug and comfort his sister.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ali laid in her bed and cried into her pillow ever since she got home. Leighton was asleep in her bed and she was thankful for the moment alone. She couldn't believe everything that had just happened or that people she loved lied to her. She was so confused and hurt at everything. She thought about her and Ashlyn's kiss in the woods, and it made her cry harder. She certainly missed it without a doubt.

She had went back to the Harris' house, grabbed Leighton without a word, and stormed off. She had never felt so betrayed by her in-laws before and it hurt. They tried to stop her and talk to her, but Ali ignored them and headed straight for her car. Luckily, her little girl slept the whole way home and even went straight to bed. Ali went straight to her room to try to call it a night, as well, and now she was crying her feelings into her pillow.

Ali turned on her back and rested her forearm across her eyes. She wiped at her runny nose and face with the sleeve of her other hand as she thought about everything. She thought about how Ashlyn coming back changed everything and all of her plans. She thought about Jeff and how happy they were to get married. Now she was just a confused ball of mess and didn't know what was real anymore.

She sat up in bed and moved against the headboard as she blew out a breath. She knew she had to tell him about this because he was a really great guy to her. She did love him and she knew he loved her so strongly. He had to hear all of this from her, especially the kiss. She was dialing his number as she thought about all of this and she didn't know until she heard his voice. She froze for a second.

"Ali? Ali? Everything alright, Alexandra," she heard him say worriedly.

Ali brought the phone up tentatively and pressed it to her ear. "Jeff," she croaked out and winced at the sound.

"Hey," he said in relief. "Sweetie, what's wrong with your voice? You sound like you've been crying. Is everything alright?"

Ali's face scrunched up as she felt a new wave of tears, but she covered her mouth to stifle it. "You need to come over. Now," she told him and sniffled.

"I'm on my way," he answered and she heard movement. "What's wrong, Ali?"

"Just get here. I'll tell you when you do," she said and took a deep and shaky breath.

"Ok," he relented and sighed. "Give me 15."

He hung up and Ali got out of bed, scared and nervous of the impending conversation.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't believe this," Jeff whispered and shook his head.

Ali stared at him from across the table as he bore a hole into her kitchen table. She told him everything and didn't hold anything back. From her and Ashlyn's first meeting to the kiss to their conversation, she didn't hold anything back. Jeff just listened and took everything in with a blank face. On the outside he was trying to be unreadable and strong, but on the inside he was scared and desperate.

"Jeff, it...I don't know what to say," she stuttered out and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Do you love her," he asked, clearing his throat and looking up to her desperately.

Ali looked up to him like he had 2 heads and had to shake her head clear. "What," she asked and leaned closer to the table.

"Do...do you still...love her," he asked, clearly confused by his own question.

Ali stared at him like he was crazy and shook her head again. It was a simple question, really, but it held so much weight and depended on so much. Ashlyn was her wife and she loved her ever since they were teenagers, so it wasn't easy to answer. Something like that didn't just turn off and she didn't know how to. If she were being truthful, she never wanted to and wouldn't even if she knew how to. She loved Jeff too, though.

"Jeff," she started and ran her hand through her hair. "I don't think-"

"You were married for 2 years, Ali," he cut her off and closed his eyes. "You were together for 6 years. You were in love for longer. I'd understand if you said yes. I...it would hurt, b-but I'd understand."

Ali looked away from him to the side and wiped under her eye. "It doesn't just turn off," she said quietly.

Jeff nodded and tried to keep it together. "No. It doesn't," he agreed and stretched his hands on the table.

"I love you, too," she said as she watched him.

"Not like her, though," he smiled sadly and stood.

"That's not fair," she defended and stood to go to him.

"That's life. She's your wife, Ali. Your greatest love and soul mate. I can't compete with her," he said sadly and looked to the floor between them.

"I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to just be Jeff and give me some time to sort this out," she pleaded and grabbed the front of his shirt to get his attention.

Ali didn't know why, but she felt like she had to defend them. Probably because they had come this far for some reason. Jeff was a good man that loved her and was there for her since they met. He treated her with so much respect and she owed him. She figured that may also be a reason why she was hanging on to him so hard, but they had been together for over a year. They were engaged and she didn't want to hurt him. He didn't deserve it.

Then, she thought of Ashlyn and their history. She certainly knew she couldn't see a future without her in it in some way or form. They had grown up together, built a life together, and had a daughter together. Ali would not be able to just move on from Ashlyn and never see her again, nor could Leighton not ever meet her. She loved her still, it never died and was just numbed away. The second she saw her made it reawaken.

Now, Ali was really confused about everything.

"We'll postponed the wedding and things until you figure it out," he more suggested and swallowed hard. "If you need time away from me and us, then we can-"

Ali looked to him wide eyed and stepped to him. "No, I never said that," she cut him off and grabbed his hand.

Jeff scratched his forehead at a loss and shrugged. "What do you want, Ali," he asked, meaning more and they both knew it.

Ali looked around the room and raise hands up at an equal loss. "Time. Just time, Jeff. Postponing the wedding for now is enough," she assured and nodded.

Jeff nodded and was thankful that they were at least still engaged. "Ok. We'll give it time," he agreed and stepped to her.

"Thank you," she said and hugged him.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, feeling like this could be the last time. He had no ill feelings towards Ashlyn, but he felt like she was threatening what him and Ali had now. Ali never much discussed Ashlyn with him or their time together, but he heard more than enough stories from their relatives. They were it and always destined to be together. He knew he couldn't compete, but he'd try. He loved her.

Ali wanted both of them, but one had become a numbing pain in her heart and the other helped heal it some. Now, her heart was bursting with love and joy, all because Ashlyn was alive. Things were different now; she was happily engaged to a really great guy and she loved him. The problem was that the greatest love of her life came back like a hurricane and didn't bother with niceties.

She wished she wasn't so confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More confusion...


	20. Priorities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early enough, SM? ;)

"I can't believe this."

Ali was sitting at her parents house in their living room, Kyle on speaker phone, as she told them everything the next day. They were all as speechless and lost as she was about it all. They all wanted to go see her, but when Ali told them everything that went down, they kept it to themselves. They understood why Ali was upset and all, but they also understood Ashlyn's reasons. They could only imagine.

"Alex, I can see where Ashlyn is coming from. She's hurting too, sweetheart," her mom tried to reason.

Ali looked to her mom incredulously and narrowed her eyes. "Hurting, Mom," she asked lowly and they all cringed.

"Honey, what your mom is saying is that-," her dad stepped in.

"There's nothing to say at all," Ali exclaimed and stood the same. "Ashlyn could've told me that she was alive! It wasn't that hard to pick up a phone and ask to speak to me. I'm her wife and the mother of her child! It's not a question to inform me about this."

"Alex, you know how she is," Kyle sounded and she turned to the phone. "She always wanted nothing but for you to be happy. You and Leighton both. Imagine her finding out that you were happily engaged to someone else, and Leighton loved him, too? I can only imagine. She was hurt."

"So it was ok for her to lie to me and damn near give me a heart attack when she showed back up out of nowhere like a ghost? I was totally caught off guard, Kyle," she argued and paced, running her hand through her hair.

"I didn't say that, Alex," he sighed. "I'm just saying to think like your wife for a second. You know better than me and anyone that she only does everything she does for you out of love. She was scared and nervous, too, I bet."

"He's right, honey. That's always been Ashlyn," her dad agreed and stood to hug her around the shoulders.

"It took her 5 years to tell you she liked you. She's always tried to protect you," her mom smiled gently.

Ali looked at them and then to the coffee table in thought. She knew they were right, but it didn't hurt any less being lied to. She felt she was cheated out of the joyous news and reunion of Ashlyn being alive, and that their daughter was too. She loved Ashlyn and felt she deserved more, but she was happy she was alive, nonetheless. It all made her sigh as that confusion set back in and made her question things.

"My brain hurts," she mumbled and buried her face in her hands.

Her parents chuckled and moved to comfort her as she sat at the coffee table. They were all too happy about Ashlyn's return to turn such wonderful news sour with the surrounding drama. They were more all wanting to know where Ali stood with Ashlyn. Even though Ali told them that Ashlyn still wanted her, they didn't even have to ask because they already knew. Ashlyn loved her too much to not to.

"Sooooo," Kyle dragged out curiously and cleared his throat. "When do I get to see her?? And when is Leighton meeting her?"

Ali looked up to the phone so fast she thought she broke her neck. She opened and closed her mouth in confusion because she hadn't thought about that at all. It was a no brainer and no question that they would meet, but she was too scared and nervous to talk to Ashlyn about it. Their last meeting ended with a kiss, and she didn't think she would be able to control herself again. She wasn't a cheater, though she felt like one to them both.

"Dammit," she whined and stood. "I didn't think about that and I feel bad for not."

"Well, you guys did jump each other's bones and swapped spit," her brother mused.

Their parents had to slap hands to their mouths at her expense so they didn't laugh out loud. Ali was looking at the phone with narrowed eyes mixed between anger and irritation. Kyle was on the other end with his hand over the receiver and sniggling. He was so happy that his sister-in-law was alive and back with them. He liked Jeff, but he had a special bond with Ashlyn. He loved her like a sister.

"Goodbye, Kyle," Ali growled and grabbed the phone.

"Aw! Come on, Alex," he chuckled before he was hung up on.

"That's mean, Alexandra," their mother playfully chastised.

"He's mean," she defended and put the phone down.

"He has a point, though. They need to meet," her dad added.

Ali looked at him with crossed arms, biting the inside of her cheek and bouncing her foot. She knew they were right and she was excited for them to meet.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you mad at me," Mrs. Harris asked, looking up nervously.

Ashlyn was housing a hangover over a cup of coffee and toast at the kitchen table. She looked up to her mom and gave her a small smile. She didn't blame her for anything that happened and was more happy it did. She got to see Ali, they kissed, and she knew how she felt. In a way, she owed her mom and was only a little upset about things. It was inevitable and the push she needed to get her wife back.

"No, Mom. I love you and I know you love me. You were just looking out for me," she answered and grabbed her hand to hold.

Her mom smiled and squeezed her hand before kissing it. "I do love you, Ashlyn. I just couldn't help it when she came. I crossed a line, though, and it wasn't right. I should've let you handle it," she sighed.

Ashlyn slowly grinned at her caring mother. "You should have, nosey, but it doesn't matter," she half joked and they both laughed.

"Sorry, kiddo," she said and stood to kiss her forehead.

"It's cool, Mom. Seriously," she assured and kissed her hand before letting go.

The doorbell rang and Ashlyn went back to eating her toast without a care. It was made a rule after yesterday that they wouldn't allow visitors in and would keep her comeback a secret for now. Ashlyn was more preoccupied with her headache, soothing coffee, and delicious toast to care about noticing. She was spreading Nutella on it when she heard her mom clear her throat. She put it in her mouth to eat as she turned to her.

Ashlyn almost dropped her toast and fumbled with it. "Alex," she sputtered, putting it on her plate and standing quickly.

Ali shifted uncomfortably on her feet with her hands behind her back. "Hey," she said quietly and looked to her.

Ashlyn's mom looked between them with a raised eyebrow and didn't know what to do. She was just as surprised to see Ali at her door this morning. She thought for sure she would never want to speak to her again and she had ruined their relationship. But Ali accepted her apology and assured her things were ok with them. After learning everything that happened yesterday, she was happy to hear it.

"Can we talk for a minute," Ali said, motioning between her and her daughter.

"Oh," Mrs. Harris said and smiled as she moved to leave. "I'll give you guys a minute. Help yourself to breakfast and coffee, Ali."

Ali smiled and nodded at her as she patted her back and left. She would always love Ashlyn's mom like a second mother and would forever be in her debt. She and the rest of the Harris' got her through some pretty rough times. They helped her cope with her loss of Ashlyn and get back to a place of peace. They always treated her like family, even when she was little, and it never went unnoticed.

She looked back to Ashlyn and could see how nervous she was already. She knew it when she almost dropped her favorite breakfast and hit the table when she stood. It made Ali chuckle on the inside and feel a little less nervous about everything. Ashlyn started to rub her hands on her thighs, something she did when she was nervous, and cleared her throat. She snapped out of her stare and cleared her own throat.

"Hungry," Ashlyn offered, hand raised to the stove of food.

Ali shook her head and stepped a little more in. "No, thank you. Coffee would be nice," she answered with a little smile.

Ashlyn smiled back and nodded as she went to pour her a cup. Ali observed her the whole time, taking in everything she did and missing watching her do this at their home. Ashlyn could feel it and smirked as she poured her a cup. She wished she could be doing this in their home and then got sad about not knowing if it was hers to call that anymore. Her fear grew at the unknown conversation.

"Here," she smiled more forcefully and sat it down across from her.

Ali smiled and went to take the seat and much needed drink. There was an awkward silence as Ali drank and avoided looking at her while Ashlyn bit into her toast and snuck glances. They were both wondering how it ever got this bad or far, but it didn't last for long when Ali put her cup down. She pushed the feelings and thoughts down to focus on why she came here. It was important.

"We need to talk," she said and grabbed her cup to stop from moving nervously.

Ashlyn paused in chewing, but picked back up a second later. "What about," she asked and grabbed her own coffee to wet her dry mouth.

Ali saw she was nervous and felt bad. "Things. What do we do now that you're back. Your plans," she trailed off quietly.

Ashlyn sighed and pushed her barely touched food away. "I don't have much of those anymore," she said knowingly and gave her a pointed look.

Ali looked down and shook her head. "Don't. Please," she whispered and tried to control her emotions.

"Why are you here then," she asked, getting angry now.

"We have Leighton to think about," she reminded pointedly.

"You don't think I know that. That is part of why I came back," she retorted.

"Ashlyn, stop," she practically pleaded.

"You're the other part, Ali. Why are we acting weird about it all," she continued.

"Because," she said, closing her eyes and trying to clear her head.

"I love you, Alex. I want to be with you. Isn't that enough," she pressed and reached for her hand.

The second their hands touched, Ali snatched hers back and stood. She was still feeling guilty about their kiss, even though it felt more right than anything, and remembered the look in Jeff's eyes. He was hurt and she already asked enough of him to postpone the wedding. She knew the longer her and Ashlyn touched, the more she would draw her in and they'd be back at the woods again, this time in Ashlyn's mom's kitchen.

"Thinks are different now and I have a lot to think about, Ash. Don't make it harder on me than it already is," she stated in a shaky voice.

Ashlyn pursed her lips together to her nose and looked away. She knew she had to give Ali time and her brother's words from last night rang through her head. Her wife thought she was dead for the last 3 years and was scared to death by her return. She would give her time, but she didn't know how long she would last. She missed them, their home, and their family they made together.

"Fine. Ok," she said and cleared her throat.

Ali looked to her and the pain she caused her. "I'm not trying to hurt you," she explained and debated on grabbing her hand.

Ashlyn closed her eyes and shook her head faintly. "Why are you here, Ali," she asked and avoided her sympathy.

Ali fought back tears and curled her hands to herself on the table. "Leighton," she answered and wiped under her eye.

Ashlyn opened her eyes at her name and faintly smiled. "I wanna meet her," she said quietly as she stared at the table.

"I know. That's why I'm here. I know she would love it just as much too," she smiled softly.

"When," she asked and looked to her tentatively.

"I was thinking lunch at Tommy's pizzeria tomorrow? Your fav-," she suggested with an unsure raised shoulder.

"My favorite," she grinned excitedly. "You remembered."

"How could I ever forget," she smiled and took in her dimple, feeling peace. "It's her favorite, too."

"Really," she asked curiously and proudly.

"She's your daughter alright," she chuckled and looked to her coffee. "You should see her and macaroni & cheese."

"Are you kidding me," she laughed and clapped her hands together.

"She's worse than you," she laughed and then pointed to her toast. "Don't even get me started on Nutella."

Ashlyn's eyes watered and she couldn't help the grin that cracked her face as she watched her laugh. It was like music to her ears and she felt so warm all over hearing it. When she would lay in her cell at night and have nothing but her thoughts, she'd think about Ali laughing and giggling. It got her through her rough times and brought her joy. Hearing about her daughter being just like her made her more emotional.

"Wow," she breathed and stared faraway in amusement. "She's so awesome."

"Yep," Ali agreed and nodded. "Our little girl is the best."

Ashlyn smiled wider at her words and looked to her coffee. "She did have you to raise her," she stated and looked to her.

Ali looked up and smiled at her words, but let it slip at the deeper meaning. "You're a great parent, too, Ash," she said.

"We'll see," she sighed and looked away.

"Ash-"

"I'm scared."

Ali looked up to her in confusion and opened her mouth. She didn't know if she meant about their current situation or what, and she didn't know how to answer her. She was confused as to where they stood and didn't want to say the wrong thing. She didn't want to say anything too soon without getting herself together. Ashlyn looked up to her and saw she was confused, assuming it was about what she said much to Ali's pleasing.

"I'm scared about meeting her. I don't want to screw anything up or her, for the matter," she clarified worriedly.

"Ash, you won't. She loves you. Every day we all tell her something about you and every night she says goodnight to your picture on her dresser," Ali assured and leaned over the table some.

"Those are memories and a picture, Alex," Ashlyn countered and shook her head in disagreement. "It's different in person and having to deal with me."

Ali couldn't believe what she was hearing and her words sliced through her soul at the underlining meaning. She sounded so different and she still didn't know what Ashlyn had endured when she was held captive. Every time she thought about it and what she could've went through, it made her sick to her stomach and eyes pool. She remembered how angry Ashlyn got yesterday when she called her a coward and felt guilty again.

What did she experience over there?

Ali shook the thoughts clear and rubbed her eyes. "Ashlyn, I know how much you love Leigh. I know it hasn't changed. She needs you in her life and you need her in your life. I know you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you didn't try," she urged, knowing her better than anyone.

Ashlyn stared at the table in study for a while before looking up to her. "You're right...like always," she rolled her eyes in amusement.

"That'll never change," Ali winked and they both laughed softly.

"I hope more doesn't," Ashlyn mumbled as she took a drink.

"Huh," Ali asked even though she heard her.

Ashlyn smiled and shook her head. "Nothing. Who's all coming tonight," she asked.

Ali eyed her and slowly smiled. "Whoever you want to. For the record, my parents want to see you. Kyle is excited, as well, and sends his love. He can't wait to see you and I'm sure you can expect a phone call soon," she giggled and took a drink.

"Sweeeeeeet," she grinned and tapped the table. "I've missed them a lot."

"They've missed you more," she nodded and gave her a sweet smile.

Their families were still as close as when she left, and only got closer when they thought she died. It warmed Ashlyn's heart and gave her hope that some things might not ever change. Ali noticed that she was probably thinking what she had thought when they learned she died. She couldn't help but to reach over and grab her hand to squeeze. They were all so close and she wanted to reassure her.

"My family still loves you like yours loves me. Nothings changed," she smiled gently.

Ashlyn smiled thankfully and turned her hand over to squeeze it the same. "Thanks, Alex," she nodded.

Ali slowly let her hand go, but let her touch linger. "It's the truth. I need to get to work," she said with an apologetic smile and stood.

"Of course," Ashlyn said, clearing her throat and standing with a smile. "Have a good day."

"Thanks. You too," Ali smiled and headed to the front door. "Don't have too much fun and don't pull you hair out getting ready for tomorrow. Invite your parents and Chris."

Ashlyn laughed at her knowing her so well and opened the door for her. "Of course, Princess," she chuckled and leaned into the open doorway.

Ali froze at the term of endearment and felt their time together rush back. "Um," she stuttered.

Ashlyn looked at her quizzically before she realized what she said. "Shit, Alex! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-," she backpedaled with wide eyes.

Ali just smiled and raised her hand to stop her. "It's ok, Ashlyn. I...I'll see you tomorrow. 1 o'clock," she asked and headed down the porch steps.

"Y-Yeah. Got it," Ashlyn answered and shook her head clear.

Ali smiled more and nodded before heading to her car to leave. They waved to each other and Ashlyn felt a little better than she had in the last 24 hours. She then thought about the fact she would be meeting her now 4 year old daughter she hadn't seen since she was 6 months or held since she was 2 months old. She felt antsy, nervous, and excited all at the same time. She now felt sweaty.

"I've got less than 36 hours and I'm already a fucking nervous and sweaty ball," she groaned and closed the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There MIGHT (and it's a very strong might) be another chapter today lol.


	21. First Meeting...Sort Of

"Come on, Ash. We've been out here for 10 minutes already."

Ashlyn stared through the window of Tommy's Pizzeria as a nervous mess. Her hands were fidgeting, she shifted between her feet uncontrollably, she kept biting the inside of her cheek and her thumbnail, and she was rooted in her spot. Her and Chris had rode separately to meet their parents, Ali, Leighton, and Mr. and Mrs. Krieger at the restaurant, but they had been staring through a window the whole time since they arrived.

She thought she was ready to do this ever since she woke up that morning, but now as the opportunity presented itself, she felt sick. Her heart thudded in her chest so fast she swore she could see it through her shirt, and she was feeling queasy. Her brother tried everything he could to pep her up to go in, but to no avail. He was getting tired of waiting and it was cold outside. He knew who could help.

"I'm getting Ali," he huffed and hurried inside.

Ashlyn snapped out of her nervous stare on her daughter. "W-What?! No! Chris, wait-," was all she got out as she reached out and missed grabbing him.

She turned around and hissed a curse as she placed her hands on top of her beanie covered head. The last person she wanted to see in the whole restaurant was Ali, and they still didn't know where they stood. She debated on running for it, but thought not to. Her little girl was waiting to meet her, and as far as she knew she was in for a surprise. Everyone told her how much Leighton loved her, but it didn't ease her much.

"I can't do this, I can't do this," Ashlyn panicked, closing her eyes and squeezing her head.

"Yes, you can."

Ashlyn tensed up and stood frozen on the spot at the sound of Ali's encouraging voice. She didn't have to see her to know that she was smiling, and it was confirmed when she finally did slowly turned around. Ali had the most warmest and genuine smile Ashlyn had seen on her since arriving, and it made her relax. Ali noticed her shoulders visibly slump and her chest rise for a deep breath.

"She already loves you, Ashlyn. All you have to do is meet," Ali said softly and stepped to her. "I mean, you already have and all, but she's still excited. I told her she was meeting someone really special today. She's ready for you. All you have to do is take the next step."

Ashlyn moved her jaw around and rubbed the back of her neck. "I don't want to ruin her with my issues," she confessed quietly and emotionally.

Ali didn't know what to say and her heart hurt at her words terribly. Ashlyn still hadn't revealed to anyone all that happened to her and an official statement from the army would be released in a few days. She was afraid to know what all she endured during her time away in captivity and Ashlyn's concerns over their daughter further worried her. She wanted to know and she didn't want to know.

Ashlyn was afraid how she would react to seeing her now 4 year old daughter. She was afraid that she would ruin things because of her experiences over the last 3 years. She had already set up an appointment with a psychiatrist to get started, mostly from the army and them wanting to know she would be ok. That was next week and she wished it was yesterday so she would have some pointers on how to do this.

Ali wasn't as afraid for them to meet as Ashlyn was right now. She trusted her with her life still and she knew Ashlyn wouldn't do anything to harm their daughter. She proved that when she experienced that explosion her first year in service, and she came home wanting to get help first. Things were different now and Ali still worried over her, so she wondered if she was taking the initiative now.

"Do you remember when you came back home for your first stay," she asked and moved to stand in front of her.

Ashlyn looked up to her and put her fidgety hands in her pockets. "Yeah. Was pretty rough," she said with a small smile.

Ali crossed her arms over her chest with a soft smile. "But you took the step yourself to seek out help for it, Ashlyn. You did it all by yourself without anyone making you. You even let me come with you for some of your sessions," she reminded her.

Ashlyn closed her eyes and took a deep breath with a little headshake. "It's different now. Really different," she answered quietly and looked to her knowingly.

Ali squirmed under her stare and looked away to the parking lot. "You're still that same strong woman, Ash. Do you remember why you told me you did it," she continued, looking back to her intently.

She nodded and took a deep breath. "Because I didn't want to have my family suffer along with me. Because I didn't want to keep having the bad dreams and remembering my friends like that. Because I didn't want it to ruin our relationship," she answered and looked to her.

"And now you're back and I know you'll take care of yourself the same way," Ali went on and stepped a little closer. "I know you will because you've proven that already. You didn't go through everything you went through to come back and just give up. I don't...I don't know what you experienced over there, but you're not alone. We're all here for you."

Ashlyn ran her teeth over each other and tried to keep her emotions at bay. Ali's words meant the world to her, but she also noted that she didn't say herself separately. It just reminded her painfully that she was so close to her yet so far away. She never thought they'd be like this and it hurt. Ali was still confused about everything and trying to figure out herself where they stood.

"Thank you, Alex," Ashlyn smiled forcefully through a lump in her throat.

Ali knew she hurt her and she felt terrible. "I'm sorry for what I said the other day," she said, meaning more than just what she suggested.

Ashlyn looked confused and thought hard. "What're you talking about," she asked and her head tilted some.

"In the woods," she explained shamefully.

"Oh...that," she said quietly and in hurt, thinking about their kiss.

"I mean for calling you a coward," she clarified then shrunk back down.

Ashlyn looked up to her and thought about their conversation in the woods. Her mind would have rather thought about their kiss, so she had to really think hard to remember what was said. Ali noticed that she was indeed not thinking about their conversation and about their kiss. She couldn't even help but to laugh and smack her arm to get her attention. Still the same old Ashlyn.

"Focus, Ash," she said with an amused and flustered eye roll.

Ashlyn cracked a huge smile and stared at her for a second. "Sorry. It's ok, Alex. Heat of the moment," she assured.

They both thought the same thing and dipped their heads shyly; no pun intended, but REALLY heat of the moment.

Ali looked up to her with her head still facing the ground. "Still, though. I shouldn't have said it and it's far from what I think about you," she continued, looking to her seriously with apologetic eyes.

"And like I said, it's cool, Alex. I know you didn't mean it," she smiled softly and pulled her hands out of her pockets.

"Ok," she nodded and turned halfway to the restaurant. "You ready to go in now?"

Ashlyn swallowed nervously and crossed her arms tightly. "What if she doesn't like me," she asked, sounding like a scared child and staring through the window again.

Everything in Ali slumped and she moved to her side. "Ash, she loves you already," she said gently, debating on grabbing her hand.

"But she doesn't know me. She loves a picture and things she's heard about me. Meeting me in person is different," she said sadly.

"Oh, trust me. She's your daughter. She loves you and she'll like you because we all made sure she knew who you were on the inside and out. That means she loves the heart that beats inside of you. Are you telling me that same heart isn't in there anymore? Are you telling me that the Ashlyn we all know and love isn't in there anymore?"

Ashlyn had in fact changed over the 3 years she was held captive, but one thing that didn't change was the love she had for her loved ones. It was because of that love that she made it out alive and was still standing today. She wanted so badly to express that and more to Ali, but today's focus was Leighton and working on building a relationship with her. Their daughter always came first for them.

"Ok," she nodded slowly and blew out a preparing breath. "Let's do it."

"Are you sure you're ready," Ali asked and grabbed her bicep for a squeeze.

Ashlyn swallowed down how perfect the touch felt. "Y-Yeah. I'm ready. I'm ready to meet my daughter," she smiled and looked her in the eyes.

Ali smiled back, scrunching her nose some. "You guys already met, but I get you," she joked and made her laugh.

They turned towards the entrance and Ashlyn took one last deep breath. Everything in her was ready to see Leighton, but her mind thought it would be funny to psych her out. She shook her head and pushed the thoughts aside, but it wasn't until Ali's comforting and soft touch made her move. With her hand at her lower back, they made their way inside and towards the back corner of the restaurant.

Mr. and Mrs. Krieger were seated on each side of Leighton with their backs to the door. They didn't see Ashlyn and Ali approaching because it was supposed to be a surprise for them all, though they already knew everything. Their job, along with the Harris clan across from them, was to keep the little girl distracted. Ashlyn would come in and then they'd ease Leighton into seeing her without frightening her.

They got closer and Ashlyn's family looked up to her with excited smiles and encouraging nods. Ashlyn gave them an uneasy smile and started to pick at the sleeve of her jacket. She was sure she was about to be the one to pass out this time from nerves. Her heart beat in her chest so hard and fast she thought it was going to pop out. Ali noticed and moved to grab her hand, purely out of instinct and want, and Ashlyn held it in a thankful death grip the whole time.

"Relax, Ash," she whispered by her ear, making her shudder.

Ashlyn nodded and resorted to inhaling through her nose to calm herself down. When they got about 15 feet away from their families, Ashlyn stopped abruptly and tugged on Ali's hand to turn her to her. Ali looked at her in a mix of concern and question, but Ashlyn had her eyes on the back of their daughter's head. She didn't want to mess up anything and she wanted everything to be perfect.

"Do I look good? My hair, clothes, and everything," Ashlyn rushed out to her with slightly wide eyes.

"Ashlyn," Ali smiled and squeezed her hand, stifling a laugh at how cute she was being. "You look perfect. Your hair is phenomenal. Everything is going to be fine. Don't worry. You've got this."

"What about how I smell? I didn't know what to put on or anything. I mean, she's not allergic to anything is she," she continued and even raised her arm to her. "Because I don't want to hurt her or-"

Ali giggled as she put a finger to her lips to stop her. "You smell amazing and she's not allergic to anything. Our little girl is perfect and just ready for the surprise that I promised her today," she assured and dropped her hand.

Ashlyn had to shake her head clear at her touch. "What surprise," she asked after clearing her throat.

Ali rolled her eyes with a chuckle and grabbed her hand again. "You, dummy! Let's go," she ordered and dragged her.

Ashlyn was still a nervous ball of mess and ran her hand along her collar with a gulp. She just kept thinking over and over again about how she didn't want to ruin anything. She had been dreaming about this day for a long time and now that it was here it scared her. But when Ali came to a stop and looked to her, squeezing her hand and smiling warmly, everything felt right. She felt at ease with her by her side.

Ali dropped her hand, but not before looking her in the eye and mouthing it would all be ok. Ashlyn just nodded and looked to her family, who all winked or mouthed they loved her. Ashlyn gave them a nervous smile and turned her attention to the back of her little girl's head that was almost within arm's reach. Ali scooted her father over and sat beside Leighton, conveying with her eyes to her parents to not turn around, who were practically bouncing in their seat to.

"Sweetheart, are you ready for your surprise," Ali asked, running her hand through her daughter's hair.

Leighton turned to her mom and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, Mommy! Where is it," she asked, moving to turn around.

Ali stopped her before she could and patted the table in front of her. "First, we need to talk about something. Ok," she started and grabbed her little hand.

"Ok," she answered simply, tapping the table and swinging her legs.

Ashlyn couldn't help but to smile at how cute she was and how she reminded her of Ali. All the stories and things she heard about her all week from her family were very true. Leighton was wearing a lot of pink and loved it, just like Ali. She had a smile and presence that lighted up a room, just like Ali. She was very much in fact girly and loved being cute, just like Ali. Ashlyn had only been around her for 5 minutes and saw her wife in their daughter.

"You know how we always tell you that Momma loves you and that she's in heaven with the angels," Ali asked her.

"Yes, Mommy," Leighton nodded and smiled at the mention of her other mother. "Momma is in heaven and she watches over me all the times. She's my g-gu-guar...ugh! I can't say it, Mommy."

The table rumbled in amusement at her frustration and she cracked a little shy grin. Ashlyn definitely saw Ali's attitude and sass in their daughter, and had to put her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh. She was in love with her daughter before, but now she wondered if it was possible to be even more in love with her. The want and urge to pick her up and spin her around in a hug and kisses was strong now.

"Guardian angel, baby," Ali laughed a little and kissed her head.

"Yeah! G-Gu-Guardian angel. That's what Momma is for me! She's that for everybody," she giggled and looked around the table.

Ashlyn felt tears in her eyes at her daughter's beautiful words and the fact she sounded so proud. She had to look down and wipe at her eyes quickly. She swallowed the watermelon sized lump in her throat down and sniffed through her nose as quietly as she could. She looked back up to her mother's tear filled eyes and soft smile. Her dad winked at her and her brother grinned at her knowingly.

Ali looked up to her in-laws and saw how emotional they were. She didn't have to turn around to know that Ashlyn was probably looking like a mix of them, but more. It made her smile and she turned her attention back to Leighton, but caught her mom's eyes. The woman was smiling encouragingly at her and nodded to get her moving. Ali was ready to tell Leighton that Ashlyn was alive and wanting to see her.

"What would you say if Momma wanted to see you," she asked her carefully.

Leighton quirked her head to the side and raised her eyebrows. "Can she do that," she asked in pure curiousity and innocence.

Everyone chuckled at her answer and she looked around at them all seriously for an answer. They were glad she was so young and innocent, because it was the only way this was going to be easy to do. They knew later on when she was older, of course, that they would have to tell her the truth about Ashlyn and everything. They were just happy that was a long time away and they could ease her into this now.

"Your momma can, honey," Ali answered and rubbed her little back. "She...she finished her job in heaven and now she can come back home to be with all of us. She wanted to come and see you. How's that sound?"

Leighton pursed her lips together in thought and nodded as she thought about everything. Everyone at the table just stared and watched her intently for an answer. How the evening would go would depend on how she took that information and used it in a few minutes. No one was more nervous than Ashlyn, though, and she waited with her breath held and her fists so tightly squeezed.

"Sweetheart," Ali asked, catching up to how nervous Ashlyn was now.

"Where is she? Can I see her now," Leighton asked and looked to her with excited eyes.

Ali blew out a sigh of relief and scooted closer to her. "She's here. Are you ready," she asked slowly and eyed her.

Leighton nodded enthusiastically and moved to her lap. "Ready, Mommy," she smiled to her, arms around her neck.

Ashlyn gained all the courage in her daughter's words and actions, and blew out one last breath. She squared her shoulders, checked her breath, smiled as gently as she could, then glued her hands to her sides to avoid fidgeting with them. Ali had all of Leighton's attention and she slowly turned them around to get up. She caught Ashlyn's eye over her little head and gave her a warm and confident smile.

"Ready, baby," she asked her one more time, wanting her to be comfortable to do this.

"Yep," she grinned and nodded.

Ali stood from the table and stared at Ashlyn. Ashlyn visibly swallowed and blinked her eyes a few quick times to rid herself of her pooling tears. Ali looked at her, speaking through her eyes and asking if she was ok and good to go. Ashlyn nodded and smiled wider to assure her. Ali removed one of Leighton's arms from around her neck and scratched her side to make her turn around.

Ashlyn watched in slow motion as the little girl turned her head around quizzically. She watched as she suddenly flinched, sucked in a surprised breath, and got shy, dipping her head down and close to Ali's. She watched as she flicked her eyes from her to Ali, almost like she was asking if she was doing ok. Ashlyn grew nervous again, but it calmed when Ali stepped to her and grabbed her hand. She tugged on it to make her look up and she did.

"Leighton, this is your momma," Ali said gently and softly. "She came a long way to see you, honey."

Leighton looked up to Ali and nodded at her words. She then looked to Ashlyn and smiled shyly, making her parents smile at how cute she was being. Ashlyn only had eyes for her and felt the warm sensation of pride sweep across her chest into her heart. When Leighton looked to Ali, Ashlyn followed her and smiled at how adorable and beautiful they looked together. It made her wish she never left them.

"Ashlyn, do you wanna say anything," Ali asked and moved her hold to her fingers.

Ashlyn snapped out of her stare and looked to her, clearing her throat. "U-Um, h-hey, Leighton," she said, raising her hand in a wave and feeling stupid for the words she chose.

Leighton smiled widely and sat up in her mom's arms more. "Hi," she said more confidently.

Ali looked between them and then giggled as she kissed her little cheek. "Anything else you wanna say," she teased.

Leighton giggled and stuck her hand out to her other mother. "Papa always says to shake hands when you meet someone so you're not strangers anymore," she said sweetly with a cute smile.

Ashlyn laughed softly and looked to her father. "He told me the same thing. Now we're not strangers anymore," she winked and grabbed her hand to shake, feeling tingles of home at the contact.

Leighton's face lit up and she squirmed to be let down. "Can we go play games," she asked Ashlyn as she bounced on her feet.

Ashlyn grinned, not believing how easy this was going, and looked up to Ali for approval. Ali looked at her blankly and without a care, but then nodded as she caught on to what she was doing. She didn't know why Ashlyn thought she had to ask for her approval seeing as how she was her mother. Ashlyn was new to all of this just like when they first brought her home, but it was worse this time around.

"You don't have to ask for my permission to go hang with your daughter," she whispered to her and smiled.

Ashlyn smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of her neck. "I didn't know," she replied.

Ali chuckled and crossed her arms as she shook her head. "Now you do. Go. Have fun," she encouraged.

"Ok," she smiled in relief and looked down to Leighton. "Sorry I didn't bring a present or anything, but I bet I can win you a stuffed animal out of that game. I'm the queen of that machine."

"Really," she asked in amazement as she looked up to her with big eyes.

"Ask your mommy," she grinned and winked to Ali.

Ali rolled her eyes and shook her head in amusement. "You're alright," she joked.

Ashlyn chuckled and put her hands on her hips. "Got you something every time we came here," she countered smugly.

Ali rolled her eyes and Leighton laughed from below. Ashlyn joined her and her gaze fell over their table, right at the Kriegers. Ashlyn smiled to them with love then bent over to tell Leighton she was going to go get them some coins. She walked over to the table to her in-laws and they both stood immediately. Ashlyn had just opened her mouth to say a joke, but Mrs. Krieger had already tackled her in a hug.

"Oh, Ashlyn," she cried softly by her ear and rocked them. "It's so wonderful to see you. I'm so happy your back."

"Coach," Ashlyn sniffled and hugged back with everything she had. "I'm so happy to see you, too. I missed you all so much."

Mr. Krieger rubbed his thumb at his eye and hugged them both. "Glad you're back, Ash. Really happy to see you," he joined in and squeezed them close.

Ashlyn moved an arm around him and patted his back. "Thank you, sir. It's good seeing you all more," she smiled watery.

They hugged for a moment and relished in the fact they were all together again. Ali had to put a hand over her mouth at the exchange. She knew her parents missed Ashlyn, but she didn't think it was as much as she was seeing now. Leighton watched them all curiously and tugged on Ali's hand in question. Ali just smiled down to her and pulled her to her hip to hug.

"Everyone's just happy to see her and they all missed her. Your momma is really special," she told her.

Leighton looked up to her again and smiled proudly. They watched as they all pulled apart and kissed Ashlyn on her cheeks. Ashlyn's family watched with so much joy and pride as their daughter received so much love from her second family. They talked for a minute, but Ashlyn's attention and eyes would flicker more to Leighton. Ali noticed and smiled as she stepped forward to pull her aside.

"Mom. Dad. Someone else wants to borrow her," Ali chuckled and raised Leighton's hand.

"Oh! Right, right. Sorry, honey," Mrs. Krieger smiled apologetically to the little girl.

"We'll catch up later, Ashlyn," Mr. Krieger promised and pulled his wife back.

"Yes, sir. Definitely," she chuckled and put a hand in her pocket.

"Can we go play now, Momma," Leighton asked and grabbed her hand.

Everyone froze at the word and looked to Ashlyn for her reaction. She was rendered speechless and stared down to her daughter's big blue eyes. She had always wondered what it would sound like to hear her daughter call her that, but her dreams of it didn't even compare or prepare her. She thought it was the most beautiful and soothing thing ever. She wanted to hear it again.

"U-Um, wh-why don't you show Momma what your favorite game is," Ali suggested.

Leighton sucked in an excited breath and pulled on her hand. "The frog one! Come on, come on," she grinned excitedly and dragged her.

Ashlyn snapped out of her stare and let her pull her. "O-OK," she said after clearing her throat.

Ashlyn turned to Ali for answers on Leighton, but Ali just shrugged without a clue and waved with a smile. She didn't think Leighton would have called Ashlyn that so soon, but then again she was always full of surprises. Everyone watched as they left to the game room with smiles of relief that things were going so well. Ashlyn turned one more time to Ali and Ali saw that this was the best thing ever for Ashlyn.

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"Do we have to go, Mommy," Leighton half pouted and whined.

"Yes, sweetheart. We have things to do," Ali answered, not wanting to go into detail that they were meeting Jeff for a movie.

"But I wanna play some more with Momma," she pouted sadly and looked up with big, puppy dog eyes.

Ali looked to Ashlyn who looked like she had just won the lottery. She couldn't get enough of hearing her daughter wanting to hang out with her so desperately or the word 'Momma', and felt pride and relief wash over her. Ali noticed and couldn't help but to smile at her and how happy she looked. It was the first time she seen her look so good since she came back. She hated the day came to an end, as well, but she promised Jeff to meet him.

Ashlyn bent down to be eye level with their daughter and grabbed her around the waist to turn her around. Leighton's head was hung and she didn't want to look up. She was getting to know her mother and didn't want their time together to end. She wanted to be around her as much as she could. Ashlyn felt the exact same way and an idea came to mind as she poked her belly to get her to look at her.

"You wanna hang out with me tomorrow," she asked her, nervousness tinging her excitement.

Leighton looked up with big eyes that were no longer sad but excited at the possibility. Ashlyn was trying to adjust back into regular life and would be doing so soon. She had therapy in a few days and the report on her captivity would be released to the public soon. All she wanted to do was hang with her family and try to relax as much as possible. Life was about to coming knocking on her door and she didn't want to answer.

"Can I, Mommy," she asked, putting her hands under her chin.

Ali laughed and shook her head down at her and her over-the-top dramatics. She trusted Ashlyn with her life and knew she would be as safe with her as she has been with herself. Though she was deeply concerned about Ashlyn's current state of mind, she knew she would be around family all the time and they would help out. Ali wanted more than anything for them to bond and get closer.

Ashlyn cleared her throat as she stared up at her and her silence. "I promise she'll be ok with me. I know there's some cause for concerns-," she started to explain/plead her case.

Ali cut her off with a raised hand and smiled warmly. "I know she'll be safe with you. That's what I was thinking about," she assured.

"You sure," she smiled a little unsurely.

"She's as safe with you as she is with me. Besides, I want you guys to have some time together," she nodded.

Ashlyn's face cracked with a grin and she looked to Leighton, who was tugging on her jacket strings as she waited. Just as she told the little girl yes she could hang out with her tomorrow, she launched herself into her arms without notice. Ashlyn almost fell back, but caught herself and fought back tears on how perfect it felt holding her. She had dreamed about this moment for years and held her tighter as it all came rushing back.

"Love you, Momma! See you tomorrow," Leighton said giddily and smacked a big kiss on her cheek.

Ashlyn almost fell over with love at the gesture. "Love you more, Little Princess. I can't wait," she tried to say without emotion and failed.

Everyone practically put hands over their hearts at the exchange and the women had to stop from crying. Ashlyn kissed Leighton's forehead and stood to walk them outside. Everyone else waited inside and let them have a moment alone, but mostly to catch up with each other. The Kriegers hadn't seen the Harris' since the Christmas party at their house. They also all wanted to gossip about the little family outside.

As soon as they got outside, Leighton grabbed Ashlyn's hand and smiled up to her. Ashlyn gave her an even bigger one and shook her hand playfully as they made their way to Ali's car. Ali searched for her keys in her purse and fell behind a step, but mostly wanted to watch how cute they were together. She never thought things would go this easy when it was first brought up, and she was so happy they did.

"So, what time do you wanna bring her," Ashlyn asked and turned to wait for the car to be unlocked.

Ali shrugged as she pulled out her keys and unlocked the car. "I have work at 9, so I can bring her at 8:30...unless you still hate mornings and would rather get her at lunch," she teased and they both chuckled knowingly.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes in amusement as she lifted their daughter up. "8:30 is perfect. I'm kind of use to waking up early in the morning now," she answered, distracting herself from her torturous thoughts and looking at her by buckling in their daughter.

Ali noticed, of course, but didn't want to ruin their peace. "I'll bring her at 8:30 sharp then," she nodded, clearing her throat and giving her a smile.

Ashlyn nodded back before turning to finish buckling her in. "Alright! You're all set, Leigh. I'll see you tomorrow morning, ok? I'm taking you out for breakfast," she winked and held her hand.

Leighton grinned and nodded back, happy to spend some time with her. "Can't wait, Momma," she cheesed and tugged on her middle finger.

"Be good for Mommy," she smiled and kissed her hand goodbye.

"Promise," she said and crossed her heart.

Ashlyn chuckled and closed the door, then blew her a kiss through the window. She turned to Ali, who was staring at them the whole time, and shrugged confusedly at her. Ali laughed softly after shaking her head clear and moved to head to the driver's side. Ashlyn raised an eyebrow at her and followed her, wanting to know what she was thinking. Out of instinct, she grabbed the door and opened it for her, startling Ali at her suddenness.

Ashlyn noticed and then cleared her throat. "Sorry. Habit," she mumbled and looked to the parking lot to avoid her eyes.

Ali smiled at the normalcy and got inside. "Good to know your gentlemen ways are still there," she joked, trying to lighten things.

"Just like your prissy ways," she countered in amusement and they both laughed.

They stared into each others eyes for a moment and found that this was the most they got along in the last few days. Ali still had questions and wanted answers, but Ashlyn's comfortableness to share was more important to her. Ashlyn wanted so badly to share her experiences and be open to her wife, but she didn't want to scare her or anything with them. Then there was their daughter they had to think about, as well.

"I have your clothes if you need them," Ali practically blurted out.

Ashlyn looked at her in confusion, but then caught on. "Oh! Y-Yeah, I could use them, actually. I'm wearing stuff from high school," she answered with a small smile and opened one side of her jacket.

Ali giggled and nodded as she stared at her apparel. "I noticed which is why I thought I should let you know. I'll bring some stuff when I drop her off tomorrow," she smiled and started up her car.

"Perfect. Thank you," she smiled in relief and took a step back.

"I'll make sure you get most of your sweats," she teased knowingly.

"You're a lifesaver, Als," she exhaled dramatically.

They both laughed and realized that things weren't always going to be bad. This was obviously brand new territory, but they would only get somewhere if they remembered how much they loved and cared about each other. Ali loved Jeff and was still confused about everything, but she couldn't deny that her feelings for Ashlyn were still there. She knew Ashlyn was just waiting on her to come back, but there was so much pressure everywhere else.

"Have a good evening, Ash," she said, making sure to eye her to let her know to don't stress about things.

"I'll try," she chuckled and moved to close the door.

"Don't try, do it," she said with a sassy smirk.

"Whatever, boss woman," she winked and closed the door before taking a step back.

Ali was glad her windows were tinted to hide her blush, but Ashlyn knew she was already doing it. Ali was always the boss of their relationship when it came to things like planning, and Ashlyn just nodded along and did what was asked. She thoroughly enjoyed it and it kept Ali from stressing out more. They both knew they were equal partners in their relationship and there was nothing to worry about.

Ashlyn was waving bye to them and made sure to lean down to see Leighton to smile widely and wave to her. Ali turned to her in the back and then turned around to roll the window down. Ashlyn walked over to the window quizzically and looked inside in concern. Ali just smiled and leaned back so she could see their daughter. The next thing Ashlyn saw made her eyes tear up and she didn't bother hiding them.

Leighton put her hand over her heart, then to her lips with a loud kiss, and then threw her hand out to her. Ali had taught it to her a few months ago after she asked her some things that Ashlyn always did. Ever since then, Leighton would do it to her every time she would leave her and it made Ali remember Ashlyn. That was why she turned to her and told her to do it. She knew Ashlyn would absolutely love it.

"Bye, Momma! See you tomorrow!"

"Sh-She...," Ashlyn trailed off in awe and pointed to her.

"Taught her a few months ago," Ali informed with a happy smile. "Thought you might like it."

"I fucking love it," she whispered and started smiling.

"Ashlyn," Ali chastised in a whisper and smacked her hand on her door.

Ashlyn just laughed and did her coined gesture back to her daughter. "See you tomorrow, Little Princess," she promised and waved as she took a step back.

Ali shook her head and rolled her eyes in amusement as she backed up to leave. Ashlyn kept on waving and Ali gave her one as she pulled out to leave. Since her return, Ashlyn finally felt at ease that she was mending one relationship and a step closer to get her life back. Ali was happy that they were able to handle things like adults and smiled the whole way to meet Jeff. Listening to Leighton's excitement about meeting her momma the whole way made it brighter.

Ashlyn waited until the car disappeared before heading back inside to catch up with her in-laws. Her shit-eating grin never left her face the whole day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was good! And thanks for the idea, Kay :)


	22. Motherly Warning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the late update! Hope you like it :)
> 
> Once again, you are all aaaaamaaaaaziiiiiiing!!! Love you all *blows kisses*

Ashlyn's alarm went off at 6 am and she hopped out of bed on the second ring. She hadn't slept at all last night and it wasn't because of her bad experiences the last 3 years or the dreams of her losing her family. She was nervous about spending time alone with Leighton, but excited to do it at the same time. She wanted everything to be perfect and planned everything for them. If only she could calm her nerves.

She spent the next hour in front of her mirror in her old bedroom fixing her clothes perfectly. She was glad Ali was bringing her some of her stuff because she was getting annoyed with not having any clothes. She figured they could go shopping today and let her pick some things out for her and herself to give her some fun. She was also told by Chris that she loved the park and, more particularly, the swings.

Ashlyn fixed her hair perfectly in the mirror, military training and lifestyle coming into affect, and adjusted her clothes to her satisfaction. She had on some blue jeans that she left there years ago when she visited her parents, a blue and yellow flannel shirt from high school, and a black jacket that she thought she had gotten rid of after she graduated. Her black hiking boots and black beanie with gloves brought it all together.

She made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth, spray on body spray, and messed around with how to put her beanie on. She raked her fingers through the ends of her hair after slipping it on and kept mumbling encouraging things to herself. She wished someone was here to do it for her now, but her mom was at work, her dad was doing a side job with friends, and Chris was at work, as well. She grew even more anxious.

Ashlyn checked her breath in her hand and then brushed her teeth again. Her breath was perfect, but she was psyching herself out and didn't feel satisfied enough. She looked in the mirror and frowned at still not seeing what she liked. She grabbed her spray again and almost drowned herself in it. She looked to her head again, then lifted her beanie off to comb her hair with her fingers.

"Going fucking nuts. Shit, shit, shit," she grumbled and slipped her beanie back on.

The doorbell rang and Ashlyn looked to her watch in horror. It was barely 8 o'clock and she wasn't expecting anyone else but Ali and Leighton. She dashed to her room to look out her window and saw that Ali's car was out front. She raised an eyebrow in confusion and rushed to the stairs, but was careful to not make her desperation noisy as she went down them. She paused as she grabbed the doorknob.

"You got this, Harris. You got this. Breakfast, some shopping, and the park. Come on, Ashlyn," she coached herself and blew out breaths.

On the other side of the door, Ali was holding a very much asleep Leighton. She had woken her up earlier than usual to get their day started because she was as nervous as Ashlyn was for things to go perfect. Leighton treated it like every other day as she got ready, but was extra tired at being woke up an hour early than usual. When she remembered why she was up and what today was, she got ready and rushed her mother to do the same.

Ali giggled quietly as she heard Ashlyn's faint words on the other side of the door. It was exactly why she had gotten up early and wanted to get their before their agreed time. She knew Ashlyn would be pulling her hair out in worry about everything and not doing what she asked by staying calm. She wanted to get there early and let her know any and everything about their daughter. She wanted to answer any questions and put her at ease.

"Ash, I can hear you. Open the door," she called loud enough to not wake their daughter.

She heard Ashlyn groan and laughed softly as the door opened. Ashlyn stood with pursed lips and a raised eyebrow of mock annoyance at her knowing her so well. Ali giggled and gave her a sassy roll of the neck to let her know she was still the smart one. Ashlyn stepped aside with a chuckle and motioned for her to come in like a butler. Ali stuck her tongue out as she stepped inside and hoisted Leighton higher.

"She's not allergic to anything and she eats just about anything," Ali started, naming things off and passing her off to her. "She only really hates uncooked broccoli, so remember that at lunch time. She loves cheese on her eggs and her favorite thing to eat at breakfast is chocolate chip pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream, but I'm sure you'll pick something more healthy."

"Actually, those sound good," Ashlyn replied and pressed a kiss to her little cheek. "And my mom is making us lunch at 1 so it's all good."

Ali smiled at the loving gesture before turning into a mother bear. "Ash, she needs to eat actual food. That means eggs, bacon or sausage, and toast. She also needs some fruit to go with all of that. Don't give her back to me bouncing off the walls," she scolded.

Ashlyn snickered and hugged her closer to her body. "She'll get all of that with those awesome pancakes," she smirked and wagged her eyebrows.

"Ok, maybe I need to go have breakfast with you two to make sure you BOTH eat right," she said dryly and shook her head displeasingly.

"As fun as that would be, " she said sarcastically, "you have work to get to. See ya later, Als."

Ali let her presence behind her usher her to the open door, but she stopped just before stepping out. She looked to Ashlyn and leaned her head to the side with a look that read determination. She wanted them to have fun and get to know each other, but she also wanted Ashlyn to be responsible when it came down to things. Ali knew they would need to work out something that would be them splitting time with her.

She knew if she was eating at the Harris' then she would be eating right and everything. Mrs. Harris was an exceptional cook and made sure Leighton had a healthy appetite aside from her uncle and grandfather who would rather just order pizza for them. Ali knew Ashlyn was just as good of a cook, learning from her mom and grandma, but didn't apply her skills as much. Ali loved cooking for her when she was home as did her mom and grandma. Her own mother spoiled them, too.

Ali had an inkling as to what was running through her mind, but she wanted her to say it. She figured Ashlyn was just wanting to be the cool parent and make Leighton like her more. If only she knew their daughter didn't work that way and fell in love with people based on deeper meanings. She loved being spoiled just like any other child, but she loved things like hugs and kisses from Ali or having their 'Girl's Day' more.

Ashlyn gave a long sigh and tilted her head back. "Look, I just want to make her like me more and get even more in her good graces," she confessed and looked to her a little scared.

Ali thoughts were confirmed and she stepped to them. "Ashlyn, she already loves you, remember? She loves chocolate chip pancakes as much as the next kid, but not as much as she does hanging with her mom," she smiled softly and put a hand to her little back.

"Well of course she already loves hanging out with you," she replied and looked down, holding her tighter.

"I meant you," she countered knowingly.

"We hung out one day and it was with everyone else around. I had help," she retorted and shook her head in disagreement.

"Help with what, Ash? On what her favorite pizza was," she joked.

"I'm being serious, Alex," she sighed and hugged their daughter close unconsciously.

Ali softened and gave her an encouraging smile. "Well, I have faith in you and so does she. That's all that should matter," she told her and leaned down to catch her eyes.

Ashlyn looked to her and thought for a moment. "Really," she asked, needing reassurance and confidence.

"She's here isn't she," she winked and waited.

Ashlyn's face cracked with a smile as she thought. "Unless you dragged her here or she dragged you here," she half joked.

Ali laughed and stood straight to kiss the back of her head. "It was even, but maaaaybe she beat me by just a hair," she winked again and took a step back.

Ashlyn felt better at her words and looked to Leighton in her arms. She was still baffled at how easy things were going with her daughter, but she knew something was bound to come up. As a soldier, she was trained to prepare for the worst thing. She was going to enjoy as much of the good times with her daughter as she could, but she hoped she was prepared to handle things if something else happened.

Ali thought Ashlyn looked so beautiful holding their daughter in her arms so protectively. She was looking at the side of her face that had some hair over it in nothing but love, amazement, and disbelief. She knew those looks because she was caught doing them herself plenty of times. She couldn't believe how lucky and blessed they were to have such an amazing little girl, either. 

She then raked her eyes over her attire, now having the time and calmness of both their worries to really notice. She let out a groan on the inside at how hot she looked and thought about their many times camping in the woods. Looking at Ashlyn now made her sexually frustrated and she rubbed her thumbs in her hands. She touched her engagement ring and remembered Jeff, snapping out of her wandering thoughts of pleasure.

"Um," she cleared her throat and stepped out onto the porch. "I brought your clothes."

Ashlyn looked to her and grinned appreciatively. "Sweet! Thanks," she said as she reached her hand out.

Ali smiled as she handed her the bag. "No problem. I've got plenty more...," she trailed off, not sure where the conversation would lead.

Ashlyn nodded as she looked down and set the bag by her feet, thinking the same thing. They hadn't talked about the things they shared aside from Leighton and they were both nervous of the outcome to discuss the rest. Ashlyn didn't want to be rejected and told she no longer shared the things they had together, and Ali simply didn't know and didn't want to break her heart more at it. Confusion and loss piled high for them both.

"Could you bring me the rest later? Like next week or something," Ashlyn asked, deciding to meet her halfway.

Ali was surprised at her suggestion and took a second to nod in agreement. "Y-Yeah. Sure. That's cool," she answered as a question.

Ashlyn laughed softly and brought her hand up to help hold their daughter up. "Whatever makes you comfortable, Ali," she said and looked her in the eyes honestly.

Ali nodded and looked down before looking back up to her. "Ok. I'll do it this weekend," she smiled a little forcefully.

She thought Ashlyn would have for sure fought her more on coming to get things for herself, but was partially thankful she didn't. The other part of her was torn between being upset and angry. She wanted to say she didn't know why, but she knew it was because it felt like Ashlyn was giving up on them. She knew she was being overdramatic and couldn't complain because she asked her to give her time, but she didn't think it would be so soon and easy for her.

Ali knew that wasn't the case and knew Ashlyn was just doing what she asked like always. Like always, Ashlyn was taking her into consideration and protecting her as best as she could. She knew she should be thankful and taking advantage of it to get a better understanding on who and what she wanted, but it didn't qualm her feelings. She decided to swallow and push them down for a later discussion.

"Where are you guys going to eat," she asked and shouldered her purse higher. "I thought you were saving your return until next week."

"I still am," she smiled as she looked back to her from their daughter. "We're going to eat and shop a few towns over."

"Shopping," Ali said knowingly and bit down on a smile.

"What," Ashlyn asked in a laugh.

"You'll see," she said with a raised and knowing eyebrow.

Ashlyn caught on at the look and laughed in understanding. "Jesus. She's just like you, huh," she stated.

Ali smiled cutely and winked before waving bye. "Have fun," she sang and headed down the porch steps.

Ashlyn just grinned and watched as she got in her car to leave. This was certainly going to be fun.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mommy never let's me eat these until Saturday," Leighton informed, excitement and a little worry evident in her voice.

Ashlyn just smiled as she observed her eating her heart's desire. "Well, we'll keep it a secret between us, Little Princess," she winked and drank her coffee.

Leighton giggled as she stuffed another piece of chocolate chip pancake with whipped cream and chocolate syrup in her mouth. Ashlyn was very pleased and thankful at how breakfast went so far. She ordered herself a chicken fried steak with eggs, hash browns, and biscuits along with coffee and orange juice. She ordered Leighton a kid's portion of some scrambled eggs and few pieces of bacon along with one pancake of her choice.

When their food arrived and Leighton saw her mom's plate, her eyes went as big as saucers and she let out a sound of amazement with her mouth in a little circle. Ashlyn just chuckled at her reaction and cut up her pancakes for her. She missed the local cooking and inhaled the delicious air as they stepped in the diner. Normally, she'd go to her mom's job and eat, but it felt good getting out of town with her daughter to escape for a while.

She just wished Ali was with them.

"How'd you like your eggs and bacon, munchkin," she asked and helped her get her last strawberry.

"Really good, Momma," she answered and hungrily ate the fruit.

Ashlyn grinned, never not loving to hear that word, and finished her coffee. "You really like ketchup, huh," she asked, crossing her arms on the table to rest on to watch her.

Leighton nodded enthusiastically and finished her last piece of pancake. "Lots! I love it on my eggs," she said and reached for her apple juice.

"Just like your mom," she chucked to herself, sliding her cup to her as she thought of her wife's condiment choice.

"Mommy does too," she added and drank from her straw.

Ashlyn grinned and nodded knowingly as she raised her hand to signal for their check. She got it and stood from the table to help Leighton up and into her jacket. She grabbed her little hand and led the way to the front to pay for their meal. As Ashlyn waited on change, she noticed Leighton staring through the glass at a chocolate bar. She knew it was against Ali's wishes, but she couldn't resist her daughter's longing look at the candy.

"Can we get 2 of those please," she asked and pointed to the glass.

Leighton looked up to her like she was the coolest person ever and put her other hand on the glass. She couldn't believe she was getting candy in the morning AND after breakfast, no less. She asked if it was for them and Ashlyn nodded to her before giving her a wink. Leighton was then bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement and squeezing Ashlyn's one hand with both of hers. She was having fun so far.

"I need some new clothes," Ashlyn told her as she picked her up. "Think you can help your old mom out?"

Leighton laughed at her words and circled her arms tighter around her neck. "Yes, Momma. Me and Mommy love shopping," she told her and played with the lapel of her jacket.

Ashlyn chuckled knowingly and held her tighter to shield her from the cold. "So I've been told. Good thing I have you with me then," she winked to her and made their way to her mom's car.

After they were all properly and safely buckled in, Ashlyn headed towards the medium-sized mall to get their shopping done. It was just past 10:30 and she figured they had plenty of time to get it done before heading to the park for a while before getting home to lunch on time. They parked and Ashlyn carried Leighton inside to speed them up along in time a little more.

"Alright, sweetheart," she smiled as she set her down. "Where to first?"

Leighton put her finger to her chin in thought and then grabbed her hand. "We need to get you lots of pink, Momma," she more demanded than suggested.

Ashlyn grimaced at the color, but let her drag her away. "Um, Leigh, I don't really like pink," she confessed, apprehension in her voice at possibly upsetting her.

"Momma," she exclaimed in shock after sucking in a breath and turning to her. "But all girls love pink! Me, Mommy, Grandma Harris and Grandma Krieger, and even Grammy!"

"Well," she gulped under the pressure of trying to be perfect, "I more like red or blue. Green, purple, orange, and especially black are some other colors I like."

Leighton stared at her in disbelief and confusion. She couldn't believe that another girl didn't like pink as much as she and the rest of the girls she knew did. Ashlyn squirmed under her little 4 year old eyes, knowing she'd be made fun of by everyone for letting her daughter pressure her so much. She didn't want to ruin their day, though it more than likely wouldn't, but panic won.

"How about I get maybe a few pink things," she caved and bartered.

Leighton was about to nod pleasingly until she remembered a conversation she had with her Uncle Kyle a while ago. It was a few days before Christmas and she was shopping with him and his boyfriend, Patrick, at the same mall. While they were shopping, a few men were watching them and started making crude comments to them about how they acted like a couple. It upset them both, but even more because she was with them.

She was, of course, young and they shielded her from most of it as they headed out to leave. She was curious and asked why were they so mean ESPECIALLY seeing as how her Uncle Kyle was the nicest person ever. He just faintly grinned and looked to Patrick, who was looking at him with nothing but love. How were they supposed to explain to a 4 year old that some people were just mean and judgmental?

Kyle didn't even know he was answering her until Patrick grabbed his hand to squeeze and hold as he drove. He simply told her the truth and even gave her something to think about. He told her how would she feel if someone told her what to like or do because they felt they had the right to? How would she feel if someone told her how to live her life instead of living their own, just because they didn't like how she lived hers?

He could see she was thinking really hard and trying to understand, so he went deeper. He asked her how would she feel if someone told her she couldn't love her mommy because some people didn't like it? That dawned on her like the sun over the horizon and she looked up to him with wide eyes. She did not agree at all and her Krieger attitude showed when she told him. She applied that everywhere she went ever since.

So when she looked up to Ashlyn, she smiled and grabbed her hand again. "No, Momma. Let's get some of those other colors you like," she said and tugged on her arm to get moving.

Ashlyn blew out a breath of relief, but was still cautious. "Honey, I don't mind getting some pink," she tried to compromise.

Leighton stopped and looked up to her with hands on her hips. "But you don't like pink and want black," she said in confusion.

"Yeah, but I like making you happy more so it's cool to get some pink," she assured, biting back a smile at her diva-ness.

"But Uncle Kyle said...,"

"What? What'd Uncle Kyle say?"

Leighton was getting confused at Ashlyn now wanting pink and decided to just tell her what he told her. Ashlyn listened intently as she grabbed her hand and walked them over to a bench to sit at. She listened and nodded along as her daughter told her about her day at the mall with her uncle. It made her blood boil that they, and more importantly her daughter, were subjected to such cruelty. She relaxed at her daughter's attitude of an answer at the end, though.

"...and I told him that it's mean and that people need to get their own life," she finished, swinging her legs with a furrowed eyebrow.

Ashlyn busted out laughing at her words and scooted her closer to her. "I totally agree, Little Princess. It's sad some people are like that, but it's people like you that stand out from them and can help make them see that they're wrong. You can be the difference," she schooled, hugging her close to her side.

Leighton listened to her studiously and nodded at the end. "Momma, did the same thing happen to you and Mommy," she asked innocently and curiously.

Ashlyn stiffened and was at a loss as to how to answer her. This was the first time their daughter had asked about them to her and she didn't want to say the wrong thing. She bounced between being truthful by telling her that she was still in love with her mommy, or staying mum at not knowing about how Ali felt. Her daughter's big blue eye made it hard to avoid her, though, and she had to look away.

"Leigh, look, me and your mommy-"

"Because Uncle Kyle and Patrick are 2 boys and you and Mommy are 2 girls," she explained and tilted her head at her for an answer.

Ashlyn was feeling the pressure, opening and closing her mouth at a loss. "I could really use Ali right about now," she muttered to herself and rubbed her eyes.

"Huh, Momma?"

"Nothing, babes," she forced a smile and squeezed her little thigh. "Look, me and your mommy had to sometimes face the same things you and your Uncle Kyle and Patrick did, but we always tried to just...shake it off."

Ashlyn physically showed her and she earned her cute giggle. She hoped she was explaining her and Ali good without further confusing her or their family's current situation. She was very curious as to what her daughter wanted for them and what she thought about her coming back, though. Did she want Jeff as her stepfather or did she want her parents back together? Ashlyn half wanted to know and half not, fearing the answer.

"Shake it off," she asked again, more wanting to see her mom do it again.

"Yes," she chuckled and caught on, giving her another wiggle. "When you love someone, you don't care what other people think. You want to show the world that love and you should by doing so that someone else can either gain courage from you to do the same or see that there is goodness in the world."

Ashlyn smiled as she watched Leighton process those words. She was really smart and made Ashlyn extremely proud with how fast she caught on to things. Stories and pictures about her didn't hold a candle to how perfect her little girl was to her in her eyes these last few days. Leighton looked back up to her and smiled as she nodded in understanding. She thought her momma was very wise.

"You're really, really, REALLY smart, Momma," she said and crawled into her lap to hug her.

Ashlyn melted at her words and touch, bringing her closer. "Thanks, honey. You're waaaay smarter, though," she chuckled by her ear softly and kissed her cheek.

Leighton giggled and pulled back to look at her, hands holding her neck. "What about Jeff, Momma? What about how much him and Mommy love each other," she asked the same.

Ashlyn's face dropped and her eyes swirled with sadness at her words. Even her little girl could see that Ali and Jeff were in love. She didn't know how to answer it nor did she want to. She could feel her heart breaking into a million different pieces as she stared over her daughter's shoulder in thought. She swallowed hard and looked down to side as she stood them up. Leighton was confused again, but still wanted an answer.

"Momma," she asked quietly.

"Let's get me some clothes. You can pick out some pink things for me," she struggled to smile and headed to a store.

Leighton perked up at the mention and circled her arm around her neck tighter to get ready to shop. Ashlyn just hoped it would take her mind off all her troubles.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"And I got Momma this pink shirt with a flower on it. And I got her one with pink and blue checkers on it. And I got her a pink one like Papa wears to church," Leighton said, ticking things off on her little fingers. "I got her a LOT of pink, Grandma!"

"You did, pumpkin," she agreed as she set bowls of macaroni and cheese in front of them. "What else did you get Momma?"

Ashlyn sat back in her chair as she watched her mother and daughter enjoy their conversation about their adventures that day. They didn't get to make it to the park like she had hoped, but Leighton didn't mind with all of the shopping they did earlier. After her nap after lunch, she was going to see if she was up to going then. As she watched them talk, she thought about their conversation earlier before they started shopping.

She had a lot to think about and she wanted the answers to just fall in her lap. She wanted to eat them and let them roll off her tongue so that she could make this easier, almost like a pill. She knew what she wanted because, hell, she had fought through so much to get to it. She thought she could wait on Ali to make a decision, but her daughter 's words made her think it was already made. Her family was slipping from her.

"Something wrong with the food, honey," her mom asked in concern.

Ashlyn cleared her throat and shook her head with a small smile. "No, Mom. It's perfect. I'm just not that hungry," she half lied and pushed her bowl away some.

"Leighton, sweetheart, why don't you go watch cartoons since you're all finished up," Mrs. Harris said and stood to help her up.

"Momma, you come too," she asked as she went to her and grabbed her hand.

"Me and Momma need to talk grown up stuff real quick. She'll be in there after," her grandmother stepped in and ran a hand over her hair.

Ashlyn smiled at her daughter and kissed her forehead. "Give me 10 minutes, ok," she promised and twirled her like a ballerina from her chair.

Leighton laughed and grinned at her when she came to a stop. "Ok! We can watch Beauty and the Beast," she said excitedly and ran to the living room.

Both women chuckled and shook their heads at her in amusement before looking at each other. Ashlyn knew her mom knew something was up with her and she was going to get it out of her one way or another. She sighed after a few seconds of staring each other down. There was no way out of this and she could really use her guidance, anyways. She spilled her worries to her mother and her mall conversation with her daughter.

"Honestly, Mom, what am I even doing anymore? If Alex wanted to be with me, she would've done it by now. Even my kid sees she loves this guy," she said exasperated and ran her hands over her face.

"Ashlyn, honey, think about where Ali's heart and mind are at right about now," she tried to reason and comfort her at the same time.

"Oh my God," she groaned and rubbed her face more roughly. "Not this shit again."

"Ashlyn Michelle Harris," her mother scolded, hearing her not so quiet mutter.

"Mom, repeating that same crap over and over again doesn't help me none," she rolled her eyes in frustration and irritation. "At the end of the day, my wife is still engaged to someone else. I need answers now and not later when my family is living in a mansion and living off his doctor money."

"I doubt it'll be a mansion," she scoffed and shook her head in disagreement.

"Ma, not helping," she smiled sarcastically.

"Well, honey, we can't do or say anything until Ali is ready. She has a LOT to think about right now. She has to take in your feelings and considerations along with Jeff's," she reminded her.

"Sorry for my French, but f' Jeff," she smiled humorlessly.

"Your mouth, Ashlyn," she chastised and shook her head. "It's way worse than your father's when he retired."

"It's all we jarheads do," she chuckled in remembrance.

"Please try to remember you're a lady, as well," she asked.

"A lady with attitude, that's a tomboy, and a retired corporal of the army," she said pointedly and winked proudly.

"How could I ever forget," she replied in fake dryness.

"God, Mom," she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "Can we get back to my personal issues. I need help!"

"Sweetheart, I'm going to be honest with you because I love you," she started and sat straight, clearing her throat in preparation.

"Great," she mumbled and grabbed her fork to pick at her food.

"Ali loves you without a doubt. That much is obvious," she smiled gently and rested her forearms on the table. "She loves everything you two made together and she especially loves the little girl y'all adopted together. That love never died when we thought the worst had happened to you, Ashlyn. She went to a very dark place and we all watched her break. But then she got that video from you and something changed in her."

"That damn video," Ashlyn grumbled and rested her forehead in her hand.

"She wanted to do nothing more than to make you proud and keep her promise to you," Mrs. Harris continued, ignoring her brooding for now. "She changed, Ashlyn, and I think you know more than anyone about that and how that can affect things. You two have a lot to think about and I'll be the last person to tell you to give up on her, but if you want to win your family back, then you're going to have to give Ali time. We rushed her a few days ago with you and that didn't end well. Don't rush her on this and lose her forever."

Ashlyn stared through the table and grounded her teeth hard. "Three years, Mom. Over three years," she whispered coldly.

Mrs. Harris stared at her hard and in understanding for a minute. "Better than a lifetime if you push her," she stated, standing up to leave back to work.

Ashlyn's jaw trembled and she picked her head up to run her hand over her face She knew she was right and it hurt and scared her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only update for today and good thing I left it mostly happy lol ;P


	23. The Pressure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saw the funniest thing creep across my dashboard on Tumblr yesterday...ninja-by-nature, you are a gem ;)

Ali's mind was at a totally different place during her lunch break the next day. After picking up Leighton from the Harris' house, she immediately felt the distance from Ashlyn that she hadn't felt in the last few days. She pulled up and was expecting to go in, but Ashlyn and Leighton were already on the porch waiting for her. It made her smile seeing their daughter in her lap and talking, but fell at Ashlyn's face when they made eye contact.

She looked like she was trying to keep herself together. Ashlyn felt like her heart was being squeezed and constricted by hands. Ali didn't even have time to unbuckle her seatbelt before Ashlyn was already at the car with Leighton in her arms. She looked at her quizzically, but Ashlyn ignored her and moved to buckle in their daughter. She was smiling and nodding along as Leighton continued talking about their day and how much fun she had.

Ali almost felt awkward and like she was uninvited by the seemingly cold shoulder Ashlyn was giving her. She just watched them with a small and sad smile the whole time, and tried to figure out what she did wrong. Everything was fine this morning and even when she called the house to check on Leighton, things seemed fine. Now, she wished she had pressed to speak to Ashlyn more when Mrs. Harris picked up, even though she was told they were napping.

Ashlyn promised Leighton she'd see her soon and kissed the side of her head. Leighton nodded and raised her hand to wave to her as she closed the door. Ali watched Ashlyn the whole time, hoping she'd give her some insight as to what was wrong. Ashlyn quickly looked to her and gave her a nod before heading back to the house. Ali sighed, obviously lost, and turned back to drive, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

How they went from getting along yesterday and that morning to no words right now was beyond her. If she didn't have Leighton with her, she would've stormed inside and demanded to know what her problem was. Instead, she started up her car and pulled off to head home. She held her phone for almost an hour in bed that night and debated on calling her. She ended up sighing in defeat and tossing it on the nightstand to go to bed.

"Aliiiiii? Ali? Alexandra?"

Ali was snapped out of her thoughts and shook her head some. She looked to Jeff, who was looking at her in concern, and swallowed a little. She gave her head another little shake as she looked down to her salad. Now was not the best time to be thinking about her wife and their issues when she was having lunch with her fiancé. That sentence was a mouthful enough for her. She forced a little smile and looked back up to him.

"Sorry, what's up," she said and grabbed her fork.

Jeff eyed her in study and cleared his throat. "I was talking about a dinner party one of my friends was having this weekend. You zoned out on me," he told her.

Ali felt bad at the way he was looking and scooted closer to the table. "Sorry, Jeff. I was just thinking about...things," she answered lamely.

"Things," he asked and started to nod a little, a huge guess and elephant in the room coming to mind. "Um, what things?"

Ali saw it and didn't feel like getting into it. "Work. I-I've got a presentation due later," she lied and looked to her salad to fork.

Jeff knew she was lying and sat back in his seat. "You don't have to lie to me," he sighed, mixing between tiredness and sadness.

"I'm not."

"Ali, we've been together long enough for me to know when you are and when you're uncomfortable about something."

"Well, I'm not lying and I'm not uncomfortable about anything. Ok?"

"Then why are you getting mad?"

"Drop it, Jeff."

He sighed in frustration and leaned back into his chair. Ali was more stabbing than forking her salad and she was muttering under her breath. She clearly had an attitude and it was directed at him and his persistence. She did not want to talk about Ashlyn when they were having a lunch date. She did not want to think about Ashlyn and how cold she was yesterday. She did not want to feel how irritated she was with Ashlyn right now.

Jeff was waiting on an answer from Ali on who she wanted just as much as Ashlyn was. It wasn't nearly as close or desperate as hers, but he loved Ali and Leighton and didn't want to lose them. The only leverage and slimmer of hope he had to know he still had Ali was the ring on her finger. The fact they were still engaged gave him confidence, but until they were married he wouldn't rest easy.

"I'm not trying to upset you or argue with you, Ali, but it's obvious something is bothering you," he started and leaned on the table towards her. "You can talk to me. Just like always."

Ali picked at her food some more before dropping her fork. "I know that, but I'm ok. It's just work problems," she said, trying to convince him with her eyes.

Jeff shook his head as he raised his hand for the check. "It's obvious that this about Ashlyn. You didn't even call me yesterday when you got home. Maybe later you'll wanna talk," he said and pulled out money for their meal.

"Jeff," she sighed and threw her napkin on the table to stand. "It's not about her- "

"Yeah, I know," he cut her off and moved to leave. "Have a good day, Ali."

Ali watched him walk away, shocked at the fact he just left like that. Jeff felt bad the moment he walked away, but he was just as hurt by Ali and her lying. If they were ever going to make it down the aisle, they were going to have to be real with each other and put it all out there. Ali now felt the weight of the universe on her shoulders to make a decision about things. It was quickly approaching and she still wasn't ready.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm so lost and confused, Kyle," Ali groaned to her computer screen.

"I wish I had the answer for you, AK," he sighed with a sympathetic smile.

"You usually do," she mumbled and dropped her forehead in her hand.

"I can't make this one for you, though," he chuckled lightly.

Ali softly smiled as she listened to him laugh and she looked at her finger tapping the table. She knew if he did have an answer then he would give it to her without a doubt. He wished he did because he hated seeing her struggle so much and the thoughts of Ashlyn hurting over all of this. Jeff was a really great guy, but he knew without question that Ali and Ashlyn were it. He couldn't make that decision for his sister, though.

"Hey," he said with a soft smile.

Ali looked up to him and returned it. "Hey," she copied him, but with some sadness.

"You're a smart girl, Alex," he said confidently and smiled the same. "You always have been and I know you'll make the right decision."

"And what IS the 'right decision'," she asked pointedly.

"Whatever your heart says," he answered simply.

Ali knew it was a simple answer, but she couldn't hear it with everything else loud inside her. Kyle saw she understood but looked hesitant to agree to him and his teachings. It dawned on him that maybe it wasn't as easy as it sounded and sighed sadly. He hated that such a wonderful thing like Ashlyn returning home was shrouded by all of this. He wished things were how they were before Ashlyn left.

"I wish things were easier for you, babe," he said empathetically.

"Me too," she sighed after a moment and looked back to him.

"The best things aren't easy to attain, you know," he stated with a shrug.

"Nope," she agreed and looked down to the table again. "And it sucks."

There was a long silence that dragged as he stared at her picking at the table.

"What's not easy for you, Alex," he asked plainly.

Kyle had been wondering what it was exactly that was keeping her from making a choice. Had you asked him before if Ashlyn came back from the dead to be with his sister who she would choose, he would've betted everything he had on Ashlyn. He experienced them firsthand fall in love from afar and he was probably their greatest supporter. He was a hopeless romantic and loved them. He only wanted them happy.

Ali knew this question was bound to come up and she had been preparing herself for a while. She still didn't have an exact answer, but she had ideas and musings that kept her up sidetracked on more than one occasion. She was glad it was her brother, keeper of some of her deepest secrets, that asked her. She was hoping he would help shed some light on things for her. She needed help.

"I don't want to hurt either one of them," she started and looked to him seriously. "I also don't want to lose either one of them. They're both important to me and I love them both."

"But you love them differently," he added as he was catching on.

"Yes," she nodded and rested her cheek in her hand. "Ashlyn and me...we were it! We were supposed to live happily ever after and never look back. I still love her, I won't and can't deny that, but things are different and a lot's changed."

"What's changed," he asked attentively, shifting in his seat to get comfortable.

"Well, I have for one," she answered and pointed to herself. "I thought she died, Kyle. I broke and scared you all. I still feel terrible about it and I still find myself wanting to apologize about it. I slowly put myself back together and Jeff helped some with that. Everyone did and I tried my hardest to move on to do what Ashlyn wanted. It wasn't easy, but I did."

"And now she's back," he stated with a nod.

"Yeah," Ali muttered and looked back up to him. "Back and wanting to pick up where we left off. I wish she would just understand that it's not that simple."

"And Jeff," Kyle asked after a few seconds, trying to change the subject for now.

"He's great," she sighed in defeat. "He's been there so faithfully and patiently and loves us so much. Me and Leighton were so lucky to find such a great guy. I love him, Kyle. I really do."

"But it's different. For them both," he repeated.

She nodded and wiped at her eyes with a trembling bottom lip. He didn't mean to upset her, but a lot was at stake if they didn't start brainstorming together. There was 3 adult hearts involved and 1 child's heart that could all be broken with the wrong decision. Ali wished she knew more profoundly and with less confusion as to what she wanted. She wished that answer would fall into her head.

"Ask me 2 years ago if Ashlyn came back did I want to be with her I would've said yes without hesitation," she sniffled and scratched her fingers at the back of her head. "It was always a no brainer when it came to us being together. Why's it not like that anymore?"

Kyle sighed, for what felt like the millionth time, and pursed his lips. "Like you said; things have changed. Ashlyn is your wife, mother of your child, and first love. Jeff's a great guy and you love him, too. I can understand it, Alex," he sympathized.

Ali shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair at the top of her head. "I love them. She still loves me like it was yesterday. He loves me a lot. So much, Kyle. I feel so pressured to make a decision and I don't want to hurt anyone by rushing into one. I wish they were patient," she sniffled again and tried to not cry.

"You've got a lot of people to think about, sweetie. Don't do a thing until you're ready," he said brotherly.

"Leighton," she added knowingly.

Kyle nodded and just stared at her stare down at the table. He felt like they had just ran in circles, but she felt she now had more reason to sort things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short, but I got a really, REAAAALLLLY long one for later on today!
> 
> Thank you all for every single interaction on this story I get! You da best ;D


	24. First Step to Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok! So, hopefully this makes you all feel somewhat better lol. Feedback is always appreciated :)

"Momma!"

Leighton ran up the porch steps straight into Ashlyn's arms. Ali was trailing behind her slowly, cautiously, and tentatively. They hadn't 'talked' since she picked Leighton up 2 days ago and she was nervous. Ashlyn saw her approaching from the corner of her eye as she picked Leighton up to hug and kiss. She knew she shouldn't have acted the way she had, but her mom's words rang through her head and upset her.

Ashlyn knew being childish and ignoring Ali wasn't the best thing to do right now. They were trying to find common ground as it was and especially when it came to Leighton. They needed to make sure she wasn't affected by their childish behavior. If Ashlyn wanted her family back, she was going to have to suck a lot of things up and show she could wait on Ali. She definitely went over and heeded her mom's words.

"Hey," she offered as a compromise.

Ali was surprised at her complete 180. "Uhhh, hey," she said more as a question.

Ashlyn gave a small chuckle and looked to their daughter. "What're you guys doing here," she asked her and patted the back of her thighs.

Leighton was twirling some of her mother's hair as she stared at her face. "Mommy said I could come see you," she answered and wrapped her arm around her neck.

"Well this is the best surprise ever," Ashlyn grinned to her and shifted her to her hip.

"Can we have pancakes again, Momma," she asked as they headed upstairs.

"It's past lunch, sweetheart," she chuckled and opened the door.

"Can we have...Nutella sandwich," she asked in excitement.

Ashlyn nodded and looked to Ali to nod her head for her to follow with a soft smile. Ali was still standing in her spot with her hands behind her back awkwardly. Ashlyn had to refrain from laughing at the way she looked and again nodded her head, this time more dramatically and with wide eyes. Leighton giggled at her being silly and motioned with her stalling mother to come on. Ashlyn pecked her cheek in thanks.

"Come on, Mommy! I'm hungry," Leighton called.

"Yeah, Ali. We're hungry," Ashlyn agreed teasingly.

Ali cleared her throat and gave her head a little shake to clear. "Um, is it ok if we do? You guys aren't busy," she asked and took a little step.

Ashlyn smiled more bigger and in more assurance. "It's fine. I don't have anywhere to be until 4:30," she promised and opened the door to wait on her.

Ali nodded and smiled a little more as she climbed the porch steps. She dipped her head down shyly and tucked some hair behind her ear as she walked past her inside. Ashlyn felt her anger with her leave as she watched her being all cute. She gave a quiet chuckle as she followed in behind her and set Leighton down. The little girl immediately grabbed Ashlyn's hand and practically led her grinning like a fool mother to the kitchen.

"Grandma! Papa," she called.

"Do I hear my Princess Leighton," Mr. Harris sounded and they heard chairs scrape the floor.

Leighton giggled and dropped Ashlyn's hand to run the rest of the way to the kitchen. Ashlyn laughed as she watched her and Ali had a smile, too. They got to the entrance of the kitchen and both tried to walk in at the same time. They both laughed softly and Ashlyn stepped back to raise her hand to let her know she could go in first. Ali looked down and smiled as she mumbled a thanks and stepped in.

"Ali," Mrs. Harris smiled and went to hug her. "To what do we owe the surprise?"

Ali just smiled and shrugged before moving over to her father-in-law. "Just wanted to come by and see you guys. Leigh wanted to see Ashlyn," she answered and kissed his cheek.

"Papa, did you see Momma's clothes I got her," Leighton asked as she combed his moustache with her fingertips.

"I did and they're really pretty. You did good, baby girl," he said and kissed her forehead.

"I got her one just like how you wear to church," she told him importantly.

"I saw," he nodded with wide eyes. "I'm surprised you got her pink and she liked it."

"We all are," Ali agreed quietly.

Ashlyn heard her and turned to her while crossing her arms. "I did it for her," she teased with her tongue out.

Ali couldn't help but to laugh and crossed her arms under her chest. "And it really made her day. It was all she talked about," she said with a thankful smile.

"Good," she nodded happily. "I'm glad she had fun and I know I certainly did."

"Yeah," she agreed and nodded with pursed lips. "You guys need to do it again."

"I was thinking the same thing," she smiled as she looked back to her.

"That's kind of why I'm here, too. Can we talk," she asked as she studied her.

"Sure," she nodded and raised a hand for her to go. "We'll be right back, guys."

"Ok," her mom said and looked back to her husband with a raised and questioning eyebrow.

Ali walked into the living room and stood there at a loss as to where else to go. Ashlyn took it as her saying they needed privacy, so she led the ways upstairs and put her fidgety hands in her pockets. Ali followed behind her as she jogged up the stairs and tried to get her thoughts together. She didn't want to argue with her, but her cold shoulder yesterday still vibrated through her body.

"We can go in my room," Ashlyn said as she headed to it.

Ali just nodded and followed her without a word. Ashlyn had a few ideas as to what this conversation was going to be about and she hoped it didn't end in a screaming match. She opened the door and stood back to let Ali go in first before taking a preparing breath. Ali walked into the room hesitantly at first, having not been in there since they were teenagers, and stood awkwardly by the foot of the bed.

"Sorry for the mess," Ashlyn smiled sheepishly as she quickly moved to pick up things. "I bought a lot of stuff to get me by for now."

"You got a lot of clothes," Ali said as she eyed everything and her amusedly. "A lot of shoes, too."

Ashlyn chuckled and nodded as she put away boxes in her closet. "Some new hiking boots, some Vans, and some Nikes to work out in. Some dress shoes and boots, too. Just enough," she said as she closed the door and turned to her.

Ali nodded, arms crossed as she walked around the room and looked around. "I can't believe you let her get you pink," she giggled to herself.

"I thought she was going to have a meltdown in the middle of the mall if I didn't," she laughed and walked to her.

"She would've been ok and got what you wanted," she replied, picking up a shirt to inspect. "Pink and blue flannel, Ash?"

"Hey, it's stylish," she grinned and shrugged. "I have to say I wasn't really into the idea at first, but that dark pink dress shirt is bangin."

"Hmmm," she hummed as she held it up to her to look at. "It does look good. Matches you eyes."

"Really, Alex," she busted out laughing with a hand on her hip.

Ali just shrugged and grabbed a hanger off the bed to hang it. Ashlyn observed her, trying to not read too much into it but failing. She flashbacked to seeing her wife doing these things for her at their home when she'd come back from tour. It made her heart long for that time again and she had to really push it all down hard to regain focus. Ali wanted to talk and she wanted to get it over with before she had to leave.

"What's up," she asked as she cleared her throat.

Ali noticed she was hanging and fixing things up and she paused. "Sorry. Habit," she smiled sheepishly and slowly put the pants she had down.

Ashlyn just smiled and grabbed the things to hang up. "It's cool. I needed to get to it, anyways. Thanks," she winked and made her way back over.

"Yeah, you did. Still messy I see," she retorted teasingly.

"I'm not messy, Al," she chuckled and put the other clothes in her dresser. "I just live freely."

"Riiiiiiiight, Ashlyn," she laughed and sat on the bed. "So all the times I'd come over here and your room look like a tornado blew through it, you were just "living freely"?"

"Yep," she answered and popped the 'p'.

"You're just messy," she laugh a little more and got comfortable in her spot.

"No, I'm not. I'm a soldier and we are trained to not be messy," she countered as she grabbed her desk chair to sit in backwards.

"Oh, I'll admit you're not messy when it comes to that, but all of that goes out the door the moment you get back home," she half agreed.

"I'll have you know I had the cleanest bunk area on the whole base. I even won an award for it at our Christmas party," she smirked winningly.

"Oh, I remember that too. You wouldn't shut up about it," she laughed knowingly.

"Voila," she smiled triumphantly, twirling her hands out as she bowed.

"Anyways," Ali rolled her eyes in amusement.

"Yeah, anyways," Ashlyn laughed and rested her chin on her arms on the back of the chair.

Ali looked to her and shyly looked away with a giggle as Ashlyn stared at her and wagged her eyebrows in victory still. With the mood lightened and the room not seeming claustrophobic anymore, she found an opening to start this much needed conversation. She cleared her throat and swallowed a little to wet her drying mouth as she sat up straight. Ashlyn saw this was it and sat up too to give her attention and to prepare herself.

"How have you been adjusting to life back home," Ali asked out of nowhere, but in clear concern.

Ashlyn had to bite back a bitter response and cleared her own throat. "Good, I guess. Everyone will know I'm back tomorrow and I'll get to start all over. Plain and simple," she mumbled at the end and avoided eye contact.

Ali grimaced at her response and shifted in her seat slowly. "Ashlyn, loo-," she sighed sadly.

Ashlyn raised her hand to cut her off, remembering her mom's words a few days ago. "I've been having fun with Leigh. Is there any way to work out or arrange something to where we can hang out more," she asked and changed the subject.

Ali was half relieved and disappointed in the change, but gave a small smile. "Yeah...yeah, that's why I'm here," she said and put her folded together hands in her lap.

"What do you suggest? What would be most comfortable for you," she asked and looked down.

"Ash, I'm more than comfortable with you being with her. You're her mom," she replied and leaned over some to try to catch her eyes.

"Yeah, but you've been with her for the last 3+ years so that means you know her a lot more than anyone," she said and flicked her eyes to her quickly.

"True, but she had a blast with you and it was all she talked about the last few days. I think that speaks volumes," she answered and placed her twitching hands flat on her thighs.

"Maybe," she muttered and picked at the back of her chair.

Ali knew she had to get Ashlyn to see it for herself that this wasn't going to be bad. What she didn't know was that Ashlyn partly felt like this truly, but the other part was just wanting to be as compromising and submissive to her as possible. She was going to try her hardest to not push Ali on the subject of them and she just hoped it would pay off in the end. She hoped Ali would find her way back to her soon.

"Ashl-"

"I've got therapy later."

Ashlyn blurted it out so hard and out of nowhere it startled Ali and she flinched back some. Ali never really doubted in her mind that Ashlyn would be doing that and taking care of herself like she always did. She appreciated Ashlyn letting her in on it, though, because it felt like she still trusted her despite things now. Ashlyn wanted to share and thought it might also help in her quest to get her family back by taking the initiative.

Above all, Ashlyn wanted to get help and get better for herself and her daughter. She hoped Ali would fall in next.

"Um," Ali stuttered and swallowed. "Wha-"

"That's where I have to be at, at 4:30," Ashlyn continued and swallowed hard, digging in her fingernails. "The army helped set it up for me and I'll see her twice a week. I go Mondays and Thursdays unless something comes up or I need to reschedule. Her name's Dr. Morton and she's really good from what I hear. She's works a lot with returning military men and women."

Ali nodded along to everything she said and watched her squirm nervously. "That's good, Ashlyn. You're taking the initiative just like last time. I never doubted you would," she assured and leaned over some to look at her face.

Ashlyn nodded and closed her eyes as she swallowed hard again. "Yeah, but I had to tell you. With the report coming out tomorrow, I need to prepare myself. There's going to be a lot of questions," she said quietly.

Ali felt her eyes tingling and she knew she was about to cry. She didn't think it would hit her that hard, but it being brought to her attention that it was tomorrow made her sick. She knew she wasn't ready to read the report and she never thought she would be. She didn't think she would be able to stomach the things she'd read tomorrow even though she didn't know a thing. Ashlyn's reactions the last days were more than enough.

Calling Ashlyn a coward and her emotional reaction to it made her want to slap herself for being so careless. Ali called Omar yesterday and hoped he's shed some light on things, but he remained mum and told her no. Ali knew she could've dug deeper because she was her wife, but she didn't want to pry or upset Ashlyn. She also didn't want to hear it out of fear and wanted to wait until Ashlyn shared.

"Do you want it to come out," Ali asked quietly, trying to not reveal how upset she was.

Ashlyn bit down hard and rubbed her teeth over each other. "Not really," she answered in a low shake.

"C-Can you ask them not to," she asked and scratched her thumb over her forehead.

"No," she sighed and hung her head to run her fingers through the top of her hair. "It's an official statement from the army and it has to be made public. It's officially solved and with me being back, it definitely has to be released. They gave me this week to be back home before the shit storm came only because I asked."

"Right," she said, trying to hide her hurt at not being included in the reunion. "What all are you expecting?"

"I don't know," she sighed longingly and rubbed her eyes tiredly. "My lieutenant and even the general told me that there will be massive media coverage on it and to expect the damn news people all over my front yard. They'll be wanting to know about everything from the day I came out of my mom's womb ass naked and screaming until now as a badass soldier...their words, not mine."

They both laughed and felt a little lighter about the conversation. Ali felt better, even just for the moment, and was glad she didn't have to dwell on the bad things of Ashlyn's captivity right now. She knew she was struggling enough to keep it together after it all, adjusting to life back home, bonding with their daughter, and waiting on her to make a decision. She didn't want her losing it after just getting back and especially in front of Leighton.

"That's what happens when you're a hero," Ali smiled softly as she stared at her.

Ashlyn smiled faintly as she looked down at her finger tapping on the back of the chair. "I ain't no hero," she said quietly.

Ali shook her head in disagreement and placed her hand on top of hers. "You are. You saved 2 men in your unit and brought 2 more home back for their families to bury. You're a hero," she told her, looking to her gently and proudly.

Ashlyn was staring at their hands and chanced a look to her. "I was just doing my job. It cost me," she said in a little shake.

Ali scooted to the edge of the bed, but kept her hand on hers. "Every time you got hurt or anything it was because you were helping your friends. Just like when you got this," she practically whispered and raised her hand to her jaw.

Ashlyn closed her eyes as Ali's thumb barely grazed over where her small scar was from her first injury in the army. She tried to refrain from leaning into her touch, but she couldn't and moved a hair to be in it a little more. Ali was too preoccupied staring at her thumb lightly grazing her jaw to notice. She just wanted to comfort her and not see her so upset. Ashlyn wished she could feel her caring touch on her other scars and not just the physical ones.

"You fought for your friends and you saved their lives, Ashlyn. I know that means more to you than anything you've ever done in your military career," she said knowingly, rubbing the pad of her thumb over the scar.

Ashlyn opened her eyes to her and slowly smiled. "Do you always have to be right," she muttered and they both chuckled.

Ali held her hand there for a second before grudgingly dropping it. "Only when the time calls for it...which is always," she winked and they laughed again.

Ashlyn pursed her lips into a smile as she spread her hands over the back of the chair. Ali watched her and waited on her to speak first. She could sense there was something else Ashlyn wanted to say and she didn't want to interrupt. Ashlyn knew she was waiting on her to speak and she cleared her throat to prepare herself. She didn't want any of her family or her reading about what happened to her really tomorrow.

"My lieutenant is suppose to call me tonight to tell me what the report is going to say," she started and looked up to her. "He wants to prepare me for the worst case scenarios and not leave me in the dark."

Ali nodded as she listened to her and gave an encouraging smile for her to continue. Ashlyn smiled back quickly and looked back at her hands.

"I don't think Leigh should come here for a while," she said sadly and looked to her quickly.

Ali opened her mouth to disagree, but Ashlyn raised her hand and she closed it. She needed to give her reasons and Ali knew she needed to be patient.

"I don't want cameras shoved in her face and strangers asking her questions. When I'm around her I want to spend time with her alone and one-on-one. She deserves my full and undivided attention, and that's all I want from her. I don't know how long or how persistent these people are going to be, Alex. Until I do, I'd be more comfortable picking her up at the...house...and taking her somewhere away from nosey eyes. To be honest, I don't want you subjected to that either. I don't want anyone to be, but my parents and Chris have already planned ahead."

Ali felt a poke in her heart at the way she said their home they use to share together. She felt another one at not feeling included to take care of herself. It just showed her more how messed up things were and how much faster she needed to make a decision. She looked down to her own hands and then back up to her to let out a breath. She didn't realize how crazy things would be when Ashlyn returned until now and it seemed overwhelming.

"You don't have to protect me," Ali stated and scratched the side of her neck.

Ashlyn knew that, but couldn't help but to do it as she gave a faint smile. "I know and I know you'll ignore me," she said pointedly.

Ali smiled and nodded with some sass. "Then why bother," she asked in a know-it-all tone.

"Because I know if I use our daughter then you'll cave and do it," she laughed and swiveled in the chair some.

"Jerk," she mumbled in amusement.

"Gotcha," she winked and pointed at her.

"How long do you think they'll be around? You know you can't do this forever," she told her seriously.

"I know that, but I think they'll go away in a few weeks and especially once the president starts talking about it. They'll be his problem then," she joked.

"Hopefully," Ali giggled.

There was a moment of silence as they processed everything and braced themselves for tomorrow. They had a long road ahead.

"So, is it cool if I pick her up sometime next week to hang out with her," Ashlyn asked cautiously.

Ali nodded and gave her a smile. "Of course. What days," she asked earnestly.

Ashlyn blew out a breath of relief and chuckled some. "Uhhh, how's Tuesday and Wednesday? I don't know if you have anything planned for this weekend," she suggested unsurely.

"Can I make a suggestion," Ali asked after thinking hard.

"S-Sure," Ashlyn said, fear evident at not knowing what was coming.

Ali smiled gently and grabbed her hand to calm her. "Chill, Ashlyn. I was just going to say that maybe you'd like it more if you watched her while I went to work," she chuckled lightly.

Ashlyn snapped her head up to her with her eyebrows furrowed quizzically. "Really? I mean, you're ok with that and everything," she asked in disbelief.

"Duh, silly," she grinned with her mouth dropped obviously.

"Wait, I thought she goes to work with you or with one of our parents during the week," she asked.

"Yes, but I think she would be more happier and have more fun hanging with her mom. I think her mom would, too," she smiled knowingly.

"Who? You," she asked seriously.

"Jesus, Ashlyn," she laughed and threw her head back. "YOU! Leighton would love hanging out with you and you would love it, too! She loves coming with me to work, but I think she'll be happier being with you. You both need it."

"Ohhhh," Ashlyn said in amused understanding while nodding her head. "Sorry. Still getting use to it."

Ali just chuckled softly as she looked around the room. She smiled at everything in there from the posters of famous athletes to the pictures and awards on her dresser and desk. Ashlyn's room really hadn't changed at all since high school and it made her flashback to their teenage years. She remembered Ashlyn holding her hand to lead them up there when her parents were at work for some 'alone' time.

Her smile faltered at the memory and she shifted in her seat trying to clear her mind of it. Being alone in that same room with Ashlyn would not end well if she continued to let her mind go there. She let out an internal groan and looked for something to take her mind off it. Her eyes gazed over a picture on Ashlyn's nightstand and she bit the inside of her cheek as she stared at it.

It was one of them at the lake with their friends for Ali's celebration party at the lake for getting in to Penn State. Ashlyn and her in the middle, Ashlyn holding her around the shoulders in a side hug and kissing her temple, and her with the hugest grin ever as she held her arms. Their friends were all lined up on the sides of them and doing silly poses by themselves or with their own significant other. Ali and Ashlyn stood out the most.

"I need to get going if I want to make my appointment on time," Ashlyn mused as she looked at the clock.

Ali snapped out of her thoughts and stood with her. "Y-Yeah. Um, are you going by yourself," she asked in concern.

She remembered how Ashlyn was really nervous and afraid to go to her first meeting. She remembered Ashlyn practically begging with her eyes for her to go with her, but was too afraid to say it. She remembered Ashlyn trying to drop not so subtle hints that she wanted her to go, like would she drive her or joking about how the woman was mean to her. She remembered it all and she wanted to go and support her now.

"Yeah, my parents offered, but I turned them down. I don't want them there for that. Chris is taking me and he's going to wait outside until I'm done," Ashlyn answered, forcing a strong smile.

Ali flicked her eyes from her to the floor in thought. She wanted to ask to go for support and knew without a doubt Ashlyn would want her to. The only person she really trusted in there with her was her wife even though she'd rather not subject her to the experiences she faced in combat. Ashlyn would love for Ali to ask, but she would say no, anyways. She felt she had to do this by herself and save them from the horror.

She didn't know exactly how broken she was and she didn't want to reveal that to them all just yet.

Ali finally gained the courage and opened her mouth. "Ashly-," she started.

"ASHLYN! YOU'VE GOTTA LEAVE IN 30 MINUTES!"

Mrs. Harris voice echoed and rang out all around the room. Ashlyn laughed a little and stuffed her hands in her pocket as she headed for the door. Ali followed behind, head down and cursing herself for not speaking sooner, and forced a smile as Ashlyn opened the door for her. Ashlyn took it as a sign that she had to do this herself even more. Ali thought she just had bad timing.

"So I'll pick her up everyday next week and hopefully things won't be too hectic," Ashlyn lightly joked as they headed back downstairs.

"Yeah. That's perfect," Ali smiled to her quickly and tucked some hair behind her ear.

"Cool," Ashlyn nodded happily and let her step off first.

Ali nodded and proceeded to head back to the kitchen. Ashlyn still had some concerns and reached out to grab her arm to turn her back around. Before she could get too wrapped up in the perfect feeling of her fingers on her warmness, she retracted her hand quickly to scratch the back of her neck. Ali was holding her breath at the contact and let it out as she looked to her, touching where she grabbed her lightly.

"There's one more thing I think I should warn you about," Ashlyn said and took a deep and preparing breath.

Ali tilted her head in concern and wonder. "What," she asked and took a step to her.

Ashlyn looked to her and forced eye contact as she swallowed hard. "I'm sure they'll go to the house next once they find out about you and Leighton. I'll try to do what I can to keep them away from you guys, but if it gets out of hand don't hesitate to call me. I'll handle it and I don't want them to ruin your daily lives," she said.

Ali nodded in understanding and put a hand on her hip. "Didn't think about that. I'm sure we'll be ok, though," she said more as a question and scratched her head.

Ashlyn gave a faint grin at it and scratched the back of her neck. "I know you can kick ass, Ali, but I want to handle this one. Please let me," she asked and tried to not sound pleading.

Ali understood where she was coming from and saw that she needed to do this to feel in control. She was almost certain the second the story hit the airwaves that people from everywhere were going to want to talk to her. Maybe even just as much as Ashlyn because of their current situation. They had to protect Leighton and make sure she wasn't affected by this. Life was about to change for everyone.

"We have to protect Leighton. Ok," she agreed and smiled the same.

"Yeah, exactly," Ashlyn nodded and thought hard about how to further protect them both.

"Something else on your mind," Ali asked with a big smile as she studied her thinking.

"Look," she said and put her hand back in her pocket, "I don't want you reading it tomorrow."

If Ali wasn't looking at her lips the whole time and leaning close, then she might not have heard her. She knew what she was talking about and it made her stand back to think. She was half curious about what was going to be released to the public and the other half didn't want to ever know. She didn't want to know what possible horrors Ashlyn had endured. She had came back home in 'good condition' from the looks of things, but this therapy session seemed serious.

"I already asked my family to not and asked them to pass it along tonight when I tell the rest I'm alive," she continued and looked to her deeply. "I'm asking you the same thing. Please don't read it and ask your family to do the same. It's not something I want anyone I care about and love to read."

"Ash," Ali said and closed her eyes tightly, trying to keep it together at the scary thoughts in her head.

"Please, Alex," she almost pleaded and crossed her arms over her chest protectively. "I can't stop anyone from doing what they want, but I'm asking you to do this one thing for me. Please. Not just for me, but for Leighton too."

Ali took a moment and then nodded slowly. "Fine. Ok," she answered quietly as she stared at the floor.

Ashlyn nodded thankfully and blew out a hard and long breath. "I've gotta go, but I'll talk to you tonight more about it when I call to tell Leighton goodnight," she said and checked her watch.

"Sure. I know she can't wait," she smiled softly.

Ashlyn smiled back and grabbed her elbow to turn he around to head back into the kitchen. She was thankful they were literally a few feet away from the kitchen so she could drop her hold. She knew she could have dropped it at anytime, but any chance to touch Ali never went undone. Ali never brushed it off as fast as she felt she should have and wondered if she was cheating. Then she wondered who she was cheating on.

Confusion set back in just as soon as those thoughts formed.

"Momma! Can I go with you," Leighton asked as she ran to her.

Ashlyn bent down to be eye level and held her little waist. "Not this time, sweets. I gotta do boring grown up stuff," she frowned in playful disgust.

Leighton pouted as she put her hands on her shoulders. "I wanna play with you," she said disappointedly.

"We're hanging out soon," she tried to assure, giving a sad smile and trying to not laugh at how cute she was being.

"Not soon enough," she whined quietly.

Ali put her hand to her heart and stepped beside them. "Sweetheart, you're hanging out again soon. I promise," she smiled brightly.

"But, Mommy, I want to hang out now. With both of you," she whined more.

Everyone literally froze in their spot at her words and how much she sounded like she wanted it. Mr. Harris was sitting at the kitchen table and his wife was at the stove stirring dinner. Ashlyn was still holding Leighton's waist and staring at her with wide eyes of loss as to how to answer her. She didn't dare look at Ali, who still had her hand over her heart and the other on her hip as she stared at them.

The nervous tension was thick, the awkwardness was felt, and the uncomfortableness was tingling everywhere.

"Um," Ashlyn stuttered and cleared her throat, looking to her wife out of the corner of her eye. "We'll talk about it later, Little Princess. Ok?"

Leighton sighed and nodded in defeat. "Ok, Momma," she mumbled disappointedly.

Ashlyn turned half her mouth up in a little smile and pulled her in for a hug. Leighton was disappointed, but didn't hesitate to hug her back around the neck. Ali quietly cleared her throat into her hand and took a step back. She looked quickly to her in-laws to see them look away from her just as quickly. Ali felt even more awkward now and wanted some relief. Ashlyn could feel it rippling off of her and bit back a snicker.

"I'll call you before you go to bed to tell you goodnight," Ashlyn promised and kissed her cheek before pulling back some.

"Ok," Leighton smiled and nodded before kissing her cheek. "I love you."

"Love you more, babes," she chuckled and picked her up to hold. "Be good for Mommy."

"Yes, Momma. Promise," she said and stuck her pinkie out.

"That's my girl," she grinned and linked their pinkies before rubbing their noses together.

Leighton giggled and Ashlyn kissed her cheek before passing her off to Ali. They caught each others eyes and Ashlyn winked softly before stepping away. Ali smiled shyly just as Chris' truck could be heard puling up followed by his horn. Ashlyn looked towards where it came from and took a really long and deep breath. She was now more nervous at step one of her road to recovery. Ali noticed and stepped to her.

"You've got this," she encouraged and grabbed her hand to squeeze.

Ashlyn closed her eyes at the contact and nodded. "Thanks," she smiled appreciatively and opened them to her.

"You got this, Momma," Leighton added even though she didn't know what was going on.

Ashlyn laughed and pinched her cheek with her other hand. "Thanks, munchkin. I definitely do now," she smiled softly, looking to her wife knowingly.

Ali smiled, nose crinkling the slightest, and shifted their daughter higher. "Give Momma a kiss for good luck," she told her.

Leighton grinned and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "G'luck, Momma," she said and squeezed her nose at the end.

Ashlyn laughed and shook her head playfully. "Thanks, cutie," she winked and kissed her hand as she dropped her hold.

Ashlyn's parents observed the little family moment the whole time with huge smiles. They looked and acted like nothing had ever changed except for the fact Leighton was a big girl now. Ashlyn was still staring at Ali and Ali was staring at her. It wasn't like the other ones where they were bordering between loving and being upset with each other. It was purely one of Ali encouraging Ashlyn to do this and get healing.

"I'll see you guys later," Ashlyn breathed out and slowly slipped her hand from her wife's.

They both felt the connection break, but not the ache that usually followed. Ali looked at the floor in thought as Ashlyn walked outside to take her first step at getting her life back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one for the day unless I can crank out another one! Until then, see ya Monday and stay safe this weekend :D
> 
> As always, thank you all for the interactions on this story! It's greatly appreciated :)


	25. Road to Recovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Hope everyone had a great weekend :D Let's get back at it!

Ashlyn sat in a chair in the reception area of her new therapist's office. She had her hands smashed between her knees, fingers intertwined tightly, and pressed her feet to the floor. She stared at the clock above the receptionist's desk and watched time tick away slowly. She had a few minutes left until it was her turn to go inside and spill her guts. She felt like she was about to pass out from nerves soon.

She blinked her eyes hard and looked away from the clock to the floor. She had done this before and she never understood why it was so hard for her to do it every time after. Sometimes she felt like she weak because she felt so helpless. Sometimes she felt like a burden because she sometimes needed to be treated with kid gloves. She just hated it all and hoped to be cured or healed of all of her problems soon.

She knew that wasn't going to happen so easily, though.

Ashlyn's first time back from duty almost broke her in two. Witnessing a good friend of hers dying and not being able to save him made her go to a dark place. She slowly lost her mind at the images she had of her holding him as he died. She was young and scared it would happen to her to the point she thought about quitting the army to run away. She selfishly hoped Ali would take her hand when she extended and asked her to come along.

Ali could only imagine what was going through her girlfriend's mind at the time. She could only imagine what horrors she saw, dreams or flashbacks, or what aching feelings she felt. She immediately noticed something different in her when she came to her vision at the airport. Ali felt her heart hurt at the sight of her foggy eyes and black circles under them. She looked tired and like she wanted to just lock herself away from the world.

Ashlyn knew she was messed up the moment she was forced to let her friend's body go for it to be taken away. She knew a piece of her had broken when she saw them put his body inside the body bag. She felt guilty that she didn't get there in time to save him or the other young man's live. She felt worthless that they died defending the area and she got a cut on the cheek for running to them. She had survivor's guilt.

Ali, along with everyone, never saw or thought that about Ashlyn. She was just as much a hero and her gunfire also helped prevent the truck from reaching it's destination. She had nothing to feel bad for and everything to feel proud about. Even though she couldn't get to her friends and help defend them, they all 3 prevented something worse from happening. They saved the lives of hundreds more with their actions.

Ashlyn had her tan duffel bag shouldered and she pulled it higher as she approached her girlfriend. Ali's smiling face made her so happy and she finally felt the feeling of home reach her mind and soul. When Ali wrapped her arms around her neck for a warm hug and buried her nose there, she felt peace and safe. And when Ali pulled back just the slightest to kiss her deeply, she felt love.

She never wanted to leave the comfort of her.

It wasn't until Ashlyn got back to her parents house that Ali's concerns were confirmed. Everything was fine that day until Chris' old truck exhaust pipes backfired when he pulled up to finally see his sister. Ali and Ashlyn had received his text earlier that said he was on his way, so they headed outside to meet him hand in hand. The moment the sound cracked the air, Ashlyn dove on the couch with her arm covering her head.

Ali was almost dragged down with her because they were still holding hands. She didn't know what was going on and she was immediately at her side taking a knee by the couch. Ashlyn was shaking like a leaf and muttering things to herself in a scared voice. Ali's heart broke, even though she couldn't understand what she was saying, and reached a tentative hand out to her shoulder.

What happened next broke her heart like never before.

The moment her hand barely touched her girlfriend's shoulder, Ashlyn immediately jumped and flinched away. She let go of her hand and cowered away to the other end of the couch. She had her left knee to her chest, right leg extended in the air as a weapon, and her hands up in defense. It took her moment to realize where she was as her eyes adjusted to the room almost. Ali just stared at her, mouth slightly parted and eyes brimming with tears.

She could see and feel how scared she was and it made her heart ache. She could see her shaking still and her bottom lip tremble. Ashlyn swallowed hard and loudly before scraping her fingers through her hair and hard across her scalp. She closed her eyes and counted to 10 like the on base therapist taught her to. She took deep breaths and focused on calming her racing heart. She felt hot tears at her eyes.

Ali stood slowly and cautiously, trying to not startle her, and raised her foot to take a step. When they had all heard about what had happened to Ashlyn, they all took steps to educating themselves on how to react to anything they might face with her. They were already informed that she was working through PTSD and anxiety. More than anyone, Ali studied up on it all while she was at college.

She spent more time studying about Ashlyn's diagnoses than she did on her own school work. Books she took out from the library about PTSD, anxiety, personal experiences of people dealing with the same things whether military related or not, and other related things were stained with her tears. Ali had never cried so hard and it only intensified as she read a new thing in the books. She wanted nothing more than to have Ashlyn back and never let her go.

Chris was whistling a happy tune as he twirled his keys and jogged into the house. It was Ashlyn's first time back and he thought he was going to walk in to his same old sister as before she left. He never wanted to believe things people said until he saw them for himself. He did the exact same thing when his dad had his heart attack, and he spent his time away coping. He was just as in denial with his sister.

When he walked in the house to his sister cowering in the corner of the couch, he looked to Ali for an answer. Her attention was solely on Ashlyn and trying to bring her back home. He looked back to Ashlyn and took a step forward, and Ali heard it and raised her hand out to stop him. She knew it was him and she shook her head no as she kept her eyes on Ashlyn. Chris didn't want to, but he complied.

Ali took one step and watched Ashlyn for a reaction. She took another, this time more longer but still just as soft, and turned quickly to Chris after watching her for a reaction. He stayed stock frozen in his spot and nodded to her. He didn't know what to do and he didn't want to frighten her more, so he took a step back to around the corner. He watched around the wall to them in case Ali needed help.

Ashlyn was focusing on her breathing and trying to stop from crying. She felt a tingling sensation around her eyes and along the bridge of her nose. She knew it was her fighting off crying and she wanted to slap herself for feeling so weak. She wanted to get up and run away, but her legs were like jelly and she couldn't move them even if she wanted to. She felt tired and wanted to give up right then and there.

Then, she felt a hand on her knee.

She felt the warmth and care in the touch; it made her draw to it and her body relax. She felt the love emanating from the presence of the owner; it made her tears silently fall and her body shake the same. When arms circled her and lips pressed against her head, she let her sounds of pain and fear whimper out. When she heard encouraging words and whispers of love by her ear, she opened herself up and embraced the comfort.

Ashlyn not only clutched Ali to her body like a lifeline, but she let her in to her heart, soul, body, and mind.

Chris watched from around the corner and a tear slipped down his cheek at the sight. It was an important event for him personally to see his sister break and let her girlfriend be there for her. It showed him that there was such a thing as great courage out there and love that could break any barrier. As he took a step back and stumbled into a seat at the bottom of the stairs, he felt the weight of everything hit him hard and he cried.

She was his hero just like their dad and grandfather was to him and her.

Ali held Ashlyn so close and so strongly to her chest, but just as gently, too. She knew she had to be strong for her and she made it her mission to help her get better. She sniffled into her hair and held her head cradled to her lips so she could kiss it. She hoped she would feel all the love, passion, admiration, and everything else she was flowing through heart and out her lips to her. She wanted her to know she was there for her.

If Ashlyn was in a clear state of mind and not being held together by her girlfriend basically, she would be thanking Ali with everything she had. She was keeping her together and telling her everything she needed to hear. She was telling her she was going to be ok and that everything would be fine. She was comforting her by telling her how much she loved her, something she knew without a doubt and would never question.

Ashlyn relaxed and calmed down in Ali's embrace. Her tears didn't flow as much and she didn't shake anymore after a few minutes. She only did the occasional shudder as she squeezed her eyes tightly together to rid herself of the stuffy feeling her head had. She licked her lips as they shook some and felt her nose was running. Ali was still stroking her head and Ashlyn buried herself closer for more contact.

Chris looked to them a minute later and stood as he wiped his eyes. He decided to give them a moment and left upstairs quietly to clean himself up. He was glad their parents weren't at home and out getting things to prepare a dinner to celebrate her return. He was more glad Ali was there and taking care of his sister like the devoted girlfriend he knew without a doubt she was.

Ali would sit there and hold Ashlyn forever if it meant she would feel safe and protected. She wouldn't move and would do it with nothing but love. Ashlyn would do the same thing if the roles were reversed and Ali knew it just as strongly. It was because of all of this that Ashlyn pulled back slowly to talk to her about it all. It was because of all of that, that Ashlyn got better and took the necessary steps stay get better.

It was a long process. It was a hard process. There was arguments about Ashlyn needing to let her in more and tell her when something bothered her. There was disagreements about Ali needing to let her do things on her own and not worry so much. There was hours of silence and avoiding the other when they didn't want to end up fighting over something. There was distance as Ashlyn's time to return approached.

Then, it all changed a week before she was set to leave.

Ashlyn had only a few episodes since then and was already taking medication to help with it. She had an anxiety pill on stand-by and she was working through steps to heal her of her PTSD. She took the initiative to seek therapy for herself and wanted the best. She saw the dance her and Ali were doing, and she wanted to end the horrible, fumbling choreography and waltz together. She wanted her by her side, but she didn't want to worry her about the things said behind closed doors.

It wasn't until that night that they had a huge fight about Ashlyn wanting to go out with friends that it all was thrown out there. It was an innocent gathering for her and she was still not legally able to drink, but their friends had ways around that. Ali was worried that Ashlyn would end up drunk before the night was over. She was worried she would have an episode, and coupled with alcohol, it wouldn't end well. She was worried that Ashlyn would make herself worse.

Ashlyn didn't want to drink at all and knew she couldn't risk getting caught doing it illegally. She did not want to be punished by her superiors when she got back to base after they found out about it all. She saw some of the punishments some of her friends went through for being dumb when they were allowed free time into the cities they stayed in. She had even been subjected to a few after tagging along innocently. It wasn't fun.

She wished Ali would have more faith in her and know she wouldn't do something stupid like that. She knew she couldn't and shouldn't mix alcohol with her medication. She knew the chances of her having to take it were high enough and she couldn't risk being drunk. She knew it was just Ali worrying over her and wanting to take care of her, but it was annoying she didn't think enough of her to be wiser.

They argued in her room for minutes on end about it all. Everything was thrown on the table and they didn't hold back on anything. It was a weeks frustrations all piled high and a weeks emotions all flowing through them. Ashlyn knew it was coming more than anyone and wanted Ali to get it all out there. Ali held back at her expense, but she busted right then and there and let it all out.

Luckily, they were all alone in the house.

Ashlyn went from angry and annoyed to defensive and offended minutes into the conversation. Ali stayed defending her actions saying they were out of love and concern for her well being. It wasn't until Ashlyn broke down and told her how she felt suffocated and incapable of taking care of herself that Ali took a step back. She stopped talking and listened to her girlfriend cry her worries out about not knowing how she'd make it alone back on duty.

Ali never felt so ashamed in her life when she said all of that. What she saw as her comforting and looking out for her out of concern was choking the life out of her girlfriend. It was smothering her and their relationship. Ashlyn would be leaving next week and she would have to do it all by herself. If Ali couldn't trust her here at home and within arm's reach, how would she cope with her thousands of miles away?

Ashlyn didn't mean to upset Ali or make her feel bad about it all. She just wanted her to know she could do things by herself if she needed to and to not make her worry. When Ali stressed over her, it made her stress to be perfect and ease her mind. She knew she didn't mean it, but it didn't stop her from striving to do everything she could to assure Ali. Ashlyn always put Ali first and especially before herself.

They laid in her bed holding each other and spilling everything into the air. Ali wanted to hold Ashlyn, so she had her head on her chest and her lips in her hair as she listened to her talk. She listened to her tell her everything she could remember from her therapy sessions and how she worked them into her daily life. Ali in turn let Ashlyn snuggle into her chest and hold her securely around the waist as she confessed her own minds troubles.

By the time they were done, they had tears of a turning tide and change trickling down their face. They felt things change for the better. Ashlyn promised to be more open with Ali about things and told her that she wanted her to go with her to a therapy session. Ali promised to try to be less controlling and not to worry herself so much about her, but said her worry would never ever fully go away. It was her way of showing her love.

Ashlyn just laughed against her chest and kissed above her heart, happy to agree to it and secretly loving it just as much.

Ashlyn thought back on those memories and didn't even realize she was smiling faraway. It all felt like forever ago and like it would never happen again. She would always hold out hope for her and Ali being together again. Even if Ali chose Jeff, she would always have a sliver of hope that they would be together again. It sounded desperate and stupid, but to her it was life. It was just one of the 2 things she felt she had left.

Leighton was the other one.

She knew she would always have her family and friends, but they weren't the same as the family she built for herself. Ali, her beautiful wife, best friend, and partner in life, and Leighton, their daughter together and the best thing they ever done as a couple. Ashlyn fought hard to get better and stay better then. She told Ali she was one of the main reasons she wanted to get better a few days before her last session. It was the truth.

Ali was her saving grace then and she wondered it she would or could be it now.

"You must be Ashlyn Harris," a female voice sounded in front of her.

Ashlyn looked up from the floor as she was brought out of her pasts memories. She looked up to a woman that looked to be in her early 30s and was smiling kindly at her. She had long dark red hair that almost looked maroon, hazel-green eyes, high cheekbones, lightly tanned skin, and faint freckle splattered along her cheeks. Ashlyn took note she was really pretty and stood as she rubbed her hands nervously over her thighs.

"Yes, ma'am," she said clearing her throat.

"I'm Dr. Lisa Morton," she informed and stuck her hand out. "It's a pleasure meeting you. I've heard a lot about you."

Ashlyn rolled her eyes in amusement as she shook her hand. "I bet you have," she mumbled uncomfortably.

Dr. Morton chuckled and dropped her hand slowly. "I haven't read your file or anything yet if that's what you mean," she smirked knowingly.

"Really," she asked puzzlingly. "How do yo-"

"Your lieutenant and even the general personally had a lot of things to say about you," she smiled and nodded.

"Oh," she grinned shyly as she looked down. "All good I hope."

"Nothing but," she answered and put her hands on her hips as she observed her. "You're a hero and that much is obvious. Thank you for serving our country, Corporal Harris."

Ashlyn looked up to her and her sincerity. "I don't know about hero, but thank you. It was a pleasure serving my country and everyone else in it," she smiled softly.

Dr. Morton smiled back gently and nodded as she put a hand to her back. "Then let me do my service to you. I can't wait to get to know not only Corporal Ashlyn Harris but Ashlyn Harris from Florida and raised in Virginia," she winked as she led her to her office.

Ashlyn felt warmth and trust out of nowhere from the woman. It made her smile as they walked into her office, and when the doors closed she didn't feel trapped. She felt like recovery was somewhere in the room and she sat in the plush leather couch with ease. She looked around the wonderfully decorated room curiously and felt a smile creep her lips. Dr. Morton noticed and grinned at her looking so innocent.

"Ready to get started, Mrs. Harris," she asked, crossing her legs and threading her fingers together onto her knee.

Ashlyn looked to her from her a wall she was reading her accomplishments on. Dr. Morton graduated from Harvard with a Ph.D. in psychology. She had pictures of her shaking hands with other military personnel. Ashlyn had done her own homework and looked her up herself. Just like the first time she went through this, she wanted the best. She felt she had it as the woman sat across from her with a warm and bright smile. 

"Yes, ma'am," she grinned and nodded confidently. "I think I am."

Dr. Morton smiled and leaned forward to give her full attention to her. Ashlyn couldn't wait to get started in therapy.


	26. What Ifs

Ali sat on the steps of the Harris' porch with her phone in her hand. Leighton was inside with her grandparents and helping them get dinner ready. Mrs. Harris had asked them if they wanted to stay for dinner, but Ali kindly declined. Mrs. Harris took a different tactic then, especially after noticing Ali hesitating and debating to answer her at first. Leighton wanting to stay added to it and she basically said they weren't leaving.

Ali opened her mouth to start to decline again, but the same motherly and stern look she use to get from the woman when she was younger stopped her. It made her think about the time her, Ashlyn, Chris, and Kyle all had a water fight at their house on a hot summer day. What started out as water balloons outside turned into water hose spraying inside the house. The living room was ruined and they were all in big trouble.

Ashlyn and Chris would be back in about 20 minutes. Ali was glad she stayed as she watched Leighton get excited about making Ashlyn dinner. She felt even happy knowing Ashlyn would feel even more better after her session to see their daughter. It was another chance for them to bond and get closer. It was help that Ali knew Ashlyn could use and needed. She felt like she was helping her, too, by doing it and being there.

She decided to go outside and get some fresh air and think more clearly. Being inside of the Harris house too long brought back a lot of memories. She didn't even know how she was able to be in Ashlyn's room or especially sit on the bed they had spent so much time intimately in. She figured it was because there was a serious discussion that needed to be had. She knew it was only partially true.

Ali blew out a long breath as she stared out to the road in even deeper thought. The wind blew and she closed her eyes as she felt it almost take her away and hoped it would her problems, as well. She took a moment to just clear her mind and revel in the silence of it. She listened to her surroundings, the birds chirping, the trees rustling in the wind, the cars rumble in the distance, and other things.

She had been looking for a moment of peace to think about things for a while now. Between work, Leighton, Ashlyn's return, and Jeff, though, she couldn't find much time for it or herself. In reality, she still wasn't ready and the distractions provided her with a way to push it further to the back of her mind. She didn't want to be the one to break either one of their hearts, and she didn't want to make the wrong choice.

Ali stared out in the street in even deeper thought. She sighed and blew out a long and deep breath as she really debated on who she truly wanted to be with. Ashlyn and Jeff each had something about them that made her love them in some way. Sure Jeff was a new love and nothing like the way she loved Ashlyn, but he was still important to her. She didn't know anyone else that would've been as patient with her.

She thought deeper and tried to figure out why she didn't just run back to Ashlyn. She tried to dig deep into her soul and mind as to why she didn't tell Jeff the wedding was off and she was going to be with her wife. She had done the homework and they were still legally married seeing as how she never really died. She cursed herself for not pushing the army more to search for her.

All that ran through Ali's mind was that this all could've been avoided if she pressured them more. She had been the main one and soon the only one, that said she never believed Ashlyn was dead. She didn't know if she should blame the army or herself for making things complicated in their lives. All she could think about is that her and Ashlyn could have started their lives over and moved on had someone found her sooner.

It all made her angry and bitter that it was all made this complicated. Sometimes she wondered if this was a test on her or them, but then she wondered on what it could be about. Was it about who loved her the most and wanted to be with her the same, or was it a test on herself about who SHE loved the most and wanted to be with the same? The longer she thought about it, the more confused and scared it made her.

She just didn't want to hurt anyone.

Ali sighed again and raked her fingers through her hair a little harder, almost like scraping her scalp would open up her mind more. There was so much to take into consideration and there was so many feelings involved. Above everyone and everything else Ali had to think about and take into consideration, Leighton was at the top. She had dedicated her life to protecting her daughter, even before they thought they lost Ashlyn.

Whatever choice and decision Ali made, at the end of it all someone was going to get hurt. If she chose Ashlyn, Jeff would be devastated and it would hurt her to be the cause of it. If she chose Jeff, Ashlyn would more than likely never recover and she couldn't stand the thought of hurting her like that. It made her sick to even think about. She loved them both, that went without saying, but she did love them differently.

Ali knew her and Ashlyn were always it and suppose to live forever together. Ashlyn was the greatest and best thing to ever happen to her, and they shared the most wonderful daughter in the world together. They were going to expand their family and add more kids to the bunch. Ashlyn was going to retire from the army and they were going to have fun figuring out their next step together. Unfortunately, life stepped in and changed things.

Ali thought for sure when Ashlyn died that she was going to live the rest of her days single and dedicated to Leighton. She thought for sure her focus would be Leighton, family and friends, and work, all in that order, too. She never dreamed or even thought about meeting someone like Jeff. He was beyond perfect to her and she sometimes pinched herself to make sure it wasn't a dream.

She couldn't understand why it wasn't more clear for her to make a decision. She knew it was mostly because she didn't want to hurt anyone or anything, and thought the other part was because she was scared of the outcome. She knew no matter who she chose that they would treat her right because she had already experienced it. It was of course different with either one of them, but still.

The more Ali thought about it all, the more she felt like she was losing her mind. She was getting really exhausted with having all of these thoughts swarming around in her head. She was feeling her emotions come up and she was trying her hardest to control them. All she kept seeing was her and Ashlyn kissing in the forest and her face begging her to come back. She kept seeing Jeff's hurting face in her kitchen and wanting to still be together.

Ali shook her head and groaned out loud into the blowing wind. She put the heels of her hands into her forehead and then the bridge of her nose. The more she tortured herself into pressuring herself to make a decision, the more she felt she was going crazy. She just needed time and she needed to get her bearings together. She didn't want to hurt or lose either one of them in her life.

She knew the one person she would never lose really was Ashlyn. No matter what happened between them, Leighton was always their first priority and they always put her first into everything they thought about. Ali knew Ashlyn would never be able to let them not making it destroy what relationship she built with their daughter. Ashlyn would need her if it ever came down to that, and it hurt Ali to think about it.

The more she thought about it all, the more she felt stressed and decided to focus on something else. She remembered how badly she hurt Jeff yesterday and how they hadn't talked since then. She thought mending one relationship right now would make her feel better and take her mind off things. She loved Jeff and hated that she was the cause behind his pain. All he wanted from her was the truth and he definitely deserved it.

Just as Ali was debating on calling him, her phone started ringing and she turned it over to look at. She smiled and thought it was fate that Jeff was calling her just as she was thinking about calling him. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat just as she hovered her finger over the screen to answer it. She was nervous about how he was feeling now and where they stood.

"Jeff," she answered cheerily.

"Ali," he sighed, but a smile of relief could be heard. "How are you?"

Ali smiled at his concern and tucked some hair behind her ear. "I'm good. I was just getting read to call you to ask the same thing," she said, biting her bottom lip in anticipation.

"I'm...ok. Just wanted to call and...apologize," he partially mumbled.

Ali sighed and shook her head as she stood. "You don't have anything to apologize for, Jeff. I'm the one that needs to. I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday. I was upset and it wasn't with you, and I should've been more open with you," she said, walking around the front yard.

"Even then, Ali, I shouldn't have left you like that no matter how upset I was with you. You're my fiancé and I left you at a restaurant like a failed first date. You're anything but that and I've been feeling guilty ever since. I'm sorry, Ali. Please forgive me," he asked sincerely.

"Jeff, I already forgave you even though I didn't need to because it was all my fault. I need you to know I'm sorry. Will you please accept my apology," she said, pausing in her pacing to wait on an answer.

"Of course I do, Ali. I love you," he said.

Ali hesitated for a split second and then started pacing again. "I love you, too. Thank you," she smiled and sighed in relief that they were ok now.

"Thank you," he replied, smile being heard before he cleared his throat. "Look, I also called about something else. Do you remember what we were talking about yesterday?"

Ali thought for a moment and then slowly shook her head. "Not really, no. Sorry. What's up," she asked poorly.

Jeff chuckled at her reply. "My friend's dinner party, honey," he supplied.

Ali nodded slowly as she thought about it and smacked her forehead. "Ohhhh! Yeah, sorry. I remember now. Continue," she laughed a little.

"Do you wanna go with me," he asked in amusement.

Ali took a few seconds to think about it before shrugging. She didn't have any plans, and if the next few weeks were going to get as hectic as Ashlyn thought, she could use the getaway. Part of her didn't want to leave Ashlyn alone to handle it all by herself, but she knew how she was, anyways. She would be protecting her and Leighton before herself or anyone. Plus, it would give Ashlyn some time alone with Leighton.

"Yeah, sure. It sounds fun," she answered with a cheerful nod.

"Perfect," he said a little too relieved. "I'll call and let them know we're coming. Thank you for this, Ali."

"You don't have to thank me, Jeff. I want to go," she chuckled teasingly.

"I know...," he said, hesitating and debating on his next words.

Ali could clearly hear it all and figured she knew what it was about. "What's wrong," she asked.

Jeff cleared his throat. "Nothing. Um, where are you? I'd like to come see you," he asked tentatively.

"Um, I-I'm at...the Harris'," she said and grimaced to brace herself.

Jeff stayed silent for a few seconds before clearing his throat again. "Oh, ok. Um, when will you be done," he asked, trying to sound unaffected.

"We're staying for dinner, actually," she informed and scratched the top of her head. "Mrs. Harris wouldn't take no for an answer and Leighton really wanted to, anyways. Sorry. Did you want to do something?"

"N-No, I just wanted to come hang with you guys," he answered in obvious sadness and disappointment. "It's cool. We'll see each other tomorrow and Leighton needs to spend more time with her...family."

They were both avoiding using Ashlyn's name in their talk and it was noticed.

"Jeff, I really am sorry," she said feeling bad.

"It's ok, Ali. Just...have fun," he said and tried to sound convincing.

Ali sighed and stopped pacing to rest her other hand on her hip. "I will. Call me later tonight so we can talk and catch up," she smiled some.

"I will. I love you. Bye," he said.

"I love you, too. Bye," she said back and hung up.

Ali looked down at her phone and knew she had hurt him without even meaning to. She knew she was asking a lot of him to trust her to be around Ashlyn because they had already kissed. He was patient enough and forgiving enough to look past it that once, but he knew how attracted they were to each other. They still hadn't slept together and he wondered how long it would be until they did. Ashlyn coming back threw it all out the window now.

If he wasn't confused on where him and Ali stood before, he certainly was now.

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"So how was it," Chris asked as they got closer to home.

Ashlyn was staring out the window and turned to him with a smile. "It was great, dude. Dr. Morton is really smart and good at what she does. It was completely different from what I've experienced before," she answered happily.

Chris nodded along in relief and smiled. "That's good to hear. How's it so different," he asked as he made a turn.

"Well, for starters we didn't even discuss all the depressing stuff," she started. "She asked about me and the things that I'm interested in. She asked me about Leighton, about you guys, and about life on base. She asked about what I did, but she didn't make it all sad with everything bad that happened. She was more interested in the fun stories and me goofing off with the guys. I don't know, it was just different and not stressed."

"Sounds good," he mused as he made a turn down their street.

"It was," she smiled in thought. "She said she does things differently than most therapists. She said she is my therapist, but she also wants to be my friend. She said she's made lots of friends doing what she does and that she wants that to be the relationship between her and her 'clients'. Friends helping friends is what the world needs more of. I agree."

"She really is different," he said with a raised eyebrow of amusement at her. "I've never heard of that before."

"Eh, I thought she was crazy at first, too, but the longer I sat and talked to her, the more I realized she was right. I was more open to her and things BECAUSE she didn't make me feel like I was some broken thing needing fixing. She made me feel comfortable and like I was ok. She made me feel like a person. She just kept telling me bad things happened to me, but that didn't make me bad or damaged beyond repair. She just kept encouraging me that if I stuck it out with her that I would win in the end. I believe her. She's so awesome."

Chris pulled into the driveway and shut the truck off. "You are ok and don't need fixing, Ash. Does someone have a crush on their therapist," he teased as he turned to her.

Ashlyn was halfway removing her seatbelt when she looked up to him. "What," she asked, looking at him like he was crazy.

"You heard me," he grinned and wagged his eyebrows at her.

"Shut up," she scoffed and opened her door to get out.

He laughed boomingly and hopped out to go to her. "Is she hot," he asked and slung an arm around her shoulders.

"Chris, knock it off," she growled and pushed him off.

"Aw, come on! Let your brother in, Ash," he continued and chased after her up the steps.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I do not like her, doofus," she stated and opened the front door.

Chris snickered and mussed her hair as they walked in. "Suuuuuure, sis! Is she hot or not," he teased more.

"Look," she exclaimed and turned to him as she smacked his hand away. "I don't like her, ok?! She's really nice and YES, she's really pretty. But that's where it ends. She's my therapist for Christ sakes!"

"It's not like people have never NOT dated their therapist, Ash," he countered pointedly. "I mean, look at Tony Soprano from The Sopranos."

"Ok, did you not watch that show at all," she asked as she eyed him like he was dumb. "Not to mention, he was a whole mob boss, too."

"Whatever," he said waving her off and heading to the kitchen. "If your therapist is hot, then let her know. Who knows where it could lead?"

"I'm married, Chris," she gritted out.

Chris paused mid-step and turned to her after taking a deep breath. He wanted nothing more for his sister to be happy and he knew she wanted Ali still. He wanted them to be together more than anything, but he rationally had to think that it might not be anymore. Ali was engaged still and he didn't blame her for anything. Chris was overprotective with Ashlyn and he knew he was going to have to be straight up with her.

"I know that, Ash," he said and took a step to her. "But you need to think ahead about things, sis. I'll be the last to say give up on you and Ali, but you need to prepare for if she does...choose Jeff. I don't want to see you breaking over that."

"I love her. She's my wife and the mother of my daughter. I wont give up on her or us," she bit out coldly.

Chris sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "I know all of that. But if she does choose Jeff, then what are you going to do," he asked cautiously.

Ashlyn stared at the ground before looking up to him. She didn't want to answer that question, so she instead brushed right past him and hit his shoulder as she did. She didn't need anymore negative thoughts about her and Ali invading her mind. Chris felt bad that he had upset her, but he knew she had to think about it before she was blindsided by it. He just wanted his sister prepared.

Ali stood at the top of the staircase after using the bathroom and heard it all. She didn't know what to feel.

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"Did you have fun, Little Princess," Ashlyn asked her daughter.

She had walked her and Ali outside to their car so they could head home. Ashlyn was completely surprised, but overjoyed to walk into the kitchen to see Leighton helping her mom cook dinner for them all. The moment she made her presence known, Leighton hopped off her stepstool and ran over to greet her. As she hugged and kissed her daughter in greeting, her parents told her Ali and Leighton were staying for dinner.

Ashlyn smiled at the thought until she noticed Ali was missing out of the room. She asked about her and her mother told her she was upstairs in the bathroom. Ashlyn's smile immediately dropped as she thought about her conversation with Chris in the living room earlier. They weren't exactly quiet and she hoped she didn't hear any of it. It wasn't until Ali came into the kitchen smiling and seeming ok that she breathed in relief.

Dinner was peaceful and great for the most part. Ashlyn told them all about her therapy session which was all discussed to where Leighton didn't know what exactly they were talking about. She informed them about Dr. Morton, her different tactics, and the plans she had for her during their sessions. Ashlyn's smile and confidence in her voice made everyone at the table happy to see and hear.

Ashlyn and Ali sat opposite of Mrs. Harris with Leighton between them. Chris and Mr. Harris sat at the heads of the table, and they all enjoyed fried chicken, green beans, and macaroni and cheese over good conversation. Ashlyn spent most of it after talking about her day between talking to Leighton and watching Ali be motherly to her as she ate. Ali enjoyed seeing them have so much fun together and smiled.

She zoned out after a while to the conversation she had eavesdropped on between Ashlyn and Chris. She observed Ashlyn talk about her therapist and couldn't help but to get jealous at how fascinated she was with the woman. The way she got excited when talking about something they did or the way her eyes lit up when she laughed at something said during their time together made her upset. She knew she couldn't be, but she couldn't help it.

The only one that didn't seem to notice Ali's silence during that particular topic was Ashlyn. She was so wrapped up in talking and getting excited about getting some help, she didn't notice Ali's mood. Mrs. Harris noticed Ali sneak an eye roll in at the mention of Dr. Morton's name, Mr. Harris noticed Ali fork her food a little too hard at a funny story Dr. Morton told Ashlyn, and Chris noticed Ali look at Ashlyn a little sadly.

Ali didn't realize her sour mood at all and was thankful the subject was changed.

"I had lots of fun, Momma," she answered cheerily and kissed her cheek.

Ashlyn chuckled at her response as she kissed her cheek. "Sweet, Leigh. I'll see you later," she winked as she buckled her in.

"Bye, Momma," she said as she waved. "I love you and g'night."

"Love you more, honey. Be good for Mommy, ok? Goodnight," she smiled and closed the door.

Ashlyn turned to Ali with her hands in her pockets. Ali had her arms crossed at her chest, partially to keep herself warm but more as a shield of protection. She was now thinking about Ashlyn and her obvious amazement with her new therapist. It made her wonder about things and where Ashlyn now stood with them. She tortured herself with the possibilities that maybe Ashlyn didn't want them to be together anymore.

Then she remembered she didn't have the right to feel that way.

"So I'll call you about when to come get her tomorrow," Ashlyn asked and raised her shoulder some. "I'm gonna make sure things are good here and then come check up on you guys. Hopefully, things won't get crazy at all."

"Yeah," she nodded and swallowed some. "I'll take her to work with me and then you can come pick her up from there when you get things settled."

"Perfect," she smiled and stepped back into her yard. "Look, Alex, I know you can take care of yourself and all, but please don't forget to call me if you're being harassed. This is my mess to handle."

"I know, Ash," she rolled her eyes with a smile. "You'll be the first person I call."

"Thank you," she breathed in relief.

"You're welcome," she smiled more and nodded.

There was a moment of silence as they both looked from the ground to each other when the other wasn't looking. Ashlyn wanted to badly to just lean over and kiss her goodnight. She wanted more than anything to just go home with them. Ali wanted to know more about her therapist, but she didn't want her jealousy to be revealed. She was worrying and felt like she was losing Ashlyn which was crazy thinking.

"Your therapist," she asked after clearing her throat. "She sounds really nice. Do you like her?"

Ashlyn just shrugged nonchalantly and nodded innocently. "Yeah, she's awesome. She's really good and I think she can really help me. I know I'm going to get better with her help," she smiled and kicked at the ground.

Ali's question held a deeper meaning, but she was glad Ashlyn didn't hear it. It was late and she didn't really feel like getting into it with her and possibly leading into an argument. Instead, she nodded and stuffed her hands in her jacket pockets to keep warm and grab her keys. Ashlyn remained unaffected and didn't notice she seemed upset. It was getting dark outside much to her defense, anyways.

"We'll see you tomorrow," Ali said after a deep breath and headed to the driver's side.

Ashlyn nodded and waved bye, refraining from going to open her door. "Ok. You guys be safe," she called and stepped back further into the yard.

Ali noticed she didn't move to open her door and frowned. "Ok. You too and tell your mom, dad, and Chris the same," she forced a smile and got in.

Ashlyn waved and smiled into Leighton's window, earning a giggle. Ali couldn't help but smile and turned straight ahead to drive off. She focused on the road and not the fact she felt like she was slowly losing Ashlyn with having to wait on her to make a decision. She knew she was overreacting, especially after hearing her talk about her so strongly, but it didn't help ease her.

What if Ashlyn did one day get too tired with waiting and moved on before she made a choice?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the last update for today :) Thank you all for always reading and interacting on this story! Truly means a lot :)


	27. The Report

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning and good evening everyone :) Sorry for the late update. People won't stop talking to me and distracting me here in real life ;P

"Look at this mess on the front yard."

Ashlyn's dad was peeking through the blinds of the windows of the house. Outside there were reporters and news vans lined up their street. Just on the edge of their front yard, they were all aligned up between it and the road to start their live stories. Ashlyn's return had hit airwaves right at 8:00 am sharp, and people swarmed to them in droves. Their phones rung off the hook and people stopped by like crazy.

Ashlyn didn't mind greeting friends and people from home she hadn't seen in forever, but the news people annoyed her. She had to promise her loved ones that stopped by that she would catch up with them later when news vans started pulling up. They were relentless and wanted to hear her story firsthand to send back to their station. It all made Ashlyn lock herself away in her house.

The first thing she did was call Ali. The woman had been up since 5 am and worrying herself with tomorrow's impeding events. She couldn't sleep and she tossed and turned all night knowing that Ashlyn's 3+ years as a P.O.W. were about to come out. She was worried and upset about what she was about to hear. Then she remembered Ashlyn telling her she didn't want to her read any of it.

She literally had to put her phone and laptop away in her bag, as well as unplugging the TV to refrain from breaking her promise.

Ali assured her everything was fine and that no one had bothered her yet. She told Ashlyn that she was heading to work early and that she would call her if any problems came up. Ashlyn was so relieved and hesitated to ask if she read anything or something. Ali noticed and immediately moved to assure her by telling her she didn't know anything about it at all. She then joked about her job probably wanting to see her now that her secret was out. 

Ashlyn just laughed and felt better at knowing one person wouldn't know about her horrors over there. Her parents were in the middle of watching it on the news when she walked in and turned the TV off. They looked up to her startled and she just avoided their stares as she headed to the kitchen for coffee. She knew they could get their phones and read it, but she hoped they wouldn't.

"Can we threaten them to get off our property," Chris asked as he joined him in looking.

"They're in the street. It's public," he sighed in defeat and shook his head.

"Dammit," he groaned quietly.

"Surely we can get them for harassing," Mrs. Harris asked from her spot in her chair.

"Maybe, honey, but they haven't done much yet," her husband said.

"Sorry about this, guys," Ashlyn said as she came out of the kitchen.

"Sorry," her mom asked in confusion. "This has nothing to do with you, sweetheart. They're just leeches."

"Yeah," Chris agreed and moved to the couch.

"They'll leave soon, kiddo," her dad nodded with a confident smile.

"Doesn't matter," she sighed tiredly and plopped down on the couch. "They're here for me."

"Well, you are a hero," her brother smiled and bumped shoulders with her.

Ashlyn looked to him and rolled her eyes. "I ain't no hero. They're just nosey," she snorted and rested on the arm of the couch.

"You're a hero," her mom countered and stood to go to her husband.

"Hooah," her dad grinned and winked at her.

Ashlyn smiled and shook her head at her crazy family. "Whatever, but thanks," she said, sticking her tongue out.

They all chuckled at her and soon were surrounded by silence. They were all very curious as to what happened to her over there, but they respected her more. She didn't want her family to read about her first few days of captivity and have them think differently about her. She didn't want them uncomfortable or thinking they had to treat her with kid gloves. The only way she would survive is if they treated her the same as always.

That thought alone made her realize she had to be the one to tell them about it before they read it.

"I was tortured for 2 days," she whispered, but loud enough to be heard.

All of her family members stiffened at her admission and looked up to her slowly. Ashlyn kept her stare on her hands on her lap, nervousness creeping up on her.

"Th-They, um, th-they beat me most of the time," she continued, sitting straight and staring at the ground. "They put a bag over my head and poured water on me. I thought I was going to drown, but they would always stop before I did. They, uh, used a taser stick on me, too. They...they did other stuff, but I don't want to go into too much detail."

Ashlyn looked up to them all finally and bit down hard at their faces. Though she didn't reveal much, they looked like she told them it all detail for detail.

"I don't want you guys reading it, but if you don't then you'll always wonder. I just want you to promise me that you won't treat me differently or let what you read think differently about me. I'm still...I'm still the same old Ashlyn. I'll only be able to truly heal remembering that and knowing that you guys see that," she choked out and quickly stood.

Mrs. Harris pushed her emotions down and walked to her. "We always think that, Ashlyn. You're always the same old Ashlyn to us," she assured as she hugged her with teary eyes.

"Thanks, Mom," she smiled softly and hugged her tightly.

"We only want to read what you're comfortable with, baby," her dad said as he came up to hug her too.

"I'm comfortable with whatever you're comfortable with," she replied and kissed his cheek as she pulled back.

"Are you sure," Chris asked as he stood to hug her.

"Yeah, Bubba," she chuckled softly and teasingly.

"Ok," he said and kissed the top of her head.

Ashlyn nodded and headed upstairs to her room to read it for herself. The army told her that they had officially closed the case and found out even more information. The men that first took her were killed by the leader of the rebel army because of how they were running things. He didn't want his camps ran like that and American soldiers tortured. His using Ashlyn as a bartering object paid off when his weapons were intercepted.

When he made a deal with the army for an exchange, he didn't anticipate them coming in guns blazing.

Ashlyn read the report on her brother's iPad and felt a tear slip out of the corner of her eye. It was all last week when she was rescued, but felt like years since she was being held captive. She immediately locked it and laid it on her stomach as she closed her eyes. As she tried to push those thoughts out of her head, her family downstairs read it from their own phones and looked at it on the TV in tears. Tears of joy she was at home safe and tears of anger for what happened to her.

But above all else, tears of pride for how brave she was and still is.

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The moment Ali walked into her building for work, she was met with hugs and everyone talking to her excitedly. They had only known a few years of Ali and Ashlyn married, but they weren't blind to the love they shared. They watched Ali break and slowly mend back together at the loss of her wife, so to hear her back and alive made them happy. They were more happy for Leighton having her parent back.

Ali tried to ignore their looks, stares, and whispers of curiosity and gossip, knowing they weren't just about Ashlyn, but about their current situation with Jeff.

She had to lock herself away in her office to get some time alone to think. The news was all on the TVs outside her office and she didn't want to see Ashlyn's story flashed across them. Luckily, Leighton was asleep in her arms and she laid her on her couch. She smiled as she leaned down and kissed her temple before heading to her desk. She pulled her jacket off and fell into her chair with a long sigh.

She checked her cell phone to see that she had a lot of missed calls and texts from friends and family. She didn't know how to answer them just yet, so she tossed her phone onto her desk. She didn't know how she was going to focus on work and nothing else with life going crazy at the moment. Ali turned on her computer and decided to answer emails to take her mind off things.

After sifting through ones congratulating her on Ashlyn's return, she started getting down to work. She checked her clock and took note that Ashlyn would be calling her in an hour at 8 to see about getting Leighton. Before Ali knew it, she had 10 minutes left and Leighton was going to be up soon. She stood from her desk to stretch and grabbed her phone to wait on her call.

Ali made her way to her window to start replying to her text messages when she looked out it. "Son of a bitch," she whispered in awe.

Down below there was 4 news vans with camera crews and reporters right outside her office door. Ali stepped closer and put her pointer and middle fingers between the blinds to look out them. She naively didn't think they would find her job even though she knew they would find their house. Just as she got wrapped up in staring out the window to them, her phone started ringing and made her jump.

It was just the person she wanted to talk to right now.

"Um, there's a lot of news people outside my job right now," Ali stated into the receiver as she still stared out the window,

"Shit," Ashlyn cursed. "I'm on my way!"

"It's ok, Ash. Don't speed here," Ali chuckled and closed her blinds.

"I'll think about it," she said distractedly.

"Are they bad over there," she asked and moved to her chair.

"You have no idea," she mumbled.

"How do you plan on getting out of there and here undetected," she asked curiously and in concern.

"I don't know," she sighed tiredly and in defeat. "My dad has been wanting to threaten them with his shotgun."

Ali laughed and leaned back into her chair. "Sounds like him. Go out the back and have Chris pick you up in the alley down the street," she suggested.

"Whoa," Ashlyn whispered and then she heard scrambling. "That's really smart, Alex. Thanks! I'll see you in a bit."

"No problem," she smiled and swiveled in her chair some. "Come to the back here and I'll be waiting by the door with Leigh."

"Ok. I'll see you in 10," she promised before clearing her throat. "Look, Ali, I'm sorry about all-"

"No sorry needed, Ashlyn," she cut her off honestly. "You did nothing wrong. Just get here. Safely."

Ashlyn laughed into her ear and it made her relax. "Got it," she said softly.

They sat there for a second and then Ashlyn hung up. Ali smiled as she put her phone on her desk and stood to go to their daughter.

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"No problems," Ali asked as she passed Leighton off.

Ashlyn grabbed her with a kiss to her cheek. "None at all. Smart thinking," she winked and put her in her carseat.

"Hey, Ali," Chris smiled and waved from the driver's side.

"Hey, Chris," she smiled back and waved.

"Call me if you need rescuing, too," Ashlyn half joked.

Ali laughed and hugged herself close from the wind. "I'll let you know. What are you going to do today," she asked.

"The park and then some lunch out of town with this guy," she grinned and nodded her head to her brother.

Ali smiled as she moved to kiss her daughter goodbye. "Sounds fun. You guys be careful," she said and stepped back.

Ashlyn closed the door and turned to her. "We will. You too. Seriously, Al, call me to come help you if you need it," she said seriously.

"I know, Ash," she said in mock annoyance. "Just have fun."

"We will. Bye," she smiled and got in the truck.

They all waved to each other and Ali headed back inside after they drove off. She hoped they had fun and weren't bothered. Ashlyn hoped her wife wasn't harassed by the annoying people outside her job.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Higher, Momma! Higher," Leighton giggled into the air.

"Hold on tight, Leigh," Ashlyn laughed and pushed her higher on the swing.

Ashlyn, Chris, and Leighton made it to the park a few towns over with no problems. They both sighed in relief that they weren't followed to their escape from life and to have some fun. Just as they pulled up to the park, Leighton woke up and bleary eyed smiled at her mom and uncle. Ashlyn grinned back and then hopped out of the truck to get her out to go have some fun.

"Wanna go on the slide now, Little Princess," Ashlyn asked, but kept pushing her.

"Yes, Momma," Leighton nodded enthusiastically.

"Ok, babes. We'll hang out here for another 20 minutes and then we'll go get brunch or something," she said, stopping the swing and helping her down.

Leighton nodded and grabbed Ashlyn's hand to drag her to the slide. Chris was sitting on a bench about 10 feet away and watching them in amusement. He laughed at his sister climbing the little slide and wobbling on it to take a seat. She had Leighton in front of her and placed her in her lap to get ready. He laughed even harder at them sliding down it with raised hands and little squeals.

They slid down the slide a few more times and Ashlyn even let Leighton do it by herself while she waited at the bottom to catch her. She was having so much fun just playing on the playground with her daughter and bonding. She was so happy and amazed at how close they had gotten in the short amount of time. She knew she still had some things to work on with her, but she was ready to get to know her daughter.

"Alright, sweetheart," Ashlyn panted and led her to the sandbox. "I need a break. I'mma go talk to Uncle Chris for a minute and see where he wants to go eat at. You can play for a little while."

"Ok, Momma," Leighton smiled and stepped into the sandbox.

Ashlyn smiled as she watched her get in and she made her way over to her brother. She looked to him to see him with the same exact face she had on as she stared at her daughter. It made her so happy to know that her brother was such a great uncle. As she made her way over to him, her mind had time to actually think about the fact he knew about her time away as a captive of rebel forces. Her curiosity was peaked.

"Hey," she smiled softly as she sat next to him.

"Hey," he smiled back and made a little room for her. "When do you wanna go grab a bite to eat?"

"I told her she could play for a little while longer. Any ideas where to go," she asked as she watched her daughter play with little kids in the sandbox now.

Chris looked from his niece to his sister, and smiled at the look on her face. "There's this little place up the road that's pretty good. Wanna try it," he asked.

Ashlyn nodded, never taking her eyes off her daughter. "Sounds good. We'll leave in about 10," she said and got comfortable in her seat.

They sat in silence, occasionally chuckling as they watched Leighton enjoy some fun time with kids her age. The longer they sat there, though, the longer their minds wandered off to the reason why they were there. Chris wanted to ask his sister questions, but he didn't want to upset her. Ashlyn just wanted him to stop stealing glances of concern at her and just ask what was on his mind.

"Ok," she sighed and turned to him after feeling his stare burn into the side of her head. "Ask me anything"

Chris looked away quickly to his lap and then to his niece. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said after clearing his throat.

Ashlyn raised an eyebrow in amusement and rested her head in her hand to look at him. "Nice try, Bubba. Talk," she said, smile evident in her voice.

Chris sat there for a moment looking at his hands and chewed on the inside of his bottom lip. He didn't want to upset his sister and make her remember the things he had read. They were having a great time and plus her daughter was a few feet away. He didn't want her having a breakdown in front of her most of all. But when he finally looked up to her and she smiled encouragingly and strongly, he realized he didn't give her enough credit.

"I'm so sorry, Ash," he said quietly around the lump in his throat. "I'm so sorry that we gave up so easily on you. I'm so sorry we didn't look harder for you and saved you sooner."

Ashlyn's eyebrows furrowed at a loss and she turned fully to him. "Dude, what're you talking about? You guys have nothing to be sorry about. I get it. Everyone thought I was dead and there was no evidence to suggest I wasn't. I don't blame anyone or anything except for the people that took me. That's it and that's all," she said as she grabbed his hand.

"No, Ashlyn," he disagreed, shaking his head stubbornly. "You missed out on so much. You lost so much and I don't mean just time. If we had listened to Ali and kept pushing for answers, you probably would've been home years ago. All of this mess could've been avoided."

"Chrissy," she sighed and scratched her head. "Shit happens and-"

"This isn't just 'shit', Ash! This is your life we're talking about here," he exclaimed and ran his hands through his hair.

Ashlyn clenched her jaw hard and looked to her daughter. "I know that, Chris," she said lowly, fist clenched on her knee.

"Then why are you so breezy about it," he guffawed and stood to pace.

Ashlyn snapped her eyes to him and stood to block his way. "Breezy?? Is that what you think I am," she whispered loudly and got close to him.

"I didn't mean it like-"

"I'm not fucking breezy, jackass! I fight everyday to not lose my fucking shit because all I can think about is how much time and the people I lost. I'm not just talking about Ali, either!"

"Ash, look-"

"No, you look! I lost my wife to a doctor. I came out of my imprisonment thinking she was waiting for me. I thought everyone was, but they all were moving on and thought I was dead. My WIFE is engaged now, and I don't even know what they're planning on anymore because I'm too afraid to ask her! She still wears his engagement ring and it makes me physically sick to see it every time. But because she asked for time, I'm giving it to her. Because I asked her to move on and she did that. Because I love her and only ever want her happy!" 

Chris slumped under her heated eyes, tears forming in them, and her passion and pained filled words.

"I missed my daughter taking her first steps, Christopher. I missed holding her hands from behind and guiding her as her little, wobbly legs moved excitedly. I missed her learning to talk, something I have wanted to hear and be apart of since the day we got her. All I ever wanted to hear her call me is momma. That's all I ever wanted and I wanted to be the one to proudly teach her. I missed out on all things a parent looks forward to when raising a child! I missed a lot! Now I'm back and I have to start all over with her, knowing I'll never get the memories or experiences with her that you and Ali and everyone else had with her. It fucking hurts!"

Chris opened his mouth to apologize, but she raised her hand and closed her eyes "I missed...I missed our grandfather passing," she said in a cracked voice, tears breaking through. "One of our heroes, and I missed it, Chris. He died thinking his only granddaughter died some horrific death during her last deployment. All I could think about the day I found out he died was that I failed him. He died thinking I died. I didn't get to say goodbye. Neither one of us did."

A tear escaped out of Chris' eye and he looked down to wipe it and pinch the bridge of his nose. No one thought less of Ashlyn, they only thought the best. She was declared dead fighting for her country and saving her friends. She was a hero and the person who saw that the most and was most proud of her was their grandfather. He made sure people knew who his wonderful and personal hero of his, granddaughter was.

"You were Gramps' hero, Ash," he said in a little tremble before swallowing hard. "You're ALL of our hero. The things you went through...that's testament enough."

Ashlyn had a hand on her hip and the other over her eyes. "Doesn't change anything or the stuff I missed," she stated, turning towards the bench.

"But it's the truth and you're back now. You can get it all back," he urged and stepped to her.

"Except Ali," she smiled sarcastically.

"You said so yourself, Ash," he said and grasped her shoulder. "You don't give up and I've never known you to. You're right here right now as proof of that. Ali just needs time to think and get things together. She'll come back to you."

"You sound more confident than me," she blew out after a moment.

"Your strength and courage is what it is," he smiled big and hugged her.

Ashlyn smiled in his embrace and patted his back in thanks. "I love you, brother," she said and squeezed him close.

Chris kissed the top of her head for a second. "Love you more, sister," he replied and held her a little while longer.

Chris' phone started to ring and they pulled apart with shy chuckles at being so emotional with each other. He pulled it out and saw that it was Ali calling, so he flashed it to Ashlyn. She looked at it and he shrugged, so she reached over to take to answer. She walked around behind the bench and he went to go grab Leighton to leave for lunch. Ashlyn took a deep breath and answered the phone.

"Hey, Ali. What's up," she asked, leaning into the back of the bench.

"I hate to interrupt your time with Leighton, but I need a favor," Ali's tired voice sounded.

Ashlyn stood straight and got down to business. "What's the favor," she asked determinedly.

"Well," she said and seemed distracted. "It got worse after you left here."

"Dammit," she sighed knowingly, rubbing her forehead. "How many?"

"I lost count," she answered. "I stopped at about 6, but there are apparently more around the corner. I told my boss that I would rather work from home until things calmed down and he said it was fine. Do you...do you think you can come here and get rid of them so I can get in my car and go?"

Ashlyn nodded and headed to her brother and daughter. "I'll be there in 20. Just stay inside and I'll call you when I get there. I'll think of something," she said and motioned to the truck.

Ali breathed thankfully into her ear and it made her smile. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ashlyn. I'll get ready," she said.

"No problem, Ali," she smiled wider before it faltered some. "I'm sorry about this."

"You should be, hero. Gosh, these people will want you modeling for them next," she joked and laughed.

"Well there goes my new career," she joked back.

"You've wanted to be one since we were 16 and you found out all the cool places they went to," she giggled.

"Duh! Can you imagine the beaches in Morocco, Spain, or France," she asked as she headed to the truck to start it to warm up.

"Beautiful, I bet," she answered in agreement.

"Exactly," she smiled and moved to the backseat after a few seconds of silence. "Look, I'm getting Leigh in the truck now and I'll be there in a minute. Stay inside."

"Yes, Corporal," Ali teased.

"Funny, Alex. Just do it. Bye," Ashlyn chuckled and went to her approaching brother and daughter.

"Byeee," Ali sang and hung up.

Ashlyn shook her head in amusement as she went to pick up her daughter. "Alright, babes. We're going to go get Mommy and take her home, and then we'll go eat. How's that sound," she asked as she buckled her up.

"Sounds good, Momma," she answered and nodded.

"That's my girl," she winked and kissed her forehead before closing her door.

"Why're we getting, Ali," Chris asked.

"News is swarming her job. We'll get her out and then go out to eat after taking her home," she informed and hopped in the passenger's side.

"Cool," he nodded and went to get in on the driver's side. "Got a plan?"

Ashlyn smirked as she looked out the window. "Maybe," she said.

Chris just grinned as he started the truck up and pulled off. "This is going to be good," he whispered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more later on today ;)


	28. Fun Getaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, this satisfies y'all a little :)

"Are you sure this is going to work?"

Ali was looking out her window sneakily down to the still dwindling news people. It had been a struggle the whole 3 hours they were gone to not look at a TV, read the newspaper, or anything on an electronic device that was about Ashlyn's return. She locked herself away in her office and turned on some music to try to work, but things got worse. Now, the news people were harassing her coworkers for interviews and for them to get her to come out.

"Well, not really, but it's worth a shot," Ashlyn answered over the speaker of the phone.

Ali shook her head in disbelief and went back to her desk. "You're crazy," she mumbled and grabbed her things.

"Maybe," she said nonchalantly. "Are you ready? 'Cause once I make my presence known to them, they'll swarm me like bees on honey."

"I'm ready and I know what to do," she laughed as she slipped her jacket on. "I tell you when I'm at the door and ready to go out, then you walk over and they all go to you. I sneak my way to my car, get in, then make my escape. You'll make yours when Chris gets back from dropping Leigh off at your parents. Are you sure you want to sacrifice yourself like that to those wolves?"

"Eh, I'm a soldier," she said unbothered. "All I gotta do is stall them for a minute and BS my way through their questions. They won't even see you make your escape. It'll be a piece of cake."

"'Piece of cake', Ashlyn," she asked teasingly.

"Yep," she said confidently. "Maybe they'll back the hell off after I talk to them and we can all get back to our lives."

Ali smiled sadly at how tired she sounded. "Hopefully. Thanks for doing this," she said sincerely and headed for her door, taking her off speaker phone and putting it to her ear.

"Not a problem. Text me when you're ready and take your heels off before running for your car," Ashlyn chuckled knowingly.

"Ok, ass," she laughed and waved bye to her coworkers as she headed for the stairs. "That was one time and we were drunk after prom."

Ashlyn cackled over the phone. "I'm just saying. Don't bust your ass in front of all the cameras for the whole country to see," she tried to say without laughing.

Ali rolled her eyes in amusement as she made it to the front door. "Bye, Ashlyn. I'm at the door," she said trying to hide her amusement and failing.

"Sweet! Peek out for when you see me approach. Good luck," she said.

"Thanks. Good luck to you, too," she smiled softly.

They both hung up at the same time, happy that they still knew how to joke with each other given their current circumstances. Ali pocketed her phone in her jacket as she went to the door to peek out through it. Just as she reached her hand up to grab the knob and look for Ashlyn, she heard voices raise and saw people move away from the door. There was enough space for her to sneak through and head to her car.

"Thank you, Ashlyn," she smiled to herself and carefully opened the door.

Ashlyn told her to raise the collar of her jacket and try to blend in to the crowd as she headed to her car. She told her to walk fast and to not run to raise suspicion. She told her to not look at anyone or even at her as she headed to her car. Ali took all of her words to heart and did just that. She couldn't understand or hear the questions they were asking Ashlyn because she was so focused on getting to her car.

Ali hopped in her car and started it as she put her bag in the backseat. She looked to the crowd and tried to spot Ashlyn, but the swarm of people blocked her. She debated on following Ashlyn's rules about driving off and heading home, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She could only imagine what they were asking her and how she was feeling about it all. Now, Ali had formed her own plan.

Ashlyn was being asked all kinds of questions and she couldn't pick which ones to answer first. They were asking her about her time being held captive, how she felt being back with family and how they felt, how she was doing being back home, how she was adjusting, what were her plans, would she ever go back to the army, and other things. She felt overwhelmed and mostly stuttered to them as they shoved cameras and microphones and recorders in her face.

Just as Ashlyn was about to scream and more than likely say something to embarrass herself on national TV, tires screeched and she heard a door open. She looked to the road, as did everyone else, and she saw Ali leaning over to the passenger's seat of her car to wave her over. This wasn't apart of the plan and she looked at her with wide and questioning eyes. Ali just smiled and continued waving her over.

"LET'S GO, HARRIS," Ali yelled and sat up to grip the steering wheel.

Ashlyn looked back to the silent and staring news people. "Um, bye," she rushed and sprinted to the car to get in.

All the news people ran after her screaming questions just as she closed the door. The second she did, Ali told her to buckle up and she peeled off down the street. Ashlyn put a hand to the dashboard and the other to her window to stop herself from lurching forward from the force. She looked to Ali with wide eyes of worry to find her grinning as she concentrated on the road. Ashlyn gulped and quickly put her seatbelt on.

"Alex," she said worriedly and grabbed the car hook above her to brace herself. "We lost them. You can slow down now."

"I will when we get past the bridge," she grinned excitedly into her rearview mirror, looking for any followers.

"That's still a few minutes away," Ashlyn swallowed nervously as she eyed her.

"Considering how fast I'm going, it's more like a minute away," she countered and looked to her with knowing sass.

Ashlyn gave a quick and scared smile in return, and Ali winked as she looked back to the road in focus. Ashlyn couldn't help the grin that came to her face as she watched Ali look so relaxed and grinning like she was having fun. She knew her wife occasionally had a thirst for adventure, visiting Kyle in LA and going hiking and rock climbing halfway through their marriage coming to her mind. She didn't think speeding was on her list, too.

"That was so much fun," Ali giggled giddily as she slowed down over the bridge. "I can't believe I did that and that we didn't get pulled over or anything!"

Ashlyn relaxed down into her seat and dropped her grip on the hook. "Yeah. Didn't know you was a speed racer, either," she chuckled and blew out a breath of relief.

Ali looked to her and rolled her eyes in amusement. "Whatever, Ash. Do you think we lost them," she asked as she looked out her mirrors.

"I think so," she guessed as she turned around to look behind them. "I think it's safe now. Go by the house so I can see if they're there and I'll tell Chris to pick me up there."

Ali nodded as she made a turn and headed to the house. "Something tells me they're there if they're already at my job," she mused.

Ashlyn nodded as she pulled out her new phone she got earlier today. "Let's hope not. I got a phone, by the way, after we picked up Leigh. I'll text you so you can save it," she said as she texted her brother.

"Fancy," Ali said as she eyed it.

"Chris said it was the best one out," she smiled sheepishly and shrugged a little.

Ali nodded as she made the final turn down to the house. Ashlyn played around on her phone to stop from staring at her wife for too long. She would steal glances at her out of the corner of her eye and smiled at how beautiful she looked in her work clothes. Ali thought she was being sneaky herself looking into her rearview mirror or the side mirrors so she could look at her. Ashlyn was always distracting to her.

"Jesus," Ali whispered.

Ashlyn looked up to her and then followed her gaze. "Shit," she cursed and pocketed her phone.

Ali drove by slowly and they looked at the news vans lined up along the street in front of the house. She had her mouth open as she looked at all the ruckus and Ashlyn scratched the back of her head in thought. She didn't want to deal with any of this mess here or at her parents house. She had a suggestion and hoped Ali would be up for it as she turned to her and cleared her throat.

"Wanna have lunch with me, Leigh, and Chris," she asked tentatively with a raised shoulder.

Ali smiled at her suggestion and nodded. "If it's ok," she said thankfully.

Ashlyn smiled in relief and nodded as she pulled her phone out. "I'll tell them to meet us there," she said and typed away.

Ali grinned at the thought of hanging with her daughter, Ashlyn, and Chris with no crazy and hectic life knocking on her door.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This is soooooo good," Ali hummed as she ate her dessert.

Ashlyn and Chris both watched her and chuckled at her eating. They had just finished lunch and Ashlyn noticed Ali eyeing chocolate cake with whipped cream and strawberries on the menu. Ali refused at first, but Ashlyn ignored her and ordered a piece as she ordered rounds of hot chocolate for the table. She was having fun with Leighton sitting next to her and talking animatedly. It made her brother and wife across from them smile.

"Told you," Ashlyn laughed as she took a drink of her hot chocolate.

Ali looked up and smiled at her. "Ok, know-it-all," she teased, poking her tongue out at her.

Ashlyn and Chris laughed at her and they all talked a little more about their crazy day. Chris stood to go pay, much to Ashlyn's displeasure because she wanted to pay, but she was stuck inside the booth. Leighton hopped out and grabbed her uncle's hand to go with him, hoping to get some candy out of him. Ashlyn slipped her $5 so she could get some and winked at her. Leighton giggled and tried to wink back before leaving with him.

"You heading back home," Ashlyn asked as she tore her eyes away from their daughter.

Ali was staring at her looking at their daughter with a faint grin. "Yeah. It's pretty late and they should be gone by now. If not, I'll just push past them and head inside. They'll leave eventually," she hoped with a little shrug.

Ashlyn nodded and took a huge drink of her hot chocolate. "We'll go with you and help," she smiled.

Ali was snickering behind her hand and trying to keep a straight face. "You, uh, you've got some, um..." she trailed off and giggled as she pointed at her face.

Ashlyn eyebrows furrowed in amusement and she sat up straight. "What? Something on my face," she asked and raised her hand.

Ali reached over without warning and swiped her thumb across the top of her upper-lip. Her fingers were just barely touching her cheek and her thumb ended it's cleaning motion at the top corner of her lip. Ali was staring at her inviting lips with desire and unconsciously leaned over the table to her slowly. Ashlyn remained still, afraid to break the moment, and hoped she wasn't imagining Ali looking at her like she wanted to kiss her.

"Whipped cream," Ali whispered loud enough to her like an explanation.

"Thanks," Ashlyn said and moved towards her slightly.

"Momma! Mommy! Time to go," Leighton called as she ran to them.

They were snapped out of their moment and Ali quickly retracted her hand to sit back in her seat. Ashlyn cleared her throat and shook her head clear some as she leaned back into the booth. They both exhaled deep breaths and looked to each other as they did. They both laughed softly and shyly as they looked down to their laps to avoid each others eyes. Just as Ashlyn opened her mouth to speak, Leighton came up to them.

"Momma. Mommy. Uncle Chris said we can go," she said impatiently. 

"Sorry, babes," Ashlyn chuckled and slid out of the booth. 

"You'll live, Leigh," Ali smiled as she stood and put her jacket on.

Ashlyn picked her up and shifted her to her hip. "You get some candy," she asked quietly by her ear.

"Yes, Momma. Uncle Chris put it in my jacket pocket," she informed in her ear behind her hand.

"Our little secret. Ok," she winked and kissed her cheek.

Leighton giggled and squirmed as Ashlyn tried to nibble her ear and neck. Ali smiled so brightly at how happy her daughter sounded and at how relaxed Ashlyn looked. Despite everything going on now and before, she felt such comfort knowing that Ashlyn and Leighton got along so well. Not a day went by that they didn't talk to each other and they took every moment they could to hang out together. It was everything she ever dreamed of.

Plus, her wife looked really hot being all motherly.

"Ready," Ashlyn asked as she looked to her.

"Ready," Ali nodded and smiled, snapping out of her lustful stare.

Ashlyn smiled back and led the way to the cars. "So what are you doing this weekend," she asked as she opened the restaurant door for her.

"Thanks," Ali smiled and buttoned her jacket up. "Um, nothing really except..."

Ali remembered she had plans to go with Jeff to his friend's dinner party tomorrow on Saturday. Usually on Sundays she would split time between her parents house and the Harris' because Leighton would go to church with either one of them. Ali would just relax at home for the few hours or occasionally join them until the Harris' went to visit Ashlyn's grave. She didn't know how to tell Ashlyn she was going to be with Jeff for the weekend.

She didn't have to because Ashlyn could read it all in her face and body as she got nervous. She knew if was Jeff.

"You've got plans," she stated a little sadly and gave a small smile. "Um, if they don't involve Leigh, can she come stay the weekend?"

Ali could see that she had hurt her just that much more with her pause in answering her earlier question. She could see the hurt and pain flash across her eyes as she registered it was Jeff she had plans with. She could see Ashlyn wanted to avoid that topic of conversation and she wanted to, too. She cleared her throat as they got to the truck and watched her buckle in their daughter.

"That sounds fun," Ali answered and opened her car door. "What did you have in mind?"

Ashlyn smiled at their daughter before checking she was securely in and closing the door. "My dad and Chris want to take me camping this weekend to escape. Thought she would want to come," she said as she stuffed her hands in her pockets.

Ali looked at her with wide eyes. "Um, are you sure," she asked with a little grimace.

Ashlyn shrugged without a care and pursed her lips the same. "Yeah. It'll be nice and great for us to hang out alone and away from prying eyes. It'll be fun," she nodded.

Ali gave a contemplating smile and crossed her arms under her chest. "I don't know, Ash," she said in thought as she looked at their daughter.

Ashlyn visibly slumped in defeat and her mind went to the worse thoughts. She though she had finally messed up somehow and now Ali didn't trust her with their daughter alone. She started to panic and overreact as she searched her brain frantically for ways to plead her case and try to make herself look like a great parent. Ali didn't think any of those things about her and could see she took her words all wrong.

"Alex, I know-"

"She's a girly girl, Ash. Whenever I go for manis and pedis she makes sure she gets them, too. She never leaves the house without looking perfect; that means hair done to her liking, clothes perfectly matched and wrinkle free, and her little purse to carry around with her lip gloss and nail polish in it. She loves tea parties and cooking with our moms. She loves bath time and sneaking into my stuff to play with my makeup and perfume. Don't get me started on my clothes. She can be pretty high maintenance. That's all I'm saying. I don't know if she would like camping. She really is a princess."

Ashlyn looked at her with a raised eyebrow of thought. "Oh," she said and scratched the back of her neck.

Ali felt bad at ruining her idea and stepped to her. "I mean, you could ask her about it and ease her into the idea. I'm sure she wouldn't want to pass up on a chance to hang with you AND your dad and Chris. I just wanted to warn you beforehand just in case," she further explained.

Ashlyn nodded and blew out a hard breath with wide eyes. "Ok. That's a lot. I'll ask her when we drop you guys off," she said and smiled at her some.

Ali smiled back and nodded. "Positive thoughts, Ash. Positive thoughts," she winked encouragingly and grabbed her car door.

Ashlyn debated on getting back into her car, but at the last second backed out and got inside Chris' truck. She smiled at Ali through the window and Ali smiled back, trying to push down the pang in her chest at her seemingly avoiding her.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Thank goodness they're gone," Ali exhaled as she headed to the front door.

Ashlyn was helping Leighton out of the truck, but she was taking her time and moving at a snails pace. The last time she was in her house was when her and Ali were still happily married. She remembered it like it was yesterday, especially their last time together. Now, they were married still, but almost broken. She didn't even know if Ali wanted her to go in it, mostly because they never talked about it and Ali made a point about saying she'd bring her clothes to her.

"Momma, you come in to play with me," Leighton asked as she helped her out.

Ashlyn gulped and looked to her brother who shrugged at a loss. "Uhh, I don't know, sweetheart. I've got things to do," she half lied.

Leighton frowned and shook her head no as she grabbed her hand. "But I gotta show you my room," she insisted and dragged her to the door.

"Leigh, I wanna see your room, but-"

"It's really pretty, Momma! It's pink and has Disney princesses all over!"

Ashlyn tried to hold back her tears at the description of her room. She had been the one to paint it and she knew exactly what it looked like before. She practically lived in there when they first got her and loved to watch her sleep. She knew now that the room was completely different and decorated to fit her 4 year old needs. The closer they got to the door, the more nervous she got about Ali's reaction and her own to being in there after so long.

"Leigh, wait," Ashlyn said a little too loudly and stopped them.

Leighton stopped and looked to her in worry. "Momma," she asked, slowly dropping her hand like she was in trouble.

Ashlyn softened and felt bad as she kneeled down to her. "I-I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to yell at you," she apologized and scratched her forehead, debating on reaching for her.

Leighton was still looking at the ground sadly. "I'm sorry," she said even though she didn't know what she did.

"Babes," Ashlyn sighed, mentally slapping herself for being so strong. "You didn't do anything wrong, ok? I'm the one that's sorry."

"But you yelled. At me," she said in confusion and looked to her the same.

"I didn't yell at you, sweetheart. I was upset with...myself. I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, ok? You're perfect," she smiled truthfully to her.

Leighton looked up to her and smiled cutely at her words. "Really," she asked innocently.

Ashlyn chuckled and tipped her chin to kiss her forehead. "You're my daughter aren't you," she winked.

"Yep," she nodded proudly and grabbed her hand. "We can see my room later, Momma. Ok?"

"Sounds like a plan, Little Princess," she laughed and stood, shaking her hand as they headed to the door. "I'll walk my girl to the door."

Leighton giggled and Ashlyn picked her up as they approached the front door. She didn't know whether or not to knock or just simply wait on Ali to come to the door. She knew she was in there and if she wanted to, she could just let Leighton go in and look for her. She felt like a bad and irresponsible parent as soon as the thought crossed her mind and sighed. She kissed Leighton's cheek and told her to call for her mom to come here. 

"What, Leigh," Ali asked as she rounded a corner to her voice.

When she saw Ashlyn standing at the front and open door awkwardly, she felt terrible and mentally slapped her forehead for being so careless. She was so ready to get home and relax, that she didn't think about her or the fact they were going to their house they once shared together. She felt guilty and like a jerk for being so careless of Ashlyn's feelings, but she herself didn't know what to say or do.

Ali decided to throw caution to the wind. It was part Ashlyn's house, anyways.

"Um, wanna come in," she asked in a little shake, thumb jutted inside behind her.

Ashlyn opened and closed her mouth in slight shock at her question. "Uhhh, you sure," she asked cautiously.

Ali gave as convincing of a smile as she could and stepped aside. "Y-Yeah. I-I've got your clothes ready, too. I was going to drop them off later on, but since you're here...," she trailed off.

"Cool," she smiled hard, trying to mask her nerves. "Cool. Thanks."

"No problem. Uh, come in," she said after clearing her throat and stepping aside.

Ashlyn nodded and looked down as she stepped through the threshold of their once home they shared together. The moment she stepped inside, she felt at home. She was glad she was still holding Leighton because her hands would be all over the place and twitching with nerves. She looked to Leighton and saw her smiling at her and trying to get down. She let her down and the little girl grabbed her hand immediately to lead her to the hall.

"Come see my room, Momma," she said excitedly.

Ashlyn looked to Ali who looked back at her with a nervous but genuine smile. As much as Ali was nervous of her being in the house, the look on Ashlyn's face as she was dragged away was more important. She looked like she was nervous and a little uncomfortable, but at the same time she looked more excited. Ali knew this meant the world to her. She hadn't been in the house since they were together or Leighton's room since she was almost a newborn.

As they made their way to Leighton's room, Ashlyn glanced down the hall to where her bedroom she shared with Ali was. She felt a pull to go in there, but pushed it away and focused on her daughter. She didn't know how Ali would feel about her going in there and she felt almost unwelcomed to do it. It was stupid and irrational to think, but she couldn't help the feeling of uncomfortableness creep up on her.

She was happy they made it to Leighton's room quickly.

"This is my room, Momma," Leighton announced, arms wide open and spinning some as she walked into it.

Ashlyn grinned at her and walked in behind her. She took a look around the room and put her hands in her pockets as she felt a sense of peace seep in her. The room hadn't changed much really, except for the fact there was more furniture and it was decorated for her growing daughter. It was still the pink she had originally painted and her name was still intricately drawn in white paint where her crib once was. Instead, though, her bed was under it.

"Wow, honey," she said as she walked around and looked at things. "It's really beautiful. It looks awesome!"

Leighton smiled proudly and moved to stand beside her. "Thank you, Momma," she cheesed.

Ashlyn chuckled and looked around the room more. She took note for future reference that her daughter really loved and had an obsession with Disney princesses and glitter. She looked at her little table in the middle corner of the room and saw all of the tea pots and dolls situated on the chairs around it. It made her smile as she pictured her having tea parties by herself or with Ali.

Ashlyn raked her eyes over every inch of the room. She could see in her closet that Leighton had just as much pink in there as she did around the room. It made her laugh and Leighton looked up to her questioningly. Ashlyn just pointed to her closet as she went to it and grabbed a shirt to show her. Leighton caught on and giggled at her mom noticing her pink obsession. Ashlyn was heading back over to her when her eyes caught the dresser and the pictures on top of it.

Her heart clenched, not in pain, but at the memories they held of joy.

"I use to say goodnight to your picture every night, Momma. Did you ever hear me," Leighton asked curiously.

Ashlyn smiled softly as she looked from the pictures to her. "Of course, babes. I always heard you," she winked, putting her hand softly to the back of her head and pulling her in for a hug to her hip.

Leighton grinned in amazement and wrapped her arms around her leg to hold. Ashlyn knew she had just made her day with those words and the look on her face made her life. She looked back to the pictures and smiled at the one of her in uniform. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but she couldn't help the smile that crept on her face. That picture held so many memories, both good and bad, and she wondered what the future held.

Ashlyn touched the picture and held her hand there for a moment. She tapped her thumb on it before looking to the other one. That picture made her grin like a proud fool and she felt tears prick her eyes. She reached over and picked it up slowly to stare at it with nothing but love. That's all she had for her 2 favorite girls in the world and she hoped to one day have that time with them again back. She hoped to have her seemingly stolen future back on day.

"That's my favorite picture, Momma. I love how happy we all are in it," Leighton said from below.

Ashlyn looked down to her to nod with a silent smile. "Me too, babes. Me too," she agreed and looked back to it.

Ali was right around the corner and heard the last parts. She was holding a box of Ashlyn's things to take back to the living room for her. Hearing her daughter's words and Ashlyn's not so hidden emotions behind them made her heart constrict. She felt like she was now hurting her daughter with her indecisiveness and she felt like a bad parent. If she chose Jeff, would she break Leighton's heart as much as she would Ashlyn's?

Ali swallowed hard and headed to the living room in deep thought.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"That everything," Ashlyn asked by the front door as she passed things off to Chris.

"Yeah, I think so. Your mom and Chris asked for some things so they might have some more," Ali smiled a little and handed her another box.

"Cool," she smiled and put the box on her hip to hold. "So how about camping with my Pink Princess?"

Ali smiled at the name for their daughter and looked up to her. "Let's ask," she smirked some and called her.

Leighton came bounding out of the kitchen to them and stopped right between them. Ali looked to Ashlyn for her to speak, but Ashlyn looked at their daughter at a complete loss. She didn't know how to ask her to step out of her comfort zone and go camping with her, her uncle, and her grandfather. She just thought it up to ask when her dad suggested it this afternoon. Ali smiled sweetly at her nerves and how cute she looked.

"Hey, Leigh? Do you remember when Uncle Chris was gone that one weekend with your Papa because they went camping," Ali asked and looked down to her.

Leighton nodded in remembrance a second later after thought. "Yes, Mommy," she answered and smiled.

"Do you know what camping is," she continued and looked to Ashlyn.

"Not really, Mommy," she said and grabbed her to play with. "Why?"

"Well, camping is when you go into the woods or by a lake or something to spend the night. You get to roast marshmallows, maybe make s'mores, cook hotdogs or something, and even drink hot chocolate! In the summer you get to go swimming in the lake if there's one. It's really fun. Do you think you'd want to go," Ali asked her, kissing her hand as she thought.

"Hmmm," Leighton hummed in deep thought. "But where do you sleep at, Mommy? What do you sleep ON?"

Ashlyn chuckled and shifted her box higher to hold more securely. "She's a smart one. Lots of questions I see. Just like you," she teased gently and winked the same.

Ali rolled her eyes good heartedly. "If I never asked you questions and just let you take me places, there's no telling where we'd end up at," she joked and stuck her tongue out at her.

Ashlyn laughed knowingly and nodded as she looked to their daughter. "We sleep in a tent, Little Princess. In sleeping bags. Do you think you'd want to go camping with me and your Uncle Chris and Papa this weekend? I'll get you a Disney princess sleeping bag and everything," she promised and waited with a bated breath.

"Really," Leighton asked excitedly and grabbed her arm giddily.

Ashlyn almost dropped her box, but got a handle on it. "Of course, honey. Whatever you want," she laughed and hugged her to her hip.

"I wanna go, Momma," she said and nodded enthusiastically.

Ali laughed as she shook her head in amusement. "She already has a Little Mermaid sleeping bag, Ash. You don't have to bribe her, you know," she said with knowing sass.

"I just might have to. She's really girly girl...like you," she teased lightly with a wink.

"Whatever," she grinned and rolled her eyes. "I never complained when I went camping with you."

Ashlyn immediately stopped laughing as her thoughts were invaded with their many, many steamy times they went camping. Ali was still laughing until she noticed she was the only one. She slowed and looked to Ashlyn in puzzlement until she registered what she had said. It seemed they were never going to be able to escape their past or the memories it held. They both shifted awkwardly on their feet and avoided eye contact.

"Um," Ashlyn said, clearing her throat into her other hand and not bothering to hide her smirk. "I'll...we'll come get her tomorrow at 7. Ok?"

"Y-Yeah. Sure," she answered after swallowing hard and moved to the door.

"Sweet," she smiled softly and tore her eyes to their daughter, leaning as far down as she could to her. "I'll pick you up tomorrow, cutie. Be good for Mommy and I love you."

Leighton nodded and kissed her cheek as she hugged her. "Promise. Love you, Momma," she said and pulled back to go stand next to Ali.

Ashlyn winked at her and stood straight to smile at her wife. "You ladies take care," she said in a little singing voice and headed to the truck.

Ali laughed softly and moved to the door to watch them. "You guys be careful," she called to them.

Ashlyn turned around to wink to her. "We will. Call if they come back," she shouted and placed her box in the back.

They held each others eyes for a moment and Ali nodded and waved as they got in the truck. With last minute waves from everyone, they pulled off and Ali closed the door with a cheery smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, 'car hook' because Idk what it's called :P
> 
> BIG thanks and love too you all for always making me laugh in the comments and making me smile with the kudos, hits, and support on this fic! Hugs all around ;) YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING AAAAAAAMAAAAAZINGGGGG!!! xoxo
> 
> Shoutout to the Italians ;D
> 
> Seeeeee ya tomorrow!


	29. The Weekend - Saturday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The struggle is real today, peeps. I'm writing as we speak because some of my files got messed up :/ I'm hoping to share another one today, but we shall see *fingers crossed* Hopefully, you enjoy this for now! :)

"CORPORAL HARRIS! CORPORAL HARRIS! WHY ARE YOU DRIVING HERE IF YOU LIVE HERE?!"

"ASHLYN! HEY, ASHLYN! WHY ARE YOU STAYING AT YOUR PARENTS HOUSE AND NOT HERE AT YOUR HOUSE WITH YOUR FAMILY?!"

"MRS. HARRIS! ARE YOU AND YOUR WIFE HAVING MARITAL ISSUES?! ARE YOU DIVORCED?!"

"ASHLYN, HOW IS DOES IT FEEL BEING BACK, BUT NOT WITH YOUR WIFE AND DAUGHTER?!"

Ashlyn's whole body screamed anger and disgust as she brushed past the little crowd of news people outside of her and Ali's house. She couldn't believe the questions they were yelling at her, especially with her wife and daughter right inside. Ali had called to tell her they were lining up again outside and that she should come and get Leighton early. Ashlyn hopped on the idea immediately and had her dad bring her.

Ali was already waiting by the door with it cracked open to let her in. She heard all of the questions they were asking her and it made her heart break. She didn't have to see Ashlyn's face to know she was hurting and feeling overwhelmed by them. It also made her angry that they were so insensitive to her, and just as she opened the door to give them a piece of her mind, Ashlyn stormed in.

"Fucking leeches," she seethed in rage.

Ali completely forgot about the idiots outside and closed the door quickly. She took careful steps to Ashlyn, clearly seeing she was trying to keep it together. Ashlyn didn't know if it was her anxiety, possible PTSD, or just her plain old anger about to pop, but she was shaking. She wanted to go back out there and yell at them to leave her and her loved ones alone. She wanted to just scream and vent how unfair the world was to her.

"Ash," Ali said softly and soothingly from behind.

And just like that, she was brought back to earth and remembered all that was still good for her.

Ashlyn slowly unclenched her fists and her body relaxed as she played Ali's voice over and over again in her head. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths through her nose. She swallowed and focused on counting to ten in her head, clenching her jaw every time she counted. She opened her eyes slowly and moved her hands to her face to hold. She took a moment to gather herself before turning around.

Ali looked on at her the whole time in concern. She knew sometimes Ashlyn just needed to know she was there and supporting her from afar. She knew Ashlyn was using her methods she had learned before to help calm herself. Ali just wanted to step forward and help more, but she knew she needed to do this on her own. It just hurt to see her like and this and know that the cause of it was right out the door.

Now, Ali was really mad.

"I'll be right back," she said in a cold and determined tone.

Ashlyn looked to her and went wide eyed at her going to the front door. "Alex! No," she shouted and chased after her.

Ali already beat her outside.

"MRS. HARRIS! WHY DOESN'T YOUR WIFE STAY HERE WITH YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER?!"

"ARE YOU GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE, MRS. HARRIS?!"

Ali's anger flared and her eyes blazed. "You all have 1 MINUTE to get the hell off my property or else," she threatened in a low and menacing voice to them..

Ashlyn was behind her and trying to pull her back in. "Alex, stop. Come inside. It's ok," she pleaded quietly to her as she tugged on her arm.

Ali ignored her and shook her off. "LEAVE," she repeated, dragging the word out for emphasis.

"Mrs. Harris, we understand you're engaged to a Dr. Jeffrey Winters. Are you and your wife getting a divorce?"

Ali whipped her head to the woman in pure rage and Ashlyn cowered back in embarrassment and fear of her answer.

"You should all be ashamed of yourselves," Ali growled and stepped to them more. "My wife has been through hell and back for her country, and this is how you repay her? By harassing her and her loved ones for interviews? You got your answers from the army and the story won't change. When she's ready to share it, she will. Until then, back the hell off of her and us, and let her try to adjust back to life as normally as possible. Stop pressuring her and show her some respect! Let her heal!"

Everyone stared at Ali with wide eyes and mouths dropped in shock. Ashlyn was the only one slightly amused and majorly turned on by the way Ali told them off. It seemed to sink into the reporters because there was a collective clearing of throats, shifting from uncomfortableness, and other embarrassing motions. Ali saw she got her point across, but wanted to drive it home and make sure they stopped for sure.

"We should treat our veterans better," she said more calmly and stepped back to the door. "You're able to do the job you love because of them. They fight for our freedom everyday. The least we can do is show them we care about them and appreciate it. Ashlyn will talk when Ashlyn wants to talk. Until then, leave her alone. Or else."

The warning tone didn't go unnoticed and everyone looked up to Ali in confusion. Ashlyn saw it and could only give a small smile before Ali closed the door in their faces. She could clearly see they were as confused as she was about what just happened. Ali had just defended her as if the last 3 1/2 years hadn't happened. She had just defended her like they were together still, though they were, but like there was no Jeff.

It made Ashlyn smile big and proud, especially as Ali turned back around to her.

"What," Ali asked, questioning amusement on her face as she looked at her.

"That," Ashlyn exhaled in a short laugh, "was AAAAMAAAAAAZIIIIIING! Alex, you told them off!"

Ali giggled shyly and shrugged the same. "They were being jerks to you. You don't deserve that," she explained.

Ashlyn laughed a little more and grabbed the back of her neck. "Thanks. I probably would've killed them soon if they didn't leave me alone," she half joked.

"I believe it, but get in line," Ali teased and walked around her. "I'll go get your daughter."

Ashlyn smiled as she turned around and watched her head to the hall. When Ali disappeared around the corner, she stuffed her hands in her pockets and looked around the living room. It made her a little emotionally happy at seeing that Ali hadn't changed much in there. The only thing she really did change was that she replaced her recliner with a loveseat couch. Ashlyn's heart flexed at it missing and she moved to where it once was at.

"So much change. Where's my chair," she half groaned and whined quietly to herself. She loved her chair a lot.

"Mommy what are you going to do while we're gone," Leighton's voice asked.

Ashlyn looked up from her gloom and brood at not knowing where her chair was, to her wife and daughter rounding the corner to her. She grinned brightly at the sight of Leighton and moved away from the loveseat. Ali was holding her hand and answering her questions, and boy did Leighton have a million of them. She always made a point of knowing her mommy was going to be ok while she was gone.

"I've got work, baby," Ali answered, not wanting to go into too much detail.

"But after that," the little girl continued.

"Um, just grown up stuff," she stuttered out.

"What KIND of grown up stuff," she dug deeper, stopping them to look up to her.

"Babes, it's boring stuff. Not as much fun as you'll have," Ashlyn intervened, winking to her wife.

Leighton turned to Ashlyn and ran to her to jump in her arms. Ashlyn chuckled as she caught her with a little grunt and spun her around quickly. She kissed her cheek, making sure to playfully nibble it and make her laugh, before hugging her and dropping her back down on the floor with ease. Leighton grabbed her hand immediately and held it tightly as she looked back to Ali.

"Mommy, you should come camping with us," she suggested innocently.

Both women stiffened at her suggestion, minds not even bothering to detour away from their 'camping' trips. They both started talking at the same time in nerves.

"Leigh, I'm sure-," Ashlyn tried, hand raised some.

"Not this time, honey," Ali said, forcing a smile and trying to hide her blush.

"Yeah," Ashlyn finished, thankful for her always being the calmer one.

"Fine," Leighton groaned, trying to not roll her eyes.

They both chuckled at her and shook their heads at her sassiness. They then looked to each other, and Ashlyn smirked knowingly and Ali shrugged innocently. Leighton was so much like Ali in so many ways and it tickled them to no end. Ali then told Leighton to go grab her breakfast and eat it quickly so they could leave, to which the girl took her backpack off and tossed it to Ashlyn.

"Yep," the blonde grinned and shook her head. "She's your daughter." 

Ali looked to her quizzically and Ashlyn flashed the backpack at her. Ali didn't know if she was talking about the fact it was pink or what, and it showed on her face. Ashlyn laughed and told her that she made her carry her bags, too. Ali laughed and rolled her eyes, smirking sassily and knowingly as she moved to sit on the couch. Ashlyn didn't know where to sit, so she moved to the loveseat.

"Where's the recliner," she asked curiously, looking around herself and touching the loveseat.

Ali picked her head up off the back of the couch. She looked to her wife confusedly until she registered what she said by how she was looking and where she was sitting. She felt bad, but calmed when she noticed Ashlyn seemed more curious than anything. Ali sat up straight and cleared her throat into her fist, trying to think where to start. She didn't want to upset her about anything.

"Just curious, Als. Relax," Ashlyn chuckled softly and looked to her gently.

Ali smiled back and picked at her sweat pant leg. "I couldn't...I couldn't really look at it after a while," she mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

Ashlyn took a moment and then slowly nodded in understanding. She knew Ali was talking about her being assumed dead and her not being able to look at anything hers. She didn't know if it would be inappropriate to smile or not, because to her it meant Ali loved her still. Just that much more confirmation for her that Ali and her were still attached together. That much more proof her and Ali still had a connection.

"You didn't throw it away did you," she asked, smiling to keep the mood light.

Ali looked up to her apologetically and opened her mouth. "Ash, I'm really, really sorr-," she tried to apologize.

"Alex, that chair cost almost $2500," she laughed with wide eyes of shock.

Ali was confused now as to why Ashlyn was so lighthearted about her chair not being there anymore. She thought for sure she would be made and wanting to go track it down. That chair cost them a fortune and it held a lot of sentimental meaning for Ashlyn. It was the first thing she got and moved into their apartment after they got married. Ashlyn loved just laying on it, taking naps, watching TV (especially on game days), snuggling with Ali on it, or holding Leighton on it.

"Why are you so smiley about your chair missing," the brunette asked suspiciously and cautiously, eyes narrowed in study.

Ashlyn shrugged nonchalantly and rubbed the loveseat. "Don't get me wrong, I'm upset, but I know you had your reasons. I can buy another one, I guess. It's cool," she replied.

Ali's eyes narrowed even more and sat up. "Seriously," she asked in disbelief.

Ashlyn laughed and nodded dramatically. "Yeah, Alex. It's cool," she smiled and relaxed into the seat.

Ali's eyebrow raised and she shook her head some. "I sold it in a garage sale last year. I'm sure I can remember who with some thought and ask to buy it back," she offered.

"Cool," she nodded and stretched some. "If ya can't remember, Al, it's still cool. I can always buy another one. It'll be like a fresh start."

Ali smiled back at Ashlyn smiling at her in confidence. The longer the silence dragged on, the deeper the words sunk in. Ashlyn didn't mean for them to sound so final and like she was giving up on them, but she couldn't help how they sounded. Ali, once again, felt the seemingly distance between her and Ashlyn expand. Ashlyn could sense the tension and thought to offer a compromise of sorts.

"So, you and Jeff have plans this weekend," she asked after clearing her throat.

Ali's eyes went wide at her question and she shifted in her seat. "U-Um, ye-yeah," she answered, almost like a question.

Ashlyn smiled softly at her and nodded shortly. "Can I call you? I mean, if I need to ask you something about Leigh or something? Who knows if she'll have a meltdown with me," she joked.

Ali laughed lightly and tucked some hair behind her ear. "You can call me anytime especially when it's about her. We're just going to a dinner party of his friend's," she replied.

"Cool," she said and tapped her knee.

A little more awkward silence and shifting by Ali.

"She'll be ok and she won't have a meltdown," she added and smiled when she looked to her. "She loves hanging out with you. Especially with your dad and brother. Everything will be fine, Ash."

"I hope so," she said, blowing out a hard and nervous breath.

Ashlyn's roaming eyes landed on Ali, who gave her a warm and encouraging smile. It made everything alright on Ashlyn's world. It also made her open her mouth to return the favor and to try to show her she was willing to try to give her the time she asked for. She was also curious in wanting to know who her family was around the last year and a half. She hoped her jealousy didn't show and she seemed genuine.

"So, when can I meet him," she asked breezily.

Ali almost broke her neck trying to look back up to her and her question. She almost stuck her fingers in her ears to clean them and ask her to repeat herself. She knew this was bound to come up one day and it was only fair. Ashlyn had every right to meet and get to know Jeff because he had been hanging around Leighton. It made her almost smile at how cute she was being as an overprotective parent, even though there was nothing to worry about.

"I know you said you need time and I'm willing to give you that. It sucks, but I'm trying. He's been around Leigh and I wanna meet him, though. Just...for peace of mind, I guess. Does that make sense," Ashlyn added, confused herself.

Ali nodded in understanding and cleared her throat. "Perfect sense. I'll tell him," she said, trying to give a smile.

Ashlyn nodded back and forced as convining of a smiled as she could. Just as another uncomfortable and awkward silence descended upon them, Leighton came out of the kitchen chewing and wiping her hands together. Both women were thankful and stood at the same time quickly. Leighton went to Ashlyn for her backpack and then to Ali to say goodbye. Ashlyn moved to the door and watched with a content smile.

"Love you, doodlebug," Ali said, holding her eyelevel and touching noses. "Be good for Momma, Uncle Chris, and Papa. I'll see you in a few days. Ok?"

Leighton nodded and played with her hair. "Yes, Mommy. I love you," she smiled widely and kissed her nose.

Ali giggled, making her do the same, and rubbed noses with her. "I love you more, honey. Have fun," she winked and set her down with a kiss to her forehead.

"You too, Mommy," she said as she ran to Ashlyn.

"Ready," Ashlyn asked as she grabbed her hand.

"Ready," Leighton nodded and hopped on the balls of her seat some.

Ali laughed and walked them out the door. The news people were mostly gone and only some dwindled around still.

"Good job, Ali," Ashlyn winked to her, earning a laugh, and headed for the truck.

"Hey, Ali," Mr. Harris yelled to her.

"Hey, Papa," she yelled and waved back.

Ashlyn waved to Ali as she got in the truck. As her dad started it up to leave, they shared a smile and quick nod before pulling off. Ashlyn got ready for camping with her daughter, her first time alone with her almost, and got nervously excited. Ali headed to her room to get ready for the dinner party, hoping to escape away from all the hectic mess she endured that week.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What's wrong," Jeff asked as he walked outside.

Ali looked to him in slight annoyance. "Really? You didn't notice everyone in there looking at me like I was going to shoot you or something," she bit out a little harshly.

Jeff sighed and went to sit next to her. "I don't care about it and neither should you, Ali," he said pointedly.

Ali laughed humorlessly and downed the rest of her champagne. "Kind of hard not to care when I'm at their house and their dinner party," she answered sarcastically.

Jeff rolled his eyes in irritation. "Well, I don't care. I'm here with you and you're my fiancé. I love you," he told her.

"They're your friends and I get they want to protect you, but they don't know me or the situation," she almost growled.

"And I said I don't care, Ali. I'm with you. Remember," he repeated.

"I know you don't, but I do, Jeff! They act like I'm gonna run off and cheat on you or something," she exclaimed in disgust.

"I don't know what to say," he said at a loss and stood, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Ali eyed him and her face hardened. "Do you think I would," she asked.

Jeff whirled around to her and looked at her like she lost her mind. "What," he asked in a clipped tone.

"Do you think I would," she repeated and stood, moving to him as she observed him closely.

He looked offended that she would even ask him that and he turned fully to her. He stared at her and hoped to call her on a bluff or some cruel joke, but she didn't budge. It made him laugh humorlessly and move to sit back down. He shook his had at the fact a seemingly good evening was ruined. He didn't want to argue with her, but he never thought she would because she already told him she kissed her.

"Well, Jeff," she asked impatiently and put her hand on her hips.

"Sometimes I think you want to push me away," he stated as he looked down at his hands.

"What's that supposed to mean," she asked offended.

"It means, Ali, that I'm trying to make this work with you, but all you want to do is argue about stupid things with me," he threw out.

"Ok, you're out of your mind, Jeff," she scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Then what the hell is this," he argued, motioning between them.

"You know what? We'll talk about this later," she said and moved to leave.

"I trust you, Ali! I trust you with my heart and I love you. I NEVER think you'd cheat on me. You told me about when you kissed in the woods...that's how I know I can trust you," he said, moving to grab her arm.

Ali was silent as she stared at the ground with her tongue to the roof of her mouth. She didn't know why she was acting the way she was acting because Jeff didn't treat her ANY differently. If anything, he was just more worried about Ashlyn returning and what that could mean for their relationship. But the looks and gossiping his friends were doing towards her made her angry. They didn't know her, her feelings, or the situation.

The longer she thought about it all, the more she realized she directed her anger at the wrong person. She knew Jeff wouldn't allow anyone in there to disrespect her in front of him. She knew he wouldn't allow it even if she wasn't there with him. Ali had a busy week and the weekend started out worse. All she wanted to do was go home, crawl into bed in complete darkness, and sleep until Leighton came back.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed, wiping under nose quickly and taking a step back.

Jeff sighed at her and let his hand slowly fall. "There's nothing to be sorry for, honey. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled," he said softly.

Ali looked up to him and tried to figure out how she ever got so lucky to land such a great guy. No matter how many times she was wrong and he was right, he always took the initiative to be the one to apologize first. Ali didn't know if it was him just being sincere or if it was some desperate way to hang on to her. She hoped it wasn't the latter, but she also hoped it wasn't the first because she was sometimes wrong.

"Can we just leave. I think I'm all partied out," she joked lightly, adding a soft and compromising smile.

Jeff grinned lightly and nodded. "Sure. I'll take you home," he smiled and put his hand to the small of her back.

Ali was thankful that he didn't seem bothered about leaving his friend's dinner party early. She stayed quiet and only gave smiling and parting nods as he talked and said goodbyes. His hand never left her back and it made her feel protected, almost like he was making a statement by saying he was with her so deal with it. Ali smiled gently at it, but soon her mind wandered to Ashlyn's touch.

Before she could even compare how un-similar they were, she pushed the thoughts far away.

"Did you have fun at all," Jeff asked as they headed to his car hand-in-hand.

Ali looked to him and waited until he looked back. "I had fun with you," she smiled, crinkling her nose for added affect.

Jeff smiled a little shyly and kissed her hand. "I always have fun with you...and Leighton," he said.

Ali loved how thoughtful he was in always adding Leighton into conversations about them. It made it just that much harder for her to make a decision between him and Ashlyn because he was so caring and sweet to them. She didn't know how she would ever be able to break his heart by telling him she chose Ashlyn if the time ever came. Jeff was one in a million. It was because of those thoughts she remembered Ashlyn's earlier asked question.

"Ashlyn wants to meet you," she blurted out.

Jeff was opening her door for her and stopped halfway. "M-...what," he asked, head tilted in confusion.

Ali licked her lips in preparation and played with her clutch. "Ashlyn...she said she wants to meet you," she repeated.

Jeff stayed frozen in place for a moment before looking to the inside of his car in thought. He knew it was bound to come up at some point and time, but he didn't think it'd be so soon. He had read up on the woman and her horrors she faced, and had nothing but respect for her and her service to their country. Ashlyn posing a threat to his and Ali's happily ever after, though, was the only issue he had.

This was important and he had to show Ali he was trying and willing to wait, though.

"U-Um, yeah. S-Sure," he said almost like a question and he was asking her for permission.

Ali blew out a breath of relief and smiled the same. "Yes. Thank you," she nodded and kissed his cheek.

Jeff gave a nervous and tight-lipped smile. "You're welcome. She's Leighton's mother. It was bound to happen and it's important that it does," he explained, but more for himself.

"It'll be ok," Ali assured him, grabbing his arm to squeeze.

"I don't know...she's a soldier. She probably has guns. Her DAD has guns," he mused in slight worry.

"Jeff, stop worrying," Ali laughed and moved to get in the car.

"Hey, the man threatened me if I hurt you or his granddaughter. Hell, the whole FAMILY did," he added with a chuckle.

Ali just smiled and shrugged. "They love us. And you've been doing a pretty good job so far," she winked.

Jeff grinned like a fool and leaned in to kiss her. "I love you," he said, pulling back the faintest to look her in the eyes.

Ali slowly opened her eyes and smiled back. She did love him and it wasn't a lie...it was just different.

"I love you, too," she said and pecked his lips.

Jeff took it as all the answers he needed. Ali could see how happy it made him and it made her smile to see it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks to all you wonderful and lovely people for the constant support. Please feel free and unbothered to ask me questions about the story if something doesn't make sense because I tend to forget you're not all in my brain and know what I'm thinking lol.


	30. The Weekend - Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EXTREMELY sorry for the EXTREMELY late update! Rough day today :P
> 
> Your patience is greatly appreciated lol.

Ashlyn was overwhelmed for most of the camping weekend. She realized she should have heeded Ali's warnings before she left about their daughter a little more cautiously. She wanted to take on the responsibility of her daughter, but she felt she was making things worse. Leighton was indeed girly and not into grungier things. Ashlyn was in over her head and didn't know how to change it for the better.

They arrived Saturday to their camping spot they always took as a family right after picking Leighton up. It was almost 9 and all they had to wait for was Chris to get there with the cooler of food and drinks. At first, Ashlyn had no problems with Leighton and things seemed fine. She hopped out of the truck and even helped bring things over to the campsite. Things seemed great and Ashlyn let out a breath of relief.

Then, Leighton had to use the restroom and things went downhill from there.

Ashlyn grabbed her little hand and led her towards the woods for privacy. Just as she started to explain to her confused daughter that she would have to relieve herself behind a giant tree, Leighton snatched her hand away and put both of them to her mouth. She was shocked that they had to use the restroom outside with no toilet or anything. She expressed those thoughts to her mother, too.

Leighton refused to use the restroom outside and Ashlyn borderline begged her to do it so she didn't have an accident on herself. The nearest restroom was a gas station a few miles away and it more than likely wasn't even as clean as the woods. Leighton refused, diva-ness coming to play, and crossed her arms defiantly. All Ashlyn could so was sigh in defeat and grab her hand to lead her back to camp.

Her dad and brother were setting up things when they returned. They both looked up to them and smiled just as Leighton let go of her hand to go ask them about the restroom. She refused to believe that there was nowhere for her to go at, but when her uncle and Papa confirmed it, she just about had a meltdown right then and there. Ashlyn was seconds from joining her, so she picked her up and headed to the truck.

She drove her daughter to the gas station restroom to use, but upon inspection, she saw it was really nasty. She drove a few more miles, irritation not at her daughter but at the world seemingly against her, to another gas station another mile away. It wasn't that great, but it was better than the last and she cleaned it up some. Leighton was satisfied enough to use it. With the problem fixed, Ashlyn waited against the wall outside the door and exhaled deeply.

That was just one problem.

The next arrived when they started building a fire and needed wood. Ashlyn tasked herself with it and asked Leighton to tag along to keep her preoccupied. She figured it would be a great time for them to talk and get to know each other more. Ashlyn grabbed her hand to lead her further into the woods, much to her daughter's detest at being in the mucky area. Just as Ashlyn started talking about what they were going to do, Leighton started screaming.

Ashlyn jumped in fright and looked to her immediately. Leighton was caught in a spider web and flailing her arms frantically to get it off, tears of fear forming. If Ashlyn wasn't concerned about her daughter's feelings at the moment, she would've laughed at how cute she looked. Those thoughts washed away when Leighton accidentally poked her eye when she leaned in to help her. After a few minutes of trying to get her to be still and picking the web off of her, they headed back to camp.

Mr. Harris and Chris were all rushing to them when they almost made it back to camp. They heard the screams and grew concerned, so they were relieved to see Ashlyn with Leighton in her arms coming back to them. Ashlyn was a soldier and had to endure far worse things than any other person could ever dream about, but she was finding her daughter to be a challenge. Chris gave her an encouraging smile and pat on the back before going to get the firewood.

That was the second problem.

Lunch time was what Ashlyn hoped would be the thing to smooth things over and get Leighton more involved and liking camping. They had hotdogs all ready and prepped to hold to their fire pit to cook, and hot chocolate on standby to further better Leighton's first camping experience. Things really looked up for Ashlyn when she saw her daughter's eyes go wide in hunger at the sight of the food.

It went well and Leighton had fun cooking her hotdog by the fire. She was sitting in Ashlyn's lap, who was seated on a log so she could watch and help her, and they were having fun giggling and eating their food. It made Mr. Harris and Chris smile at the sight of them as they wolfed down their own food. Things were looking up and Ashlyn felt that this was the turning tide of the camping trip.

But it was short lived when Leighton had to go to the restroom again.

Ashlyn loved her daughter and didn't mind taking her all the way back to the gas station, but she also wanted her to be prepared. She wanted her to know how to take care of herself in case anything happened. She wanted her to know all the things she and Chris learned from their dad on their many, many camping trips they loved. Above all else, she wanted to teach her everything she knew and share something close to her with her.

But Ashlyn knew Leighton was 4 1/2 and there would be plenty of time later to convince her of these things. She swallowed her pride, picked her daughter up, carried her to the truck, and drove them back to the gas station. She waited by the door while her little princess sang a happy song as she used the restroom, and she couldn't help the bright grin that swept across her face. She loved her.

They made it back to camp, and though Ashlyn was exhausted with all the driving and running in and out of the woods, she was enjoying time with her family. She plopped back down onto her log chair she dubbed as her own, and smiled as Leighton moved to her dad's lap to sit. She admired how close all of her family was with her daughter and it made her heart swell with pride. She knew Ali and Leighton were always safe with them when she was gone, but to see it made her happier.

Problem three arose when it was nap time.

Ashlyn grabbed her dozing off daughter out of her dad's arms to take to the tent they had set up. She would be sharing it with Leighton and her dad and brother would be sharing the other. They were pretty loud snorers and she was happy that they would be away from them to sleep peacefully. Ashlyn with ease rolled out Leighton's sleeping bag onto their air mattress and laid her on it.

Leighton didn't like that at all.

It was a cold day and the sleeping bag only provided so much warmth. Leighton didn't know that they would be sleeping outside, even though they were in a tent, and assumed they would go back home to sleep and leave back out during the day. Ashlyn bit back a laugh at her response and sat on the air mattress with her, pulling her into her lap to hold. She let her warmth relax her and held her as she explained what camping was.

It took her 20 minutes of explaining and telling her that no bears or anything were going to bother them for Leighton to calm down. It took her another 12 minutes of checking for spiders, bugs, and other animals around the inside of the tent for her to be comfortable enough to lay down. Ashlyn was overwhelmed and trying to not pull her hair out. Leighton was oblivious to it all and stretched her hand out to her.

Ashlyn stared at it with a raised eyebrow then looked to her daughter's sleep heavy eyes. She looked exhausted and ready pass out for her nap, but she fought it off as she raised her swaying hand to her. Just as Ashlyn opened her mouth to ask what, Leighton spoke first and asked her to lay with her. Ashlyn's heart bursted with love right then and there in that moment. She almost cried.

Ashlyn smiled teary at her, proud and happy at her request, then laid down behind her. Leighton turned around and tucked her little head under her chin, making sure to snuggle close to her and wrap her sleeping bag closer around herself. Ashlyn just froze in place and let her get comfortable, then held her close as she heard her let out a deep breath and doze off. Ashlyn didn't mind laying there forever and holding her little girl.

What started out as problem three, turned into the greatest moment ever for Ashlyn. They both ended napping together.

Ashlyn woke up 30 minutes before Leighton did and stumbled out the tent to her dad and brother. It was a few hours before dinner and she spotted them down by the water bank fishing, one of her favorite things to do and a big stress reliever. She smiled at the sight of them talking and laughing over a beer as they waited on something to catch their lines. After poking her head in to check on her daughter, she made her way down to them.

They already had a seat waiting for her and everything. Chris stood and set her up; chair, fishing pole, and beer in the cup holder of her chair. She smiled in thanks and sat down with a relaxed sigh as she leaned back into it leisurely. Her dad and brother watched her with big grins, knowing this was her favorite thing to do camping, and they all sat back to relax. They held conversation as they fished for their dinner.

Ashlyn's R&R carried over back to their campsite as her dad took their catch to clean and prep for cooking. She fed their fire and stared at the flames licking the wood and the smoke filling the air to surround her and stick to her. She inhaled the smell of the wood and exhaled a content and peaceful smile as she opened her eyes back to the fire. Chris watched her the whole time, glad that she could get away and enjoy herself.

But problem four arose and Ashlyn remembered her daughter was still there.

Mr. Harris was putting out some of their dinner on a grill rack over their fire. Leighton woke up, bleary eyes and fists rubbing them to open them fully, and stumbled out of the tent. Ashlyn smiled at how adorable she looked and stood to go pick her up. Leighton laid her head on her shoulder and wrapped her arms around her neck to rest there. Ashlyn grinned at her movements and carefully sat down on her log to hold her.

Things looked like they were going to be ok until Leighton asked what was for dinner and she was showed it. The Harris' never knew her to be a picky eater and she had fish before, but when she found out where it came from and saw her Papa cleaning them, she gagged. Ashlyn immediately stood with her and held her at arms length in case she did actually throw up. Chris grabbed a bag and their dad hid his cooking from her.

Ashlyn and Chris rushed to the woods, Ashlyn ahead of her brother and holding her gagging daughter away, just as she puked. Some of it got on Ashlyn's hand and she had to hold her breath and close her eyes to refrain from doing the same thing. She tried to concentrate on any and everything that wasn't the sound or smell of her daughter throwing up or the feeling of her chunks on her skin.

Chris came up to them and detoured in the same step the other way when he saw his niece's mess and the parts that landed on his sister. Ashlyn rolled her eyes at her weak brother and set her daughter down slowly and carefully. Luckily, it all hit the ground, part of a tree, and Ashlyn's hand and none on her. She looked up to her mom with an apologetic face to which Ashlyn just smiled sweetly and winked softly.

Leighton thought she would be in trouble, but Ashlyn just kissed her forehead and told her she would clean her up. Ashlyn took her beloved new jacket off, thankful she had a sweater on underneath, and cleaned her daughter's face and her own hand off. While they got clean, they looked over to Chris who was dry heaving towards the ground with his hand on a tree. It made them laugh and giggle at how silly he was being.

They all 3 headed back to camp after Chris was certain he didn't need to spill his lunch and 4 beers into the ground. They disposed of Ashlyn's jacket in the bag that was meant to catch Leighton's disgust for cleaning later. They walked up on their dad finishing dinner and wiping his hands clean of everything. He gave his daughter a wink as he went to grab his granddaughter to show her dinner in hopes of getting her to eat it.

Leighton ended up eating hotdogs again.

Ashlyn had an eventful, but somewhat great day camping back at home in the woods that held a special place in her heart. She was thankful for when night time came and they all circled around the fire to just talk and relax. Leighton did most of the talking and informed them about her week between Ashlyn and Ali. Everyone just listened on with smiles and admired how much she loved to talk.

Bed time came and Ashlyn went through the same routine she did with Leighton for naptime. This time, though, she didn't care and enjoyed doing it. She laid down with Leighton until she fell asleep, then smiled and cuddled her closer to hold for a little while longer to hold. Ashlyn never thought she would have this moment, or any moments with her daughter for the matter, and relished in it for as long as she could.

About 20 minutes into Leighton sleeping, Ashlyn slowly and carefully untangled herself from her and made her way back out. Her dad and brother were situated around the fire, Chris tending to the flames and their dad lounging in his chair and watching. She smiled and made her way back over to her log, and her brother stretched his extra jacket out to her without taking his eyes off his task.

They talked for a few hours and enjoyed the scenery and woodland sounds around them. They made a point to ignore and not bring up the reasons they were out there, and instead talked about happier things. They informed Ashlyn with more stories of Leighton growing up, sporting events she missed, family gatherings, and other things. She just listened to everything attentively and took it all to heart.

They decided to call it a night around 10 and retreated to their respective tents. Ashlyn was glad she brought extra blankets because Leighton was snuggled up like a burrito in her Disney Princess sleeping bag and had the 2 extra blankets wrapped around her. This was her first time having her for the night and they were sleeping in the same bed. She was about to learn her daughter was a horrible sleeper.

After getting ready for bed, Ashlyn crawled in next to her and got inside her sleeping bag. She chuckled to herself as she unwrapped Leighton and the little girl whined in her sleep at being removed from her warmth. She pulled her close and turned to face her as she wrapped them up in the blankets over their sleeping bags. She smiled at her daughter sleeping so peacefully with her mouth slightly opened.

For some reason, it made her miss Ali even more. She wanted to share all of this with her. But she pushed those thoughts away before they became torturous and remembered she still had her daughter for all of this. She made it all hurt less.

Ashlyn smiled softly as she closed her eyes and yawned silently to not disturb Leighton. She smacked her lips together quietly and cleared her throat a little as she felt sleep catching up on her. Just as she felt slumber land take hold, she felt something cold touch her nose slightly. She stiffened at the contact, furrowed her eyebrows, and slowly opened her eyes. She almost cried.

Leighton was asleep, but was now close to her to where their noses touched.

Ashlyn couldn't help the fool of a grin that slapped her face. She couldn't even help it when she fell asleep like that.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Morning, Harris'! Wake up, wake up, wake up," Mr. Harris shouted the next morning.

Ashlyn awoke with a start and flailed around as she tried to hop out of bed. She stood at attention half asleep before she realized she wasn't at base anymore and she was back home and camping. She rubbed her eyes with her hands and shook her head clear of the sleepy feeling, then looked to her bed. Leighton was gone and she started to panic at the sight of her missing daughter.

"Leighton! Leigh! Where are you, Leighton," she shouted, running out of the tent in search as she stuffed her jacket on. "Dad! Where's Leigh-"

Ashlyn was stopped short in her tracks at the sight of her daughter sitting on her log and swinging her legs into it. Her dad was finishing a breakfast for them of eggs and sausage links. Chris was stumbling out of their tent half asleep and yawning out loud while stretching widely. Leighton and her dad were looking at her like she had lost her mind, and Ashlyn exhaled in relief at the sight of her daughter.

"She woke up when I did. Wanted to help me get breakfast ready," Mr. Harris informed, trying to not laugh.

Ashlyn nodded embarrassedly and walked over to her daughter. "Sorry. Got scared," she mumbled with a little blush.

Mr. Harris just chuckled as he flipped sausages and finished the eggs. "Good parent," he said quietly.

Ashlyn smiled softly at his words as she sat next to her daughter. "Good morning. Sleep well," she asked her.

Leighton nodded with a sweet smile and grabbed her hand. "I slept great, Momma! What about you," she asked, playing with her fingers.

Chris made his way over for food as he slipped his jacket on. "I slept grrrrrreeeaaatttt," he playfully growled and peppered her face with kisses.

Leighton giggled and squirmed under him. "Stop, Uncle Chris! Momma," she yelled and laughed.

Ashlyn laughed and grabbed her brother for a noogie. "Leave my kid alone, goof," she teased and mussed his hair.

Mr. Harris grinned like a proud fool at the sight of his kids horsing around and his granddaughter laughing uncontrollably at it. He plated their breakfast and passed the plates around as they all settled down to eat. They all ate in mostly silence as their hunger took over and they wolfed it down. Even Leighton was eating more than usual, mostly because she threw up her lunch last night, and was happy to have something she liked.

"All done, Momma," she announced, standing and wiping her hands together.

Ashlyn nodded and winked at her as she stood. "Good job, honey," she finished chewing and grabbed their trash.

"Can we go fishing," she asked out of nowhere.

Everyone's eyes went to her like she had grown another little head. Ashlyn was the most shocked at her question.

"Uhh, fishing," she asked, slightly amused by her question.

"Yeah," she said enthusiastically. "I wanna go fishing with you"

Ashlyn looked to her dad and brother who were at an equal loss. "I thought you didn't like it," she replied.

Leighton shook her head and grabbed her hand. "But you like it. Please," she asked pleadingly.

Ashlyn looked down at her with a confused smile. "A-Alright, I guess," she said unsurely.

Leighton cheered and jumped, then ran into the tent to get ready. Ashlyn followed her with her eyes and laughed some at the change of events. Leighton did never actually say she didn't like fishing, she just assumed she didn't after their dinner fiasco last night. She shook her head and blew out a breath of hilarity, then looked to her equally confused dad and brother. They just shrugged and she did, too.

"She's full of surprises," their dad stated knowingly.

"Yep," Chris agreed, nodding as he drank his coffee.

"That's my girl," Ashlyn said softly to herself, smiling like a proud idiot as she followed her to get dressed.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ashlyn and Leighton were seated in a grassy area near the edge of the water, fishing poles stuck in the ground as they waited on a bite. They had been out there for almost 20 minutes and hadn't caught a thing. Neither one of them cared, though, as they had fun talking and playing around in their seat. Ashlyn sat in one of the chairs with Leighton close and secure on her lap as they waited on the fish to nibble.

"Stop, Momma," Leighton laughed and squirmed in her seat.

"Gotta say the magic word, Princess Leigh," Ashlyn laughed, tickling her harder.

"Please! Please, please, please, Momma," she giggled and tried to grab her hands.

Ashlyn slowed her tickle attack and kissed her head. "As the princess wishes," she said in a snooty voice.

"You're silly," she laughed and rested her head on her shoulder.

Ashlyn smiled and hugged her close. "Silly for you," she responded, pressing a long kiss to the top of her head.

They sat there in silence and listened to the water lap up onto the shore. Ashlyn rested her chin on the top of her head as she watched the lake water roll on without a care in the world. It was so peaceful and she loved every chance she had to just break away and come out there to get away for a while. She knew next week was going to be even worse, especially because Ali said she'd talk to Jeff about meeting each other.

"Momma," Leighton said quietly.

Ashlyn pulled her head back to look at her. "What's up," she asked her, giving her a little squeeze.

"Why don't you live with me and Mommy," she asked.

Ashlyn froze at her question, holding her a little more tightly and staring more through her than at her. Leighton was just looking down at her shirt shyly, playing with the strings of her pink jacket. She had been wondering this for a while now, but never asked because she was so busy having fun with Ashlyn. She always wondered why her family didn't live in the same home like everyone else's did.

"Momma," she asked again, sitting up to look at her.

Ashlyn snapped out of her state and blinked her eyes. "Um, it's...complicated...right now, sweetheart. There's a lot of things going on right now," she answered lamely, kicking herself for the generalized answer.

"Like what," she asked, confused and needing satisfaction.

Ashlyn wished Ali was there to handle this. It was her idea to take time to figure out things. Now, they're daughter noticed.

"Dumb grown up stuff. Nothing for you to worry about, babes. Ok," she said with a small smile.

Leighton nodded, clearly defeated, and sighed as she laid her head back on her shoulder. She really wanted a better answer than the always replied "grown up stuff", but she knew better than to argue with adults. Ashlyn closed her eyes and released a huge breath on the inside full of frustration, anger, and regret. Her daughter was all she had at the moment when it came to the family her and Ali built, and now she was noticing this mess.

"Momma? Are you going to leave again," Leighton asked, voice cracking.

Ashlyn's heart constricted and she pulled her close to hold, kissing the top of her head. "Look at me, Leigh," she said softly and pulled back.

Leighton refused and wiped at her eyes. It broke Ashlyn's heart to see her little girl hurting.

"Sweetheart, look at me. Please."

Leighton sniffled and looked up to her, eyes brimming with tears. Ashlyn smiled gently and swiped her thumb across an escaping tear, then tipped her head back to kiss her forehead. She kissed her cheek for a second, then blew on it and made her laugh. Her plan worked and she chuckled through her heartbreak at seeing her so sad. Leighton wiped at her face and looked up to her shyly from under her eyelashes.

"Baby, I love you. I fought so hard to come back to you and everyone else. I'm not going anywhere. You've got me forever. Do you hear me," she grinned softly and winked at her.

Leighton heard the truth in her words and nodded with a shy and sweet smile. "Yes, Momma," she said.

"That's my girl," she said, kissing her nose. "Can I get a hug?"

"Yes, Momma," she laughed and hugged her tightly around the neck. "I love you, Momma."

Ashlyn's heart mended back together at her words. "I love you more, Leighton," she whispered by her ear then kissed it.

Ali was right; they certainly did need to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaand I know I just pissed you all off more with the ending, buuuuuuuut I have to make it worse by saying...
> 
> SeeYouMonday!
> 
> Ciao! xoxo


	31. A Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The joy of opening my inbox after a looooooong weekend x'D

"Where's Leigh?"

Ashlyn walked up the walkway to the house with her hands buried in her jacket pockets and her head down. She was silent the whole time she approached the front door and it made Ali worry and panic when she didn't answer her question. Just as she was about to ask her again, Ashlyn stopped right in front of her and looked up to her in a way that made her words catch in her throat.

She looked pissed...and with her.

"Ashlyn," Ali asked slowly and cautiously.

Ashlyn moved her jaw around then opened her mouth. "We need to talk. Now," she stated and looked at her to move aside.

Ali put her hand to her heart thinking the worst. "Oh my God. Where's Leigh?! Is she alright," she asked frantically.

Ashlyn raised her hand to calm her and closed her eyes. "She's fine for the most part. Let me in and we'll talk," she said.

"What the hell, Ashlyn! 'For the most part'. What the hell is that suppose to mean?? I wanna see my daughter," she said in irritation and tried to move past her.

Ashlyn grabbed her arm before she made it past her and held her there. Ali tried to snatch it back to continue her search for their daughter, but Ashlyn just tightened her grip some and held her there. Ali was getting angry at her seemingly so carefree mood when apparently their daughter wasn't ok. She knew Ashlyn loved their daughter and would put her needs and safety before anyone else's, and it made her confused now.

"Let me go," she growled lowly and pulled on her arm. "Where the hell is Leighton, Ashlyn?!"

"Good to know you care about something," Ashlyn bit out coldly, dropping her hold carelessly.

Ali looked at her in puzzlement and narrowed her eyes accusingly. "And just what the HELL is that suppose to mean," she demanded.

Ashlyn chuckled humorlessly and shook her head. "Oh, you know exactly what the hell that means, Alex," she said and wiped her hand over her mouth.

Realization dawned on Ali that she was talking about herself, but Ashlyn was actually talking about their daughter. She had been on a mission ever since they woke up that Monday morning and was glad to see no news people outside the house. She was going to make Ali see one way or another the affect her indecisiveness was having on not just them but their daughter, as well.

"Ashlyn," Ali started slowly and took a deep breath. "I told you I need a litt-"

Ashlyn ignored her and rolled her eyes as she brushed past her into the house. Ali cursed and turned around quickly to look at her, and saw that she was pacing the living room and talking to herself as she ran a hand through her hair. Ali huffed out a breath and then followed her inside, slamming the door closed. She didn't know what was up with her wife and she was for sure going to get to the bottom of it.

"What's your problem," she demanded angrily, storming to her on a mission.

Ashlyn stopped and looked to her incredulously. "MY problem," she asked flabbergasted.

Ali crossed her arms furiously and rested her weight on one foot. "Yeah! YOUR problem," she repeated and cocked an eyebrow.

Ashlyn laughed in mock amazement and shook her head. "Ya know, I never would've thought you were this blind or a dunce about the most obvious things. Guess that's 2 surprises I get for a homecoming," she said, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

Ali narrowed her eyes and took a step to her. "Cut the bullshit, Ashlyn. What the hell is going on and where is Leighton," she demanded strongly.

"She's at my parents house, Ali," she answered snippety and looked to her offended. "I know I'm all messed up and everything, but I know how to take care of my daughter."

"That's NOT what I was saying and you know it," she countered and pointed at her defensively.

Ashlyn snorted and grasped the back of her neck with both of her hands. "Whatever," she mumbled, closing her eyes and trying to calm herself with deep breaths.

Ali was getting overwhelmed herself and felt her emotions rise. She couldn't believe that Ashlyn thought that about her and it hurt. She never thought Ashlyn was incapable of taking care of their daughter and she trusted her with her. She knew Ashlyn was working through her horrors of being a P.O.W. and that there was a possibility that she had more issues this time than the last. She knew above all else, though, that she would never hurt Leighton.

"Why is she at your parents house," she asked quietly, wiping at her eyes quickly.

"We need to talk," Ashlyn sighed, clearly upset, and dropped her hands to her sides.

"What about," Ali asked in slight nervousness, shifting on her feet.

Ashlyn finally looked to her and bit down hard. "Us," she gritted out, trying to hide her fear.

Ali stared back at her for a moment before looking away. "Wh-What about us," she asked in almost a whisper.

Ashlyn just stared at her and debated on the way to go about this. She wanted to just throw it all out on the table and yell out her feelings to her. She wanted to tell her how much it hurt to be asked to give her space and time. She wanted to scream how angry she was about her and Jeff still being engaged. She wanted to cry to her about how much she missed her and their home together with their daughter.

She just wanted to plead to her to bring their family back together.

But she knew she couldn't go about things like that and that she had to be smarter about things. She knew she had to be an adult about it all and let her know these things in a more calmer way. They had Leighton to think about and so much more was riding on how good they go along. They had possessions, family, and friends to consider in all of this. They had to find a median to get along until things were figured out.

Ashlyn took a deep breath and closed her eyes, then opened them a moment later. "I know you need time and I said I'd give it to you. I can only imagine what it's like to be engaged to someone else and then have your spouse return from the dead like nothing's changed. I'm ONLY able to do this waiting game with you because I love you and don't want to hurt you," she started as calmly as she could.

Ali nodded a little and a tear escaped. "I'm not trying to hurt you, Ashlyn. It's not a waiting game for me," she insisted, voice trembling at the end.

"Alex, you say that and I can actually hear the truth in your voice, but that's not how it feels," she said, voice shaking and cracking some. "It feels like a fucking knife is being pushed into my stomach and heart and twisted every time I see that on your finger. I feel my chest squeeze and hurt every time I go to sleep and it's not at home with you in our bed with our daughter down the hall. It fucking hurts to have to drive here like I don't live or belong here, Ali. I just don't get any of it."

Ali was crying quietly into her hand at the pain in her voice and tears coming down her face. Ashlyn didn't bother wiping them as a statement and proof of how she felt.

"I don't get why he gets to touch and kiss and hold you, but I have to basically keep 5 feet distance to avoid us brushing hands. How come he gets to be with you and I have to watch from the sidelines? I'M YOUR WIFE. It's not fair, Ali!"

"Ashlyn, I don't mean to hurt you like that," Ali sniffled and tried to control her emotions. "Things are complicated and I was with him for the longest. I can't just drop him like that. It's not fair nor is it right. I don't want to hurt you, but there's so much to consider-"

"You're damn right there's so much to consider," she stated harshly, anger boiling at her excuses. "Fuck my feelings and things, Alex, but not Leigh's! You can hurt me and make me wait forever on you, but I won't let it affect our daughter."

Ali was caught by surprise and it showed. "W-What are you talking about," she asked seriously.

Ashlyn saw she had her full attention and stepped to her. "Do you know what she asked me yesterday," she said lowly.

"Wha-"

"She asked me if I was going to leave again!"

Ali closed her eyes as soon as the words left her mouth. She didn't need to ask how hurt their daughter was or looked. Ashlyn's anger spoke volumes. It made Ali feel even more guilty about everything. Ashlyn saw she got to her and lowered her raised hands, watching her the whole time as it all sunk in and she saw her absorb it to her heart. She wasn't using Leighton to get Ali back, she just wanted her to see what the waiting was doing.

"My little girl thinks I'm going to leave her again because she doesn't know or understand why I don't stay here with my family," she went on, staring at her intently. "She cried and asked me, Alex, why don't I live with her and you. I'm sick and tired of having to lie to her and having to keep telling her 'grown up stuff'. It's complete and total utter bullshit! I know it and you know it."

Al swallowed hard and shook her head as she stared at the ground. "I never wanted to hurt her. That's the last thing I'd ever do, but it's not that simple, Ashlyn," she said quietly.

"Not that simple," she asked incredulously. "She's our daughter, Ali! It is that simple."

Ali's anger flared at her words and the tone she used. "DON'T make it sound like I don't care about her or her feelings in all of this," she snapped.

Ashlyn held her ground and gritted her teeth. "If you cared about them so much then you'd end this bullshit of needing time to make a decision. It's not that hard, Alex. Either you want to be with me or not! Our daughter wants us together, so that should be all the push you need. Her word is all that you were waiting for, right," she more demanded than asked.

"It's not that simple, Ash," she repeated and turned away from her frustratingly.

"WHAT'S NOT SO SIMPLE, ALI," she yelled in frustration.

"YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S FEELINGS I HAVE TO CONSIDER," she argued back, whirling around to get in her face.

Ashlyn reared her head back knowingly. "HE isn't married to you. I am," she reminded.

Ali scratched the top of her head then ran her fingers through her hair. "Ashlyn, please stop," she half begged and pleaded.

"You're still legally MY wife, Alex," she continued and pointed at herself. "You're MY wife in more ways than that. I love you with all of my heart. WE built a life together, one that I have been proud of from the beginning. You and OUR daughter are the reason I fought hard to come back from the shit I faced over there. We've been together since we were teenagers and have loved each other the same ever since. Are you telling me that everything we went through to get together and stay together is gone now? Are you telling me that we're not worth fighting for?"

"You know I don't think any of those bad things about us, Ashlyn," she forced through the softball lump in her throat. 

"I can't tell, Ali," she whispered in a hard voice. "I just don't understand how it's so easy for me to want to be with you, but it's so hard for you to want to be with me."

"I do love you, Ashlyn," she shouted in her face. "Do you think it's easy having to be the one to do all of this and knowing that I have 2 peoples hearts in my hand?! Having to watch every time I look either one of you in the eyes and knowing that the pain there is my fault! That I'm the cause of it. It's not easy and it makes me feel like shit!"

"Then fix it, Alex," she exclaimed frustratingly. "End this mess and pick one of us! Stop dragging the inevitable out and make a choice. One way or another, someone is gonna get hurt. If you wanna be with me, then just say it and I'll be right here right now! If you wanna be with him, then say it and stop hurting me by stringing me along like some damn stay puppy! Just choose!"

"Dammit, it's not that easy," she cried and moved away from her. "Ashlyn, I love you both, and yes it's different, but I still love you BOTH! I can't just throw away almost 2 years with him like it didn't mean anything to me. I can't just throw away 6 of the greatest years of my life with you, either! I just can't do it so easily as you think."

"Do you HEAR anything you're saying at all, Ali," she asked like it was so obvious. "Do you think 2 years with him means more than a LIFETIME with me?! It wasn't just 6 years of us together, Alex. It was ever since the day I met you! Ever since that day at lunch in the 4th grade."

"I know that, Ash," she cried and stomped her foot into the ground. "I'm not trying to downplay our relationship, I'm just saying! It's complicated."

Ashlyn groaned loudly to the ceiling and ran her hands down her face roughly. "Fucking-A, Alex! Either you explain this or we're just going to keep going in circles," she huffed and rubbed her eyes in exhaustion.

Ali stared at her and tried to get control of her sniffling as she wiped at her face to clean it. Ashlyn was pinching the bridge of her nose and trying to not lose it right then and now. Ali took a deep and preparing breath, and Ashlyn looked to her.

"When you died, Ashlyn, a part of me did, too-"

"Not that bullshi-"

"Let me finish, dammit!"

Ashlyn closed her mouth slowly and bit down angrily to not speak until she was done. Ali waited as she stared at her to make sure she would be quiet, then cleared her throat to speak again.

"It's cliché, but it's the truth. I mourned for you and I was broken for a very long time. Those 2 years weren't easy, Ashlyn. I scared everyone we know because they thought I wasn't going to ever get out of my depression. I finally had a breakthrough when my parents grabbed me and shook some sense into me about needing to get better to take care of Leighton. It was the most obvious reason, but it was just so hard at the time. I went to therapy after that and I honestly believe if it wasn't for that, I would've never made it through those dark years. You think this is such an easy thing to do, but it's been hard for 4 years. I went from moving on from you for 4 years to you coming back suddenly in a day. You didn't even tell me you were alive, Ashlyn! YOU shut me out. "

Ashlyn just stared at her and Ali swore she saw shame, pride, and admiration flash across her eyes. It made her continue.

"I never stopped loving you, Ashlyn. You're all I knew since we were 17 and our time together is the best thing ever to happen to me. I love everything we share and have together. I NEVER would trade our life we had together for anything. I told you that the night before you left for your last tour. I told you that our wedding day and our honeymoon night. I told you that the day we got engaged and I told you that the day you came back for your first stay. Don't take me needing time to figure things out as me saying the last almost 20 years doesn't mean anything to me. You know me better than that."

Ashlyn slumped back at her words, actually feeling guilty about how she came off on her. Ali saw she could finish now.

"You're my wife and we are legally married. I know that because I did look it up. But at the same time, Ashlyn, this great guy asked me to marry him almost 6 months ago and we've been planning a wedding ever since. He has been so patient the last few years with me and he's been in love with me almost the whole time. Just when I thought I wasn't going to ever be happy again with someone else, he came into my life and showed me that I could. He's been fantastic with not just me, but everyone I care about. I do love him, Ashlyn. I'm not trying to hurt you by telling you all of this, but I have to be truthful with you. It's hard being in this position. My back is against the wall and I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anyone."

Ashlyn looked away from her to the side as soon as she finished her words. As always, she put Ali first and tried to put herself in her shoes to try to see it all from her perspective. She tried to see how hard would it be for her to be in her position, but her mind kept going back to how hurt she was by everything. She just wanted her family back and to try to get back her life that was stolen from her.

Ali wanted to drive her point home and make her see.

"I don't want to hurt either one of you, Ashlyn, but so much has changed and I just don't want to do anything too soon and out of impulse. I care about both of you and your feelings. Ashlyn, when I thought you died, I had to work through moving on and trying to get myself better. Everyone told me that it was what you wanted and I fought them hard on it every day saying they didn't know you or us. But they were right. That video came in and I knew I had to try for you, for our daughter, and most importantly for myself. You didn't have to mourn my death and think I was never coming back. For the most part, you knew we were all alive and where we were. I thought you were dead, Ashlyn. I had to move on."

All Ashlyn heard was finality and that Ali had already made a decision. Ali was just trying to explain her feelings and make her see her reasons. There was a long minute of silence that felt like hours.

"Do you want a divorce," Ashlyn asked suddenly and above a whisper.

Ali almost broke her neck when she looked back up at her. "What," she asked like she was crazy.

Ashlyn just stared at her, masking her emotions. "Do you...do you want a divorce," she shook out.

"I never said that," Ali replied in rage and defense.

Ashlyn swallowed hard and nodded her head slowly. "You didn't have to," she whispered.

Ali opened her mouth for an explanation, but Ashlyn rushed out of the house and to the truck to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this explains things a little more...


	32. Avoiding You

"Where is she, Chris?"

After Ali was able to find her legs and tongue, she chased after Ashlyn so they could finish talking. What felt like them finally making progress and them actually seeing things from the other's perspective turned into more confusion. Ashlyn asked her if she wanted a divorce and she was blown away and rendered speechless by her question. That wasn't at all what she was wanting or trying to say.

Just as Ali made it halfway to the truck, Ashlyn was burning off down the road. Ali yelled out her name, but it was drowned out by the loud truck as it sped off to wherever Ashlyn steered it. Ali had an idea where she could've went, but she thought to check the Harris' house first and check up on Leighton. She knew why Ashlyn went from friendly Saturday to angry Monday, and she wanted to make sure their daughter was ok.

She was glad she asked to work from home for a while.

"Um, wasn't she at your place," he asked in confusion as he came down the porch steps.

Ali hissed a frustrated curse and raked her fingers through her hair. Chris could see that the talk Ashlyn wanted to have with her didn't go so well. When Ashlyn told them to drive to the house and then asked to borrow his truck to go talk to Ali, he assumed it would be a good one. If he had observed her closely, he would've saw her inhale through her nose sharply as she tried to control herself.

"Not to get in your guys' business or anything, but what happened," he asked tentatively and nervously.

Ali opened her eyes and ran a hand through her hair again. "We had a fight," she informed quietly and crossed her arms under her chest tightly.

Chris gave a deep and long sigh, then scratched the back of his neck. "You ok," he asked and sat on the steps.

Ali looked at him like he had 2 heads. "Wai-...what," she asked, face screwed in disbelief.

"Are you ok," he repeated, biting back a smile at her face.

Ali quirked her head to the side puzzlingly. "I'm fine," she answered unconvincingly.

Chris chuckled and rubbed his hands together as he rested his elbows on his knees. "I'm being sincere, Als," he assured.

Ali sighed tiredly and moved to sit next to him. "I know. Sorry," she apologized in a mumble.

Chris just smiled as he studied her for a few seconds. "Wanna talk," he offered.

"Your sister is confusing," she mumbled in slight irritation.

"You married her and knew what you were getting into from the beginning," he laughed softly and bumped shoulders with her.

Ali laughed a little and wiped under the corner of her eye. "I love her, duh," she retorted.

Chris grinned at her words and sat back on his elbows. "I know you do. She does, too, ya know," he told her, hitting the side of his knee against hers gently.

"I know," she exhaled and stretched her hands over her knees. "Believe me, I do."

They sat there for a moment in silence, staring out into the front yard and the road as cars passed. Ali really wanted to know where Ashlyn was and how Leighton was doing. Chris could feel the questions burning through her to him and gave a small smile. Ashlyn told him what Leighton had said yesterday when the little girl was put down for a nap and it broke his own heart to hear. He hoped their talk went good today.

"I'm sure Ashlyn's fine, Ali," he started, trying to assure them both. "She was just hurt by Leigh's questions and wanted to make sure she wasn't really affected by all of this. Just give her a second to get herself together. It'll all be ok. Ok?"

"You didn't hear the things she said to me or see the way she looked at me, Chris," she disagreed and bit her trembling bottom lip.

"But I know she loves you and Leighton and everything you guys have and are," he countered knowingly.

"I've pushed her too far," she sniffed and shook her head stubbornly. "This is all my fault."

Chris grabbed her hand between them and squeezed it tightly. "It's no ones fault and you could never do that. She loves you too much to lose you," he reminded her gently.

Ali wiped her other forearm under her nose and let out a breath through her mouth. "She asked me if I wanted a divorce," she said quietly, looking out to the yard.

Chris' mouth dropped and his eyes slightly went wide in complete shock. Ali didn't even look at him and knew he looked how she had just minutes ago. She slipped her hand out of his and used both of them to wipe her face clean. He just stared at her with the same face, unable to form into words what he was thinking and feeling. He couldn't believe his sister would ask the woman she loved with her life that. It was like she was giving up.

Neither had time to discuss what was just said as Leighton came running outside. She was looking for her uncle, but once she saw her mother, she squealed in glee and jumped into her arms. Ali went from sadness to complete joy at the sight of her daughter and hugged her back strongly. She kissed her face over and over again, making her giggle and squirm in her grasp. Leighton always made her feel better.

Chris sat back up straight slowly and smiled at how happy they both were. He wanted to ask questions, but he felt the only answers him or Ali were going to get would best come from Ashlyn. He was worried about his sister now and how she was doing and what she was feeling. He was worried about his sister-in-law, as well, because despite everything that happened this last week, she was just as affected. He loved her like a sister.

"Did you have fun camping, baby," Ali asked, smiling as widely as she could.

"Yes, Momma. I had lots of fun with Momma, Uncle Chris, and Papa! Camping is fun," she grinned enthusiastically.

"Oh boy," Chris chuckled with a headshake.

Ali looked to him in confused amusement. "What," she asked, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Chris looked up to them and smirked knowingly at his niece. Leighton just looked at him innocently and started laughing the longer he stared at her, not thinking that her diva-ness this weekend was an issue. Chris started laughing with her and moved to tickle her while Ali just held her face and giggled a little with them. When Chris told her about their weekend, she laughed hard and held her stomach at how funny it all was to her.

"I almost threw up, Ali," her brother-in-law exclaimed through a laugh.

"I'm sorry, Chris," she laughed and wiped at her eye. "But you of all people know how she is. She's more girly than me."

Chris rolled his eyes in amusement. "I didn't think she'd be that bad," he countered.

"I had fun, Uncle Chris! When are going again," Leighton asked, not paying much attention as she played on her mom's phone.

Chris pinched her cheek and winked at her. "Probably not for a while, baby girl," he chuckled.

"Awww! But I like being with Momma there," she frowned disappointedly.

Ali and Chris both flinched at her words and exchanged a look. Ali could see now what Ashlyn was saying.

"You'll go again soon with Momma. I know she'll love it and can't wait. Ok," Ali cut in with a small smile.

"Ok, Mommy," she smiled some, cheering up at the thought.

Ali kissed her cheek and squeezed her close. Chris watched on with a huge smile of relief and winked to Ali when she looked at him. She smiled back and held Leighton close as she told her about her time away camping with her family. Ali loved hearing her talk about how much fun she had with Ashlyn more specifically and all the measures she went through to please their daughter. It made her warm with happiness.

"And Momma helped me catch a fish this big, Mommy," Leighton informed, arms stretched widely and eyes big in amazement.

"Really," Ali asked, loving to hear her excitement.

"Yeah! And Papa cooked it and I ate it and it didn't taste that bad," she continued, nodding proudly.

"Did you really?! I'm so proud of you, honey," she smiled and kissed her cheek.

"Yep! Momma said I was a big girl and she was proud, too. She said I was her favorite fishing buddy. I'm her good luck," she grinned even more proudly with her chest puffed out some.

"Well, I can certainly agree to that," Ali grinned as she leaned over to playfully kiss her neck.

Leighton laughed and tried to dodge her. Ali was laughing and giggling along with her with Chris chuckling beside them as he watched them have fun. If it weren't for Leighton, Ali didn't know how she would even manage to be happy about anything with the current mess she was in now. Chris could see it, too, and it was the same thing he also felt for Ashlyn. His niece was the piece keeping his sister's marriage intact mostly.

"Mommy, when are you going camping with me and Momma," Leighton asked as they tried to catch their breaths.

Just as a surprised Ali opened her mouth to answer, looking to an equally dumbfounded Chris, Ashlyn returned. They both looked to the driveway and saw her pull up, but she must have not noticed them as she turned the truck off without a clue. Leighton forgot her question as she shot out of Ali's arms and to the truck to greet her. Ashlyn had her head down on the steering wheel, but picked it up at her daughter's voice and smiled as she opened the door to get out.

"Momma! Mommy's here," Leighton informed as she was picked up.

Ashlyn froze halfway lifting her up and then continued as she swallowed hard in anticipation. She wished she wasn't so gone analyzing her thoughts as she pulled up to the house. She looked to the street and saw Ali's car parked, something not hard to miss, and she cursed at her inattentiveness. She held Leighton close and kissed her cheek, then looked to the house to see her wife and brother stand from their seats.

Even though she didn't want to see her wife right now, seeing her daughter and saying bye for the day was more important.

"I'll see you tomorrow, sweetheart, ok," Ashlyn told her, patting her thighs and kissing her temple. "You be a good girl and we'll hang out and do something fun. Whatever you want, ok?"

"Ok, Momma," she smiled happily, hugging her around her neck.

"That's my girl," she winked and headed to the house. "I love you."

"I love you more, Momma," she grinned proudly.

Ashlyn chuckled and kissed her cheek one more as she put her down. Chris didn't know what to do as she approached the house and he looked to Ali nervously. He resorted to stuffing his hands deep in his pockets and biting the inside of his cheek in anticipation. Ali was just as nervous, but instead crossed her arms over her chest. She was upset, but she was also angry at how Ashlyn left her without finishing their talk.

Ashlyn slowly stopped in front of them and put her hands in her jacket pockets. "I'll pick her up tomorrow after my meeting," she said emotionless and not looking her in the eyes.

Ali was thrown off by her and frowned in confusion. "O-Ok," she stuttered, squinting her eyes at her in study and trying to catch her eyes.

Ashlyn just nodded and kneeled down to their daughter. "Love you and see you tomorrow, Little Princess," she smiled as she hugged and kissed her goodbye again.

"Ok, Momma. Love you more," she said and kissed her cheek loudly.

Ashlyn laughed and slowly let her go so she could say goodbye to Chris. She looked up to just catch Ali's eyes for a split second before heading inside without a word. Chris just looked to her walking away in confusion and then to Ali with remorse. She just smiled sadly and grabbed her purse off the steps, too much in defeat to chase her and argue. Chris hugged her tightly and strongly for a few seconds.

"Give her some time alone, Ali. She'll be ok," he assured.

Ali just hugged him tightly and nodded, trying to not cry. As she let go and headed to her car, she didn't feel positive about anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more posting today today...


	33. Seeing Things A Little Differently

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so hopefully this makes everyone a little more open and less angry lol. Then again, maybe not and we're all just going to have to keep going in circles ;P

"You're less talkative today than you were Thursday."

Ashlyn was staring at her shoes in deep thought, yesterday's conversation with Ali playing over in her mind. She hadn't been really attentive or talkative her whole therapy session with Dr. Morton at all and the woman noticed the moment she walked through the door something was off. She grew concerned when they sat down to begin and Ashlyn barely answered her questions about her weekend.

Dr. Morton leaned down some to try to look Ashlyn in the face. Ashlyn felt her stare and closed her eyes with a deep sigh. She was supposed to be in there getting better for herself, but instead she was worrying about her marital problems. She felt if she wasn't careful she was going to make herself worse with her marital issues. She didn't want that and cleared her throat and shook her head as she looked up.

"Sorry, Dr. Morton," she apologized softly and sat straighter.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Ashlyn. Especially in here," she smiled gently and put her notepad and pen on the table beside her.

Ashlyn gave a small smile and played with her fingers. She wanted someone to talk about her personal problems with so they could give her some insight. Someone that didn't know her or Ali and could give an unbiased answer. She wanted to know what to do to save her marriage. Dr. Morton's expertise was in military trauma experiences and the mental issues that could follow. Ashlyn felt that she could help her out with all of her problems, though.

She did say she wanted to be friends and help her out in every way possible.

"Can I ask you something," she asked in a nervous rush.

Dr. Morton simply smiled and clasped her hands together on her crossed legs. "This is your safe place, Ashlyn. You can ask me anything and it won't leave this room," she promised.

Ashlyn smiled and exhaled in a deep breath. "Do we have to just talk about my war experiences," she asked in a mumble.

"Not at all," she answered and sat straighter to give her attention. "We can talk about any and everything in here that you want. Like I said, this is your time and safe place. Nothing is off the table. I wanna help you in any way that I can. Ok?"

"Cool," she breathed and nodded.

"Whenever you're ready," she encouraged and tuned in.

Ashlyn took another deep breath and sat up some. "Can we talk about my wife," she asked unsurely.

Dr. Morton chuckled and nodded. "Like I said, Ashlyn, whatever you want to talk about," she smiled warmly.

Ashlyn laughed and shook her head with a shy blush. Dr. Morton had a way with making her comfortable and at ease to open up and share things. Even though they only had a few hours together Thursday, she shared more with the woman than she had with anyone else since she came back. She didn't know her and Ashlyn guessed it was what made her comfortable to share. Plus, Dr. Morton was really nice.

In a way, Dr, Morton reminded her of Ali. They both cared a lot about people and the work they did, though different career fields. They both had a smile and laugh that lit up a room and made Ashlyn relax despite the stress she was in. They both knew out to get things out of her, though it was Dr. Morton's job, but still. She just felt comfortable and free to be herself without hiding her deep emotions and problems.

"How are you and Ali doing," Dr. Morton asked in concern.

Ashlyn frowned at her question and got sadder. "Not good, actually," she responded dryly.

Dr. Morton's smile dropped and she gave a sympathetic one. The only thing she knew about the 2 women from what Ashlyn told her was that things were complicated with her back. Dr. Morton didn't want to press her for information and upset her anymore, but her concern and curiosity got the best of her. She had to read through Ashlyn's file and couldn't help the smile that came across her face as she read her story from beginning until the present.

From firsthand accounts to newspaper clippings and other things, Dr. Morton had been through the journey of Ashlyn's life in the span of hours. She was amazed by the woman before her and her story was one to be herald as a hero. She was born in Florida, moved to Virginia at 10, and her life basically started there. She was a surfer girl who never really left the beach life, and was a country tomboy from the start.

Ashlyn was truly a diamond amongst a billion ugly rocks. It was why she was so dedicated to helping her.

"Did something happen this weekend? I thought you went camping," she asked, leaning forward on her knees.

Ashlyn sighed deeply and ran her hand over the top of her head. "Something did happen. And I did go camping. It was all fun until Sunday evening," she answered, sadness and bitterness at the end.

Dr. Morton gave a sad smile at her tone. "Whatever you wanna share in here, Ashlyn," she reminded her gently.

Ashlyn took a moment to gather her thoughts and words. "Leighton was a handful and a half camping this weekend. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade this weekend for the world and plus it wasn't always bad. We had more rough moments than easy ones, but something changed in her Sunday morning. I don't know what it was, but my dad said she just woke up happy and the next thing I knew she wanted to go fishing with me. This from the same little girl that threw up at the sight of my dad cleaning our fish dinner the night before," she chuckled in amazement.

Dr. Morton laughed along and unbuttoned her suit jacket. "Sounds like you have a pretty amazing and wonderful little girl. Though I knew that from last week alone when she was all you talked about so proudly," she winked and took her jacket off.

Ashlyn smiled with a little knowing blush and watched her get comfortable. Dr. Morton put her jacket on the back of her chair she was sitting in and smoothed out her shirt as she cleared her throat. She wanted to get comfortable and felt that this was going to be the most important conversation she had with Ashlyn. She wanted to help her seek the answers as best as she could.

"So, what all happened this weekend," she asked, smiling warmly and encouragingly.

Ashlyn smiled back and told her about everything that happened over the weekend. When she got to yesterday, she noticeably got sadder and Dr. Morton took note of it. She wasn't an expert in marriage counseling, but she had her own past relationship memories to work off of. She also had friends that worked that type of area that she could ask and go over things with while maintaining patient/client confidentiality.

"I just don't get it or her, Dr. Morton. I don't get why it's so easy for me to just want to be together, but for her it's so hard," she said for what felt like the millionth time.

Dr. Morton sympathized with her, but wanted to remain unbiased about everything. She had to give Ashlyn a professional opinion and something that could really and truly help her. She could also see things from Ali's side and actually understood her reasons. She didn't know what it was like to fall in love with someone else and then have the love of your life come back with a out of nowhere, though. She could only imagine.

"Maybe it's me trying to keep neutral, but I can understand her reasons, Ashlyn," she started cautiously.

"Oh no. Not you too, Dr. M," Ashlyn half sighed and groaned, rubbing her hands up her face.

"I didn't mean it to sound like I'm choosing her side, Ashlyn," she clarified with a soft smile. "I mean it as I can understand her reasons and also your feelings and things in it all, too. It's a very complicated situation and the only people who knows why it makes sense and what they're feeling is you and Ali. Everyone else is just on the outside looking in."

Ashlyn nodded in thought as she absorbed her words to take to heart. "How do you understand her reasons and mines at the same time? It sounds like it would hurt your brain because it certainly hurts mine to think about all the time," she asked in a mumble.

Dr. Morton laughed softly at her and nodded in understanding. "I've had a LOT of practice with this, Corporal," she smiled and winked knowingly.

Ashlyn grinned and nodded in her own understanding. "Point taken, Doc," she smirked and chuckled.

"Ali said she mourned for you and was working on moving on from you," she started carefully, eyeing her in study.

"Yeah," she nodded solemnly and looked down, picking at her pants.

"Have you ever thought to put yourself in her shoes to see what it would be like," she asked her, watching her in deep concentration.

"I have," she exhaled, cheeks puffing and slowly deflating.

"Have you really tried hard to actually do it," she insisted more strongly, but gently, as well.

Ashlyn looked up to her and saw her smiling at her softly. She looked back down to the ground to actually think about it all and think back if she ever really put the effort in. If she were being honest, she never really did and just half assed it. She was more concerned about her pain at being separated from her wife and her still being engaged. She only told Ali and everyone what they wanted to hear when she was asked to put herself in her shoes.

Dr. Morton could see that she was thinking hard and saw her face fall in shame. She knew then that she didn't really ever put forth the effort to see things from her wife's perspective and she really didn't blame her. Ashlyn was really working hard through her own problems and she certainly didn't expect her to ignore them and think about her wife's or anyone else's. These sessions were about her, anyways,

But in order for Ashlyn to heal and get better, everyone and everything had to be true with her.

"No," she admitted quietly and closed her eyes. "I never really did just stop to see things how she does now."

Dr. Morton nodded and gave her a warm smile when she looked to her. "Wanna try it now," she suggested.

Ashlyn looked scared at her suggestion and shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She didn't want to do it and actually see that Ali had a valid point. She didn't want to see that Ali not only loved Jeff, but could love him more than she did her. Ali told her that she was always the greatest love of her life, but what if things weren't the same anymore? Ali reassured her that she loved her, but 4 years was a long time.

Things and people really do change with time, and they both certainly had changed.

"I don't wanna lose her," Ashlyn whispered, sniffling and wiping at her nose.

Dr. Morton pursed her lips together in understanding. "Ashlyn, you won't lose her. You're just going to connect with her in a way that she's been trying to get to you for a while now. It'll be fine, I promise. I'm right here," she assured, smiling so comforting at her.

Ashlyn hesitated for a moment, but then nodded. "I trust you. Ok," she agreed and took a deep breath.

"Lay back for me," she smiled encouragingly and stood to sit closer to her.

Ashlyn nodded and took another deep and preparing breath as she laid back on the couch. This was a serious moment, but she couldn't help but to chuckle some at the cliché setting of her laying down in her therapist's office. She thought it was just some running gag on TV shows and cartoons. Dr. Morton asked her what was so funny and she told her which ended up with them both laughing. It lightened things up.

"Close your eyes, Mrs. Harris, and focus only on my voice," she said in a soothing tone.

Ashlyn complied and rested her hands on her stomach. Dr. Morton smiled at how peaceful she looked and continued.

"Now take a deep, deep breath and clear your mind of everything. Just relax and pretend you're floating. Almost like you're at sea."

Ashlyn nodded a little and did as she asked. She actually felt so calm and relaxed. Dr. Morton smiled more and studied her.

"Breathe in through your nose and out your mouth. Slow and even. Focus on that for a moment."

Ashlyn did it and Dr. Morton found her opening spot after a moment of letting her calm even more.

"This is where we put yourself in your wife's position. I want you to be completely honest and only think, say, and feel how you truly would. We're going to talk about the things Ali experienced, but we're going to react to everything solely on your feelings."

"But I'm not in love with anyone else," Ashlyn droned out, completely relaxed.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there," Dr. Morton answered assuredly.

"But how can I understand then," she persisted, trying to remain focused.

"Ok," she relented and nodded in thought. "Think about someone and just use them."

Ashlyn nodded in deep thought, eyes still closed, but then her eyebrows furrowed at a loss. "I can't think of anyone," she sighed.

Dr. Morton giggled and tapped her pen to her chin. "What about an actress or someone else famous," she suggested.

Ashlyn, eyes still shut, raised an eyebrow in question. "An actress, Doc? I kind of wanna keep it realistic in order for me to do this seriously," she laughed some.

Dr. Morton joined in and clicked her pen in thought. "You're a tough one, Ashlyn," she stated and tapped her pen to her pad.

"What can I say," she smiled and shrugged, moving around to get comfortable. "I'm a realist."

"And you have no one to think about," she asked in amusement. "Purely for this exercise purposes?"

"Nope," she replied and popped the 'p'.

Dr. Morton chuckled and shook her head as an idea came to mind. She didn't waste time in suggesting it to get things moving along. She was a professional and didn't see a problem with it at all. She was a blunt person.

"Use me then," she said simply and clicked her pen to get started.

Ashlyn opened her eyes widely to her. "Uhh, what," she asked.

"Now we have to start all over again, Ashlyn," she frowned with a disapproving headshake.

"Sorry, but you said use you as an example," she pointed out and blushed some. "Is it just weird for me or what?"

"I'm a professional and I've done this on more than one occasion," she informed with a chuckle. "If it's weird for you then don't use me. If it's not then use me. Just find someone to think about for this purpose. Remember it means nothing. You don't have to tell me who you're thinking about, Ashlyn. That's between you and whoever you choose to share it with if you choose to. It's just to get this going and it's strictly professional. Ok?"

Ashlyn nodded a little shyly and laid back down with a quiet gulp. Dr. Morton smiled and then worked on getting her back comfortable. Once she got her there, she asked her if she was ok and ready to go. Ashlyn nodded and then she asked her if she had her person in mind. Ashlyn blushed some and cleared her throat before answering her with a nod. Dr. Morton stifled a laugh behind her hand, then got serious and down to business.

"Imagine Ali was leaving back on her last tour," Dr. Morton started, watching her closely. "Imagine everything the same as when you left her that day, but switch roles with her. Imagine everything from her perspective, but think of everything for yourself. Make everything based on your feelings and thoughts alone. Ok?"

Ashlyn nodded and Dr. Morton watched as she dug deep and did as asked. She saw her smile and her face soften.

"All the things you and her did the week you got your daughter up until the day Ali left. Imagine her leaving with all of those memories burned into her to hold her over until she saw you and Leighton again. Now, imagine Ali at home and the things she'd do; cleaning the house, tending to your guys' daughter, making dinner, all the things you watched her do when you were at home. Picture yourself doing it all, instead."

Ashlyn nodded again and licked her lips in concentration. Dr. Morton took a moment to let her do it before continuing.

"Think about all the phone calls and Skype calls she got from you. All the times she saw your smiling face, you looking sharp in your uniform, holding your daughter to the screen to show you, and everything else you can remember. Now reverse the roles and see yourself on the other side. Look at her in the uniform, her smiling tiredly at you but with so much love, and everything else you did. Think about how hard it must be for her to see you so close but be so far from you. Think about how hard it must be for her to be taking care of your child and worrying about you all the time while life was still going on just outside the door of your house. Put yourself in her place."

Dr. Morton watched as Ashlyn's face went serious and almost tiredly. She nodded as she saw her getting it.

"Now this is where we get serious, Ashlyn. Are you ready?"

Ashlyn took a deep breath and nodded as she swallowed hard. Dr. Morton smiled at her never ceasing courage.

"Remember you're not Corporal Ashlyn Harris, you're Ashlyn Harris at home taking care of yours and Ali's home together. You're taking care of Leighton and holding down a job above all else. A career you worked hard for and are passionate about. You're the wife of a soldier that is away doing one of the most dangerous jobs in the military. Ali diffuses IEDs for a living and you're at home in Virginia. You ready?"

Ashlyn took another deep breath and nodded after a moment. Dr. Morton took one, as well, then began.

"Imagine being at home and going on about life as normal as possible. Imagine going through the motions about things until Ali returns home. You're a month away from a short stay with her and 6 months away from her finishing her final tour. You're all so close to being together again that you can taste it. You're about to get everything you both ever wanted and more. All you're waiting for is for Ali to return from a mission she assured you was simple."

Ashlyn took a moment to remove herself from her role as a soldier to Ali's train of thought as her wife. She was doing good so far, but the day her squad was attacked rushed back to her mind as it was all brought up. She saw her friend dying and their leader taking a shot to the head like it was nothing. She hadn't though about that day in such detail since her days of imprisonment. Now, she was struggling.

Dr. Morton noticed and moved her hand to grab her arm. "Ashlyn? Are you ok? Do we need to stop? Because we can," she assured her in a soothing tone.

Ashlyn didn't want to stop and wanted to try to get on her wife's level of feelings and things. She wanted to be as understanding as she could because she was truly lost about everything. She dug deep and pushed down all the negative thoughts and bad memories. She remembered she was told that Wells was still in the army and stationed in Japan now as a computer specialist, and that Johnson was back at home in Chicago and seemingly doing well.

Though Garret and Cook were dead, they were back at home and buried where they belonged. They were able to give their families closure and a place to visit them. Everyone didn't make it out alive, but they all made it back home to their loved ones. They all got out of that place even if she didn't. She found her way back at those thoughts and fought back tears to concentrate on her own recovery.

"I'm ok. Keep going," she said, voice struggling to not shake.

"Are you sure," Dr. Morton asked and squeezed her arm.

"I'm fine. Keep going. I...I need to do this," Ashlyn insisted, eyes never opening.

Dr. Morton sighed quietly and nodded as she let her hold go. "Are you ready? This is where things get deep," she asked.

Ashlyn inhaled through her nose and swallowed some. "Yes, ma'am. Go," she nodded and let the breath out her mouth.

Dr. Morton nodded determinedly and cleared her throat. "Ashlyn, I want you to imagine yourself going about your day back home like any other day. I want you to see yourself doing something you'd normally do when you were at home, but picture it by yourself and with Ali away on tour, of course. Do you see it," she asked softly.

Ashlyn nodded and smile gently. "I see myself getting Leigh ready to go to my parents house to hang out. I loved doing that when I was at home. Me and Ali loved visiting our families and watching them interact with our daughter," she said, proudness evident in her voice.

"That sounds beautiful, Ashlyn," she smiled and watched her smile more. "Keep that all in mind. Are you still there?"

"Yes, ma'am," she nodded.

"Did they ever tell you how they told Ali about you," she asked.

"Y-Yeah," she answered quietly.

"What happened," she inquired, writing things along as she observed her.

Ashlyn cleared her throat and swallowed hard. "My best friend in the army insisted on telling her. He got permission to deliver it all personally," she told her, jaw moving to release tension.

"Can you picture it all that was said? Picture everything they told her, but remember that it's you in Ali's spot. Remember that you're the one suffering the loss of your wife. You've just been told that the love of your life, your high school sweetheart, your wife, and mother of your daughter, has been taken from the world. She's been taken from you, your daughter together, family, and friends all right before you were all supposed to be together again to start your lives together. Your heart is broken and you have never been so lost. You feel like your life's just ended and a piece of you has died."

Ashlyn bit down hard and her jaw muscle flexed at the exact words Ali herself told her. Dr. Morton saw she had her.

"Imagine having to go through a funeral with no exact closure. You don't have Ali's body to bury or anything from the army that's satisfactory enough for you to help cope with the fact her body is missing. You have an empty casket in front of you and a soldier kneeling before you to offer a folded up flag and condolences. You have family and friends mourning beside you, but you don't hear them out of your own pain. You're holding your baby daughter in your arms and wondering how could life be so cruel. You're wondering how are you going to go on living without your wife and how you're going to raise the child you both shared together alone. You're scared, angry, sad, broken, and lost. All you want is the one thing that you can't have no more. All you want is your wife, but it's not possible."

Ashlyn actually felt all of those things and it made her heart hurt. Dr. Morton noticed as she jotted things down.

"Do you know anything about Ali's time after the funeral up until her engagement," Dr. Morton asked.

"Yes," Ashlyn whispered, clearly affected by everything.

"Without telling me, think about everything. Think about it all and absorb it as your own problems. I don't know what she could have possibly went through, but I'm sure it wasn't easy. Not having your body for evident closure didn't help, either. I'm sure she battled a lot with your guys' loved ones about needing to move on. I'm sure she fought hard to do it for her sake and Leighton's, but also trying to not forget you and feel guilty for trying to move on. I bet she wanted to make you proud, but at the same time she didn't want to move on from you. She was scared at what the future held, and she didn't want to think about one without you. Can you see it all?"

Ashlyn nodded, amazed at how articulate Dr. Morton was being. She picture it all as exactly how her wife had probably.

"You said there was a video. Do you remember everything you said on it? Every face, smile, and emotion you made during it," Dr. Morton inquired, clicking her pen on her teeth as she studied her hard.

"Yes, ma'am. Every single thing," she answered with a nod.

Dr. Morton grinned triumphantly as this was the most important part. This is where things changed.

"Imagine starting the video up and waiting to hear a voice and see a face. Imagine a blank screen as the DVD loaded and you're biting your nails in anticipation. You have nothing recent from Ali except the memories of a Skype call or an old voicemail or telephone conversation embedded in your brain. How fortunate and sad and scared you feel to have this video because the contents are the last of your wife's. It's basically a video of Ali's last will and testament. Just as you think about backing out from fear, her voice crackles through the speakers and the screen dissolves into her face. Her beautiful and smiling face, and you can't help but to smile and have happy tears come down your face. Even as she tells you everything you do and don't want to hear, you can't help the love shining through and the want to make her proud by fulfilling her requests."

Ashlyn took a moment and nodded again, but barely. Dr. Morton knew this was hard, but she had to continue.

"Do you hear ever emotion and see every feeling that Ali wanted for you that you originally wanted for her?"

Ashlyn nodded again as she bit the inside of her lip. Dr. Morton gave a small smile and wrote some things down.

"Can you imagine trying to fulfill those requests each every single day you wake up? Trying to work on moving on without actually feeling like a cheater? Imagine Ali mourning you for 2 years. Now switch the roles and imagine mourning her for 2 years. Imagine how it must feel for her to try to do everything you asked of her in that video and not feel bad. Absorb all of that for yourself and take it on as your own. Do you see it? Do you feel it?" 

"Yes."

"Ok...do you have the person in your head that you were using as a figure of someone you fell in love with?"

"Y-Yes."

"Good. Now, you said so yourself that Ali says she loves her fiancé, but that she says it's different and nothing like you both have. Am I correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Imagine you yourself falling in love with someone. Someone that you don't love nearly as dearly as Ali, but someone that made you forget the pain that you suffered through for years. Think about how lonely, sad, hurt, and angry she must have felt for all those years, but then suddenly she met someone and they changed her thoughts. They made her smile, they made her laugh, they made her happy. They made her all of those things and they were genuine. Just as she thought she was never going to find happiness again with someone else, she found this perfect person and they were understanding. Now, imagine it all for yourself. Imagine you found someone just like she did, of course the person you're thinking about, and it changed everything."

Ashlyn nodded and actually turned half her mouth up in a smile. She always just wanted Ali happy. Dr. Morton smiled.

"Almost 2 years flash by and here you are a happily engaged woman to someone else. You've worked hard and it wasn't easy, but you've managed to move on and put the last 4 years behind you. You try not to feel like you're betraying Ali, but you also can't help that you love this person and want to be with them. You can see a future with them and it's evident with the engagement ring on your finger. You're actually happy now and it's not for show or a lie. This person makes your day brighter, they're good with Leighton, they get along exceptionally with you family and friends, and most importantly, they respect the fact and challenges faced with you being a widow. It's almost too perfect, but you deserved it."

Ashlyn nodded and cleared her throat, and Dr. Morton saw she was taking this all to heart seriously.

"But just as life seems like it's getting back on track and you're starting over, you get the surprise of a lifetime. It's not one that you're complaining about, but it certainly caught you off guard. Remember how Ali found about you?"

"Y-Yeah. I just sort of...showed up. Out of nowhere."

"Exactly. Imagine how it feels to be left out of the joyous news that your supposedly deceased wife, the one you fought so hardly for the army to continue to search for, was in fact alive the whole time. Imagine how it must've felt to find out she was alive by accident. Imagine the betrayal and the deception and the lies coupled with other feelings like happiness, joy, and relief. I bet she was angry with you for doing that. I bet you would be, too, if she didn't tell you first that she was alive. What if Ali, your wife, didn't pick up a phone to tell you she was alive, Ashlyn? How would you feel?"

Ashlyn popped open her eyes and stared the ceiling for a moment. "It'd be the worst feeling in the world," she mumbled as she sat up.

Dr. Morton nodded as she looked at her rub her face. "It would. Imagine how confused she is now that she has this great guy that's done so much for her and your guys' daughter, but now the love of her life is back like nothing changed. Imagine how much she wants to just say how she really feels and who she wants to be with, but she doesn't want to hurt either one of you. Imagine being the person that knows they have to break someone's heart. Someone that they love and never want to hurt. Think about it, Ash," she smiled softly.

"What if she takes forever," Ashlyn asked almost desperately after a moment of silence.

"It's only been a week, Ashlyn. Give her some time to get things together. It's been a hectic week for her, too," she said knowingly.

Ashlyn sighed and nodded, knowing she was right and still feeling like it was years of waiting. Silence fell upon them again.

"What if she chooses him," Ashlyn asked in a trembling whisper.

Dr. Morton looked up to her and shook her head with an unsure shrug. "Honestly? I don't know, Ashlyn. But can you answer me something," she countered.

Ashlyn was slumped in defeat, but still nodded a little. "Yeah," she answered not really interested.

"You know Ali loves you and everything you guys have together, right? That you love her just as strongly as she loves you?"

"Yes, ma'am. Without a doubt in my mind."

"Sounds like you're winning to me."

Ashlyn couldn't help the big dumb and cheesy grin that cracked her face as Dr. Morton smiled confidently at her. She actually believed her and saw therapy help her in more ways than one. Dr. Morton was a genius and she was glad she did actually use her as her fictional person she fell in love with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for today! Thanks for always reading and interacting on here with me. Let's me know what I need to improve :)


	34. A Little More Understanding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! :)

"Sounds like she's a smart doctor. She's good."

Ashlyn and Chris were on their way to pick up Leighton after her therapy appointment. She was feeling lighter and a little more understanding of Ali's feelings about things and wanted to share. Chris was always someone that she could tell anything to and they were really close. She knew he always had her back and would be up front with her about things. Despite her not wanting to hear the hard truth, she needed it.

"She's the best," Ashlyn agreed, smiling and nodding.

"So, do you think you're ok with this whole Ali and Jeff thing," he asked tentatively and curiously.

Ashlyn sighed through her nose with pursed lips of thought. "Honesty, it still hurts and I hate it. I'll never be "ok" with it. But I love Ali and I have to be patient or else I'll lose her forever. I can't push her to make a decision. It sucks, but I've gotta do it," she answered.

Chris nodded along as he made a turn. "I'm proud of you, Ash. I know this isn't easy and I can only imagine, but I can see you making progress. You're doing great," he smiled.

"It's only my 2nd session. Give me time to mess up," she half joked.

"Hey, my sis is the strongest. She's a fighter and a winner," he winked and they both chuckled.

"Thanks, bro," she smiled appreciatively.

Chris winked to her and nudged her with his elbow, making her laugh and look down shyly. Ashlyn couldn't be more thankful for him or the rest of her loved ones that were her support system. She looked up and saw that they were a block away from the house and grew nervous. She knew she had to apologize to Ali at least for yelling at her, but she was still hurting and upset about Leighton taking notice to this mess. They had to be adults, though.

"Are you sure you're ok going in there? I'll go grab her for you," Chris offered.

Ashlyn stared out the window as they reached their destination. "No. I need to apologize and stuff, anyways. I need to be an adult and show her, and most importantly myself, I can do this," she replied.

"Really admirable of you, Ash. You've got this," he nodded and patted her shoulder.

"Thanks," she smiled softly then looked out the window nervously.

Chris noticed and gave a small smile. "She loves you. She doesn't mean to or want to hurt you. She'll find her way back to you, Ash. You guys have always been it," he said strongly, hand squeezing her shoulder now.

Ashlyn turned back to him and gave a sad smile. "I hope so. Thanks," she said.

"Keep the faith, sister," he laughed and pushed her shoulder playfully to get her moving.

Ashlyn chuckled as she opened the door and slid out of the truck. She closed the door and took a deep breath before putting her hands in her pants pocket and heading up the walkway. She went over in her head how she could start a conversation with Ali and then apologize. She didn't have much time to think about it as the door opened and Leighton shot to her with her arms wide open.

"Momma," she shouted gleefully and hugged her legs.

"Leigh Bear," Ashlyn laughed and picked her up for a hug.

Leighton giggled and kissed her cheek. "Momma, I missed you. Did you miss me," she asked as she ran her hand over her beanie covered head.

"Duh," she responded and rubbed their noses together. "I always miss my princess."

"Good job, Momma," she grinned and held her tightly around the neck.

Ashlyn chuckled and held her close to shield her from the cold. "Where's Mommy," she asked her.

Leighton pointed straight ahead to the house and Ashlyn followed her finger to see Ali standing at the door. She had Leighton's backpack in her hand at her side and the other holding her thin jacket closed to keep her warm. Her face was mostly blank except for signs of a little sadness, and it made Ashlyn look down as she approached. Knowing she was the cause of Ali being in any kind of pain made her sick.

Ashlyn made it to the door, eyes still down in shame, and Ali just stared at her. Neither one knew what to say or do.

"Mommy, are you going to come eat with us again," Leighton asked hopefully.

Both women looked to her and then finally to each other. They knew that wasn't going to happen.

"I've gotta catch up on work, sweetheart," Ali answered slowly, looking away when her wife looked up to her.

"But, Mommy, we had fun last time," she protested.

"Maybe next time, kiddo. Ok," Ashlyn intervened, grinning her dimple to her.

Leighton lightened up at the sight of it and nodded some. "Ok," she relented.

Realization dawned on Ali more strongly than ever before as she watched her daughter get sad over the fact they never all really hung out together. She looked to Ashlyn and she looked away to avoid her gaze. She knew she was right and she even thought so herself, but she didn't think their daughter was so observant. All Ali ever wanted was for her family to be together and living happily ever after.

Leighton apparently wanted that, too.

"I'm gonna go see Uncle Chris," Leighton announced, hopping down and grabbing her bag before shooting off to him.

Ashlyn opened her mouth to tell her to wait, but as she turned around she saw Chris getting out to greet her. She smiled at the sight of her brother picking her up and spinning her around, his booming laugh and her gleeful squeals filling the air. She chuckled and didn't even register she was turning around until she saw Ali grinning at them too. Ali looked to her in the middle of a laugh, both giving almost compromising smiles.

They stared at each other for a moment, then both looked down at the same time. There was no tension and it was calm now.

Ashlyn cleared her throat and looked back up to her. "I'll bring her back after dinner. Cool," she asked.

Ali was looking at her the moment she started talking. "Yeah. Perfect," she smiled some more.

Ashlyn nodded and looked back down to prepare herself. "Look, Alex, I'm sorry about how I acted yesterday. I shouldn't have blown up like that. I can't apologize for how I feel, but I can for how I yelled it and things. Please forgive me and accept my apology," she said, looking up with pleading and desperate eyes.

Ali's shoulders slumped and she gave a soft smile. "It's ok, Ashlyn. You were right about a lot of things and you have every right to be upset. I'm sorry, too," she said, feeling more guilty about everything than ever before.

"It's cool, Ali."

"No, it's not. It's not fair that I ask so much from you and you get so little from me. I try to explain everything as best as I can and how I feel, but maybe I'm not doing too good of a job of it. I'm sorry that I'm so confusing."

"It's ok, Ali. I know now somewhat what you're going through. I can sort of understand now."

"Really?"

Ashlyn looked up at the way she sounded so surprised and laughed softly at her face. She looked like she either didn't believe her or she was completely floored by what she just said. Ali relaxed at her laughing and joined as she watched her. She was confused as hell, but they were getting along and things seemed fine. She didn't want to have a repeat of last time, though, and wanted to get everything out calmly.

"Do you really," she asked, stepping out on the porch.

"Yes," Ashlyn chuckled and nodded. "Therapy was really helpful today."

Ali felt bad for not asking about it and grimaced. "Shit. Sorry. How was it today? Are you doing ok," she asked in concern.

Ashlyn grinned slowly at her and nodded gently. "It was great. We talked about a lot of things. I got a lot of insight on things," she replied.

"That's good," she smiled, slowly dropping it and clearing her throat for her next question. "You...did you talk about us?"

"Yes. It helped a lot," she answered, leaving it at that.

Ali wanted more answers, but didn't want to press her until she was ready. "Good," she said.

Ashlyn studied her and then laughed some. "We talked about us and she helped me try to see things differently. Let's just say I can kind of see where you're coming from and I can see how hard it is now. Does it still hurt me and do I not like seeing our daughter affected by it? Yes. But I love you and I want you happy. That's why I know I'm gonna have to get it together and tough it out. It's weird, but...yeah. I don't know," she said quietly.

Ali observed her and nodded as she heard the truth in her words. "Thank you, Ashlyn," she said, looking down and hugging herself from the cold tighter.

"You're welcome," she exhaled, looking up to give a small smile.

Ali smiled back and stepped to her to give her a hug. It was out of nowhere and Ashlyn froze in her embrace for a second before wrapping her arms around her waist. She smiled as she held her and closed her eyes to savor the perfect feeling of always holding her. Ali hugged her tightly around the neck, never wanting to let go, and tried to not focus on how close they were and how their fronts touched.

The hug only lasted 5 seconds, but it was the most contact they had all week and felt like an eternity. Ashlyn never wanted to let her go and Ali wanted to hold on longer. Before things could turn heated again, Ali slowly pulled away and backed up with a small and shy smile. Ashlyn was grinning like a fool, though she missed the contact, and her dimple was the biggest Ali had ever seen.

"You're crazy," Ali giggled and tried to keep warm.

Ashlyn laughed and tried to keep from saying something smooth. "Would you like to come over for dinner," she asked, jutting her thumb behind her to the truck.

Ali smiled a little shyly and shrugged some. "I don't know. Are you sure," she asked unsurely.

"Of course," she chuckled, admiring how cute she looked.

"O-Ok," she agreed and shrugged some.

"Sweet. Come by at 7," Ashlyn smiled brightly, backing away to the truck.

"I'll be there," Ali said, smiling and waving to them all.

Ashlyn nodded and hopped in the truck to leave. Though she was still confused by all of this and hurt by not having answers from her wife, she loved her more and would have her in her life in any way she could. She sympathized that it had only been a week and that she needed to give Ali time to sort things out. She couldn't expect her to throw away 2 years at the flip of a switch. She knew how nice and caring of others Ali was. 

She put herself in his shoes and thought to be fair to make it all make more sense. It wasn't fair to Ali to be pushed so hard by her or right to him.

Ali couldn't believe the complete change from Ashlyn yesterday to Ashlyn today. She thought for sure she would never want to talk to her again and she lost her forever. They still hadn't even talked about the fact she suggested a divorce. Ali took it as a sign that she was going to dinner there tonight. She hoped they could talk again later like they had did just now. She had to make her fully understand.

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"I'm nervous, Kyle. What if she really does want a divorce," Ali rambled worriedly, gripping her steering to make a turn.

"She doesn't want a divorce, Alex. She just wanted to see if you wanted one. She was probably testing you," he said in firm assurance.

"You don't know that. You didn't see how hurt she was," she countered.

"But I know Ashlyn. Making Ali happy is her life's goal and mission," Kyle stated knowingly.

Ali sighed and pulled up to park, leaning back in her seat tiredly. "Leighton, too. That's why she was so angry with me," she mumbled.

"Leigh is just young and doesn't understand, Alex," he sighed as well. "You've got a lot of big decisions to make with people waiting on you impatiently. Take your time. Don't do anything until you're ready...but don't take forever."

"I wish it were easier," she groaned, putting her head on her steering wheel.

"I wish it were for you, too," he said.

Ali smiled and picked her head up. "I love you, big brother," she said.

Kyle chuckled and it made her relax. "Love you more, little sister," he replied.

"I need to go in now. Time to face the music," she said and took a deep breath.

"Oooo! Can I talk to Ash now," he asked excitedly.

"Really, Kyle," she laughed and shook her head.

"Duh! I missed her," he laughed.

"She wanted to talk to you," she simply said as she got out to head to the front door.

Just as Ali got halfway to the door, it opened and Ashlyn stood there grinning at her. Just as she opened her mouth to greet her, Ali held her phone out to her and gave a nose crinkling grin. Ashlyn looked from it to her in puzzlingly amusement, but took it nonetheless. Just as she put it to her ear and asked who it was, Kyle squealing almost deafened her. They all laughed and she put it back to her ear to talk to her other brother.

Ali walked inside to give them a moment alone and to catch up. She needed to get her own thoughts together and figured greeting her in-laws would give her some time. The smells wafting from the kitchen made her stomach growl and she knew she was in for a great dinner. She laughed when she walked in to Leighton cooking next to Mrs. Harris. Her little girl was growing up so fast.

Meanwhile, Ashlyn was sitting on the porch steps talking to Kyle like nothing ever changed. It was great to just speak to someone that didn't treat her differently and make her feel like she was incapable of handling much. Kyle had always been different like that, though, and it was why they were so close and got along so well. She was forever thankful for him as a brother.

"So, how are you adjusting," he asked bluntly.

Ashlyn was only slightly surprised and chuckled a little. "Eh, it's...challenging...but I'm still standing," she said.

"Ashlyn Harris never backs down from a challenge nor does she lose them," he stated knowingly.

"Yeah, maybe," she laughed softly, scratching the side of her head.

They sat in silence for a while that was filled with the need to say things they weren't all the way ready to hear.

"She still loves you, ya know," Kyle said.

Ashlyn sighed tiredly and rubbed her hand down her face. "I know," she nodded.

"You don't sound like you do," he said, smile evident in his voice

Ashlyn smiled herself and stood to stretch. "I do. It's just...hard to believe sometimes given the circumstances of things at the moment," she clarified, pacing the porch.

"I see," he hummed in thought. "Ali said you changed your mind about things when you guys talked earlier, though."

"Therapy is just really helping out a lot," she sighed.

"I'm glad to hear that. I'm proud of you, Ash. Always have been, always will be," he told her.

Ashlyn smiled and rubbed her chin. "Thanks, bro. And thanks for taking care of them while I was away. Everyone told me about it," she said softly.

"I've got your back, sis. I'm just glad your back to take care of them yourself," he laughed.

"You sound confident for us getting back together," she chuckled in surprise.

"I know Alex. She loves you and wants to be with you. She just doesn't want to hurt Jeff and she really does love him. It's complicated, but I get it. But trust me, yourself, Alex, and the love you guys have for each other, Ashlyn. You'll be back together soon. Just gotta keep the faith," he simply said.

Ashlyn got teary eyed at his words and confidence in them. "Thanks, Kyle," she sniffled, smiling and wiping at her nose.

"No problem," he said. "Just give my sister time to let the guy down easily."

They both laughed and Ashlyn actually felt hope at his words. All she needed to do was be patient, especially the harder it got.

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"Kyle sounds like he's doing good," Ashlyn said.

Her and Ali were outside for privacy so they could talk a little more. Everyone else was inside cleaning up dinner.

"He is," she smiled and nodded. "He's been doing really well. LA and the stars love him."

"Figures," she chuckled and sat back in the porch swing chair. "Virginia was never a place for him to be at forever. He belongs there or in New York or something. I'm glad he's doing so well and that he's happy."

"Especially with his profession," she agreed and sat next to her. "Hairstylist to the stars."

They both laughed at her dramatic TV voice and hand waving to the night sky. It helped ease and relax them more.

Ashlyn stared at her laughing with a huge smile. "It's nice to hear that again," she almost whispered.

Ali looked to her as she settled down and smiled shyly. "Nice to hear yours, too," she nodded.

Ashlyn winked to her before looking out to the street. "It's great being back," she sighed peacefully.

Ali just continued to stare at her and nodded in agreement. "Yes, it is," she said mostly to herself.

Ashlyn smiled more toothy before clearing her throat. "I meant what I said, Ali, when I said I'd give you time. It's hard as hell and I hate having to keep upsetting Leigh by brushing off her questions, but I know I have to. I need to do it and it's only fair to you. I know how kind and caring of people you are and hate being the bad guy. I didn't tell you I was alive and you found out in an unfair way. I should've told you. I'm sorry for that," she said, turning to look at her seriously.

Ali closed her eyes and turned her face down. "I understand why you did it, though. I was mad about it and I still am some, but I know you were scared. I hate having to keep giving our daughter the run around, too, but I'm just so confused right now. Sometimes I feel like this is all a dream and you aren't really here. I think I'm going to wake up one day and you won't be here. I'm scared, Ashlyn. You're here and I'm still scared that I'm going to lose you," she confessed, looking up with pooling eyes.

Ashlyn clamped her jaw down and inhaled through her nose. "Alex, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay. Forever," she promised, grabbing her hand tenderly.

Ali sniffled and wiped under her nose with her other hand. "I know, but I can't help how I feel. I lived for 4 years thinking you were dead. Things are just so different now," she sniffled again, turning her hand over to hold hers tighter.

"I feel like I'm already losing with you still being engaged to him," she said quietly as she stared at their hands.

"I'm still married to you, though," she countered gently, wiping at her eyes.

Ashlyn knew she had a point, but it still didn't hurt any less. "Point taken, I guess," she mumbled.

Ali didn't mean to upset her and put her other hand over theirs. "I'm not trying to be mean or anything-" she tried to explain.

"It's ok, Ali. I get it," she smiled a little softly.

"Really? You're not just saying that are you," she asked, wiping her nose on her shoulder.

"Therapy, remember," she reminded her in amusement.

Ali laughed some and brought her hand over to wipe her face clean. "I'm glad to hear it is. Seriously," she smiled gently.

Ashlyn smiled at her and squeezed their intertwined hands tight. "I know. Thank you," she said appreciatively.

They both looked away shyly and to the big and bright moon ahead. They actually felt progress in more ways than one, and them still holding hands was proof. They didn't even bother letting go and relaxed like they were 17 again.

"Do you really want a divorce, Ashlyn?"

It was so quietly asked that Ashlyn was glad she was sitting next to her to hear. Ali waited with bated breath for what felt like an eternity.

"No. Do you," Ashlyn asked in a slightly fearful shake.

Ali immediately shook her head no furiously. She knew it was selfish to say it, but she didn't want to lose Ashlyn in any way. Ashlyn knew she should be offended by her answer, but any way to keep Ali was hope for her. Her telling her she didn't want a divorce was her telling her they still had a chance. It told her Ali and her were still together and were more than likely going to be and stay together.

"Didn't want to pay alimony, anyways," Ashlyn joked.

They both laughed into the night air, happy to get that out of the way.


	35. Dress To Kill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me peeps, but because of the holiday this week (and me being forced to help :P)...
> 
> This may be the last until Monday *flinches* SORRY! But I promise to bring it next week and make up for it :)

"This is awesome, bro!"

Ashlyn was hopping on her brother and kissing his face repeatedly. Chris just laughed and held her up to drop her on the couch. He had just received word from work that he was the winner of the 'Employee of the Year' award. There was going to be a ceremony and everything at a small banquet that would also host a silent auction. It would be in a few days and gave everyone time to plan.

"Thanks, sis," he chuckled and crossed his arms a little shyly.

Ashlyn grinned and hopped up to look at the invitation. "We've gotta look sharp," she winked, throwing an arm around his shoulders.

Chris laughed and nodded in agreement. "I'll leave you to it then," he smirked and hugged her quickly.

"Sweet! I hate shopping, but we've gotta look fucking good. Who all are you inviting," she asked, plopping back down on the couch.

"You, Mom, and Dad, of course. Leigh and Ali if they can make it," he shrugged in thought.

"I'm sure they can," she smiled confidently. "I'll call them and ask."

Just as Ashlyn got her phone out to call Ali, her phone started ringing. She was surprised by the caller and answered quickly.

"Dr. Morton," she asked in surprised.

"Ashlyn," the woman said cheerily. "I'm not interrupting am I?"

"No, ma'am," she replied in a chuckle and stood.

She mouthed to Chris she was going to the bathroom and he told her he would call Ali to ask about her going. Ashlyn nodded and headed to the bathroom for privacy.

"What's up? Everything alright?"

"Everything is perfect. Thank you for asking," she responded happily. "I was actually calling you to propose something to you."

"I'm a married woman, Dr. Morton," Ashlyn joked and they both laughed.

"Happily married, too, from what I hear. Thanks for breaking my heart over the phone," Dr. Morton teased.

"Yeah, I still got it," Ashlyn smirked and they both chuckled. "Kidding. What's up, Doc?"

Dr. Morton laughed at her joke. "Well, I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me to D.C. at our next meeting to go to a veteran's office? I go there a few times a month and forgot I had booked a meeting there on your visit day. What do you think," she asked.

Ashlyn hesitated in answering her. She didn't know how comfortable she would be there or anything. She was nervous.

Dr. Morton sensed her apprehension and felt bad. "Of course, if you're not ready to go to something like that, Ashlyn, it would be alright. I can reschedule with them. It's no problem. I just thought it would be good for you to get out and into something like that. I think you could help out there a lot," she explained.

Ashlyn sighed in deep thought as she took her words in. "No, it's ok. I see what you're saying. Are you sure," she asked in disbelief.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think it," she replied earnestly, smile heard in her voice.

Ashlyn smiled at her confidence and nodded as she looked in the mirror. "I trust you, Dr. M. I'd love to go with you," she said more confidently.

"Perfect! You can ride with me and if it's ok, we'll talk in my car like we would in my office. How's that sound," she offered.

"Sounds awesome, Dr. Morton," she grinned, happy they could still keep up with her therapeutic talks.

"Great. I'll let them know. This is good, Ashlyn," Dr. Morton praised.

"Thank you, ma'am," Ashlyn smiled and blushed some.

"Call me Lisa," she said with a light laugh. "You don't have to call me Dr. Morton or ma'am all the time. Friends, remember?"

Ashlyn laughed and put her hand in her pocket with a nod. "Yes, ma'am. Oops! Lisa, I mean," she corrected.

Dr. Morton laughed. "We'll work on it, Ashlyn. I'll talk to you later, ok? Take care and see you Thursday," she asked.

"On the dot," Ashlyn answered.

"Excellent! Have a great day and give your family my best, as well. Bye."

"Thank you and you do the same. See ya later."

They both hung up and Ashlyn actually got excited for Thursday. Seeing veterans past and present sounded fun.

"Ali said they were good to go for Friday," Chris informed as she came out the bathroom.

"Sweet," she grinned and moved to sit in the chair. "I definitely need to look nice that day now."

Chris laughed and pocketed his phone. "As if you need it, anyways," he muttered to himself.

"Mind if I borrow your truck real quick to go look for something," she asked as she played a game on her phone.

"Not at all. Have fun," he said and tossed her the keys.

Ashlyn caught them and stood to head out to leave. "I'll be back in an hour. I'll wear the pink shirt Leigh picked out and just pick up some nice pants and boots or something," she mused, grabbing her jacket to put on.

"Knock 'em dead, sis," he called as she left out the door.

"You know it," she yelled back as she closed the door.

She headed to his truck and hopped in to head off to the nearest mall. She wished she had Leighton with her to spend some time together, but she was hanging with the Kriegers. She figured she could stop by on the way back in to see them, anyways. As much as she hated shopping, she liked looking good more. She was more of an online shopper, but it did her some good to get out for a while.

Ashlyn took the moment and time alone to unwind and focus on things. This week was going to be busy and she was going to see Ali in a dress again. All she kept thinking about was her perfect figure accentuated in a slim fitting dress, her long and fit legs boldly standing out in her heels, and her face flawless and beautifully done. With her hair cascading down in vibrant waves and her smiling ever so brightly, Ashlyn felt her heart skip at the image of it all alone.

"I'm such a sucker for my wife. Yep! I'm whipped," she said to herself in amusement.

Ashlyn pulled up into the mall and parked as closely to the front as she could. She hopped out of the truck and hurried inside to escape the cold. She let out a long and relaxed breath at the warmth the mall offered, and smiled as she walked around for a store to go into. She already had her dark pink button up and all she needed was boots, pants, and a jacket to plan around it.

"Alright," she smiled and rubbed her hands together. "Let's get this shit over with."

She headed for the shoes first, her favorite thing to shop for, and browsed around for some. She was glad there was a store that offered a huge selection of shoes and boots, because she wanted more tomboyish boots. She found a pair of medium brown, ankle high ones that she fell in love with on sight. She immediately picked them up and headed to the front to pay for them.

Ashlyn walked out of the shoe store and decided on finding pants next. She walked around to a lot of stores, and just as she thought she was never going to find anyone that sold clothes that fit her style, she stumbled upon a gem in the corner. She only browsed for a few minutes before settling on a pair of dark wash slim-fitting jeans. She opened the box her boots were in to see if they matched and almost did a girly clap at them fitting perfectly.

With 2 of 3 purchases done, all she had left to get was a jacket. She was pretty much going as business casual and didn't want to buy a blazer or anything. She figured a nice, simple, jacket would suffice and headed to one of her favorite stores to shop for jackets. After browsing for about 20 minutes and debating between 2 picks, she settled on a brown jacket that fit her perfectly and would keep her warm that night.

"Perfect and now I'm done," she grinned as she held the jacket up.

Ashlyn went to the counter to buy her jacket and headed out the store to head to the parking lot. Just as she was heading out to leave out the mall, she saw favorite watch store had a sell going on. She was crippled on sight and went straight in with the intentions to just look around. As she browsed, her eyes caught a brown leather band, silver plated, white faced watch. So simple yet so eloquent.

She ended up buying it for her outfit and ran out the mall before they got anymore of her money.

"I'm worse than, Ali," she grumbled as she buckled herself in.

Ashlyn started up the truck and pulled out to head back home. She thought about how good she was going to look Friday and hoped to knock Ali's socks off. She already knew her wife was going to render her speechless like a bumbling fool, and she wanted to compete. Then she thought of Leighton and how adorably cute she was going to be that night. She couldn't wait to sit back and have some fun with her family.

Ashlyn was in such a good mood, she almost missed her phone ringing and fumbled it out to answer it.

"Yo," she answered, plugging it in the jack to talk more safely.

"Hey, it's me," her brother sounded over the speakers.

"What's up, brother," she sang and laughed as she made a turn.

Chris chuckled, but it wasn't as jovial as it should have been. Ashlyn noticed and turned serious in concern.

"What's wrong, Chrissy," she asked worriedly.

Chris sighed and she could hear him scratching his head. "Change of plans, sis. Ali forgot her and Jeff had planned on going to a friend's birthday party that night. She had it marked on her calendar for a few months now," he informed regrettably.

Ashlyn slumped in disappointment and gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Shit," she cursed.

Chris still had more to say, but he didn't want to upset her more. He knew he had to tell her, though.

"Um," he started and cleared his throat. "Look, Ash, the party isn't until around the end of the banquet. Ali could come and still hang out, she really wants to and feels bad she can't make it, but that would mean something else."

Ashlyn knew what he was leading to and grit her teeth hard. "Surely he can stay at home and pick her up after the banquet or meet her at the party," she said in a low voice.

"He lives on the opposite side of town and it'll be well out of the way for him to do all of that. By the time he picked Ali up and they got to the party, it would be almost over. There's no way around it, Ash. If you're not ready and don't want him there, we'll leave things the way they are now and pick Leigh up to take. If it's cool with you and you're willing to try it, then I'll tell her they can come."

Ashlyn cursed everything in the world bad for all the bad luck she seemed to have. She promised Ali she'd try, though, and wanted to be the bigger person. She wanted to look good in Ali's eyes and saw a way to make her case better. She still hadn't met Jeff yet and now she felt it was overdue. If she was going to say she was ok with him going, she was going to get a feel of the guy first.

"He can come. It's cool," she forced out as unaffected as she could, making a U-Turn.

"What the fu-...really," he asked floored by her answer.

"Yeah," she said and took a deep breath. "I'll be back in another hour. There's something I've gotta do."

"O-Ok. Are you sure," he asked for assurance.

"It's cool, Chris," she said, trying to hide her irritation at the situation.

"I'm on your side, Ashlyn. Always," he told her, wanting her to know that.

Ashlyn sighed deeply and made a turn, focusing on her destination. "I know that, bro. Thanks. Call her and let her know," she smiled some, being as sincere as possible.

"Ok. I'll do it right now. See you soon, sis," Chris said softly and like a weight lifted off his shoulders.

"See ya, Chrissy," Ashlyn said and hung up quickly.

What was supposed to be a night for her too ogle her wife and enjoy some time together as a family to celebrate her brother's accomplishment, turned into possible drama. The next hour would decide that and how the evening went.

"It's time we meet, Dr. Jeffrey Winters," Ashlyn bit out bitterly and made a turn.

She hoped she would keep her cool and not kill the man. Above all else, she hoped Ali wouldn't be mad about her doing this without her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving and things to all who celebrate it and, even if you don't, have a great week :)
> 
> Stay safe! xoxo


	36. The Long Awaited Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mkay! Since you all know how to guilt trip me into doing things...(looking at you mostly, my fellow Texans)...I have something :)
> 
> This is the only thing I have to post right now, but I'm bringing it next week! ;D

Ashlyn wasted no time with politeness and gentleness, and practically barged into the hospital. She didn't want to drag this out and she wanted to get it over with. Part of her wanted to intimidate Jeff in hopes to scare him into leaving. She felt bad as soon as the thought entered her mind because it meant hurting Ali. She swallowed all of her anger down and tried to remember she wanted to be the bigger person.

"Can I help you, ma'am," the receptionist asked politely.

Ashlyn gave an uneasy smile and was glad her fidgety hands were in her pockets. "Yes, um, can I speak to Dr. Winters," she asked.

"Certainly, ma'am," she smiled kindly and grabbed her phone. "He just got through with a patient and should be done by now. Can I have your name please."

"Tell him it's A. Thank you," Ashlyn smiled some and took a step back to wait.

Ashlyn's mind raced in anticipation and nerves at the thought of meeting Jeff finally. She was scared to find out he was perfect and see with her own eyes why Ali loved him. She saw him as a threat and so far it felt like he was winning the game for Ali. She knew she was overthinking and overanalyzing things, but she couldn't stop her mind from racing. She was so lost in thought, she didn't see Jeff come out of his office.

"Laurie," Jeff said, nerves peaking and his hand on her desk as he watched his guest. "Clear me for an hour."

"Yes, sir, Dr. Winters. Do I need to give an explanation or anything," she asked as she typed away.

"Tell them I'm in a meeting," he told her and headed to his surprise guest.

Ashlyn was staring at the floor, hands stuffed in her jacket pockets, and biting the inside of her bottom lip in thought. Jeff was indeed intimidated by the sight of her and could see why Ali was so in love with her. Ashlyn was certainly beautiful and appealing. He remembered the things he read up on her and let his respect for her shadow his jealousy. Now was not the time or place to be macho and size each other up.

Jeff cleared his throat into his fist. "Ashlyn," he said, not needing confirmation.

Ashlyn tensed up and turned to him. "Jeff," she asked with a raised shoulder.

He nodded and gave her a warm and sincere smile as he extended his hand to her. "Pleasure and an honor to meet you. Thank you for your service to our country," he said earnestly.

Ashlyn was caught by surprise, but hid it as she slowly reached for his hand to shake. "Uh, thank you. I take it you read up on me," she asked curiously and not cockily.

Jeff chuckled and nodded some. "Sort of. Your family and everyone else weren't exactly short on words when it came to talking about you. But yes, I did read and watch your story last week. You have all of my respect, Corporal," he smiled sincerely.

Ashlyn grinned proudly and looked away shyly some. "Thank you. Seriously," she nodded.

Both felt some tension leave and were relieved. Ashlyn thought for sure she was going to kill him the second she saw him, and he thought for sure he saw his last patient of his career. As much as Ashlyn wanted to hate him and find something wrong with him, he really did seem like a nice guy. As she looked around the area to all the pictures of him smiling with kids, their parents, colleagues, and other people, she saw herself losing to him more.

"We can talk in my office. I'm assuming that's why you're here," he asked, hand raised to a door.

Ashlyn nodded and swallowed hard. "Y-Yeah. If that's cool," she asked and raised her foot to take a step.

Jeff just smiled and nodded as he led the way. "Not a problem. Please," he said and opened the door for her.

As she walked past him, she wondered if he did the same thing for Ali. It made her heart hurt at the thought of him taking away one of her ways of spoiling her wife and showing her how much she loved her. Waiting on Ali hand and foot was a joy of hers and something she took pride in. Thinking about someone else doing it for her in the way that she does made her sick to her stomach.

"Coffee or tea or anything, Corporal," he asked as he waited by the open door.

"No. Thank you, though," she smiled and moved to take a seat.

"Anything at all? Laurie makes good hot chocolate," he grinned.

Ashlyn hated how good looking he was and how charming his smile was. She could see why Ali was having a hard time.

"No, thank you," she smiled more open mouth some.

Jeff nodded and closed the door before heading over to his chair behind his desk. Ashlyn sat straight in front of him and watched as he put away files and things. She got comfortable in her seat and put her hands on her thighs to refrain from nervously moving them. Her eyes landed on a picture on his desk of him and Ali together. It looked like they were at a cocktail party of sorts, smiling and looking happy.

Ashlyn felt her heart tighten painfully at the sight of how happy they looked.

Jeff didn't notice the cause of her pain as he finished cleaning and clearing things off his desk. He then slowly looked to her in study for a moment. She was looking down towards the end of his desk and she looked like she was in pain. He felt sympathy for her, even though he didn't know what she was upset about, and sighed quietly to himself. One thing they agreed on was that neither wanted to waste time and to get this meeting over with.

"Just so you know, I didn't plan for this or anything," Jeff started sincerely.

"What," Ashlyn asked, looking to him suspiciously.

She didn't know if her were talking about him and Ali being together or what. Jeff smiled, because it was the "or what".

"Crashing your brother's award dinner," he smiled warmly.

"Oh...yeah," she mumbled.

"The party we're going to has been planned for a few months now and it's a mutual friend we met at a function for the hospital. I just wanted to explain and not have you think I wanted to blindside you or something...I don't know," he continued with a light chuckle.

Ashlyn nodded as she took in his honest sounding words. "Ali doesn't know I'm here," she informed, clearing her throat and looking up to him.

"I figured. She would've called to warn me or something," Jeff replied and nodded.

There was a moment of silence as they both got their thoughts together. They were as ready as they'd ever be to do this.

"Wanna just be honest and get it all out there," she asked, but left no room for a no.

"Don't think I have a choice, Corporal," he chuckled knowingly.

"You can all me Ashlyn," she smiled some and sat up in her seat.

"Ok. Ashlyn," he smiled back and sat up straight.

They were both weirded out that this was going the complete opposite as they expected. It was just the start, though.

"You really do love her, don't you," Ashlyn said rhetorically.

"With all of my heart," Jeff responded not missing a beat. "Obviously, you still do, too."

"Never stopped. Her and out daughter got me through it all," she nodded, smiling at the thought of them.

"I didn't doubt it and would be surprised if you said no," he said.

They both loved Ali strongly, but it was obvious that Ashlyn loved her more and more deeper. Jeff noticed and saw himself losing. His 2 years competing with her almost 20 were stressing him and making him deflate in defeat.

"If she chose me, how would you feel? How would you react," he asked, eyeing her intently.

Ashlyn looked up with a blank face. "All I've ever wanted was for Ali to be happy. Whether that was with me or someone else, that was what I've always wanted. I kept my feelings from her for years because I thought that was best for her. I'd keep them from her again if that was what she wanted now," she said honestly with a slight break in her voice.

Jeff nodded, lips pursed in thought as he processed her words. Ashlyn studied him now and leaned forward some.

"And you," she asked him.

Jeff looked up to her and his face fell the slightest in pain. "I love her. I've never met anyone like her ever. Just when I thought I was never going to see myself married with kids and happy, Ali walked into my office one day and changed that. I love her with everything I have. I will fight for her, but I couldn't keep her from truly being happy if it meant not with me, though. It'd hurt, but I'd learn to accept it," he answered quietly.

Ashlyn nodded now and cursed on the inside at his answer. It could work to her advantage or not. It could help if Ali chose her or Ali could love him more for it.

"At least we can agree on that," she joked lightly.

Jeff chuckled softly and picked at a paper on his desk. "I'm sure there's more. Leighton is pretty awesome," he winked knowingly.

Ashlyn laughed lightly and nodded in agreement. "Beyond. I love my little girl and I'm so proud of her. She's amazing," she stated proudly.

"Agreed," he smiled, observing her parental glow.

Ashlyn smiled back before looking at her shoes in thought. She was protective of her family and wanted to be up front.

"Everyone says you're good with them. Perfect even," she cleared her throat and looked up to him. "I don't know very many people, let alone guys, that would date a single mom. Ali loves you and so does Leighton. That much I know. I'm woman enough to come here and say thank you for taking care of them. I mean that from the bottom of my heart."

Jeff stared at her in utter amazement and shock. That certainly wasn't where he was expecting this conversation to go and he was even more astounded by the woman before him. Though Ashlyn still saw him as a threat to her and Ali's happily ever after, he did help her wife in healing and kept her out of a dark place. He had a part in Ali saving herself and she was thankful for that.

"T-Thank you, Ashlyn. Thank you," he said honestly.

"No problem. Just don't ever hurt them. I'll hunt you down with my bare hands if you ever do. There's no place here or anywhere else that you could hide from me," she warned seriously with an eerily calm face.

"Of course," he grimaced some and gulped quietly.

"Just had to let you know," she smiled some and stood. "Look, I made the same promise to Ali that you did about trying to be patient with her while she gets her thoughts together. This is me trying to do that. Hope to see you Friday, Dr. Winters."

Jeff stood and fixed his clothes with a genuine smile at her. "Jeff, please. And thank you. I know she would really appreciate it and so do I," he nodded.

Ashlyn nodded at him and extended her hand to him this time. "No problem. Thank you for the time," she replied, shaking his hand firmly for a moment.

"My pleasure," he said honestly as they dropped hands, flexing the tightness out of his as discreetly as he could.

Ashlyn noticed and smirked some as she headed for the door. "I'm sure Alex would want to know, so..."she trailed off in a chuckle.

Jeff laughed and nodded in understanding. "Would you like to tell her or me," he asked as he approached her.

Ashlyn thought for a moment and then smiled. "I think it would be best coming from you. She might think I was lying or that I hurt you or something if I told her I came here on my own," she said knowingly.

Jeff nodded in even more understanding and amusement. "Point taken. I'll let her know now," he said.

"Perfect. Have a good day, Jeff," she smiled truthfully and headed for the exit.

"You too, Ashlyn," he smiled back and waved as she left.

Ashlyn nodded and backed out of the door to wave to him and say goodbye to the receptionist. Jeff watched her the whole time and kept his eyes on the door after she was long gone. They both had a mutual understanding that they wanted whatever Ali wanted. It would hurt to lose to the other and lose Ali forever, but they wanted her happy more than anything. They both felt like they were equally losing now after meeting each other.

Ali had it tough when picking between them and they saw it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for no brawling or anything lol ;P I just couldn't picture it going down like that and ending well, BUT I did see Ashlyn giving him a warning :)
> 
> Anywho...
> 
> HAPPY THANKSGIVING WHETHER YOU CELEBRATE IT OR NOT!!!!!!! I'M THANKFUL FOR ALL OF YOU AMAZING PPL AND CAN'T WAIT UNTIL FRIDAY! UNTIL THEN, STAY SAFE AND SEE YA :D
> 
> XOXOXOXO


	37. Just Like Old Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmkay! First off, wasssssssupppppp!!! Hope everyone had a great week and ate a lot of turkey dinner :D
> 
> Secondly, I've been doing this weird thing lately where I write what comes to my mind so I don't forget, so I spent most of the weekend writing this story backwards lol. The ending is pretty much done, so all I have to write is the middle. So, with that being said, there will probably be only 1 chapter a day this week ;P Sorry!

"She came to see you?? And you just talked and that's it?"

Jeff called Ali minutes after Ashlyn left to inform her of what had just happened. He told her everything word for word from his account, and Ali listened to it all in a little disbelief. She thought she would be upset that they did this without her being there, but things apparently went better than she could have ever imagined. She knew how Ashlyn's jealousy was and thought it would factor in, but she remained civil.

Ali felt bad for thinking that her wife would be so childish.

"It all went good, Ali. She even personally invited me to Chris' thing Friday," Jeff said.

Ali was pacing her living room where she was doing things for work. "I...wow. I don't know what to say," she said at a loss.

Jeff chuckled on his end in almost the same tone. "Me either. This is good, though," he said mindfully.

"Yeah," she agreed, not really paying attention. "Um, I've gotta go, Jeff. I need to finish up some things for work and stuff. I'll call you later?"

"Sure," he said simply, not noticing her mood change. "I'll call you when I get off."

"Ok, bye," she replied quickly and hung up.

Jeff was about to tell her he loved her and Ali missed it completely. She had other things on her mind as she got ready to leave. Jeff put his phone down on the receiver and felt something off about him and Ali for the first time.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Is Ash here," Ali asked when Mrs. Harris answered the door.

"No, honey. Apparently, she went shopping for Chris' award ceremony on Friday. She should be back soon, though," she smiled warmly and ushered her in out of the cold.

Ali smiled as she nodded and walked in the warm house. "Feels good in here. Smells good, too," she commented as she smelled the air.

Mrs. Harris laughed and motioned for her to take her jacket off. "You're staying for dinner, Ali. I made your favorite," she winked as she went to put her jacket on the coat rack.

Ali grinned appreciatively, but felt she was imposing after today's events. "Mrs. H, you don't have to. I don't want to...ruin any plans of your guys' or anything," she answered lamely.

Mrs. Harris gave her a playful motherly scold with a finger wag. "Don't be crazy, Ali. Ashlyn told me you're working from home for a while and I know you forget to eat when you're focused on it. You're staying for some baked BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes, mac & cheese, and green beans, Alexandra," she ordered.

"Yes, ma'am," she answered in amused fear.

"Good girl. Everyone will be back in a few minutes so make yourself comfortable," she winked and motioned to the living room.

"I'd much rather help you finish cooking," she smiled sweetly.

"As much as I would love to tell you no and that you're a guest, I missed having your presence in my kitchen. Thank you," she smiled, putting an arm around her shoulders to lead them to the kitchen.

They talked and cooked just like old times and it made them both happy to know things like that hadn't changed much between them. Ali missed so much being in the kitchen with her mother-in-law and learning new things to take to her own home to cook for her family. Ashlyn always thought it was the hottest thing seeing Ali in the kitchen and cooking them all a meal. Ali knew it and made a point to do it whenever she could which lead to a fun night cap for them.

That was how Ashlyn found her wife and mom when she came back from taking a drive to clear her mind. After her talk with Jeff, she decided to drive for a little while longer and around town. She ended up at the Kriegers and decided to go in for a while. She was disappointed to see that Leighton was taking a nap, but she felt better at catching up with her in-laws finally. They all talked and laughed like nothing ever changed; just like old times.

Ashlyn could see that they still had hope for her and Ali getting back together. They made it known to her when they saw her get a little sad when they asked how she was doing. The Kriegers were always like second parents to her, and having Mrs. Krieger as her basketball coach was a bond that could never be broken. They gave her nothing but encouragement and hope, and she left there feeling a whole lot better and confident.

Now, as she stared at her wife and mother joking around by the stove, she felt it all even more...and a little sexually frustrated.

"Honey," her mom called when she saw her. "You're back. Did you have fun?"

Ali turned, as well, thinking it was Mr. Harris or someone else. The moment their eyes met, they both felt the familiar sensation that they always did even when they touched. It was so full of love and home, and it resonated more through Ashlyn than anything. She was surprised, though, to see Ali still smiling at her because she had a feeling as to why she was there. She let out a breath of relief at the sight.

"Yeah," Ashlyn answered, pushing off the wall she was leaning in to. "I'm ready for Friday."

"Good," she winked as she wiped her hands clean on a towel. "Now that you're out of the way, everything should be easy."

Ali giggled knowingly into her hand as she turned the stove off and Ashlyn looked at them in mock offense. Everyone knew how particular Ashlyn was about looking good even though she hated shopping. Ali knew it more than anyone because she had to drag her through the mall all the time to shop for things. Ashlyn would've just much rather shop online or something, but Ali liked to physically go try things on.

"And just what is that suppose to mean," Ashlyn asked in a playful challenge.

Ali was giggling more now and turned to her with her arms crossed under her chest. "You love looking good, but you hate shopping, Ash. I'm surprised you even went by yourself," she smirked knowingly.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes at them laughing at her. "I just hate shopping with you," she mumbled to herself teasingly.

"I heard that," Ali said, narrowing her eyes playfully at her. "Those complaints flew out the window pretty quickly afterwards."

Ashlyn did a double take to look at her in wide eye surprise at what she just said. Ali was talking about how she would try those things on later at home for her and they would all end up discarded and forgotten on the floor next to their bed. Ashlyn was shocked at what she was hinting at, and Ali had to refrain from showing any signs of it herself. Everything was just so normal between them and flowed so easily; how could she not?

"Can I talk to you for a second," Ali asked after clearing her throat and still smiling.

Ashlyn just slowly nodded, not really focused on anything else except the dirty thoughts her mind was having. Ali noticed and laughed as she walked towards her to grab her arm to lead her to the living room. Mrs. Harris just observed the whole exchange the whole time with an amused face. If she didn't know any better, she would've thought they were back to the way things were 4 years ago...just like old times.

Ali led them to the couch, thinking it was safer than her bedroom, and dropped her arm. Ashlyn immediately missed the feeing her touch gave her that made her stomach warm and fuzzy. Ali loved having the feeling of her under her hand, and her mind went back to all the times she had it in other ways. Before her mind could torture her with any more things, she shook her head clear and got down to business.

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said that day," she started, flicking her eyes up to her and then back down.

Ashlyn was confused and leaned her head down some. "What day," she asked, trying to catch her eyes.

Ali smiled down to her lap and then looked up to her. "The day we got into that argument," she reminded.

"Oh...yeah, that. Sorry again," she said sheepishly and a little embarrassed.

"It's ok, Ashlyn," she smiled sincerely and grabbed her hand for further assurance.

Ashlyn tried not to grin so widely as she looked at their hands, but failed. Ali noticed and chuckled as she shook her head. She didn't let go of her hand, though, and squeezed it tighter to get her attention. Ashlyn looked up and didn't even bother hiding her shit eating grin at the fact they were holding hands for the second time that week. It gave Ali the courage to start the conversation.

"Anyways," she laughed some and looked up to her a little shyly. "You were right about a lot of things and I haven't been fair to you. Being at home and having a lot of time to think while I was working has showed me a lot of stuff. It isn't fair to you that I still wear his engagement ring or that we act like a couple, especially in front of you. It's disrespectful. It's also why I'm surprised you went to his office and told him yourself it was ok he could go Friday."

Ashlyn grimaced some at the mention and gave her a sheepish smile. "I know I should've waited on you to be there, but something just told me to go there and do it myself. It wasn't fair to you, though, to not be there and involved. He told you it went well, right? No blood or fighting or anything," she joked.

Ali laughed and nodded as she absentmindley played with their fingers. "I will be honest and say I'm a little mad that you didn't wait for me, but I'm more proud of how you handled it all. As long as everything is cool, at least for now if anything, and you're really ok about Friday, then yeah. There's nothing to worry about. Thank you, Ashlyn," she smiled appreciatively.

"No problem," she winked and squeezed her hand. ""I'm trying, Alex. I really am."

"I know you are, Ash," she said with a mix of pride, happiness, and relief. "I also don't want you to think that this was, like, a plan of mines or something. This birthday party was really planned months ago and I said yes to Chris before checking my schedule more clearly. I want to go, but only if you're comfortable about everything. I'm not trying to hurt you more by seeing us there together. I mean, it's already weird enough to think about."

Ashlyn chuckled some and scratched the side of her head. "Yeah, it is weird. But I know how much you love my family because I love yours the same. I know Chris would want you there to celebrate his accomplishment with us. You have been here as he worked his way up to computer specialist," she nodded pointedly with a wink.

Ali smiled and looked at their hands. "Thank you. It means a lot," she said.

"No problem," she sighed happily, rubbing her thumb over her hand.

They were both happy to get that out of the way and to go into Friday on a lighter note. Ali still had a little more to say, though.

"I'm gonna, um, talk to him about the ring," she said, painfully untangling their hands to remove it. "It's not fair that I wear his and not yours. I'm sorry for that, Ashlyn." 

As much as Ashlyn loved the gesture, she still wanted to make her wife happier more. "Are you sure? I don't want you doing it unless you really want to, Alex," she told her as earnestly as she could.

Ali smiled knowingly and nodded as she put it in her pocket. "It's only fair, but most of all I want to do this. It's my decision, Ashlyn," she told her honestly.

Ashlyn smiled so huge it looked like her cheeks hurt and it made Ali laugh. Ashlyn finally felt like she was winning something.

"Uh, hope you don't mind that your mom invited me over for dinner," Ali said as she rubbed her hands up her thighs.

"Cool," Ashlyn simply replied and shrugged the same. "I went to your parents house to see Leigh, but she was taking a nap. Got to catch up with them. They seem to be doing really good."

"They are, yeah," Ali smiled and nodded at the thought of them. "I wonder if I should go pick her up now or later, actually."

Ashlyn wanted to see her daughter, but she wanted to have some more time alone with Ali uninterrupted. Their daughter seemed to want them back together more than anything, so she figured that would soothe the guilt of her shaking her head no at Ali. She needed as much time as she could get to save their family and win Ali back. Ali looked at her in amusement as she shook her head furiously and started chuckling.

"I mean, a little adult time for yourself and her hanging with your parents could be good for everyone," Ashlyn smiled innocently.

Ali loved the idea and stood as she nodded in agreement. "You're right. It's been a rough week," she winked, straightening her clothes as she headed back to the kitchen.

Ashlyn stared off after her with a lovesick smile, excited for the rest of the night. She was glad she got Ali to stay alone because they practically fell back into things like normal. They ate with her family just like old times, she showed her outfit to her just like old times, and along with her brother, they all sat out back drinking a few beers together just like old times. It was a much needed stress release and Ali never remembered having so much fun in a long, long time.

It was why when Jeff called during dinner, that she silenced her phone discreetly and pocketed it to spend more time with her second family.

Ali thought about Ashlyn in her outfit for Friday as she bit her bottom lip in lust. Ashlyn didn't really notice as she showed it off to everyone and asked their opinion on it. Chris noticed Ali's eyes seemingly glaze over as she stared at his sister talking animatedly about it. Everyone noticed how the two interacted with each other almost like old times and couldn't help to smile at the sight of it. It was like things were back to normal again.

And just like old times, Ashlyn walked Ali to her car and opened the door for her. Ali had such a great time, that she didn't even think about it as she hugged her goodnight. Her arms were around her waist and she hugged her tightly with her nose in her shoulder. Ashlyn was caught by surprise as she held the door open for her, but immediately reciprocated it a second later. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and held her close, smiling as she closed her eyes.

As they pulled back, Ali pressed a kiss to her cheek and then stepped away shyly. Ashlyn blushed and smiled like a fool as she watched her get in her car. Ali just grinned, nose crinkling, and got in without trying to give away how much the little kiss affected her, as well. Ashlyn stepped back slowly to give her room to leave and waved at her with a quiet goodnight and to be safe. Ali smiled back even wider and nodded as she started her car up to leave.

Everything just felt like old times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a nice ending after everything, right? :)


	38. Therapy and a Veteran's Office Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola! Hope everyone's having a great day so far :)

"I want you to meet my family, Dr. M.!"

Ashlyn was running around to the driver's side of Dr. Morton's car to open it for her and grab her hand to pull her out. Dr. Morton was laughing at her and her excitement, and let her do it. Ashlyn had an extra pep in her step ever since dinner with Ali a few days ago and nothing could bring her happiness down. Dr. Morton definitely noticed it and smiled as she let Ashlyn tug her by hand up the porch steps to her family.

"Ma! Pa! Bro! This is the great Dr. Lisa Morton. Dr. M., this is my family," Ashlyn grinned proudly, raising the woman's hand almost like she was royalty.

Everyone laughed at her as they all shook hands and exchanged names. Mrs. Harris was curious about the woman and what she had to offer as to healing for her daughter. She was very protective of her children and wanted to make sure her daughter was receiving the best treatment possible. Dr. Morton took it all in stride and answered everything with a professional tone, but with a caring and sincere look in her eyes.

Once the woman dove into all of her charities, years of expertise, stories of the people she helped, and more, the Harris' were left amazed with her. They felt the upmost safety and confidence that Ashlyn was in the best hands. When Dr. Morton told them where they were going and everything they were going to do today, they became more infatuated with her. They also noticed she was certainly beautiful and made Ashlyn blush.

"You're daughter is a wonderful person, Mr. and Mrs. Harris. I know you are all very proud of her and the woman she's become," Dr. Morton praised, winking to her with a knowing smile.

Ashlyn, once again, blushed and looked down with a shy smile. Her family snickered, knowing that her getting praises and things similar were something she cockily loved. Only a few people made Ashlyn blush about things like that, and Ali wasn't there to do it. Now they all wondered if what Chris said was true when he told them about Ashlyn possibly having a crush on her therapist. It certainly looked like it could be mutual.

"Time to go," Ashlyn mumbled and took a step back.

Everyone laughed at her and she blushed deeper as she headed down the stairs. Dr. Morton winked to her family and shook their hands goodbye as she told them a time to expect them back. The Harris' were all confident and felt safe in knowing Ashlyn was going to be ok. Ashlyn was starting to feel like she was 3 years old and going out with friends to have fun. As annoying as it was, she also greatly appreciated the loving care her family had for her.

"Buckle up, Corporal," Dr. Morton announced as she slid her sunglasses on and started her car up.

Ashlyn chuckled and did as she was told, excited for the ride and the destination that laid ahead.

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"I don't know, Dr. M. Do you think I'm grasping for straws or something," Ashlyn asked almost desperately.

She had told her everything that had happened between her and Ali, not stopping until it was all out and desperate for answers.

Dr. Morton's lips were pursed in deep thought as she made a turn. "I don't think you're grasping for straws, Ashlyn. I think you're just holding out and onto the one thing we all wish we had all the time: hope. Sounds to me like Ali is coming around. Do you think she is sincere about everything," she asked her curiously.

Ashlyn bit the inside of her cheek and nodded a second later. "If there's one thing we've never done to each other, it's lying. We try to be as up front about things as we can. I mean, we've told the occasional white lie and stuff, but nothing so big that could be life changing. I trust her with everything I have and I love her with everything I am. I know she feels the same way without a doubt," she told her strongly.

"Then that's all that matters," she said simply, looking to her to flash her a smile.

"Wait...that's it?? That's all you got for me," she asked in disbelief.

"Yep," she answered, popping the 'p'. "You know you're wife better than anyone, Ashlyn. You both know the love you have for each other better than anyone. Not even I or therapy can compete with that."

"Wow...that was easy. And not what I was expecting," she said in surprise.

Dr. Morton just looked to her to scrunch her nose with a smile. Ashlyn laughed and shook her head as she looked out the window. It was all so simple and easy, and it made her wonder if it were all suppose to be like that. She didn't have time to dwell on it long as they reached their destination. She didn't think she had that much to talk about as they pulled into a parking spot.

"Do you still wanna talk," Dr. Morton asked her as she turned her car off.

Ashlyn was tired of sitting in the car more and shook her head no. "Nah, not right now. Kind of wanna get out to stretch my legs and get this started," she smiled sheepishly.

Dr. Morton giggled as she unbuckled herself. "Ok, but only if there's nothing more you want to talk about, Ashlyn. I'm serious when I say this is your time and you come first. Everything else can wait," she told her seriously.

"I know," she answered and nodded. "But I really want to go in. I'm kind of excited."

"Excellent to hear," she winked and opened her door. "Come on. They order the best sandwiches for lunch here ever."

Ashlyn chuckled as she got out and headed over to her. They walked inside and Ashlyn felt happy about meeting fellow servicemen.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I can't believe your patient is THE Corporal Ashlyn Harris," Major John Brooder said in amazement.

He was retired army, as well, and was watching Ashlyn interact with the men and women. From US Air Force to US Navy, to young and old, Ashlyn was laughing and joking around with them all. Everyone couldn't get enough of her and wanted to get to know her more personally. They all heard her story over some type of news outlet, but didn't treat her much differently. They knew what it was like to experience some of those things.

Ashlyn couldn't have been more thankful for them for it. It felt good to talk to people about what happened to her without them looking at her like she was broken. Though not everyone went through the same thing that she did during her service, they all knew of the horrors over there. They all knew someone that had a story about everything that was going on over there or that happened during another war.

Dr. Morton smiled proudly as she watched her laugh loudly at an old timer's story. She did look so carefree and less stressed than she had seen her ever. She figured her hanging around people that got what she was going through was the reason. She truly believed she had made the right decision now in asking Ashlyn to come here with her. Sometimes, just talking to someone who experienced the same things you did was the best therapy.

"She's a great one isn't she," she smiled to him before looking back to her.

John gave her a sideways hug and stared ahead with her. "She is. Thank you for this, Lisa. This program is only surviving so strongly because of you. You've truly helped out a lot of soldiers in desperate need," he told her with a sincere smile.

Dr. Morton grinned up at him and squeezed him tighter around the waist. "Thanks, John. I can't take all of the credit, though. I remember a certain someone helping me with it all," she winked knowingly.

"I didn't do as much as you did, though," he chuckled.

"You were my first ever soldier I helped when you came back home. That holds a lot for me and is very close to my heart. We BOTH did this and I'm proud to share it with you," she told him pointedly.

Before they could go back and forth on who did what more, Ashlyn came up to them to ask about lunch. She had worked up quite an appetite not just from talking all day, but participating in all the activities the center had to offer. She felt out of shape and like a loser at how good the elderly veterans got around so well. She saw how close Dr. Morton and Major Brooder were and smiled in curiosity.

"Hope I'm not interrupting," she said the closer she got.

"Not at all," Dr. Morton smiled and stepped to her. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering about lunch and those awesome sandwiches you talked about," she cheesed sheepishly.

John laughed as he walked up to her, as well. "I see she still hasn't forgotten them," he teased.

Dr. Morton rolled her eyes good heartedly and shoved him playfully. "They're great so sue me. When are we getting them, anyways," she asked him.

"Allen should be back here any minute now," he mused as he looked at his watch.

"Perfect! I'm starving," Ashlyn groaned hungrily.

They both laughed at her and she chuckled shyly with a small blush. John was interested in Ashlyn's story, but more of her time away during service. He loved asking veterans or active duty military where and what they did for the US military. This was his passion now that he was retired. Ashlyn was glad to share her experiences as a soldier that weren't all about her time away as a P.O.W. Everything wasn't all bad and she hated dwelling on it.

It was because of his approach and genuine curiosity that she opened up about everything.

"I was stationed in that same area when I was just a sergeant for the Army Rangers! That's crazy it all changed like that. It's good, though," he said in amazement.

"It is," she smilingly agreed and nodded. "We were able to help the locals build schools and even implanted a much cleaner water supply. Things were looking up when I left and last I heard they were only getting better. I'm happy we did it."

"That's awesome, Ashlyn," he grinned as he slapped a hand to her back. "You guys did a great job."

"Careful, Major. You're not back in the trenches anymore," Dr. Morton chuckled teasingly.

Ashlyn laughed and gave him a similar smack to the back. "Once a soldier, always a soldier," she winked to her.

"Hooah," he laughed and shook her by the shoulders.

They all laughed just as Allen returned with bags full of sandwiches and chips for everyone. Ashlyn literally clapped at the sight of them and went to help him carry things in. Dr. Morton and John chuckled as they headed towards them to set out a table to set things out on. Everyone smelled the food and looked to the scraping of the tables in pure hunger. Soon, everyone was eating happily and merrily.

"So, Major Brooder, when'd you retire," Ashlyn asked with an almost full mouth. "Wow! These really are good."

Dr. Morton chuckled as she ate a chip. "Told you," she winked to her.

John smiled at them and washed his bite down with his water. "I retired a few years ago. If my body was 22 again, I'd probably still be jumping out of planes for the Rangers," he smiled knowingly.

Ashlyn nodded as she took another bite in understanding. "It's not always bad," she agreed.

"Exactly. But, being 34 and trying to keep up with the youngsters isn't as easy as I thought it would be. All the broken bones, bullet I took in my left arm, and other injuries I sustained just caught up with me. Missed a landing spot during practice one day and broke my leg. Hasn't been the same ever since," he said with a sad smile.

"He's been through it all just about," Dr. Morton added with a small smile to him.

Ashlyn nodded again in even more understanding. "You remind me of my dad. He had to retire when the convoy truck he was driving was ambushed. The windshield shattered in his face when it was shot out and it almost blinded him. The doctors told him he was lucky he had his helmet and visor on. He badly broke his wrist and ankle when the truck flipped, too. He never says it, but you can tell how much he missed it," she said with a faint smile.

It was a scary time when they all got the news about what happened to her dad. They were all relieved to hear that he was going to retire, but Ashlyn and Chris didn't learn until later that it wasn't mostly on his own will. The army would've gladly had him back, but his wife wanted and needed him more with her at home to help raise their kids. She wanted them to die together at home and not apart with oceans between them.

Ashlyn thought a lot about them and their love when she made the decision to join the army. She didn't ever want Ali to go through the same thing her mother went through with her father. She didn't want their kids to go through the things she and Chris went through with her father. It was always hard having him miss holidays, birthdays, games, and other things. She never thought Ali would agree to that lifestyle, anyways.

Boy, was she wrong and underestimated her wife completely.

"Damn. That's crazy," he said with a headshake of understanding.

"Yeah. My mom was glad to have him home," Ashlyn said with a knowing chuckle.

"I bet," John joined in.

"You married or kids or anything," she asked him as she took another bite.

John looked to Dr. Morton and gave a small smile. She smiled back and looked down to her food.

"Actually, no. I had a girlfriend of 2 1/2 years during my time away that didn't last like I thought it would. We broke up about a few years before I retired," he informed with an even smaller smile.

Ashlyn gave him a sympathetic look and set her food down. "Sorry about that. I shouldn't have asked," she said apologetically.

John shook his head and gave her a bigger smile. "Nothing to be sorry for. If she couldn't tough it out with me then we weren't meant to be. That's how I see it," he stated obviously.

Dr. Morton smiled at his strength and the words he used. "Exactly," she said quietly.

"They are your words, Lisa," he grinned knowingly to her with a small wink.

Ashlyn noticed the exchange and saw that they were still close even after all these years. Dr. Morton still kept her relationships with her old patients. It made Ashlyn happy know she could have a lasting relationship with her.

"And they're very true. Speaking from experience," Ashlyn added.

Dr. Morton noticed John open his mouth to ask so she cut him off with a look. She didn't want to make things uncomfortable. John closed his mouth and nodded quickly as he diverted to another subject. Ashlyn didn't notice because she was looking down at her sandwich as she thought about all the years of Ali living life as the wife of a soldier. Before she could feel guilty, John asked her about other countries she visited.

Ashlyn was thankful for the distraction.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I had a fantastic time, Major Brooder. I can't wait to come back," Ashlyn smiled thankfully as she shook his hand.

"We had an even better time, Corporal Harris. Can't wait to see you again. You're welcome here anytime," John said with a huge and sincere grin.

"Don't forget me," Dr. Morton piped in jokingly.

They all laughed and John and Dr. Morton hugged goodbye. Ashlyn smiled at their exchange, happy to know there was such a good and caring person like Dr. Morton in the world.

"I'll see you Monday, Major," Dr. Morton smiled as she waved and headed to her car.

"Same. You guys take care and be careful. Hope to see you again real soon, Ashlyn," he called to her.

"Hooah," Ashlyn shouted back with a salute.

John chuckled as he headed back inside and they got in the car. Dr. Morton smiled brightly as she noticed Ashlyn's happy mood.

"How was it," she asked her as she buckled herself in.

Ashlyn grinned to her and they both laughed. "Freaking amazing, Dr. M.! Thank you for that," she said truthfully.

Dr. Morton smiled as she started up the car. "Perfect," she winked to her.

Ashlyn blushed and looked down shyly, happy to know that therapy wasn't always going to be sad. She saw her future in helping her fellow brothers and sisters in arms, and couldn't wait to give back to them. They definitely deserved it. She couldn't wait to tell her family about it all, her dad more than anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little light filler of sorts :)
> 
> See y'all tomorrow!


	39. Long Night with Dinner and an Award

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good morning/Good evening, all! Hope you all had or are having a wonderful day :)

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were the one receiving an award tonight. Stop fidgeting, daughter."

Ashlyn's dad was laughing at her quietly as she squirmed in her seat some trying to get comfortable and calm her nerves. She couldn't believe she had agreed to sit through a few hours with Ali sitting next to Jeff for the night. She felt like an idiot for agreeing to it and wondered if she was crazy for heading there now. But as soon as they thoughts entered her mind, they were squashed at her loving her brother more.

She wanted to be there for him to celebrate with their family his greatest accomplishment thus far.

"I just can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

Mr. Harris gave her a sympathetic and encouraging smile. "But you are. And that alone shows how strong you are, Ash. Remember that and that we're there for your brother," he reminded her with a wink.

Ashlyn smiled and nodded. "You're right, Pops. I just hope I don't make a fool of myself and I get through this with no problems," she said hopefully.

"I'm confident you will," he said and made a turn to their destination.

They were running a little behind schedule and were the last to leave the house. Chris and their mom rode ahead to go over everything he would be doing during the awards reception. Ashlyn and their dad were the last to get ready, so they told them to go ahead and that they'd meet up with them. Everyone noticed how nervous Ashlyn was about tonight, and Mr. Harris suggested that they come in behind later so he could calm her.

Ashlyn was looking out her window and scanning the area intently. Her dad noticed and smiled as he unbuckled himself.

"They're not here yet, sweetheart. She called Chris and told him they were 15 minutes behind because a certain little princess didn't want to leave until she was wearing her dress perfectly and as pretty as her mommy," he informed her with a knowing chuckle.

Ashlyn laughed along and looked back to him. "Is she like that all the time," she asked with a smirk.

Mr. Harris nodded so hard that she knew he had dealt with her before. "That little girl is such a diva, I don't know how you and Ali deal with her. So much for turning her into a star athlete like you," he chuckled jokingly.

"As much fun as that would be, I kind of like her girly-ness. Reminds me of Ali, but waaaay worse," she snickered.

"I've gotta say I love spoiling her like that, too. Leighton is amazing," he nodded in agreement.

They both smiled to each other proudly, but Ashlyn could see it more in her dad and knew it was directed at her, as well. She smiled shyly and he chuckled as he patted her shoulder and then moved to get out of the truck. Ashlyn sighed, happy and content with having such a wonderful and supportive family, then got out of to go to him. She was straightening her jacket and stuff out, and her dad reached up and fixed her collar for her.

"Perfect, kiddo," he winked and threw an arm around her shoulders.

Ashlyn grinned brightly, the same dimple he had on, as they headed inside. Chris and their mother were already seated at a table towards the middle and they headed to them. They both stood and kissed each other's cheeks in greeting as they complimented everyone on how good they looked. Ashlyn thought she was a little underdressed, but Chris assured her that everyone would be even more than she was.

As they took a seat, Ashlyn between her brother and father, they observed everyone as they walked in. True to his word, everyone was either dressed in a simple suit or business casual like she was. She sighed in relief, but her mind then wandered to Ali and when they would arrive. She wondered if Jeff was going to out dress her and what Ali was going to be in when she arrived.

Ali in a dress invaded her thoughts and she knew the night would be harder as she gulped a little turned on.

"You're going to give yourself an aneurism, Ash. Stop worrying yourself," her brother leaned over to whisper to her.

"She's going to look so freaking beautiful and I won't even be able to control my staring. He'll be here, too," she told him, discreetly trying to check the entrance for them.

Chris put his hand to the back of her chair and leaned closer. "It'll all be fine, Ash. We just have to get through a few more hours," he reminded her.

Ashlyn nodded, but she was more distracted staring at the entrance. "I hope so," she said quietly.

"Do you want me to tell them to not come? I can lie and say it got cancelled or that we decided to not go," he offered, squeezing her shoulder comforting.

"No. I can do this. I have to do this. Ali needs to know I meant everything I said and I need to do this for myself. Most of all and most importantly, this is your night and you've earned it. I'm proud of you, big bro," she smiled proudly and truthfully.

Chris smiled back and patted her shoulder in thanks. "I appreciate it, sis. I'm serious, though. If it get's to be too much, just let me know," he winked sincerely.

Ashlyn nodded and winked back with a smile of her own. "I know," she told him.

They turned back to the table and joined in on the conversation their parents were in, a little more confident about things.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You're not wearing your ring," Jeff said, sad eyes on her left ring finger.

Ali was putting her earring on and paused as his quiet words slipped out into the room. They were in the living room and she was in the hall mirror putting on finishing touches. They had both been busy the last few days and she never got to talk to him about the decision she made a few days ago. She was speaking from the heart when she told Ashlyn that she would talk to him about it and why she didn't want to wear it. She really just forgot.

She finished putting on her earring and let her eyes flicker to his face for a split second before she cleared her throat. She hoped this didn't turn into an argument just before they had to leave for a busy night. She knew she had to explain things more than anything, though. She turned to him and gave him a small smile as she went to the couch to sit on. Jeff didn't move and stayed rooted in his spot by the fireplace.

Ali looked back to the hallway and was thankful Leighton was preoccupied with getting ready.

"Ali," Jeff asked, trying to not sound demanding and hiding his hurt by it all.

Ali closed her eyes at his voice and took a preparing breath as she looked back to him. Jeff had his tongue between his top lip and teeth as he waited on an answer from her. She was the one that said they were still engaged, but now she wasn't wearing the one thing that symbolized it. His mind raced and he wondered what did he miss that was the change in things from a few days ago until now.

It didn't take long for Ashlyn's face to appear in his head, and he bit back his anger and fear at the threat she posed even more now.

"I've been so busy with work and stuff lately, that I forgot to tell you we needed to talk," she explained mostly to herself.

Jeff heard her and took in a shaky breath at what felt like the end of his world. It sounded to him that Ali had already made a decision and he was the loser in the equation. He literally felt sick to his stomach and put a hand to it as he tried to casually lean into the fireplace. Ali was more occupied with staring at the floor in thought to figure out how to tell him everything she had been thinking about lately.

"That's why you ignored my call that day," he swallowed hard, trying his hardest to mask his accusation.

Ali looked up to him with a confused raised eyebrow. "What," she asked.

Jeff swallowed again and stood as strongly as he could. "The day me and Ashlyn had our talk. You hung up quickly and didn't even let me tell you I loved you. You didn't call me back until the next day," he assessed, staring at her in study.

"I'm sorry about that, Jeff. I just had a lot on my mind," she said, closing her eyes at how hurt he sounded.

"Still," he blew out and shoved his hands in his pockets. "It doesn't explain why you're not wearing the ring."

Ali sighed and stood up after a moment. "I've been thinking a lot about things lately. By law, I am still a married woman and to wear your ring is a slap to Ashlyn's face. Not only that, but it's not right. The more I thought about it all, the more I felt bad and...dirty about everything. That's not saying that I'm ashamed of you or us, Jeff, but it's disrespectful to Ashlyn and you. To ask my wife to be ok with me wearing my fiancé's ring is wrong for the both of you. I just think it's best I don't wear it right now," she told him, trying to sound as unbiased as she could.

Jeff nodded slowly as he bit down hard at the tough news. If he were thinking in a more clearer mind and not so hurt by her decision, he would be agreeing with her. He knew he was lucky enough to have her wear it as long as she did, but her taking it off now made him feel like the battle for her heart was over. He felt like he lost and that she was going back to Ashlyn. He felt like a fool to think that she wouldn't.

"So, what're we doing? Are we still even...together," he asked in a quiet and painful lump.

Ali looked up to him with a soft and remorseful face. "I'm not saying that, Jeff. This is just fair and right," she told him pointedly.

Jeff looked down and off to the side with a small nod. "Then what is going on, Ali," he asked.

"It's not like I'm calling off our engagement, Jeff," she said as she stared at him.

Jeff heard everything she was saying, but his own insecurities were clouding everything. No matter how Ali put it, it all just sounded to him like she was choosing Ashlyn and getting her family back. Ali could see that he was not getting anything she was saying and just as she opened her mouth to explain more, Leighton came bounding out of her room. Ali didn't know whether to be thankful for the distraction or what.

"Ready! You look really pretty, Mommy," she grinned hugely.

Ali looked to her and smiled widely at the sight of her. "Thank you, baby. You look way more beautiful, though," she winked as she leaned down to her and kissed her forehead.

"Thank you, Mommy," she nodded and turned to Jeff. "You look pretty, too, Jeff."

Jeff gave a sad and small smile at her. "Thank you, pretty. You look absolutely beautiful," he told her with a soft wink.

Leighton giggled, loving all the attention, and looked up to her mother. "Let's go, Mommy. I wanna see Momma and everyone," she said impatiently, tugging on her hand to get moving.

Ali giggled softly at her and held her hand tighter to keep her from running off. She looked up to Jeff and he looked away as soon as their eyes met. Ali sighed and grabbed her purse to get ready to leave. Jeff followed out behind them with his hands still in his pockets and a face of defeat. Ali wanted to explain things and reassure him, but she kept her mouth closed and focused on having some fun tonight.

If she were being honest, she felt a whole lot lighter without the ring on her finger in more ways than one.

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"Thank God alcohol is served here," Ashlyn said thankfully as she waved a waiter over.

Her family chuckled at her as she grabbed her 3rd flute of champagne and halfway downed it. Mrs. Harris nudged her husband and he looked to her, but she pointed at their daughter with a knowing look. He chuckled and turned back to their daughter to put a hand on her arm and pat it to get her attention. Ashlyn looked to him out of the corner of her eye as she finished her drink.

"Slow down and calm down, honey. Everything's gonna be fine. Remember," he told her with a soft smile.

Ashlyn licked the champagne off her lips and slid her glass next to the other ones. "I hope so," she blew out in a whisper.

Everyone nodded and gave her encouraging smiles, but it was short lived as Chris' eye caught something in the back.

"Showtime, Ash. You've got this," he whispered into her ear.

Ashlyn tensed up and closed her eyes as her fist clenched on the table. She took a deep breath and slowly loosened everything as her eyes opened the same. She gulped as she turned cautiously to the entrance where her family was also looking and her mouth dropped at the sight. Her girls were absolutely breathtaking and they were all she saw and focused on. She saw and heard nothing else.

Ali was wearing a nice dark blue dress that had thin sleeves and stopped just above her cleavage. It hung onto everything on her body perfectly and stopped just above her knee. Ashlyn's weakness of Ali's was always her legs and she didn't even bother to stop her eyes from roaming down to them. They stood out better than ever before in her black heels and she could tell she had been sticking to her workout routine.

Her body was perfect in her attire, but her face was the winner and everyone in the room noticed, too. Her makeup was lightly done, but she put extra attention on her eyes and lips. Her eyes were popping an even more magnificent brown with the mascara and her lips looked so perfectly nude pink with her lipstick. Her hair was cascading in waves over her right shoulder and she was smiling so bright.

Ashlyn thought she had died and went to heaven.

It was all short lived for her to ogle her wife when Leighton spotted them and shot to them without notice. Ashlyn was jolted out of her lustful stare as her daughter jumped into her lap and practically choked her in a hug around her neck. The table rumbled in laughter at her and even a few people who were observing them. It made Ashlyn swell with pride as she held her strongly and kissed her hair.

"Momma, I missed you," Leighton told her when they pulled apart.

"I missed you more, Leigh Bear," Ashlyn winked and tapped her nose. "You look really beautiful tonight, babes."

"Thank you, Momma," she grinned hugely and grabbed her cheeks to shake, making everyone laugh. "You're wearing my shirt!"

"I am," she chuckled and used one hand to open her jacket up some to her more. "Do you like it?"

"I LOVE it, Momma! You look really pretty," she told her proudly as she played with her collar.

Ashlyn smiled and winked to her as she set her back down to look at her more closely. Leighton had no shame in giving her family a show, and twirled around to show her dress off as Ashlyn held her hand up for her. Everyone laughed and applauded her as she pointed out various things. She had on a little dark purple dress with a little cream bow in the middle. She had some lip gloss on and didn't care to show her diva status off.

Ashlyn was so caught up in laughing and enjoying her daughter and her eccentric ways, that she didn't notice Ali and Jeff slowly approach. Ali was smiling at them all and Jeff was walking rather awkwardly behind them, hands back in his pockets deeply again. As soon as Ashlyn noticed Ali was there, she jumped out of her seat and hit her knee on the way up. Everyone looked at her in startled amusement, but none more than Ali.

Ali also noticed how good she looked tonight and had to focus on not drooling. It was going to be a long night for them both.

"H-Hi," Ashlyn smiled and waved shortly.

Ali giggled some and waved back the same. "Hi," she said a little shyly.

They both stood there staring at each other and everyone noticed. The still seated Harris' seemed to be the only ones that remembered Jeff was there, so they stood to make things less awkward when they noticed him look on sadly. They all greeted each other with hugs and handshakes, Ashlyn not going anywhere near Ali and she doing the same painfully. Ashlyn did, though, give Jeff a quick handshake and forced smile.

They all moved around the table and took seats to get ready to start the night. Ashlyn was sitting directly across from Ali and couldn't be more happier. The only negative thing about it was that Jeff was sitting next to her and he seemed awfully close. Ali noticed it, as well, and almost rolled her eyes as she shifted in her seat to lean to the other side to give them some space. She hoped he wasn't doing what she thought she was doing.

"Is there food here," Leighton asked from between her mommy and grandma, making everyone laugh.

"There's a whole buffet and everything, baby girl," Chris answered with a nod.

"And a chocolate fountain," Ashlyn added with big eyes of excitement, knowing that was going to get her giddy.

"Really," she practically yelled and her mommy and grandma moved to shush her while everyone else laughed or chuckled.

"Ashlyn," Ali playfully scolded as she tried not to laugh too much.

"What? She loves chocolate," she smirked and shrugged.

Ali rolled her eyes in amusement and fixed their daughter's hair. "You'll get that after you eat dinner," she told her.

Leighton pouted at the thought of not having chocolate now, so Ashlyn moved to catch her eye and wink to her. When she did, she put her finger over her mouth in a shushing motion and nodded. It was an unspoken agreement that Ashlyn was going to make sure she got some chocolate before they left for the night. Leighton giggled behind her hand and Ali looked from her to her wife with suspicious eyes.

"Don't," Ali mouthed to her, teasing face not hidden well.

Ashlyn just grinned and shrugged innocently, not hiding her amusement well either. Ali rolled her eyes, again, and shook her head in amusement as she finished primping their daughter. They were both so caught up in having a family moment, they didn't notice everyone around them look on. If anyone noticed it more than anyone, it was Jeff and he was clearly upset. He wasn't going to lose Ali without a fight.

"Um, congratulations on tonight, Chris," he smiled and nodded to him, reaching on the table to hold Ali's hand.

Ali flinched when he grabbed it and looked from it to him with as discreet of a glare as she could. She knew what he was doing and it wasn't cool with her at all. She was trying to be fair to not just Ashlyn, but to him, as well. She didn't do half the stuff with her wife that she did with him. She slipped her hand out of his and put them on her lap under the table.

Ali tried to look unaffected and unbothered by it, and looked up to Ashlyn in hopes she didn't see any of it. Everyone at the table was talking and carrying on conversation about Chris' accomplishment all except for the high school sweethearts. Ashlyn had saw it all and looked away as soon as their hands touched. She missed Ali removing her hand from his and the look of irritation in her eyes at him.

Ashlyn's eyes were down at her hand on the table that twirled her empty champagne flute around. She cleared her throat and puffed out a breath as she looked up to the side for a waiter. She caught the eyes of one of them and lifted her hand up while throwing her head back some. The waiter headed her way with a tray of champagne and she gave a small smile of thanks as she grabbed a couple of glasses.

Everyone at the table just watched and all Ali wanted to do was grab her arm to lead her away to explain things.

"Don't you think you should slow down, sweetheart," her dad whispered to her closely.

Ashlyn just shook her head no and downed one of the glasses. She knew she was in for a really long night.

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Dinner went better than expected even though Ashlyn was visibly upset about things. Everyone noticed her mood had really deflated, but she didn't let her daughter notice. Whenever Leighton smiled at her or talked to her or said something funny, Ashlyn made sure she heard her and showed her she did. Ali was upset with the 5 champagne glasses in front of her wife, but kept it to herself to not cause a scene.

Jeff really felt bad as he watched her drink them like they were water. He didn't mean to upset her like that and have her almost drink herself under the table. He just wanted things to go back to the way they were when Ashlyn wasn't there. He wanted to hold Ali's hand for all to see and glance down at the engagement ring he bought her with pride. But he soon realized he went about it all wrong and especially when he felt Ali's annoyance with him.

He really felt guilty now.

Ashlyn was thankful it was dessert time and she quickly grabbed Leighton's hand to lead them to the chocolate fountain. All she had to do now was survive through the awards presentation and then she could go home to sulk alone in the confines of her own room. Being there with her daughter and watching her have fun with the chocolate fountain made her feel the heartache less, though.

As the lights dimmed and all the attention turned to the stage, Ashlyn was thankful because no one would be able to see the pain on her face. Everyone turned to the stage and Ashlyn kept her eyes mostly down on the table. Ali was half turned and paid no attention to the speaker as she stared at her wife out of the corner of her eye. She sighed sadly and Jeff looked to her with apologetic eyes.

Ali just gave him a hard look and shook her head in disgust as she looked away. Jeff felt worse now.

Chris was the first to receive his award and Ashlyn groaned internally. It meant having to sit through more recipients and being constantly tortured with her wife being beside her fiancé. She pushed all her feelings and things aside, though, and stood to hug and kiss her brother's cheek in congratulations. She sat down and watched as everyone else did the same. She smiled so happily when he picked Leighton up to the sky and then brought her down for a big hug.

But the mood went really south with sour as a quick break was taken to go over things. Everyone held light conversation at their tables as they waited on the presenters to finish their sorting. They were almost halfway done presenting awards and Ashlyn saw the end with a sigh of relief. She felt she was going to make it out of there with no more added heartache or pain. Leighton had other plans.

The little girl had been asking questions so bluntly and this time was no different. She was smart and very observant about everything around her. She had been trying to figure out on her own why her and her parents didn't all live in the same house together. They weren't answering her like she wanted to, and as she sat in her seat and looked at everyone, curiosity got the best of her.

"Mommy, can I ask something," she said, grabbing her arm to tug.

Everyone was talking amongst themselves, and Ali was half paying attention to her mother-in-law as she stole glances at her wife across from her. She simply nodded, not really giving her daughter as much attention, and tried to catch Ashlyn's eyes. All she wanted to do was tell her she didn't plan on that or anything and that she was just as surprised. Ashlyn just tried really hard to focus on keeping her eyes on her dad as he talked to her.

"Sure, sweetheart," Ali said distractedly, trying to listen to her, carry conversation, and catch her wife's attention.

What Leighton asked next made Ali wish more than anything in the world that she paid more attention to her. No one was ready.

"Is Jeff going to be my daddy?"

Everyone at the table literally froze in mid-conversation and slowly looked to her in shocking surprise. Ali's eyes were huge as saucers as she stared at Ashlyn and her mouth dropped in surprise. She didn't think her daughter would ever think to ask such a question and she felt stupid at thinking that. Leighton was definitely observant of things and verbally expressed it all, too. She wished the floor would swallow her up.

It was clear Ashlyn was hurt as her eyes started watering and she looked away from the table. One of the main things she feared and had nightmares about was noticed by her daughter. It was an innocent question and Ashlyn wasn't mad at her that she asked it, but it hurt like no other. Her bottom lip started trembling uncontrollably and a sob escaped the back of her throat. Everyone heard it and turned to her quickly.

Ashlyn needed an escape and was glad that the lights dimmed again to start the awards presentation back up. She immediately stood from the table and headed outside to get away from it all. Leighton didn't see her leave, thankfully. Ali stood to chase after her, but didn't know what to say and their daughter was still there. Chris stood and gave her a look that said he would go after her, but their dad stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"I've got it. Enjoy your night," he told him firmly and kissed his head in congratulations. "Proud of you, son."

"Thanks, Dad. Take care of her," Chris smiled sadly at him, grasping his arm strongly.

"I will. Don't worry," he smilingly promised before kissing his wife goodbye.

"Call me," his wife told him quietly. "Tell her I love her."

"Of course," he smiled and kissed her hand bye.

Mrs. Harris wanted to leave with them, but she wanted to stay and be supportive of her son. She had rode there with him and wanted to see the night close out with him. Chris smiled sadly at her as he got up to take his father's seat, grabbing her hand to comfort her. Before Mr. Harris left, he looked Ali in the eyes and gave her an encouraging smile. He conveyed the message that he would take care of her and talk to her.

Ali felt bad about everything and she didn't do anything wrong. The Harris' honestly had no ill feelings towards her about anything. She could clearly see it when she looked to them and they all smiled back. Mrs. Harris even reached over the back of Leighton's chair to squeeze her arm to comfort her. It didn't help any and only made Ali think that she was too lucky to have them in her life.

Luckily, Leighton didn't notice much and went back to eating her chocolate covered fruit and cake pieces. She took the lights going back off as a sign to be quiet because that's what her mom told her the first time. Jeff was dumbfounded the whole time and thought it best to stay silent. All Ali wanted to do was run after Ashlyn and see if she was alright. She hated feeling helpless.

The night was definitely ruined now.

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"ASHLYN," Mr. Harris yelled after his daughter as he chased her to the parking lot.

Ashlyn didn't hear him or anything at all as she unbuttoned the top of he shirt furiously. All she wanted to do was run back to the house and shut herself off in her room. She didn't know who she was mad at and wished she could go back in for more champagne. Leighton's question was one of innocence, but she knew it was because she was still wanting answers. Ashlyn took her jacket off angrily.

"When the fuck is all of this going to make sense," she hissed into the night air.

Mr. Harris jogged up to her and tiredly put a hand on her shoulder. "Ash," he said breathlessly.

Ashlyn shrugged him off, not registering it was him, and threw her jacket on the side of the truck. She started unbuttoning and rolling her sleeves up to her elbows, cursing under her breath. She didn't know her father was outside and trying to see if she was alright. He reached for her arm again, but this time he turned her around to make sure she saw him. Her anger dissipated only the faintest at the sight of him.

"Ash-"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

Mr. Harris closed his mouth and put his hands on his hips as he looked down to nod. He didn't want to upset her more and knew to comply with her for now. Ashlyn was a lot like him in so many ways, and they both dealt with pain like the same. They would much rather not be forced to have it come out of them until they were ready. It seemed the only people that could get it out of them by force, though, was their wives.

Ashlyn leaned into the truck, hands clasped tightly together as they dangled over the truck bed. She was still crying, but it was silent and the only sounds heard were her sniffling. Mr. Harris slowly and tentatively walked up beside her and copied her stance. He just stood there with her and let her cry it all out as they stared into the truck. After a few minutes, Ashlyn calmed down enough to where it was an occasional sniffle.

"It was bound to come up. I don't know why I'm so surprised and hurt by it," she whispered, wiping under her nose.

Her dad looked at her and sighed sadly. "Doesn't make it hurt any less, sweetheart," he said.

"She told me that she wasn't going to wear his ring anymore and that she was going to not do things in front of me. Didn't stop them from holding hands earlier," she bit out.

"Ash, she put her hands in her lap as soon as he grabbed hers," he told her.

Ashlyn contemplated his words for a second, but the alcohol took control. "Whatever," she grumbled stubbornly and pushed off the truck.

Mr. Harris stepped back and looked to her. "You know better than anyone that Ali says what she means. If she told you that she wasn't going to wear his ring anymore and that she wouldn't do things in front of you, then you know she wouldn't. I didn't see the ring on her finger. I didn't see her hold his hand back, either, Ash. Ali had nothing to do with anything tonight. You should've saw her face just now. She felt terrible. I could see it myself that she wanted to come out here to you," he said, stepping to her with as serious of a face that he could.

Ashlyn turned from him angrily and pinched the bridge of her nose. She knew he was right, but she wasn't thinking too clearly with her emotions swirling around her. She was hurt by her daughter's question and all she wanted to do was go in there and tell her no. All she wanted to do was go in there and take her family back home to be together. She wanted to show Ali why they deserved to be back together in more ways than one.

The longer she stood out in the cold and thought about things, the more she just wanted to go back to her original plan. All she wanted to do was escape back home and shut herself off. She didn't have the energy or the will to fight anyone or anything. Her father could clearly see it and stepped to her more. All he wanted to do was comfort his daughter and embraced her in a strong hug.

Ashlyn immediately fell into it and his always present hold of safety. She started crying again into his shoulder and he just pulled her more closely, hand at the back of her head and lips to her hair. He held her like he use to when she was a little girl and she hurt herself playing outside. He held her like he did when she was greatly upset after a sporting loss. He held her like he did every time she came back from tour.

He held her with nothing but love, support, and strength; a father holding his little girl.

"I don't want to lose my family, Dad. I won't survive it," she cried into his chest as she clutched it close to her face.

"You won't, Ashlyn. Too much has happened for you to. Do you honestly think you went through everything you did just to lose it all now," he said softly by her ear and pulled her even more closer.

Ashlyn cried harder as she closed her eyes at his words. It was because of her believing that the reason she was still alive when she was captured was because she was supposed to make it back to her family that she still had some hope. That's all she had to keep her living and pushing through everything. Things didn't go like that, though, and she came back to complete change. She wanted to hold out on that hope, but everything she saw told her otherwise.

She just let her dad hold her and comfort her in hopes it would all go away. It didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooh snap!
> 
> ...I know, I know, we're back to sad ;(


	40. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

"What the HELL was that, Jeff?!"

The night's first events were over, but Ali had no intentions of finishing out the rest at the planned birthday dinner. She needed to have a much needed talk with Jeff and was glad Leighton was hanging out with the Harris' for the night. Jeff was silent the rest of the time and knew he was in deep trouble. Ali had given him the cold shoulder the whole time and turned it up more the closer they got to his car.

He wished he had some help as soon as they got inside it.

"I'm sorry, Ali. I don't know what I was thinking. It was all just a gut reaction...it was normal," he half lied.

"Gut reaction? Normal," she said in annoyance as she turned to face him in her seat. "I asked you, Jeff, to be understanding. I asked you to respect my decision and reasons. But noooo...instead, you had to act like we were all in high school and you we're marking you're territory! I'm not some damn prize to be won or fought over, Jeffrey."

Jeff sighed sadly and looked down in shame. "I know that, Ali. I'm just scared," he confessed quietly.

Ali softened some at him, but her anger was still present. It was late and she just wanted to go home to be alone. She wanted more than anything to go to Ashlyn and see if she was alright. She had to explain things to her and let her know she was sorry. She stared at Jeff for a moment before sitting back in her seat to put her seatbelt on. She could see where he was coming from, but it wasn't an excuse.

"Take me home. We'll talk about this later," she said in a low voice, arms crossed over her chest.

Jeff stared at her, begging with his eyes for her to look at him. Ali just stared straight ahead and ignored him.

"What about the birthday dinner," he asked in quiet shame and tentativeness after a moment.

"You can go. I want to go home," she answered almost tersely.

"Ali," he sighed in defeat and apologetically. "I said I was sorr-"

"Sorry isn't enough, Jeff," she exclaimed in frustration as she looked to him. "I do more things with you than I do Ashlyn. I still go to dinner parties with you, you kiss me, we hold hands, we do so much! Ashlyn just sits there and watches from the sidelines and barely says anything. I actually thought that after your talk you would see that maybe we should be a little more fair. I thought you had an understanding."

Jeff couldn't shake the feeling that she was hiding her true feelings back, but he wanted his own answers first.

"I do have an understanding, Ali," he defended, but weakly. "I get it now. I shouldn't have done that and I felt bad ever since. But are you just mad at me for that or about what Leighton said?"

Ali was literally frozen speechless. It was something she had been thinking about herself and she knew she couldn't blame him for that. She didn't know who to blame, and because of that, she blamed herself for her indecisiveness. All of this mess could have been easily avoided if she had just said what she wanted from the beginning. As she stared through the dashboard of the car, all she wanted to do was start making up for things.

"Take me home," she repeated barely above a whisper.

Jeff wanted to apologize more and get answers from her, but he knew he was lucky to not have her wrath at the moment. Instead, he started up the car and took her home. He hoped that they could be saved and Ali hoped to save something else.

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"Ali," Mrs. Harris said in surprise when she opened the door.

Ali looked at her in uneasiness, feeling like this is what she always seemed to do; showing up at her in-laws to apologize to their daughter. But Mrs. Harris smiled warmly and welcoming to her, then stepped aside to let her in. She knew why she was there, but Ashlyn wasn't at home when they got back. Matter of fact, neither was her husband and she called like the overly concerned and protective person she was to find out where they were.

"Ashlyn isn't here," she answered her daughter-in-law just as she opened her mouth. "Her and her dad are...out. They said they'd be back later."

Ali gave a small and sad smile as she nodded. "Is she ok," she asked quietly and guiltily.

Mrs. Harris opened her mouth, but then closed it. "I'm going to be truthful with you, Ali. No. No, she isn't," she said solemnly.

Ali nodded again as she felt her emotions rise. "This is all my fault. I never meant to hurt her or anything," she said mostly to herself.

Mrs. Harris moved to comfort her with a hug. "Oh, Ali. She knows that. Things are just...complicated right now," she said soothingly by her ear.

"How can you say that to me, Mrs. H.? After everything I've put your daughter through these last 2 weeks, how are you still nice? I know you. I know how protective of your family you are, especially your kids," Ali cried into her shoulder.

"You're right, you do know me. You know I love my family with all of my heart and my kids are right at the top of that list. But apparently what you don't know is that I love you too, Ali. You are my family and like a second daughter to me at that! I've seen and been through almost everything with you. From the day we got word Ashlyn died until now, I've been there," Mrs. Harris told her as she rubbed her back.

"I know, but-"

"No buts! I know you love my daughter and I know she loves you. Things won't always be like this. I can't just expect you to make a decision at the drop of a hat because we're all pressuring you to. You've gotta do it on your own and I'd be a hypocrite to tell you otherwise after I told my daughter the same. Do I want you to hurry up and make one? Yes. But I also want to be supportive to you like you've been to me and my family all these years. Everything's going to be ok, Ali. Ok?"

She sounded so sure and so confident, that Ali had no retort for her. All she wanted to do was continue to go on about how she was a horrible person that didn't deserve Ashlyn. All she wanted to do was beat herself up about everything in hopes to be in even more pain than what her wife was in at the moment. All she wanted to do was scream and shout, then hope to wake up tomorrow with her life exactly how she wanted it.

It was easier said than done, though.

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"I'm embarrassed to even see Mom and Chris," Ashlyn mumbled as they headed for the front door.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, kiddo. We're all here for you, honey," Mr. Harris reminded her with a soft smile.

Ashlyn turned half her mouth up the faintest as she opened the door. "Here goes nothing," she blew out.

Mr. Harris just kept his smile and patted her back as they headed inside. "We're home," he called out to anyone.

His wife came from the kitchen, smiling so warmly and lovingly, and kissed him. She looked to her daughter, who was standing behind him and trying to hide, to grab her arm to pull her in a hug. She held her tightly and rubbed circles over her back. Ashlyn didn't want to be all sensitive in front of them, but she couldn't help but to hug her back more stronger. She loved when her mother held her like she was still a baby.

"You ok, baby," Mrs. Harris murmured by her ear.

"Yeah, Mom. Thanks for asking," Ashlyn chuckled lightly as they pulled apart.

"Always. I love you, sweetheart," she let her know, pinching her dimpled cheek.

Mr. Harris laughed softly and grabbed her other cheek to pinch. Ashlyn laughed at her parents, remembering how they always did that to her because she had such a baby face, and playfully smacked their hands away. They both laughed at her and then her mom remembered she had a guest. She knew it was better to warn Ashlyn now and she only wanted her to do what she was comfortable with right now.

"Honey, could you check on Leighton is Ash's room for me," she said, conveying with her eyes for him to go.

"Uh, y-yeah," he answered as he slowly got the message.

Ashlyn was too busy removing her jacket and unbuttoning her shirt to notice. "Is that coffee I smell? I could use some," she asked as she put her hair in a bun and moved for the kitchen.

Her mom grabbed her arm and gently tugged her back. "Ali's in there. She wants to talk and explain things. Here her out, Ash," she said in a gentle firmness.

"What," she asked in a clipped tone.

"She really is sorry. I talked to her and -"

"I don't feel like talking right now, Mom! In case you missed it, my daughter thinks Mommy's new boyfriend is going to be her "daddy". I can't do this right now."

"Do you really wanna run out on your family now?? Right as things might be turning for your good???"

"Seriously?? This is "good" to you?! I've never ran from them. I've only been running to them! She's the one that doesn't want to be together again."

"You don't know that, Ash. Just hear-"

"Jesus, just stop!"

Ashlyn let out a very loud and frustrated growl as she whirled away from her to pinch the bridge of her nose. On top of her crying her eyes out, she really was drained and just wanted to rest. As much as she didn't want to be mad at Ali for everything that happened tonight, she couldn't help how she was feeling. All she could think about was that maybe Ali was doing all of this intentionally to hurt her.

Her plan sure as hell was working.

"I should go."

Both Harris women whipped around to Mrs. Krieger-Harris and her quiet and broken voice. The moment Ashlyn made eye contact with her, she slumped some at the expression on her face. She really did look guilty and really sad. But Ashlyn felt like all she kept doing was giving in to her wife and letting her hurt her without a care. She felt she had to stand up for herself now more than ever.

If she didn't, she felt like she would just let Ali continuously walk all over her.

"Give us a minute, Mom," Ashlyn said, trying and failing to keep the coldness out of her tone.

Mrs. Harris was hesitant to leave them alone and looked to her daughter-in-law. Ali just gave as confident of a nod as she could, knowing they needed to talk and scared about what the outcome could be. Ashlyn just stared almost through Ali with hard eyes and her teeth gritted. Her mom grabbed her arm and squeezed it in hopes that she got the message to keep her cool.

"Leighton is upstairs," she said in a warning and motherly tone before she headed for her husband.

At her words, Ashlyn cursed herself and dug down deep to calm herself even more. She didn't want to upset their daughter.

Ali stared at her for a moment before clearing her throat of the boulder lump. "I'm sorr-," she tried softly.

"Doesn't matter, I don't wanna talk about it," Ashlyn cut her off, brushing past her to the kitchen.

"We need to talk about it," she argued, fighting off tears and turning around to follow her.

Ashlyn was digging around in the cabinets for a coffee mug. "Where the hell is my damn mug," she hissed in frustration.

Ali knew which one and grabbed it off the table. "Here," she said, placing her hand to the small of her back to bring her other around to show her.

Ashlyn stiffened at the contact, but relaxed into it half involuntarily. She closed her eyes and inhaled through her nose trying to concentrate on everything except the wonderful feeling and tingles it gave her. Ali wasn't trying to use it against her for her own advantages, but she could never not be touching her in some way or form when it came to comforting her wife. There was a heavy silence as Ashlyn slowly came down to her feet and rested her hands on the counter.

"Thanks," she said in a quiet and strained voice, unmoving.

"You're welcome," Ali said almost as a whisper, a little too close.

Ashlyn turned her head to her and noticed she was no more than a few inches away. What shocked her the most was that Ali was looking at her lips in a very hungry and lustful stare. Ashlyn didn't even know she was turning towards her until she felt her hands slip off the counter. The night's events were catching up and emotions were still high. They didn't even know they were leaning to each other until they their noses grazed each others.

Just less than an inch to go...

"Momma! Mommy," Leighton yelled, running down the stairs to them.

Her grandparents were chasing behind her after she ran out of the bedroom fresh from a cat nap. She heard her grandparents talking and heard her parents names. She assumed they were there and wanted to hang out with Ashlyn especially. What she didn't know is that she had ruined a very crucial moment for not only her parents, but her family, as well. 

Ali and Ashlyn jumped apart like two young teenagers caught at home without supervision at the sound of her voice. Ashlyn coughed into her hand as she used the other to rub the back of her neck. Ali cleared her throat and crossed her arms tightly across her chest as she tried to not trip walking backwards some. They only had time to look at each other, completely flustered, for a second as their daughter ran into the kitchen.

"Momma! Where were you," Leighton said in an almost a scolding voice.

Ashlyn always loved that she made her so happy all the time and smiled. "Sorry, honey. I, uh, had something to go do really quick," she lied, chancing a look at her wife.

Ali looked down sadly and regrettably, cursing the night's negative events for seemingly making things go 2 steps back. Ashlyn felt the same way, too, and focused all of her attention back on her daughter.

"Ok," Leighton simply answered, not needing much more. "Can we watch a movie?"

Ashlyn winked to her and kneeled down kiss her forehead. "Sure. Go pick something out and I'll make us a little snack," she smiled and patted her cheeks gently.

Leighton grinned back and turned around to run off just as she saw her other mom. "Mommy," she exclaimed excitedly and jumped on her for a hug.

"Hey, doodle bug," she giggled, picking her up to kiss her nose.

"Mommy, you watch a movie with us, too," she asked hopefully, eyes like a pleading puppy dog's.

Ali looked up to Ashlyn at a loss as to how to answer. They both lived to make their daughter happy, and Ashlyn nodded with a small smile. Ali gave her a thankful smile and mouthed the same words before looking back to Leighton's big blue eyes.

"What are we watching," she asked her as she set her back down with a nose crinkling grin.

Leighton cheered and grabbed her hand to tug her away to the living room where her grandparents were. They needed to definitely talk, but right now their daughter was their number one priority. Ashlyn couldn't lie and say it wasn't something she was happy they could do together. It was like they were a family again. She couldn't help the smile that was on her face either as she made them snacks.

She still remembered Ali's favorites as she made enough for them and her family as Chris walked through the back door. Talking would have to wait because family time was more important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to everyone and I hope you all have a wonderful and safe weekend!
> 
> *whispers "See you Monday!" and runs*


	41. A "Major" Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey! Ok, so we're looking at 4 chapters today to make up for last week haha.

They hadn't spoken to each other the whole weekend after the unplanned family movie night. After the movie, Ashlyn walked Ali to her car quietly as she held Leighton. She buckled her in, kissed her head, then stepped back to the curb with her hands in her pockets. Ali just stared at her, waiting on her to make a move or say something. Ashlyn was just too tired to and gave her a small smile with a parting nod.

Ali sighed in defeat and decided to table it for later and give them both time to think. What was supposed to be a day or two of thinking, turned into 5 days. She was busy and swamped with work, and she was trying to stay caught up with everything. Ashlyn was relieved that they hadn't gotten a chance to talk either, and threw herself into other things. She spent the majority of her time at the veteran's center helping John.

Along with her therapy session that week, Dr. Morton accompanied her to almost every visit. Ashlyn at first just asked her to tag along for the sake of company, wanting to spill her problems to her. Dr. Morton noticed right away something was wrong when Ashlyn asked her if she wanted to go back to the veteran's center Saturday. She was clear for the weekend and wanted to help, so she agreed without hesitation.

It was Wednesday and the only day Dr. Morton couldn't make was Monday. During all of those days, they talked about Ashlyn's problems on the drive there from her military ones to her personal ones. Ashlyn told her what happened Friday on Monday and Dr. Morton felt bad for her. She knew Ashlyn was hanging on by a thread when it came to her waiting on Ali. All she knew to do was offer her professional and what little personal opinion she had.

Dr. Morton did everything in her power to assure Ashlyn that Leighton was just making an observation. She tried her hardest to get her to see that she was just curious about things because no one was giving her the answers. She made sure she dug it in to her deep that Leighton would never think of replacing her with Jeff. She didn't know or never met the little girl personally, but she knew just from Ashlyn how special their bond was.

Ashlyn heard everything she was saying, but it didn't qualm her much. All she kept having was nightmares about that maybe Leighton did want Jeff to be her daddy. All she kept thinking was that maybe Ali didn't want to be with her anymore and wanted to be with Jeff. She knew Ali wanted to apologize about things, but she didn't know exactly what about. She just wasn't ready to listen to her.

Dr. Morton felt she made things worse as she watched Ashlyn look down sadly. She knew her family was a tough and iffy subject for her. She just wanted her to see that things were the way they were because there was a lot of confusion going on. She just wanted to give her all the confidence and hope in the world to know she wouldn't lose her family. But she could see how hopeless she was in the end.

So she helped her take her mind off things by helping others. It was therapeutic.

Now, Ashlyn was headed to the veteran's center for the 4th time in the last 5 days. She had Leighton with her because she wanted her to tag along and spend some time together. She also wanted her to see everything first hand and to learn something. She wanted her daughter to learn something about helping others. Ashlyn was very passionate about her work she was participating in and wanted to share it with her daughter.

Ali was very supportive of Ashlyn in her volunteering at the center. She could hear how passionate she was about it when she called her last night to ask if she could take Leighton with her. Ashlyn didn't have to ask her to spend time with THEIR daughter and she made it known when she starting rambling. They still hadn't talked, and Ashlyn was really not wanting to ruin the somewhat good mood she had so far.

They both hung up, content with having some semblance of peace, and knew they would talk sooner rather than later.

"You ready to have some fun with me, munchkin," Ashlyn asked her daughter with a cheery smile.

"Yes, Momma! I can't wait to meet the vechrans," Leighton answered cutely.

Ashlyn chuckled and reached her hand over to pinch her cheek. "Veterans, honey. They can't wait to meet you, either," she winked before turning back to the road.

Leighton gave the most biggest grin at her words, feeling important, and looked out the window. Ashlyn smiled at her excitement as she made the last turn to their destination. When she got there, she ran to the other side to help her little girl out and grabbed her hand to lead the way. John was waiting at the door to greet them and shook Ashlyn's hand strongly with a friendly pat to the back.

"Lisa said she was about 20 minutes away," he informed with a warm and welcoming smile. "And is this the pretty Miss Leighton?"

"Yes, sir," Leighton said proudly and stuck her hand out.

John laughed and bent down to be eye level with her. "Nice to meet you, ma'am. I'm John Brooder. You're as pretty as your momma said you were," he winked as he shook her hand.

Leighton giggled and shook his hand a little shyly. "Thank you, Mr. John," she said politely.

Ashlyn chuckled at her and patted the top of her head. "What's on the agenda today, Major," she asked.

"Well, some things have come up recently and were looking for ways to raise money. Lisa says she has some ideas and that she'll talk to me about it later. Other than that, everyone's just inside ready to watch the annual US Air Force vs. US Army football game," he smiled, moving aside to open the door for them.

"Awesome. Hey, maybe I can help with some ideas, too," she suggested.

"It'd be great if you don't mind. I don't want you thinking you're time spent here is being used to not do something constructive or fun or something, though," he said sheepishly.

"I want to do this, John. Helping you guys figure out how to get funding is constructive which will lead to the fun. I wanna help in any way I can," she told him sincerely.

"Ok then. Welcome to the planning party," he joked.

"Party," Leighton asked excitedly.

"Not like that, sweetheart," Ashlyn laughed and squeezed her hand.

"Actually," John said like he had an epiphany. "A party isn't a bad idea. Maybe a fundraiser type thing?"

Ashlyn slowly nodded in thought as they headed to a table to sit at. "Hmmm, that could move things along faster. What're you thinking," she asked as she studied him.

John grinned and motioned for her to sit. "I was thinking maybe a silent auction like the one you said your brother had at his awards ceremony. Maybe we could factor other things in it," he suggested.

Ashlyn pushed down every emotion from that night to focus. "Um, y-yeah. That's a great idea," she smiled forcefully.

John noticed and cocked his head to the side as he observed her. He didn't have time to ask her about it as Dr. Morton walked through the door and headed to them. She was smiling and waving to them, and they both stood to greet her. Leighton had met the woman after her mother's therapy session yesterday and liked her from the start. They both had a love for the color pink.

"Miss Lisa," Leighton cheered, running to her with wide open arms.

Dr. Morton laughed and bent over to hug her. "Miss Leighton, how are you," she asked as she smoothed her hair down.

"Good," she answered as they pulled back. "You look pretty today, Miss Lisa."

"Thank you, ma'am. You look absolutely gorgeous today yourself," she winked, grabbing her hand to lead them back to the table.

"Must be great to have fans," Ashlyn teased.

"You would know, Corporal. How are you," Dr. Morton asked, giving her a hug.

"Great. Can't wait to do some brainstorming on how to help you guys raise money," she smiled as they pulled apart.

"We actually came up with an idea," John added, hugging her sideways tightly.

"Can't wait to hear this," she teased with a wink.

They all laughed as they took a seat and got ready to get down to business. Leighton stuck around for a while, sitting next to Dr. Morton and talking some with her as she played with her bracelets, until she decided to explore. Ashlyn told her to stay where she could see her, and soon the little girl was off making friends with anyone she could see. Everyone fell in love with her and enjoyed her company, making Ashlyn beam proudly.

"How about we do an auction at the fundraiser? Get some potential bachelor and bachelorettes to "sell" for money," Dr. Morton suggested.

Ashlyn and John thought about it as they nodded and then agreed. They all figured they could ask around the center for any volunteers or even people they knew. Dr. Morton joked that they should volunteer because they would be a hot commodity. They both laughed, but then realized that might not be such a bad idea. Anything they could do to raise money and help out the center was their priority.

"I was joking. You're not even a bachelorette, Ashlyn," she pointed out.

"It's for the center and a good cause. I wanna help," she countered.

"Yes, but how are you going to explain you auctioning yourself off to your wife," she retorted without thinking.

Ashlyn just shrugged without a care and a glum look, and Dr. Morton cursed herself for not choosing her words carefully. She sighed and decided to table the conversation for now, and John noticed. He didn't know much about Ashlyn's personal life as far as her marriage went, but he did know she was married. He had read up on her and he was concerned for his friend if she was having problems. He found his opening when Dr. Morton left when Leighton called her over.

"You don't have to say anything and it's none of my business, but what was that about," he asked after clearing his throat.

Ashlyn was staring at the table and clenched her fist hard on it. "Nothing," she whispered, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

John felt he overstepped a boundary and scratched the top of his head. "Sorry, Ash. I didn't mean to-," he retracted.

Ashlyn didn't know why, maybe it was the concern flowing from him or the fact he had been a great friend to her, but she felt her words falling from her mouth. John had been good to her ever since she started coming to the center and they shared a lot of similarities. He also knew what it was like to lose a relationship to the career even though she hadn't officially lost Ali yet. His understanding made her open up.

"If she loved me, then she'd want to be with me. It would be no questions asked or anything else," Ashlyn stated, fingers drumming the table in irritation.

John sighed and nodded in understanding. "I definitely get it," he agreed, but with an undertone of something else.

Ashlyn picked up on it and looked to him in curiosity. "But," she asked.

"But...she's still with you," he answered.

Ashlyn was confused as she stared at him like he hadn't heard a word she said. It seemed like every time she spilled her heart out to people about her marital problems, they always seemed to side with Ali. They were always telling her to be patient, give Ali time, it's been less than a month, she still loves you, and etc. She was tired of hearing things that only seemed to make her hurt more.

"You're going to have to explain, Major. Quite frankly, if I'm being honest, I probably don't wanna hear it. Feels like everyone is on her side, anyways," she said in slight bitterness.

John cleared his throat and sat up straight in his chair. "Look, Ash, I'm not saying that she's more right than you or anything, I'm just saying that she's still with you. Ya know," he asked, becoming unsure himself what he meant.

Ashlyn stared at him for a moment and then opened her mouth before closing it again. "What," she asked even more confused.

"Oh boy," he sighed and scooted closer to the table.

John had all the words and reasons in his head to explain things to her, but couldn't form them into words. He understood where Ashlyn was coming from completely. He didn't know how he would react if he came home to his wife starting her life over with another guy. But the more he really thought about all of Ashlyn's story, the more one thing stood out the most. Ali stuck with Ashlyn through it all and his girlfriend didn't.

That was all the faith he needed to know that they weren't going to break up.

"My girlfriend," he started, visibly becoming upset and swallowing hard. "My girlfriend couldn't handle dating a soldier. She said that it was too hard thinking about me over there and something bad happening to me. She said she couldn't handle having to go through me dying over there or worse. She said she wouldn't be able to take care of me if something bad happened over there and I would need constant help when I got back home. She just couldn't do any of it."

John was staring through the floor as he thought about the day his girlfriend broke his heart. He met her when he was back home for a rare holiday stay at the mall. She was working in a store that he was inside of trying to find something nice to wear to Christmas dinner. She thought he looked so cute holding up two different shirts at a complete loss as to which look better. So, she went over to help him and they hit it off ever since.

John smiled at the memory of her dragging him into a changing room and passing him in clothes to try on. He ended up just taking whatever she gave him, mostly to please her and because he thought a beautiful woman picking clothes out for him was the best thing ever. His family loved his outfit at dinner that day and he ended up going back there to thank her. Really, he just wanted to see her again and ended up fumbling over his words for a date.

They were inseparable the rest of his holiday stay. They learned so much about each other in the short time, and really couldn't believe that they were so lucky to find the other. She didn't date too much because she was so busy at work being the assistant manager at the store, and he of course spent most of his time away overseas. Things were perfect for a long time until she started thinking long term.

"I wanted to marry her," he continued with a sad and small smile. "I bought a ring and everything. I've never been so sure about anything in my life. She was perfect to me and the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I would've done anything for her. But the longer she thought about things and the more serious we got, she started panicking. She wanted to be married, but she wanted assurance that her husband would be alive and capable to be a husband then later on a father. All the injuries I got, the bad news, and things just overwhelmed her. We both wanted a family...she just couldn't do it with me."

Ashlyn stared at him with empathy as he tried to quickly and sneakily wipe his misty eyes. She herself thought the same things for Ali before she joined the army and especially after when she was thinking about her future. She never wanted her to be burdened with her if she ever came back with dire complications. She never wanted to break her heart if she never came back alive. She loved her too much.

"She broke my heart, Ashlyn. I thought us being in love would get us through anything, but it didn't happen like that. The love was there, but everything else wasn't. She couldn't handle my lifestyle and she couldn't think to live in it for herself while I was gone. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Ali stuck with you through it all for over 6 years: that's dating, engagement, marriage, a child, and especially through all the bad and negative things military families go through. That tells me something. That tells me she not only loves you, but she trusts and has faith in that love that you all were going to make it through it all together. You're STILL married, Ashlyn, and you said she doesn't want a divorce. Sounds to me like she's been choosing you. You just gotta hold out a little longer and make her fully see it, too."

Ashlyn actually felt her heart beat quicker at his words. They rang so true as she took them all in to her heart.

"I just wish everything would go back to the way it use to be," she sniffled quietly, trying to wipe the corner of her eye discreetly.

John gave a sympathetic smile and grasped her shoulder to get her attention. "I'm pretty sure you hear this enough, but she lived for almost 4 years thinking you were dead. I can only imagine. Things aren't just going to go back to before that easily. They're different now. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love you anymore. You guys have a LOT of history and a very beautiful little girl. That alone is the proof that you guys are closer to getting back together. Just keep believing that, Ashlyn. We're taught to have patience. Keep that and the faith alive, and you'll see you and your wife back together in no time," he promised, smiling so assuredly.

Ashlyn looked up to him and smiled back. "Thanks, man. Means a lot," she told him, standing to shake his hand.

"Means a lot for me. You're welcome, Corporal," he winked, shaking her hand firmly before pulling her in for a tight hug.

They both chuckled and gave each other a couple of slaps on the back. John felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders after opening up to someone about his life with his girlfriend. The only person who knew things detail for detail were Dr. Morton. Even his family only knew the bare minimum of what happened between them. He barely talked about it, but he felt for Ashlyn and wanted to see her have the faith he wished he had then.

"You guys are getting too close now."

They both laughed and turned around to the teasing smile of Dr. Morton. She had been observing them from afar as she played cards with Leighton and a few veterans. She thought to go interrupt them when she saw that things were getting serious, but something told her not to. She figured they both had stories and things to tell the other that could help. She felt she made the right decision now as she approached them.

"I'm married," Ashlyn joked back.

"And I'm...still looking," John added and they all laughed.

"You guys would be too cute together, anyways," Dr. Morton smirked teasingly with a wink.

Ashlyn blushed and shuffled on her feet. "I'm going to go check on my daughter," she mumbled and moved to leave.

John shook his head in amusement and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. Do that," he chuckled softly.

Ashlyn turned back to him and smiled. "You're a good man, John. You're woman is out there somewhere. I'll keep the faith as long as you do," she winked and nodded before taking off.

John stared off after her in thought as he slowly nodded in agreement. "Will do," he said to himself, smiling at the future.

Dr. Morton couldn't help but to grin at the exchange. "I don't know what that was all about, but I'm glad for you both. Thank you, John," she said before patting his shoulder and heading to the front desk.

John stared off after her and smiled, feeling like things were finally starting to look up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to get ready to close this out! :D


	42. Introductions

"Are you still mad at me?"

Ali sighed on the phone as she made a turn down the street towards the Harris' house. Jeff had called her as she got in her car to go pick up Leighton, and she heavily debated on answering it. They hadn't really talked face to face and mostly texted. She figured if she were ever going to get anywhere, she had to stop running from her responsibilities and take action. Jeff and Ashlyn both deserved that from her.

"I'm not mad at you, Jeff. I'm upset with you," she answered truthfully.

Jeff sighed on his end. "Understandable and rightfully deserved, Ali. I was a jerk. I still feel bad about it all," he told her.

Ali knew him and knew he was telling the truth. "You should. It wasn't right what you did, Jeff, and that's the only thing I blame you for. I need you to not do childish things like that and let me do things on my own. Stop trying to influence or stray my decision one way or another. Just...be patient," she asked in a breath.

"I will and I understand. I'm sorry, Ali. I just...I don't want to lose you. I love you so much," he said, trying to hide his desperation.

"I know that, Jeff," she said quietly and sadly.

A moment of silence that felt like it dragged forever. They were both at a loss, but Ali was the most.

"And you love me," he asked almost in a whisper.

Ali pushed down a weird feeling that suddenly arose. "Y-Yes. You know I do," she answered just as quietly.

Jeff took a moment on his end before clearing his throat. Ali thought he had heard her hesitation and closed her eyes in anticipation. She was starting to be really honest with herself as of late and things were slowly falling into place. She was starting to see things clearly and she felt her answers were about to be shown. She knew all along what they were, but now the circumstances arose to present them.

Fate had a funny and cruel sense of humor to her.

"I, um, I was calling to also tell you something," he continued, voice sounding like he was trying to keep it together.

Ali opened her eyes and tears came at the sound. "What's up," she asked, trying to sound unbothered and forcing a smile.

"I have another boring convention to attend to. It's from Thursday all the way until Monday. Just thought I'd call and tell you about it if you start wondering where I disappeared off to," he joked lightly with a quiet chuckle.

"I would wonder where you were, Jeff. Thanks for telling me," she laughed quietly with him, hoping to ease his mind.

"No problem," he replied. "Do you think I could, um, s-see you before I left?"

Ali was starting to feel worse at his insecurities. "O-Of course. I'll come by tomorrow before you leave," she said.

Things felt so weird now. Ali hated it so much.

Jeff tried to not sigh so loudly in relief, but it didn't go unnoticed. "Perfect. I'll see you then," he said, smile heard in his voice.

"Ok. I've gotta go. See you tomorrow," she promised as she pulled up and unbuckled herself to get out.

"Can't wait," he answered cheerily before clearing his throat in preparation. "I love you, Ali."

Ali paused as she made her way up to the house. For some reason, completely unknown to her, she couldn't say the words back like he meant them. She felt like she was being smothered by him and his constant telling the 3 words to her. She felt like he was taking every opportunity to tell her the words and hoping she'd say them back with just as much conviction. All these years, and she still felt like she was racing to catch up with him.

Just as she opened her mouth to say something back, Ashlyn pulled up and a car behind her. Ali tilted her head in curiosity as she watched them all get out and a very beautiful, red headed woman stepped out of the car. She didn't know or recognize her from anywhere, but her daughter seemed to know who she was as she ran to her to grab her hand. The big smile on her wife's face didn't go unnoticed either as she went to them.

Ali felt threatened all of a sudden...and very jealous.

"Ali? Alexandra? Are you there," Jeff's voice asked in concern.

Ali kept her eyes on her family and barely heard anything he said. "I'll see you later," she said distractedly and hung up.

She watched as the 3 of them all talked so animatedly and excitedly. Whatever it was about, it made her daughter hold the mystery woman's hand tighter and jump up and down. It made her wife smile more wider and laugh with her head thrown back. It made the woman hug her daughter to her side and put a hand on her wife's shoulder as she laughed just as enthusiastically. Now, Ali was starting to feel like Ashlyn did.

Her jealousy was boiling now.

"Alex," she heard Ashlyn say in surprise.

Ali snapped out of her thoughts and looked to her. Ashlyn was staring at her and hesitantly raised her foot before deciding to head over to her. Something seemed to dawn on the mystery woman and she looked just the slightest uncomfortable as she stood straight. It didn't go unnoticed that she dropped her hold on Leighton as she continued conversation with her. Their eyes met for a second and she nodded at her before looking down to Leighton.

"I thought I was dropping her back off later," Ashlyn asked as reached her.

Ali tore her eyes away from her daughter and the woman to her wife. "I-I, uh, wanted to come by and get her. Get out of the house for a while and catch up with your parents or something," she answered, giving a small smile and trying to not stare over her shoulder.

Ashlyn smiled and nodded. "Uh, yeah. Sure. I'm sure they all want to see you," she agreed, sticking her hands in her pockets.

Ali nodded and an almost awkward and uncomfortable silence came over them. So many words and questions hung over them.

"Who is she," Ali asked, trying to not sound jealous as she nodded behind her.

Ashlyn turned to where she motioned and smiled as she turned back to her. "Oh, that's my therapist Dr. Morton," she answered, missing her mood completely.

Ali nodded and crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at her intently. "What's she doing here," she asked.

"She wanted to come by and personally invite my parents and Chris to this thing Saturday. We're trying to raise money for the veteran's center and we all came up with a little fundraiser type party thing. It's pretty important," she informed casually.

Ali nodded in understanding, but something started itching the back of her mind and it bothered her. Ashlyn just stared at her without a problem and had a smile on.

"Is she, um, your d-date or something," Ali asked, practically rushing it all out nervously.

Ashlyn's forehead furrowed quizzically and she slowly shook her head no. "No. I mean, you can take a date if you want to, but I'll be going by myself," she explained slowly, realization dawning on her.

She could clearly see now that Ali was jealous. She couldn't help the big, stupid smile that came across her face. Ali didn't notice as she stared beyond her shoulder.

"Good," Ali muttered to herself.

Ashlyn bit down hard on her bottom lip to stifle a laugh. "I'm being auctioned off to help raise money," she went on, hoping to ease her.

Ali snapped back to her and slowly smiled at the thought (and in relief). "Really," she asked in disbelief.

"Really, really," she chuckled and grabbed the back of her neck to massage. "It's for a good cause and I want to do it."

"And what if some old grandpa buys you," she teased, eying her with a smirk.

"Then he better take me out for a good time and donate lots of money to the center," she replied and they both laughed.

"That's really nice of you to do that, Ashlyn. I hope you guys get every cent you need. Matter of fact, I would like to donate," she said sincerely as she pulled her purse around to dig in.

Ashlyn smiled thankfully and put her hand over her retrieving one. "Thanks, Alex, but I'd rather we receive it Saturday night," she winked.

Ali eyed her suspiciously, trying to see if she was reading what she thinks she was reading. "Are you asking me to go," she asked.

Ashlyn nodded and meant every word of it. She really believed John and everything he said about them getting back together. Above all else, the veteran's center could use all the help and attendance it could Saturday night. They were already looking at about 75 guests, veteran's and family members alone, and about 12 bachelor and bachelorettes. But Ashlyn then remembered Jeff and her smile fell.

Ali noticed and knew what she was thinking about. "I'd love to. It'll be fun hanging out with you, Leighton, and your family that night," she smiled brightly.

Ashlyn noticed she didn't mention him and smiled. "Are you sure? No plans or anything," she asked hesitantly and pointedly.

"None at all. I'm free," she said, putting extra emphasis on the 'I'.

That was all the answers Ashlyn needed and her smile turned into her huge, dimpled grin. Ali couldn't help but giggle at it.

"Um, wanna meet Dr. Morton," Ashlyn asked, thumb jutted behind her to the woman.

Ali hesitated in answering as she stared at her over her shoulder. The longer she stared at her, though, the more threatening her beauty seemed.

"Please," she nodded.

Ashlyn chuckled as she shook her head and turned around to lead the way. Ali certainly had nothing to worry about when it came to her wanting another woman over her or anyone for the matter. She was deeply in love with her wife and the only thing she wanted. Ali looked to her as she started laughing and wondered if she was as noticeably jealous as she felt she was. She didn't have time to think about it as they reached their destination.

"Dr. Morton," Ashlyn smiled as they came to a stop. "This is...Ali. Ali, this is the great Dr. Morton."

Dr. Morton smiled at them warmly and stuck her hand out. "Please, call me Lisa. I told you that too, Ashlyn. Nice to meet you finally, Ali," she said kindly and politely.

Ali slowly raised her hand, trying to not look affected at her wife's pause in introductions. "Nice to meet you, too," she said, forcing a smile and shaking her hand.

Ashlyn smiled proudly at the exchange that they seemed to get along. "Great! Now, you've met everyone important, Dr. M.," she stated with a happy clap.

"So it seems," Dr. Morton giggled.

Ali had to refrain from rolling her eyes at her. Thankfully, Leighton grabbed her hand to get a hug and kiss.

"I missed you, Mommy," she said sweetly.

"Missed you more, sweetheart," she winked before kissing her nose.

Ashlyn smiled so proudly and happily at their exchange. Dr. Morton noticed and smiled at her, feeling she was intruding.

"I should go," she announced as she looked at her watch.

"Aw, really? What about my family and stuff," Ashlyn frowned sadly.

"I think they'd love to hear it all from you more. It was mostly your idea, anyways," Dr. Morton winked and patted her shoulder.

Ashlyn nodded with a smile and walked her to her car, opening the door for her as they talked plans. Ali's heart hurt at watching her wife do something for another woman that wasn't her. Ashlyn didn't notice this time, though. Dr. Morton did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooo, jealousy ;)


	43. Scars and an Auction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha, this is a funny one. And an idea of the babe Trooper12 ;)

"I can't believe I let her do this to me hours before we have to leave."

Ashlyn was staring into the upstairs bathroom mirror with a deep frown. Today was the day of the fundraiser, and they had less than 4 hours to get ready. Her daughter, though, thought it would be funny to plaster play tattoos all over her face as she slept. They had just got through playing with them when the time came for her nap. Ashlyn decided to take one with her, but Leighton woke up early and decided to continue their earlier fun.

"This kid, this kid," she mumbled as she scrubbed at her face.

With one eye open, she noticed her shirt rise some and what looked like some more of the pesky tattoos. Ashlyn groaned and slowly lifted her shirt to see about 8 other play tattoos all adorned on her stomach. As if the unicorns, rainbows, flowers, and other girly things weren't enough all over her face, now her stomach looked the same. She wished now she wasn't such a heavy sleeper.

"Leighton Amelia Krieger-Harris," she huffed as she started to remove her shirt.

Clad in only her sports bra and sweat pants, Ashlyn worked between scrubbing her face and stomach to rid herself of her daughter's fun time. Even though she was irritated and scrubbing hard to the point it hurt, she chuckled at the thought of her daughter having fun. She never regretted time spent with her, and it was why she was so eager to take her off Ali's hands for a while. Her wife wanted to finish up some last minute work before tonight.

As Ashlyn scrubbed her face, her eyes trailed over her body and the marks that were forever going to be there. She saw her bullet wound was still visible and looked ugly from the half hazard way it was first fixed. She sighed as she stared at it and let her eyes travel lower. She could see the few slash marks from the knife, and as she stared closer and focused, she could see the marks from the taser stick.

The same marks also were along her legs and she dropped her hands to the sink. She brought her eyes to her reflection and stared at it hard. She could even see the sympathy in her own eyes as they stared at her herself. She didn't know what was worse; the emotional scars or the physical scars. She knew over time both would fade and be easier to manage, but they would never fully go away.

"Thank God for therapy," she whispered ruefully, slowly standing straight to finish cleaning herself.

Leighton saw all the scars on her mom's body as she stared at her through the cracked door. She wanted to come up and apologize before offering to help her get cleaned. The sight of the scars on Ashlyn made her very sad and scared to the point she stayed frozen in place. She wanted to ask her about them, but she was too scared and shy to. Instead, she stared for a little longer and then ran off sadly.

She hated thinking someone could hurt her mom. Ashlyn didn't even notice her.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You'd think I'd be partied out after the last one," Ashlyn mumbled as she fixed her tie in the mirror.

They had a few hours to go until the fundraiser, and everyone was putting finishing touches to themselves. She was wearing a dark blue blazer, grey vest, black tie, and white dress shirt. She had on dark wash skinny jeans and dark brown boots to finish it off. She wore her hair down and had on makeup to bring it all together. She had just finished getting a quiet Leighton dressed before herself.

Leighton still hadn't talked to anyone much after she saw Ashlyn's scars. Mrs. Harris noticed and tried to get her to talk, but the little girl just shook her head no sadly. The woman went to inform her daughter of her own daughter's mood, and Ashlyn offered to get her dress to talk to her. She didn't get much out of her either and she kept saying she was fine. Ashlyn figured Ali could get it out of her when she arrived.

"Yeah, but we all know how much of a party animal you are," Chris smirked from behind.

Ashlyn turned her head to him and stuck her tongue out playfully. "You know what I meant, doofus," she chuckled as she turned back to work on perfecting her tie.

Chris smiled and walked up to her to turn her around and help. "It'll all be ok, Ash. This is for a good cause like you said and Jeff won't be there tonight," he reminded her.

"I know, I know," she sighed, moving her head to let him work. "I can't help but to be nervous."

"You said so yourself she was jealous when she met Lisa," he said as he finished. "Doesn't sound like you need to be nervous to me."

"Yeah, but what if I misread it? What if I was just seeing what I wanted to see," she countered glumly.

"Come on, Ashlyn. You know Ali better than anyone. If you saw jealousy then more than likely she was. Trust me, I know," he told her confidently.

"And just how do you know," she snorted in disbelief, turning to the mirror to finish perfecting herself.

"Because I remember her face when you first told us about Dr. Morton after your session at dinner that day. Remember," he asked with a knowing smile.

Ashlyn looked at him through the mirror and then down to hide her smile. "You're just saying that," she mumbled.

Chris laughed and smacked a hand to her back. "Oh, I'm not. Ask Mom and Dad. Besides, I remember during y'alls senior year of high school after a basketball game of yours that Ali tried to kill a girl for coming on to you for a "reward" for getting player of the game," he chuckled.

"Holy shit," Ashlyn laughed hard in remembrance. "I thought she was going to kill the girl right then and there! Luckily, her mom was right there to diffuse the situation."

"Exactly," he agreed. "And that's my proof."

Ashlyn smiled at him in thanks and he winked at her before throwing his arm around her shoulders. She really wanted to ask her parents about what he said now and dig deeper for more information from him. But those thoughts all left her mind as her wife came to her vision. She looked absolutely beautiful and she didn't even stop her mouth from dropping. Ali looked up to her and her eyes went wide at the sight of her.

"Geeze," Chris chuckled under his breath. "Get a room already."

Ashlyn heard him and hit him hard in the ribs with her elbow. Chris yelped and grabbed them, but didn't stop laughing as he went to kiss his sister-in-law's cheek in greeting. He then went to pick up Leighton to take her to the kitchen to see if his mom made a snack or anything, That left the married couple alone, and they both just stared at each other. Eventually, they broke into shy smiles.

"You look beautiful, Ali," Ashlyn said softly, not bothering to eye her up and down.

"Thank you. You look hot," Ali said honestly, winking and making them both laugh.

Ali was wearing a black cocktail dress that stopped midway to her knees. It was strapless and showed some cleavage. Ashlyn couldn't see the back yet, but it was open and showed the perfect amount of skin. She had her jacket draped over her arm and her clutch in her other hand. Her hair was straight and parted to the right with almost similar makeup from the last time she saw her dressed up.

"Thanks," she smiled and nodded. "Ready for some fun?"

"Oh my God, yes," Ali said dramatically, throwing her things on the couch and sitting on the arm of it. "I've stressed myself enough with work for one week."

"Ouch," Ashlyn chuckled and leaned against the wall with crossed arms. "You'd think working from home would be fun."

"Yeah, it's not," she laughed.

"I'll keep that in mind when I start looking for work," she laughed along.

Ashlyn eyed her as she seemed to relax and look less stressed. Ali was thankful that she was going out to have fun with her family drama free.

"I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're going," Ashlyn said sincerely, smiling to her so happily.

"Me too. Thank you for letting me come," Ali smiled back, nose slowly crinkling.

"That smile," Ashlyn whispered to herself as she watched her.

Ali heard her and looked up to her with shy eyes. Their moment was broken when Mrs. Harris called for her daughter to come help her father clean out the truck to make room. Ashlyn grinned and excused herself, but not before making sure to stare at her a little longer. Ali definitely welcomed it and smiled as she sat up straighter to give her a better view. Ashlyn tripped as she left.

"Watch out, Ash," she giggled, pointing to where she almost fell.

"Huh? Wh-...oh," Ashlyn mumbled, lovesick smile never leaving as she looked at her one last time.

Ali shook her head in amusement at her silly wife and combed her fingers through her hair. She didn't care that they were shamelessly flirting and couldn't wait to see what else tonight had in store. It felt like all the other times they would do lingering touches or say things to each other before they were dating. It was almost like they were finding their way back to each other one step at a time.

More importantly, the last get together's drama was forgotten for the moment.

"Mommy?"

Ali broke out of her thoughts and looked up to her daughter at the kitchen entrance. She smiled at her, but it fell when she noticed her daughter looked sad and worried. Ali's face softened and held her hand out for her to take. Leighton slowly made her way over to her, head down the whole time, and grabbed her hand. Ali hated seeing her like this and put her on her lap with a kiss to the back of her head.

"What's wrong, baby," she asked softly by her ear.

Leighton sighed and then turned her head to her. "I don't want to get in trouble," she said sadly.

Ali pulled her closer and turned her halfway to look at her some. "Why would you think you'd get in trouble? You know you can talk to me about anything, honey," she told her, smiling encouragingly.

Leighton nodded in understanding and look to where she came from. "I know, but you said it's rude to spy on people," she said and looked back to her.

Ali nodded and looked to where she had just did. "Yes, but if there's something bothering you, I want to know that more. I want to help you more. You can tell me and you won't get in trouble, Leighton," she stated.

"Promise," she asked, holding her pinky up.

"I promise, honey," she smiled and linked their pinkies together.

"Ok," she smiled some and took a deep breath. "Today Momma bought me some play tattoos and we put them all over each other. I had lots on me, Mommy."

"Sounds like you had fun," Ali laughed and patted her thigh. "Did you?"

Leighton giggled at the memories and nodded. "Yes, Mommy. We had lots of fun. I even put more on Momma after we took a nap together," she further informed.

Ali laughed even harder and hugged her close. "I can only imagine. How much more," she asked.

"All over her face and some on her tummy," she giggled again.

"Leigh Bear," she cackled as she pictured it, tickling her as some payback for her wife.

"I'm sorry," she laughed and squirmed.

Ali's plan of getting her daughter relaxed worked and she slowed their fun. She wanted to get down to the real problems.

"I'm sure Momma wasn't that upset," Ali said by her ear, thinking that was her concerns.

Leighton looked back down sadly as she remembered what she saw. "Mommy, why does Momma have cuts on her body," she asked quietly.

Ali stiffened and froze as her words sunk in. "What are you talking about," she asked just as quietly.

Leighton looked to her tentatively and then back down. "Momma was cleaning the tattoos off and I saw her cuts. She has a lot of them, Mommy. What happened? Who hurt her," she asked, tears forming as she looked up to her pleadingly.

Ali cupped her cheek to hold her gaze as her own tears pooled. "Baby...Momma...she-" she stuttered, desperate for words.

"Ali, sweetheart? We're all ready to go," Mrs. Harris called from the kitchen.

Ali blew out a breath and wiped her eyes quickly. "Ok," she called back, wincing at her cracking voice.

She looked back to her daughter and saw that she was still looking to her for answers. It broke her heart that she didn't have any more than she did. Ashlyn practically begged her to not look into anything that came out about her and she respected her enough to do it. It seemed everyone knew what her wife went through but her. The fact her daughter was just as uninformed she was made Ali feel like less of an adult.

"We'll talk about this later. Ok? Let's just try to have some fun and show support for Momma," she said, kissing her forehead.

"Yes, ma'am," Leighton nodded sadly.

Ali cupped her cheeks with both of her hands and made her look at her. "You know me and Momma love you very much, right? You did nothing wrong, honey. Let's just have some fun for now," she smiled, crinkling her nose and winking to her.

Leighton slowly grinned, feeling a little more cheerier. "Ok, Mommy. For Momma," she agreed, hugging her around her neck.

Ali held her daughter close and tight, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. Now, she felt it was long overdue to know what happened to her wife.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ali was not having a good time at all.

She had been concerned for her daughter the whole night, but the second they went inside the veteran's center, her daughter's worries seemed to be a distant memory. It made her over the moon happy to see her having so much fun and introducing her to everyone. Leighton seemed to be very popular from what she saw. Her night was only about 30 minutes in and she was already starting have a good time.

But that all changed when Dr. Morton arrived.

Ashlyn had been busy the whole time making sure things were in order and that money was coming in. She went around meeting people and schmoozing with John. The only time her and Ali talked was when she introduced her to John. Ali noticed them look to each other and give a look. She didn't have time to ask about it, though, before John walked off to speak to people. She did notice him smile and wink to her wife quickly.

Dr. Morton walked through the door about 10 minutes later and Ali's mouth dropped. She was wearing an emerald green dress that was similar to the one she was wearing now. Her hair was perfectly curled and draped over her right shoulder. She looked absolutely gorgeous and everyone took notice. Ali looked to Ashlyn, who looked to her and smiled as she waved. Dr. Morton waved back and Ashlyn excused herself to go talk to her.

Ali couldn't hold back her anger or jealousy as she watched them hug.

"Careful, Alexandra," Mrs. Harris said from beside her as she drank her juice.

Ali looked to her and then down at the floor. "What are you talking about," she asked, shifting on her feet at being caught.

Mrs. Harris just smirked and patted her shoulder. "You know exactly what I'm talking about," she leaned over to tell her before leaving.

Ali did know what she was talking about and cursed under her breath. She hated that she was so obvious and headed for the juice. As much as she wanted to talk to Ashlyn about what Leighton had told her, she didn't want to ruin her night. She had worked so hard to put everything together. She also wanted to bring her Dr. Morton issues up, but she knew she had no room to talk. Jeff was still in the picture.

Then, the auctioning started and mostly everyone made their way to the stage to participate. Ali noticed Dr. Morton go over and saw her chance to go and possibly grill the woman. She was jealous of her and the relationship she had with her wife. She could only imagine everything she knew about Ashlyn since her return. It broke her heart to think about, but she knew it was her fault things were like this.

Nothing felt worse than for another woman to connect emotionally with her wife like she use to. Like she was suppose to.

Ali simmered her anger and jealousy to have an intelligent conversation with Dr. Morton. As much as she didn't like her, she loved her wife way more. She wanted to know that she was being well taken care of and receiving the best treatment ever. Ashlyn certainly deserved it and it was her #1 priority. It had always been every time she returned home and seemed a little distant from her.

Dr. Morton noticed Ali staring daggers into her head the whole night. She could see the woman was bothered by her and didn't like her. She could see that the woman was threatened by her and the relationship she had with her wife. Because of that, an idea popped into her head and she hoped it all worked out as she planned. Ashlyn was losing hope each day and she wanted to help her in any way she could.

Dr. Morton gave a half smile as Ali tried to look like she didn't see her as she came up beside her. Things were about to get interesting.

"Ya know, I thought you'd want to be as far from me as you could be with the way you look at me like you want to kill me," Dr. Morton said, trying to get a better look at the stage.

Ali whirled her head to her in surprise just as the lights dimmed. "Are you talking to me," she asked, trying her hardest to mask her attitude.

Dr. Morton chuckled and looked to her knowingly. "Really," she asked, looking her up and down.

"I'm here to donate and participate in the activity," she said, rolling her eyes to the stage and crossing her arm over her chest in annoyance.

"Yeah, I bet," she said sarcastically.

"Is there a problem here, because you don't sound very professional to me at the moment," she asked in irritation.

"I'm not at work, Miss Krieger," she said pointedly and motioned around them for emphasis.

"It's Mrs. Krieger-Harris, Miss Morton," she reminded, looking to her with a hand on her hip. "And from what I was told, this whole thing is partially your idea. I would think a woman of your profession would maintain that train of thought and act accordingly. Especially, when it comes to looking for donators."

"Of course, "Krieger-Harris"," she snorted, smiling sarcastically as she looked back to the stage. "If you must know, this is Major John Brooder's and Ashlyn's gig. I'm just helping from behind the scenes and things. Whether or not you choose to donate shouldn't depend upon me or anything else. It's for a good cause. It's supportive of your wife, as well."

Ali's anger flared at her underlying accusations and her fists clenched at her sides. "Who the hell do you think you are? I've always supported my wife through everything she's ever done. I understand whole heartedly that this is a good cause and you don't need to remind me. And for your information, I've made a donation in mines and OUR DAUGHTER'S name. Me and my family has always been supportive in these causes. How dare you," she whispered loudly for her to hear, clearly offended.

Dr. Morton saw her plan working and looked to her with unconvinced pursed lips. "I'm sure you have, Ali. Who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself," she challenged.

"Oh, you have some nerve," Ali smiled humorlessly, falling into her trap. "Since you're going there, why don't you tell me how you coming onto my wife is therapeutic? I never heard of that type of thing, "Dr." Morton."

Dr. Morton laughed and took a drink of her punch. Ali just narrowed her eyes at her and waited. Things were getting heated.

"And now, we have Corporal Ashlyn Harris up for bid," the MC said, making everyone clap. "What shall we start the bid at? Let's say...$50!"

"What?! Come on, Bill," Ashlyn laughed and motioned to herself. "I think $50 is a little low. Maybe $100."

Everyone laughed and she just held her trademark grin as she flexed to them all. Dr. Morton saw another way to further her plan's success.

"I'll have you know, Ali, that there is nothing inappropriate going on between me and your wife. Ashlyn is very beautiful, that much isn't hard to see. But last I checked, even if something was going on between me and her, would you really have any room to talk since you're engaged to Dr. Jeffrey Winters," she said, keeping an innocent tone in her voice as she raised her hand. "$100, please!"

Ashlyn's face fell in surprise at not only her bid, but her making it. "Whoa. I was just joking," she said, making everyone laugh.

Ali's eyes widened in rage and she turned to the stage. "$125 right here," she called to them.

Ashlyn's eyes almost popped out of her head as she registered the voice. "Alex," she blurted, scanning the area for her.

Ali smiled proudly and triumphantly, crossing her arms over her chest as she winked up to her wife. Dr. Morton chuckled to herself, finding her plan working in more ways than one. Ali had just turned back to her when she saw her smirk and raise her hand. Ali knew then and there she was probably going to break her bank account. She didn't care, though, as Dr. Morton shouted up $150.

"Seems you're a hot one to sell tonight, Corporal Harris," Bill said and winked to her. "Do I have $175?"

Ashlyn gave an uneasy smile and looked to her wife and therapist in question. "Seems so," she said as she gave them a look.

Ali growled and raised her hand in the air for acknowledgement. "Right here! I've got $175," she shouted, shooting the woman beside her a look.

"Do you really wanna do this-," Dr. Morton chuckled knowingly as she looked to her.

"She's my wife! Go get your own. As far as me and Jeff goes, that's none of your business and you don't know what you're talking about. You don't know me or anything! I love Ashlyn with all of my heart and I never meant to hurt her. Things just happened and I'm trying to fix it all now," Ali said defensively, shooting her a death glare.

"$200, please," Dr. Morton yelled to them and raised her hand, eyes and a smug smile on the woman beside her. "You may be able to convince everyone else with that line, but you can't fool me, Ali. It's plain and simple, really; either you love Ashlyn and want to be with her or you don't. Don't get mad at her for moving on because she's getting tired of waiting on you."

"Fuck you," Ali seethed, anger and frustrations boiling over. "If there's one thing I've never lied about in my life, it's the love I have for my family. Ashlyn is right at the top of that list! You don't know us one damn bit and you sure as hell don't know me. $225 right back here!"

Ashlyn couldn't believe what was going on right now and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. Waiting on one of them to give up, though, proved to possibly be forever.

"Let's go, Krieger. $250 here, please," D. Morton called, giving her a challenging smirk.

"It's Krieger-Harris for the last time! Gosh, why do you have to be such a bitch. $300, please," Ali yelled, giving her the same look more smugly.

"Oh my God," Ashlyn whispered, pinching the bridge of her nose as she remembered her wife's jealousy.

It was too late and Ali geared up for battle. Dr. Morton just smiled as she saw her plan working so greatly...maybe a little too greatly.

"$350, Bill!"

"Really?! $400 right here! NOW!"

"$425!"

"$450!"

"$475!"

"$525!!!"

Everyone ooo'ed and aww'ed at Ali's bid, and Ali gave Dr. Morton a smug and winning smile. Ashlyn didn't like what was going on and tried to hide her anger. She tried to catch her wife's attention to tell her to knock it off, but she saw her and Dr. Morton were in a showdown. She didn't understand it at all and wanted answers immediately. The Harris' observed everything from afar in a mix of amusement and worry.

Chris let out a low whistle and chuckled some. "Ali is not a very happy person right now," he said in observance.

Mr. Harris nodded in agreement and scratched the side of his head. "She's ain't going to have any money in her damn bank account, either. Maybe we should stop her," he suggested and looked to his wife.

Mrs. Harris just held a knowing smile and shook her head no. "I think this is what we've been waiting on," she said and grabbed her husband's hand.

They both looked to her in confusion and she ignored them as she watched the scene unfold before her. They were at $650 now.

"Ladies, there's still more bachelor and bachelorettes to go," Bill joked, trying to ease the competitive tension.

"Plenty more," Ashlyn added as she grabbed the mic he was still holding, shooting them a look to stop while everyone laughed unknowingly.

"Just give up, Ali. It's clear you don't want to be with her anymore. Let her go so she can stop waiting like a little puppy dog and be happy. Go to Jeff! $700, please, Bill," Dr. Morton called up to him. 

"I love her! She's my wife," Ali countered and shot her hand up in the air. "$750!"

"Then treat her like she is and deserves to be treated," she retorted, getting close to her to prove her point. "Ashlyn is a great woman that deserves nothing but the best! You haven't given her that at all ever since she came back. Do you honestly think you deserve her after that?? $800!"

That hit Ali like a million tons of bricks and she didn't have a reply for her. She was right and she closed her open mouth. Dr. Morton cursed herself for speaking without thinking things over more clearly. She didn't have time to apologize as Ali stormed away and outside. Ashlyn looked to her for an answer, and all she did was shrug. Dr. Morton won Ashlyn that night, but the person she wanted to win her was making an escape outside.


	44. Finally Opening Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one for today and I hope it satisfies!
> 
> Huge thanks to everyone that's still sticking with me lol. All of your kind words are so greatly appreciated, like, I can't form it into words my thanks :') It has certainly been a rollercoaster ride ;P

"What the hell is your problem, Alex??"

Ali turned from the street she was staring out to, hands tangled in her hair, to Ashlyn. She looked mad at her and she had to refrain from rolling her eyes. Of course, Dr. Morton would tell her about their argument and try to make herself look good to her. If Ali didn't hate the woman before, she certainly was seconds away from it. Ashlyn gave her an impatient look and Ali rolled her eyes back to the road without a word.

"Hello! Not talkin' to myself here," Ashlyn exclaimed frustratingly.

Ali scoffed and crossed her arms, eyes still on the road. Ashlyn dropped her raised hands to fists to push into her eyes.

"I don't get you," Ashlyn practically yelled.

Ali whirled to her with narrowed eyes of offense. "Why don't you go back inside and have fun with "Dr. Morton"," she bit out in annoyance.

Ashlyn reared her head back, lost and irritated. "And just what the hell is that suppose to mean," she guffawed.

"Please, Ashlyn," she rolled her eyes and shook her head in irritation. "You know exactly "what the hell" it means."

Ashlyn remembered her wife's jealousy and everyone else saying the same thing. If this weren't a serious moment, she would be grinning like a fool. She didn't even ask Dr. Morton what happened and came straight outside to her. She didn't understand why she would ever think something was going on between her and Dr. Morton because she was the one she only ever wanted. She was kind of offended she would think that.

Ali was the one that wanted time to "sort things out". If Ashlyn did have something going on with Lisa, it would only be fair in a way.

"You're crazy," she laughed in disbelief.

Ali whirled to her and narrowed her eyes again with her teeth gritted. "Don't call me that," she growled.

Ashlyn just stared at her and laughed a little more. "You're jealous," she stated, crossing her arms as she stared at her.

"I am NOT jealous, Ashlyn," she said unconvincingly and turned from her some. "Stop laughing!"

"Oh, you're jealous alright," she chuckled and sat on the back of the bus bench to look at her.

"Shut up, Ashlyn," she warned, nose flaring.

Ashlyn just observed her with a smug smile and arms crossed. "Why? It's the truth," she challenged.

Ali's jaw muscle pulsed as she stared straight ahead, face set in anger. "Shut up," she said lowly.

Ashlyn sat up straighter and didn't bother hiding her amusement. "You did the same thing that one time when we visited your brother and that chick was all on me at the beach. You almost ripped her head off when she started touching my tattoos," she reminded.

Ali's body tensed and she furrowed her mouth in annoyance. "Do you really wanna do this right now, Ashlyn? Because you won't like what I have to say," she said in a hard whisper as she still looked ahead.

"Please, Alex! Enlighten me," she growled and stood to walk up to her.

"You seem really close with your therapist," she snapped accusingly as she turned to her in rage.

"Of course I am! She's helping me through my shit and stuff, Alex. What the hell else do you expect," she argued.

"You seem a hell of a lot closer than patient/doctor, Ashlyn! Does she always have to touch you, laugh so loudly at your jokes, or stare at you for so long when you talk," she demanded, hand raised to where they came from.

Ashlyn looked at her like she was crazy. "Ok, you're out of your damn mind, Ali. She doesn't do any of those things. She's just nice and we're friends. That's it! There's nothing else fucking going on," she defended.

Ali snorted in mock amusement. "Please, Ashlyn! She's all over you and it's all right on front of me, too. She has no respect," she said pointedly.

Ashlyn was beyond mad now. "Who the hell do you think you are, huh?! Even if she was all over me and shit, do you honestly think you have the right to be this upset, Alex?? It's ok for you to be all over "Jeff", though, right?? YOU'RE the one that asked for some space and time to figure things out! YOU'RE the one that pushed me away," she reminded her, finger pointed at her accusingly.

Ali growled and turned away to head to the parking lot. She didn't drive there and she remembered she rode with Chris. Ashlyn wasn't going to let her get away that easily and was officially done with the game of cat and mouse. Ali had far more than enough time and she was upset she thought she would cheat on her. Not just cheat on her, but with her therapist at that. It hurt.

"And just where do you think you're going," Ashlyn called, walking quickly behind her.

"Leave me alone, Ashlyn," Ali shouted, not turning around and with no set destination in mind.

Ashlyn bit down hard and picked up her speed to grab her arm just as she got to the truck. Ali tried to snatch her arm back, but Ashlyn tightened her hold just enough to hold her without hurting her. That was the last thing she wanted to do and she was that much mindful through her anger. Ali just continuously pulled on her arm for her to let go and Ashlyn abruptly dropped it in defeat.

"Will you please calm down for one second," Ashlyn said angrily.

"WHY?! Just leave me alone," Ali shouted in her face.

"Because you're my wife and I love you and I want you to understand," she threw out so obviously. "I'm not cheating on you or whatever the hell else you think I'm doing, Alex! Lisa and I are just friends. That's it and nothing more!"

"Oh, "LISA"! Whatever, Ashlyn," she whispered loud enough to hear and turned from her.

Ashlyn sighed loudly and threw her head back to the sky. "It's not "whatever", Ali. What the hell makes you thing there's something going on between me and her," she asked almost impatiently.

Ali felt tears at her eyes and wiped them quickly. She felt so betrayed and left out that Dr. Morton got to know all that happened to her wife personally while she was held captive. She knew she shouldn't be because it was her job to help Ashlyn, but they seemed to have gotten closer and the woman's earlier words rang through her head. Everyone knew about Ashlyn's story from the last 3 years but her.

Now, Ali's eyes were starting to open as the hurt from it all seeped deep into her bones.

"I love you, Ali," Ashlyn started again, emotions rising and making it hard for her to talk. "I feel like I should give up on you sometimes and let you go to be happy, but I know you can never truly be that unless you're with me. It's selfish and cocky sounding, but I don't mean it to be. I just know it's true because it's all we had before this mess happened. I'm sorry, Alex. I'm sorry for leaving you and our daughter, and choosing that lifestyle as a career, but I can't take it back. I can't change the past, Al. All I can do is promise you a better future. All I can do is show you all of that and more. I need you with me to do that, though. I just want you; always have, always will."

Ali silently sobbed into her hand and tried to clean her face up as good as possible with the other. She knew that's all Ashlyn ever wanted for her and Leighton, and she realized she was an idiot to ever wait this long to see it. She did love Jeff, it was nothing but words of truth, but her and Ashlyn were always meant to be. She loved Ashlyn more deeper and passionately. Ali just hated having to know she was going to be the cause of someone's heartbreak.

"Ashlyn, I love you so much," she cried and turned to her. "I don't want you to think that I don't and I do see how badly I'm hurting you by making you wait. I feel terrible about it all, I really do. But I don't get why everyone else get's to know about what happened to you over there. I love you and I care about you. Is it because you're mad at me about everything that you don't want me to know? Are you punishing me by shutting me out of it?"

Ashlyn could hear how hurt she was by everything and it made her deflate some. She thought she was protecting Ali by not telling her what had happened to her over there, but the reality was that she was hurting her. In a way, she kind of knew she was and she almost didn't care because Ali was hurting her just as badly. But seeing and hearing it made her wish she never asked her to not read it or that they talk about it together sooner.

"I didn't...I'm sorry, Ali," she said quietly and guiltily.

"So you did do it on purpose," she asked as she looked at her.

Ashlyn slowly rose her head to her, looked her in the eyes, and nodded some. Ali was hurt and mad because she knew all of this was partially her fault, as well. She asked Ashlyn for time and even then, she found out she was engaged when she came back from the dead. She was scared and didn't know where they stood, so it was only normal that she shut that part off from her. It still made her mad, though, that she did this to get back at her.

"I'm sorry," Ashlyn said shamefully.

Ali's bottom lip trembled some and she bit it. "Guess I deserve it for everything I put you through," she sniffed, looking to the road again.

Ashlyn swallowed and shook her head in disagreement. "You're my wife and I love you. I should've let you in just like I always have," she countered.

"Doesn't mean it was easy to do with everything going on, Ash," she replied and hugged her jacket tighter around her body.

Ashlyn exhaled through her nose and nodded for a moment. "I'll take you home," she offered quietly and in defeat, moving to open the door.

Ali didn't want to, but she knew they were both drained. "Thank you," she said quietly and got in.

Ashlyn slowly let go of the handle when she closed the door. She got in the driver's side and heavily debated on something as she drove her home.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Sorry for ruining your night," Ali mumbled as she looked at her lap.

Ashlyn gave a small smile as she looked to her from the windshield. She had arrived at the house seconds ago, but Ali made no move to exit the truck. She took that as a sign that what she was about to do was faith. She needed to let her wife in on everything and she just hoped it would all end good if she did. She knew Ali would never think differently of her, and she hoped it would bring them closer.

Everyone kept telling her to keep having faith in them and she was about to take a leap of it.

"You didn't ruin anything, Ali," she said sincerely.

"I just remembered we left a fundraiser that you were helping with and were also purchased at for funds, Ashlyn. I did ruin it and your night," she said pointedly.

Ashlyn chuckled softly as she slid out of the truck to open her door. "Until you see me complaining, dear, then it's ok," she teased gently.

Ali smiled shyly as she got out of the truck, tucking some hair behind her ear. Ashlyn smiled wider in triumph and closed the door to walk her to the door. She hoped that what she was about to ask would be received well and they could get through this without arguing. If there was one thing she hated as much as hurting her wife, it was arguing with her about things that could be avoided.

"Thanks for bringing me home...and walking me to the door," Ali smiled softly some.

"No problem at all," she smiled back and stuffed her hands in her pockets to prepare herself. "Can we talk?"

Ashlyn winced at how she blurted it out and at Ali's startled face as she looked at her. She was a nervous mess and wanted to open up to her wife like she always did, but things were so different now. She saw the same, always ever present look of loving concern in Ali's eyes, though, and it made her relax. She knew she could tell her any and everything no matter what or the situation.

"What about," Ali asked cautiously, not knowing if it was good or bad.

Ashlyn swallowed to wet her dry throat ad cleared it. "About m-me...and e-everything" she answered quietly and nervously.

Ali nodded slowly as realization dawned on her and she moved to open the door. She was beyond scared at what she was about to hear, and she didn't want to have the images in her head of what her wife went through. Whatever it all was, it made her not initially share it with her, brought her back to therapy, scarred her body and mind, and made everyone mindful to not say anything about it in front of her.

They headed to the living room and didn't even bother sitting down. Ashlyn couldn't even if she wanted to because she was so nervous as to where this could lead. She fought to keep her family safe from everything horrible her job had to offer, and she didn't want them to see things differently. Everyone was working on treating her the same and it was only fair that the one person that had been through it all from the beginning with her get the same fairness.

Ali studied her for a moment in silence. Ashlyn removed her jacket and then her vest as she felt herself get nervous and hot.

Ashlyn rubbed her hands together nervously and blew out a breath. "I wanted to tell you everything that happened from the beginning, Alex, but I didn't know how and I didn't want to damper your mood or anything with it. It's a lot to handle," she said cautiously.

Ali just nodded as she observed her and then removed her jacket. "I know that. But I only want you to share everything when you're ready. I just want you to know that I'm here like always and I want to know. I am here for you, Ash," she told her truthfully.

"I know that," she nodded and closed her eyes in preparation.

Ali walked up to her and grabbed her arm for a gentle squeeze. "Whenever you're ready," she said softly and encouragingly.

Ashlyn opened her eyes and looked to her. She fell even more in love with her just from the love and pride shining in her eyes as she started back at her. She realized in that moment that she had made a mistake in not telling her wife everything, but the possible outcome right now might be worth more. Just like always before when she had problems, she found her mouth opening to tell Ali everything.

"I was tortured for 2 days, Alex," she whispered, chancing a look up at her.

Ali's eyes closed as soon as the words left her mouth and she bit down hard with her tongue to the roof of her mouth. She knew it was going to be bad, but to have the actual truth come out as confirmation made her sick to her stomach. She could only imagine now how Ashlyn's body really looked if their daughter was so upset by it. Tears were seeping through her closed eyes and she crossed her arms tightly under her chest as protection.

Ashlyn swallowed hard and exhaled deeply as she stared at her. She looked away in order to keep going.

"When the Humvee exploded, I was down in a ditch almost and avoided getting killed. I couldn't see anything and I stood to get ready to run back to my squad. The second I stood up, though, I was hit by something and fell to the ground with a stinging pain in my shoulder. I got shot and luckily it was an in and out. I was bleeding badly, though, and just as my mind started racing, something knocked me out. It wasn't until I woke up later that I realized I was captured by rebel forces."

Ashlyn looked back up to Ali and saw she was crying silently as she stared at her. She bit her bottom lip and moved to her to grab her hands to comfort her. She also wanted to touch her so she could gather the strength to finish the rest of her story. Seeing the remorse, sadness, regret, and guilt in Ali's eyes didn't even come close to the love beaming through her or the proudness in her eyes. Her touch was even better.

"Are you ok," Ashlyn asked in concern with a small smile.

"Are you," Ali asked as she sniffled and held her hands tighter.

Ashlyn smiled and knew she could finish now more strongly. Ali saw the courage in her and smiled as she stepped closer to her.

"I'm fine. Thank you for asking. But are you?"

"I'm ready when you are."

Ashlyn nodded and took another deep breath. Ali squeezed her hands tighter and held them tenderly.

"If you want to read the report after this, I wouldn't mind, Ali. It would probably be best because I really don't remember much of all that happened. I...I suppressed a lot of it. That's what we've been working on in therapy and I think I'm getting better at being more open about it. Everyone really only knows what they know because of the report. What I'm going to tell you is strictly from me."

Ali nodded and stepped even more closer to her until their fronts barely touched. Ashlyn closed her eyes and began.

"I woke up in a dark and dirty, cold cell on the floor with nothing but my undershirt, pants, and boots. I wasn't tied together or to anything, and I considered myself lucky. I knew I was captured, but I thought for sure they'd give me back. Then 3 men walked in and I saw that it wasn't the case. The evil look in their eyes alone was the proof."

Ashlyn was looking off to the side angrily and in disgust. Ali brought her hand up to softly grasp the front of her shirt to get her to look at her. Ashlyn closed her eyes and her body relaxed as she turned to face her and opened them. Ali had tears in her eyes, but all the emotions swirling through them weren't just sadness. She was smiling encouragingly and rubbing her thumb over one of her buttons, and Ashlyn cleared her throat to speak again.

"The, um, leader gave an order, I guess, to grab me to tie me up. I managed to break one of the guy's nose, but the other one got me. My shoulder was messed up with the half assed way they fixed it and they had the upper hand. The leader was a real asshole and hated Americans from what I was told. He didn't even have the authority or support from higher ranks to do the things he was doing in camps, but he didn't care. Capturing an American soldier and torturing them was just a way for revenge for him because he thought we were all bad and evil. He was a real piece of work."

Ali slowly nodded in understanding as her gaze fell to her mouth to think more. Ashlyn brought their joined hands to her chest to hold. This is where things got serious and Ali noticed as she tried to not lean into her for support to help stand.

"The first day, they, um, th-they threw me in a chair. They wanted classified information, of course, and I refused to give it to them. They got a translator and everything to try to get something out of me, but I remained a true American soldier and gave them the asshole answers. Pissed them all off something fierce."

Ashlyn chuckled at the thought of the men looking like they wanted to burst with anger. Ali giggled along, too, knowing her defiant wife so well. It was definitely needed as things were about to get serious again.

"Reminds me of the time you told that couple off for staring at us after one of you pickup games the fourth time you came back from tour," Ali laughed some more, staring at her thumbs as she rubbed them over her knuckles lovingly.

"Ugh! Those assholes were just jealous 'cause he probably couldn't get it up anymore and we were having fun with you congratulating me on getting a shutout," Ashlyn snorted and then smirked at the memory.

Ali laughed at her words and her devilish face, stepping closer to put her forehead to their hands to hide her blush. It made Ashlyn smirk more and she refrained from kissing the top of her head. Ali pulled back and they calmed before she spoke.

"I guess that wasn't the smartest thing to do those few days," Ashlyn continued, looking to her with a small smile. "They beat me up pretty bad that day. The more I was a asshole and kept spitting in their face and shit, the more angrier they got. I don't think it even mattered if I gave them anything or not because they hated America so much anyways. It was all coming from a place of hate and stuff. I could've gave them everything they wanted and I still think they would've continued torturing me and/or eventually killed me."

A tear slipped down Ali's cheek and Ashlyn reached up to brush it away, cupping her cheek after. They both realized how close death for Ashlyn really was just now. Ashlyn just ran her thumb softly over her cheek as she continued.

"I was out for most of it and they threw me back in my cell pretty messed up. I laid there and I guess I somehow fell asleep despite all the pain I was in. The next day was the real test, honestly. They, um, really brought the big guns that day. I mean, they already were and they took every opportunity to mess with me. I guess it could've been worse if I stayed any longer and gave them even more hell. The leader really didn't like me."

Ashlyn gave a rueful chuckle and Ali just kept her eyes on their hands, fighting hard to not lose it. She knew it was going to get worse before it got better and Ashlyn noticed. She brought their hands up to hold to her lips as she continued.

"They dragged me out again and the next thing I knew, there was a bag being shoved over my head. I was sitting in a chair and they threw it back with a boot to my stomach. I was so scared at not being able to see what they were going to do to me, but the next thing I knew, there was water being poured over my face. They literally tried to drown me for information and the next thing I heard was the translator begging me to tell them something. I didn't."

Ali looked up as tears fell from her eyes in waterfalls to Ashlyn's cracking voice. Her eyes were shut firmly and her nose was moving fast as she inhaled through it. Ali now brought their joined hands to her lips to let her know she was there.

"They did it for an hour. I-I swear I thought I was gonna die right then and there. All I could see was yours and Leighton's faces smiling at me. I saw my parents and Chris in the house and getting ready to have dinner with us. I saw myself back in Florida with everyone at my grandma's house. I thought that was it, Alex...and then it stopped. They jerked me up and removed the bag. It felt like forever, but it was only an hour."

Ashlyn was crying, but she was keeping down everything that was begging her to break down. Ali saw and moved to where they were smashed together at their fronts. She kept their hands at her trembling lips, tears falling so passionately, and brought her right hand up to cup her cheek. Ashlyn closed her eyes at the contact and leaned into her touch. Ali kissed their hands and felt like they were back at 4 years ago.

She felt like they were back when Ashlyn first came back from tour and helped each other through it.

"It's ok, honey. You're safe now. You're back home and with us. You're with me and I'm here. I love you," Ali whispered so emotionally to her.

Ashlyn held back her pain a little while longer and pushed to finish. Ali saw her strength and was even more marveled by her strong wife. She wanted to stop at first as she saw her wife becoming upset, but her strength pushed the thoughts all away. Ashlyn was so strong and made Ali that much more stronger. Ashlyn sucked in a shaky breath and opened her wet eyes to her wife's beautiful brown ones.

"Um, they hung me up on a hook thing afterwards. It hurt so bad after everything that already happened and they took pleasure in it all. I thought for sure I was going to pass out, but then I heard a spark. I-I looked up to the guy whose nose I busted with a taser stick. I fought and struggled with everything I had in me to hit him or something, but I couldn't. I was just too weak and tired to do anything. I can barely remember anything. All I see is flashes. It was literally a blinding pain."

Ali was glad she was close to hear her because she was speaking so quietly. It was like she literally went back there and tried to search for a way to do things differently. Ali's blood was boiling from the beginning ever since she found out about the men that took her wife as a prisoner. She wished she could find them and kill them herself, so she hoped they were punished somehow.

Instead, though, Ali caressed her cheek with the tips of her fingers and watched her relax immediately.

"They, um, left after that. They got a call or something over a radio and ran out of there after throwing me back in my cell. I thought that was it, but they came back later. I was so tired and out of it that I hoped they would just end it all right then and there. I hated myself for feeling like that because I strongly believed I was given a second chance, but the pain was too much. It just kept getting worse."

Ashlyn swallowed hard and shook her head clear some. Ali moved her touch to her chin to make her look at her. Ashlyn did and saw everything she needed to continue. Ali was so proud of her and loved her so much. She did get a second chance and it was to see her family again and to be with them. Ashlyn fought through the hell she went through to make it back to Ali and Leighton.

"They pulled me out of my cell. They didn't even bother tying me up or anything, and slammed me back in the chair. I thought it was weird, but I was too out of it to notice. Then the leader grabbed me and pointed his knife towards me. That's when I knew it was it, Alex. That's when I knew it was over and I was going to die. But then I was fighting him off and trying to get away. He sliced at me and I hit my head to his nose. We fought some more and he cut me some more. If I was going to die, it was going to be on my terms. I wasn't going to be their victim anymore."

Ashlyn looked so angry as she remembered everything and Ali kissed their hands harder to get her to come back.

"Next thing I knew, I was being slammed onto the table. He had his guys hold my hands down and he put the knife to my throat. I could see it in his eyes ever since he saw me. He was a sick bastard and he was only going to get sicker. He didn't get enough out of beating me up, trying to drown me, shocking me, or taking stabs at me with his knife. No...the bastard wanted more. If there was a time I ever wanted to die that whole time, it was right then and there. I would've endured anything but that."

Ali didn't have to ask where this was going next and her stomach dropped to the earth's core. She didn't know anything that happened to Ashlyn and she never wanted it to cross her mind that it could be that bad. Her grip and hands slowly let go and she was now staring through her wife. She felt terrible in not asking and pressing for more information as to what she could have possibly faced over there.

Ashlyn noticed and cupped her face with both hands, cradling it to where she was looking at her. She knew where she went.

"Baby? Alex, look at me. Look at me, honey," she urged gently, trying to catch her eyes and rubbing her cheeks.

Ali snapped out of it at the sound of her voice and soothing touch. She opened her mouth, but all that came out was a sob at the back of her throat. Ashlyn pulled her to her and hugged her strongly. Comforting her comforted her.

"It's ok, sweetheart. They didn't do anything to me. Nothing happened and I'm ok. Nothing bad like that happened, Alex," she assured softly and strongly into her ear, kissing it for added affect.

"B-But-"

"Nothing happened, Alex. The leader of the rebel army came in as soon as they ripped my shirt off. He saved me and those sick assholes got what was coming to them. He was disgusted with how one of his camps was being run and got rid of them. He killed the leader personally himself. He took me with him."

Ashlyn was holding Ali's face so she could look at her. They were so close and touching more than they had ever since she came back.

"I was his prisoner for the rest of my time away. He was nice in a way. He kept me fed, though it wasn't a lot, and he gave me a much more better place to sleep. He cleaned my gunshot wound up better because I was surely going to die from it from how poorly it was treated at first. He let me use his soldiers own personal infirmary and they healed me. It's weird to say, but with him I survived. I got through it even more when I found the picture of us and Leigh in my boot."

Ali listened to everything she said and slowly nodded with her eyes closed. She was still crying and upset, but knowing her wife wasn't raped or anything worse made her feel a whole lot better. She was still sick and disgusted to her stomach by how they treated her, but she was ok and alive now. Ashlyn was working through everything and healing as much as she could. Ali could see that.

"And then you were rescued 3 years later," she said to herself.

Ashlyn nodded and moved her hold down to her neck. "Yeah. By chance and luck, one of our teams intercepted one of their convoy trucks and they wanted it back. My role to the rebel army leader was to be a bargaining chip if needed. I filled my role that day. It was why he never let me go and took as good of care of me as he could," she finished.

Ali looked down at their hands as she absorbed everything she was just told. Ashlyn just clamped down hard and stared at their hands as she brought them to her face to hold again. She never wanted to let her go and didn't mind spending forever there with her. Ali was giving her all of the strength and love she needed since the day she came back. She just needed her wife by her side like always.

"I'm so sorry, Ashlyn," Ali whispered tearfully and looked up to her. "I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you like I should have been and you had to go through it all alone. All you wanted was my support and I didn't give it to you. I feel so terrible and horrible, baby. I'm so, so, SO sorry for all of this mess."

Ashlyn was thrown by surprise at her affectionate term. "Al-Alex, it's ok. You have a lot on your mind and-," she started in a mumble.

Ali shook her head vehemently no as her tears fell again. "I shouldn't ever have too much on my mind to not be there for you! I never had before and I shouldn't have started now. I love you with all of my heart and your my wife. You're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and that should've been enough. It should've been everything," she argued and stepped away from her.

"Alex, don't do this," she urged and moved to grab her arm. "That's the last thing that I ever wanted you to feel when I told you this. I love you and I don't want you to feel guilty about any of this! The only ones that should are either dead or in prison. They're going to be punished and that's it. I've got my life back and my family and friends here. I've got you and our daughter here with me again!"

"You almost died and endured some of the worst things possible, Ashlyn," she insisted as she whirled around to get in her face. "You fought so hard to get back here and all you wanted was for me to come back to you! All you wanted was for us to all be together again, but I made it hard and it made you suffer more. You were holding this all in and all you wanted was for me to be there for you! I don't deserve you at all!"

"Don't you ever say that to me again, Alex," she snapped and grabbed her arms to be face to face. "I've NEVER deserved you from day one and yet and still you wanted to be with me! I love you and as long as you love me and want me, then fuck the rest!!! Let's just be together and forget everything else. If you don't want to forget it, then let's just STILL be together and work through it! That's all I want, babe. Whatever you want, I want! What do you want, Alex??"

Ashlyn watched as Ali debated for a second. As she opened her mouth to ask her again, Ali caught her words in her mouth in a passionate and hungry kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She knows...and things happened...what shall tomorrow bring ;)
> 
> You can all thank Dr. Morton aka Dr. Morto and her brilliance for this...


	45. What Happens Next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to finish this...somewhat. Maybe y'alls USTs (which always sounds like an STD or something to me btw lol) will be resolved...maybe ;P
> 
> Urgh *sighs longingly*...

Ashlyn grabbed Ali's face in their kiss and walked them until she backed them against their bedroom door. Everything was pouring over and she wanted nothing more than to be with her wife. She had been through over 3 years of horror in hopes to get back home and to have her. She had fought through some of the worst things imaginable in order to get back home and touch her wife intimately. She was done waiting.

Ali's mind was screaming it was wrong because she was still engaged to Jeff, but her heart and body drowned it out with protests that it was right. It always was and she was foolish to think it would never be. She stopped fighting her wife and herself, and grabbed her neck hard to pull her closer. She pressed her front right directly into Ashlyn's and moaned into her mouth at the contact of pleasure.

Ashlyn dragged her hands from Ali's face to her hips roughly to pull her to her. She wrapped her left arm around her waist to keep her there and used her right hand to hook her left leg on her hip. She wanted to be as close to her as possible without nothing but their clothes between them. Ali breathed into her mouth and broke the kiss, but it was short lived when Ashlyn moved to her neck.

She dragged her lips hungrily and desperately across her neck, and left a wet trail up to her jaw. Ali moaned and turned her neck in hopes she would find more skin, and grabbed the back of her neck to hold in a tight grasp. If not for Ashlyn holding her up and her grasping onto her neck so hard, she would've fell to the ground. She turned her head and let her nose graze the side of her head.

Ali raked her nails down from her neck to her shirt and ripped down at her buttons. Half of them hit the floor and scattered around them, while the others remained in tact. Ashlyn was kissing by her ear and tugged on her earlobe when she ripped her shirt, and smirked as she moved back to her mouth. Ali was glad she did and grabbed the back of her thigh to thrust it into her center.

"Ashlyn," she moaned softly into her mouth, tipping her head back some to where their lips barely touched.

"Fuck, Alex," she whispered out of breath and dragged her forehead down to her lips.

Ashlyn had her thumb at the base of Ali's throat with her fingers at the back of her neck. She turned her head and rested her nose on the side of her neck. She breathed her in deeply and longingly, and felt peace at the familiar scent. She was at home, but she didn't feel it as strong as she did right now smelling her. Ali slowly brought her arms up to wrap around her neck and hold her close.

She never wanted to let her go just like Ashlyn never wanted to leave the comfort of her.

"Let me love you," Ali whispered into her ear. "Let me take it all away."

Ashlyn closed her eyes tightly and shook with silent tears. That was all she ever wanted with Ali since the day she got back. She knew she was the therapy and help she needed in order to be put back together. She knew she was all she needed in order to find her way back to herself and home. Ali was always her everything and more, and she missed her so much. Ali almost cried as she turned her head to her and grasped the back of her head where her hairline ended.

"Baby," Ali cried softly and pressed a long kiss to the bridge of her nose.

"Please," Ashlyn practically pleaded through quiet tears.

Ali didn't say another word and pressed her lips to hers softly and tenderly. What started out as pure sex had now turned into the numerous times that they had made love before. What started out as cheating to Ali had turned into comforting her wife and herself. What started out as Ashlyn wanting to make Ali hers again turned into her breaking down and opening herself to her.

They were both completely vulnerable to each other, more than they had ever been before, and couldn't deny the love surrounding them in the moment.

Ali moved her lips across Ashlyn's with such care and ease that it made Ashlyn squeeze her eyes even more tighter. She could feel the love in their kiss and she could feel the safety in her touch as they backed into their bedroom. There was no one she trusted more with her heart than Ali and it was vice versa. Ali thought back to all the times Ashlyn took care of her and put her first, and it made her kiss her more passionately.

"I've got you," Ali whispered against her lips. "I love you."

Ashlyn inhaled at the words she knew without a doubt but so desperately needed to hear. She conceded control and herself to Ali, and let her take the lead in everything. She let Ali slowly unbutton the rest of her shirt, slowly drag it off her shoulders, and remove it down her arms. Ali took in her scars she could see and almost broke down again. She ran her hands back up her arms with a feather touch, over her chest the same, and down her body to her belt buckle.

Their foreheads were touching and their eyes were closed as they reacquainted themselves by memory with their bodies. Ali bit her bottom lip in anticipation as she slowly unbuckled her belt and then her pants. She could see Ashlyn's stomach moving fast either from nerves or in just as much anticipation as she was in. It made her smile that she had that affect on her still and she reached for her pants button.

Ali tipped her head back and placed a kiss on her lips. She kissed her as she undid her pants and moved to her zipper. She felt Ashlyn shudder as she did it and she moved her fingers to the waistband of her boy shorts. She dragged them around to her hips and grabbed her tank top to untuck from her pants. Ashlyn raised her arms some to give her room and then above her head as Ali lifted it the rest of the way.

Ashlyn immediately put their lips back together and tried to deepen it, but Ali pulled away enough to where she couldn't. She smiled against her lips and pressed them firmly together for a second. She wanted to be nice and slow, and to savor this and all that was them. It had been a long time, plenty of heartache, and too much time wasted after Ashlyn's return. The only thing they had between them since then was the one kiss.

Ali ran her hands up Ashlyn's stomach and over her sports bra then back to her ribs. She pulled her to her and turned them to where she was now against the wall. Ashlyn was completely amazed and loving how much control Ali was taking. She watched as she put her hands behind her back to unzip her dress. Her eyes glazed over as she watched her slowly and with ease remove it over her head.

Ashlyn grabbed the sides her pants and worked on taking them off at the sight of Ali in nothing but her bra and panties. Ali smiled and grabbed her hands on each side to stop her, then removed them to be the only one holding her pants. They held eye contact the whole time as she pulled Ashlyn's pelvis to her and worked her pants off slowly. She kissed her lips, then her chin, and then grazed her lips down her sternum to her stomach.

Ali gave a big, open mouth kiss to Ashlyn's belly button, causing her to shiver and put a hand to the back of her head. She tangled her hand in her hair and scratched her fingers there, letting her know she loved the feeling. Ali smiled against her stomach and Ashlyn did the same thing when she felt her lips turn up. Ali pressed a kiss there one more time before pulling back and slowly dragging her pants off.

As Ashlyn stepped out of them, Ali put her finger in the waistband of her boy shorts and pulled them down slightly. Ashlyn thought they were going to do it right there, but when Ali kissed her there instead and then back up to her belly button, she never felt so loved. Ali was serious about taking care of her and she wasn't going to spend their first time back together like that. Neither wanted animalistic sex, yet, but to actually make love.

Ali stood and grabbed her hands on each side to intertwine their fingers together. She held them there as she stepped to her and kissed her. She slowly raised them up and held them in the air, then pressed their half naked bodies together. Ashlyn wanted more contact and bucked her middle into Ali's, mostly her subconscious, and felt her wife smile again. Ali knew she was getting frustrated, so she pulled her off the wall.

Ashlyn was more occupied with kissing her and squeezing her hands so they didn't wander. Ali knew she was struggling to maintain control, so she let her hands go and moved hers to around her neck again to pull her closer. As she stood on her tiptoes to kiss her better, Ashlyn's hands stayed raised at her sides still. Ali giggled against her mouth and spread her hands across her shoulders to her biceps, then pressed them down to make her hold her.

Ashlyn chuckled against her mouth and grabbed her hips without hesitation. She pulled back slightly to look at her and wanted to see the love in her eyes she was feeling. She wanted her to see how much she loved her and the moment they were in. She wanted Ali to see how much she appreciated her and her gentleness. They both saw it all and smiled softly, remembering back to their first time as teenagers.

"I love you, Alex," Ashlyn said and looked between her eyes and mouth.

"I love you more, Ashlyn," Ali smiled lovingly and cradled one side of her jaw with one hand.

She tipped her head back to kiss her chin and then down to give her a passionate kiss on the lips. Ashlyn pulled her tightly and closely to her, never wanting to let her go, and turned her head to deepen it as much as she could. Just as she started to walk them back to their bed, Ali turned her around and took the lead. Ashlyn didn't complain and let her. She let Ali push her on the bed like their first time, and she let Ali show her how much she loved her like the first time.

Ali made her forget all the pain of everything as she kissed each scar. Ashlyn never loved her more in her life.

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The next morning came too soon for them as sunlight crept in through the cracks of the blinds on the windows. In the recent turn of events, Ali was spooning Ashlyn closely with her nose in her hair under their covers. She had a smile on her lips as she tried to keep her vision from the impeding and annoying sunrays. Ashlyn was practically in a fetal position and had her face curled downwards. She held Ali's hands at her stomach and sighed at how perfect it all felt.

Ali noticed Ashlyn was stirring awake and peeked at the clock over her head. She saw that it was just a little after 7 and thought of a way to wake her up more. She slowly detached the hand draped over her hip to move it slowly down her stomach. She felt Ashlyn tremor and shake, and it made her grin in her hair as she kept her eyes closed. She loved touching her and making her react like this.

"Good morning," she murmured by her ear with a smirk.

Ashlyn clearly heard it in her voice and slowly grinned. "Good morning to you, too," she mumbled and snuggled back into her more.

Ali groaned at the flesh on flesh contact into her ear purposefully, making Ashlyn chuckle quietly. She felt her laughing and bit her shoulder as payback, then made her suffer more by grinding into her slowly. Ashlyn let out a long and frustrated groan all the way from the back of her throat at the feeling. Ali giggled into her shoulder and pulled her closer, then finished her hands decent.

"Alex," she sighed and dug the side of her head into the pillow.

Ali's hand found her and she teased her while trying to not smile. "Hmmm," she hummed and kissed along her exposed shoulder.

Ashlyn was finding it hard to breath and concentrate. "Don't start something you can't finish," she half panted and growled.

"I never do," she said hotly into her ear before biting it.

Ashlyn placed her hand over her teasing one and turned on her back to grab the back of her neck. She only looked her in the eyes for a moment and smiled at her mischievous look before bringing her down for a fiery kiss. They had more than enough fun last night, going a few more times after the first, and it was nothing but desire after that. Now, they were looking to do it again.

Ashlyn fell beside Ali minutes later, both on their backs and their chests heaving as they tried to catch their breath. Ashlyn let out a laugh at how they were still as crazy and horny for each other as they were when they were teenagers. Ali lolled her head to the side to look at her with her nose crinkling grin. She was thinking the same thing and looked to the ceiling as she brought a hand up to run through her hair.

"We still got it," Ashlyn chuckled, breath starting to even.

"We're not that old, Ash," Ali retorted in a snort.

"Fuck," she blew out and wiped the back of her hand under her nose. "I can't tell."

Ali giggled and reached between them to grab her hand. "Been a long time is all," she mumbled and raised their hands on their elbows to intertwine their fingers.

Ashlyn was staring at her stare at their hands in deep thought. She knew their conversation and her finally telling her everything she went through during her time as a P.O.W. last night was running through her head. They were happy and enjoying themselves, and she didn't want to ruin things with those sour and depressing thoughts. She just wanted to spend time with her wife and ignore the outside world.

"Hey," she coaxed and squeezed her hand.

Ali smiled a little and turned her head to her. Ashlyn smiled gently to her and turned on her side to reach over and kiss her. She wanted to take her mind off everything and make her only think about the good things. She wanted her to only be thinking about them in their moment now. Ashlyn started by grabbing her hip and pulling her close. She continued kissing her and massaged her hip.

"Come here," she said against her lips, pecking them softly as they adjusted positions.

Ashlyn dropped her hand and wrapped her arm around her neck to pull her closer. She continued their kiss and deepened it as she moved to snuggle into her side. Ali wrapped her legs around Ashlyn's left one and brought her left hand up to hold her jaw. Ashlyn ran her right hand up from her hip to her shoulder and then down to her forearm to hold. She slowed the kiss down and pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes.

Ali opened her eyes and was met with Ashlyn staring at her with a smile at the corner of her lips. She couldn't stop the one that came to her own mouth and Ashlyn started softly shaking in silent laughter as she looked at her. Ali whined at her making fun of her and playfully slapped at her chest. Ashlyn started laughing for real and pulled her to her chest to hug, nose on top of her head.

"Let's sleep, babe," Ashlyn yawned and kissed the top of her head, leaving her lips there.

Ali yawned in response and cuddled more into her chest and neck as she ghosted her fingers over her arm. Ashlyn smiled as she closed her eyes and held her just a little more tighter to herself. She felt sleep come over her and she was thankful for it. She hadn't slept that good and with no bad dreams unless Leighton shared a bed with her. Like always and just like she knew it would, Ali made her feel safe and secure as they held each other.

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Ali woke up again first and in the same position they fell asleep in. She smiled groggily as she yawned into Ashlyn's neck and tried to stretch without waking her. She pulled back some and sat up on her elbow to look at her face. She noted how peaceful she looked and how she lightly snored. She took in how beautiful she was, like every time before, and was starting to feel worked up again.

She carefully and slowly swung her leg over her, keeping her weight off of her for now by resting on her knees, and held her face lightly. She smiled as she leaned down and started kissing the side of her jaw and neck softly. She kissed and sucked gently on her pulse point, and smiled when she felt her start to move. Ashlyn was having dreams about what Ali was doing right now, and slowly grinned as she realized it wasn't a dream anymore.

"I need food, woman," she mumbled tiredly in amusement and wrapped her arms around her waist to pull her flush on top of her.

Ali laughed into her neck and buried her nose there. "I'll make you breakfast after," she whispered seductively and pressed her lips to her skin.

"I'm runnin' on fumes, Ali," she warned and turned her head to lay on top of hers.

"What if I let you eat food off of me," she half joked and kissed under her jaw.

Ashlyn stiffened and pulled back to look at her to see if she was serious. Ali just looked at her, biting her bottom lip, and gave her shoulder a shrug. Ashlyn raised an eyebrow and eyed her to call her bluff, and Ali couldn't hold her amusement in any longer. She ended up busting out laughing and leaned her forehead against her jaw. Ashlyn rolled her eyes with a faint chuckle and pulled her closer to hold.

"Damn tease," she grumbled and closed her eyes as she rested her head on hers.

"Babe, I wasn't teasing you. I really would try it," Ali said and sat up on her arm to look at her.

Ashlyn popped one eye open and eyed her for any signs of a lie. "You serious," she asked hopefully.

Ali smiled widely and nodded before pecking her lips. "Cross my heart," she winked and palmed her cheek.

Ashlyn suddenly found energy and hopped out of bed to pull her underwear on. She looked at Ali and told her to hurry up as excitement took over at the possibilities that lay ahead. Ali giggled and asked for her shirt from last night and Ashlyn laughed as she picked it up. She showed her the mess she made of it and how it was ruined from ever being worn again. Ali rolled her eyes and held her hand out impatiently.

"That shirt cost me $60," Ashlyn chuckled and pointed to it.

Ali rolled her eyes again and buttoned it up at the middle. "I'll buy you another one and I look better in it anyways," she countered with sassy eyes and a smirk.

Ashlyn raised her eyebrow in satisfaction and slowly nodded as she took her in, in it. She didn't have a bra on and her cleavage was not helping her want to move to eat. Ali noticed and got up slowly and made a point to crawl off the bed to let her breasts show. Ashlyn gulped and bit the knuckle of her pointer finger to avoid throwing Ali over her shoulder and finding other things to satisfy her appetite with.

"This way," Ali smiled devilishly and ran her hand under her chin as she left. "Nutella sounds nice."

"Help me," Ashlyn squeaked and followed behind with her jaw almost on the floor.

Ali was already rummaging through the fridge and pulling out a bowl of grapes. She leaned back into the island and left the door open to look through as she ate her fruit. Ashlyn came up beside her, eyes never leaving her, and watched her eat with a little smile. Ali felt it and smirked as she picked a grape and raised it to her mouth without looking. Ashlyn chuckled as she let her pop it in her mouth and ate it.

"Now, about this Nutella thing," she mumbled and chewed, moving to circle her arms around her waist and hold her.

Ali grinned and tilted her head to the side to give her room to work with. "Mmhmm," she hummed and ate a grape over her shoulder.

"I was thinking that maybe we try that thing we did last night, but with it," she suggested, trailing kisses over her collarbone.

"Oh. You mean when you laid down and I sat on...," she trailed off, feigning confusion and trying to not smile.

"Exactly," she exclaimed excitedly and pulled back to nod the same.

She popped another grape in her mouth before eating one herself. "You don't want to switch," she asked as she chewed.

"We can take turns," she winked and kissed the corner of her mouth.

Ali kissed her lips a few times and set the finished bowl behind her. "Nutella is where it always is," she smirked and pecked her lips a few more times.

Ashlyn let out a cheer and lifted her up on the island. "You. Are. The. Best," she grinned and kissed her before moving to the cabinet.

"We should be ashamed," she giggled into her hand. "That's Leighton's."

"I'll buy her a family sized one later," she winked in assurance and grabbed it.

Ali rested her hands on the edge of the island and leaned forward some. "I feel bad for using our daughter's favorite food like this," she said a little guiltily.

Ashlyn chuckled as she opened it and looked inside. "Almost empty, anyways," she said and stuck her finger in to eat some.

"Ash," Ali playfully scolded and grabbed at it but missed. "There's silverware in the drawer."

"Don't need it," she cheesed and ate some more. "I'll use my hands to spread it on you."

"Oh, really," she asked with a questioning raised eyebrow.

"How it was intended to be used and it ain't called 'spread' for nothin'," she winked and stuck another finger in it.

"Smooth," she replied and crossed her arms.

"That too," she chuckled and held her finger to her lips.

Ali grabbed her wrist and slowly put her finger in her mouth while maintaining eye contact. Ashlyn watched her mouth the whole time and her eyes glazed over with her mouth dropping some. It was the most sexiest and hottest thing she had ever seen her wife do. When she pulled her finger out of her mouth and smiled like the girl next door, Ashlyn smothered her lips with a hot kiss. Ali smirked and grabbed her neck to pull her closer.

"Bedroom. Now," she panted and wrapped her legs around her waist.

"Grab the Nutella," Ashlyn said between kisses, grabbing her butt to scoot her close to the edge.

Ali arched her back and Ashlyn trailed her kiss from her lips to her sternum. She was holding her up with one hand at the middle of her back and the other still grasping her butt. She kissed every inch of her exposed skin on her torso, open mouth and hot. Ali had her fingers tangled in her hair at the back and was watching her with dark eyes and a parted mouth. She grasped her head and pulled for her to look up.

Ashlyn smiled and stood straight, leaning forward slowly and teasingly to kiss her. "You sure about this," she asked, pulling back some to look at her.

Ali grinned slowly and scooted closer to her, pressing her nudeness into her stomach. "Need more assurance," she asked, toying with her.

Ashlyn growled at the feeling as it sent shocks of pleasure up her body. "Come here," she said hotly and picked her up.

Ali giggled as she wrapped her legs around her waist again and her arms lazily around her neck. Ashlyn started kissing her again and was glad she grabbed the Nutella as she took them back to their bedroom. She dropped them on the bed and moved her lips to her neck and between her breasts. She brought her hands up to work the buttons as she kissed her way down, and Ali dropped the food to hold her shoulders.

Just as Ashlyn finished the buttons, Ali's phone started to ring. They both groaned and Ashlyn moved back to kissing her, trying to ignore the sound. She knew as well as anyone that Ali wouldn't let her phone go unanswered. It could be work or something about their family or Leighton. That last thought alone made her pull back some and Ali looked at her like she was crazy with irritation in her eyes.

"Ashlyn," she said breathlessly and grabbed her sports bra straps. "Don't stop."

Ashlyn let her drag her back down for a kiss, but the ringing made her pull back again. "You never let your phone go unanswered, though," she said in remembrance.

Ali rolled her eyes, clearly not thinking about anything other than what was happing now. "Ashlyn, kind of busy. They'll call back if they really want to speak to me," she assured and grabbed her neck to bring her back down.

"But what if it's an emergency," she asked after pulling back again.

"Then they'll call back, babe," she sighed in frustration and tried to pull her down again.

"But what if it's about Leigh," she finally asked, stiffening to keep from being dragged back down.

Ali threw her hands behind her head and groaned loudly. It made Ashlyn laugh and she received a punch to the stomach for it. Ali rolled her eyes and pushed her off as she clutched the front of her shirt at her stomach and crawled across the bed to the ringing noise. She hung off the side of the bed and searched through their clothes for her cellphone. She finally found it and froze at the caller.

Ashlyn was laying beside her in the middle of the bed and reached her hand up to tug on her shirt. "Babe? Baby, who is it," she asked, sitting up on her elbow to look at her.

Ali remained frozen in place and stared at her phone. She felt disgusted with herself and extremely guilty as she stared at her screen. The ringing had stopped long ago, but the notification staring back at her was the loudest thing she had ever heard. She could hear her conscience scream terrible names at her and she felt sick to her stomach. She couldn't move and felt tears sting her eyes.

Ashlyn grew concerned with her silence and crawled up beside her. "Baby? Honey, what's wrong," she asked softly as she stared at her.

Ali's bottom lip trembled as she stared through her phone. "I'm a whore. I'm a cheating whore," she whispered brokenly.

Ashlyn's eyebrows furrowed in confusion and disagreement, and she opened her mouth to protest. At that moment, Ali's phone started ringing again and she did a double take to it before slowly turning back to it. She bit down hard at the caller and felt like she was staring at the end of her world. She looked at Ali out of the corner of her eye and saw her crying now. They were so caught up with each other, they forgot about the real world outside.

"Alex," she said quietly with her eyes on her phone.

"I have to answer it," she said to no one particularly.

"Alex," she warned again.

Ali sat up and brought the phone close to see. "I can't believe I did this," she rambled and tried to get herself together.

Ashlyn felt like she was stabbed in the heart with a knife at her words. "You didn't do anything wrong," she swallowed hard.

"I'M NOT A CHEATER, ASHLYN," she barked and stood quickly.

Now Ashlyn felt the knife twist and turn, constricting her lungs from air and making it hard for her to catch her breath. After everything they had told each other and them spending last night and that morning together, she thought for sure they were back together. She knew it was foolish to assume it and not talk about it, but Ali comforted and loved on her like she did before. She treated her like she was her wife again and they were one.

Ashlyn felt her anger and frustration boil over. "What the FUCK was that last night and this morning then," she snapped and stood in rage.

Ali closed her eyes, tears squeezing through, and turned from her. "Ashlyn, just stop," she whimpered and put her hand to her forehead.

"NO! Fuck that, Alex," she practically yelled and moved to face her. "For almost a month, A MONTH, ALEX, I gave you space and I waited as patiently as I could for you to make a decision just to make you comfortable! I sacrificed my feelings and my want to just barge in here and show you why we deserve to be together because everyone told me I'd push you to him if I backed you into a corner. Well whaddaya fucking know?! You basically are fucking choosing him!"

"That's not fair," she said around the lump in her throat.

"FAIR," Ashlyn yelled in humorless laughter. "Wanna know what's not 'fair', Ali?? Me coming home from experiencing hell for over 3 years to find my wife engaged to some doctor and trying to start a family with him and OUR daughter! Me coming back and telling her I want to be with her, and her saying she was confused and needed time! Me PAINFULLY giving it to her, because I love her and don't want to hurt her!"

"Stop," Ali warned as her anger turned up too.

"ME not being able to go into MY own house with MY family and living in it, for HER," she continued and stepped into her personal space. "ME having to live in MY parents house and feeling like even more of a loser and a failure, for HER! ME having to spend time with OUR daughter in my old bedroom as a kid INSTEAD of the house I built together with MY WIFE!"

"Ashlyn, I'm asking you nicely," she tried again, mustering up all the calmness she could.

"I have to fucking tiptoe everywhere because I want to make sure YOU'RE always comfortable," she boiled and got eye level with her. "I always put your needs above mine. I always make sure Ali is ok and put Ashlyn through more heartbreak. I always make you first and it puts me dead last. I'M ALWAYS THE ONE SACRIFICING AND YOU'RE ALWAYS THE ONE WINNING!"

"Shut up, Ashlyn," Ali argued and pushed her back.

Ashlyn fell back a step and resumed her position. "WHY?! BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH," she challenged angrily.

Ali turned from her and headed for the door. Ashlyn followed after her and closed it just as she opened it. She wasn't going to lose her wife without a fight and needed to get her feelings off her chest. They had been dancing around this talk ever since she got back and she was done waiting. Ali was going to make a decision today or Ashlyn was going to make it for her. She couldn't stand the heartache any longer.

"Move," Ali threatened lowly and looked to her the same.

"You choose now and don't give me that bullshit about 'needing time' or 'being confused'," Ashlyn said, leaving no room for arguments.

"You don't get to-," she tried to argue in a cracked voice.

"You choose now, Alex, or I will," she cut her off demandingly.

"Ashlyn, it's not that easy," she struggled to say as her tears fell pleadingly.

"Right," she slowly smiled sarcastically and bitterly. "Because I'm not some rich doctor that can afford for you to quit work and live your dream as a stay-at-home mom. Because I can't afford to take you to Paris for our honeymoon like I promised. Because I can't afford a G-Wagon for you or expensive, fancy restaurants to spoil you at. I couldn't buy you a huge ass rock for your engagement ring or thousand dollar jewelry just for the hell of it now. I can't do any of the shit he does!"

"I've never asked you for any of that stuff, Ashlyn," she cried as she whipped her head to her.

"I don't compare, Alex! You don't have to say it because I know you love that stuff! I'm not stupid!"

"Well OBVIOUSLY you don't know me!"

"Bull, Ali! I can't do the things for you that he can. You always talked about marrying a man in high school and having millions of kids with him before we got together. I had to listen to that and have my heart break every time!"

"But I chose you in the end! I married you at the end of the day!"

"Yeah, I'm beginning wonder if it was what you really wanted now."

"DON'T say shit like that to me just because you're mad."

"Why, Alex?? You're the girl next door and the popular cheerleader. You were always meant to do great things...I held you back from all of that. I mean, Jeff is perfect for you and someone everyone always saw you with, anyways."

"Ashlyn, please just stop. Stop saying things like that."

Ashlyn watched as she cried into her hand. She wanted to so badly to stop hurting her, but her anger was taking over and she was tired of always hurting. She just hoped that Ali would feel what she was feeling soon because she was no longer in control of her mouth or raging feelings. Ali was trying to sort out her feelings and say what she wanted. Everything was cloudy with their argument going on.

"I can't fuck you like he can," Ashlyn said coldly.

Ali snapped her eyes up to her, shocked she would say something like that. "Watch it," she growled menacingly.

Ashlyn kept her cold stare on her and stepped closer. "I can't give you kids like he can. I'd leave me too," she bit out.

Ali slapped her hard across the cheek, bottom lip trembling and eyes leaking tears as she stared at her. Ashlyn kept her face turned to the side and poked her tongue out of the corner to check for a cut or something. She swallowed hard and slowly nodded as she stared at the door. Ali couldn't believe she had just hit her and immediately regretted it. Ashlyn struggled enough trying to not remember her years of captivity.

"A-Ashlyn, I'm sorr-"

"You made your choice."

Ashlyn grabbed her clothes off the floor and pulled the door open hard to leave. Ali chased after her and tried to grab her arm to apologize and stop her from leaving. Ashlyn stuffed her clothes on, jerking away from Ali and trying to not cry at her heart breaking or Ali's face and voice. Ali tried to stand in her way and block her, but Ashlyn grabbed her shoulders and moved her aside with ease. Ali was too weak in her emotions to try to do much more.

Ashlyn threw the front door open and walked out without a word, leaving Ali to collapse into a heaping mess of sobs on the floor as she watched her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...OMG! PLEEEEEEAAAAAASEEEEEE don't hate me!


	46. What Now

It had been a few days since their argument and neither one had spoken to each other. Ali tried calling Ashlyn repeatedly to explain things and apologize, but Ashlyn ignored every one of them. To her, Ali had already made her decision and didn't want to be with her anymore. She figured Ali wanted to be with Jeff and it hurt, so she thought it was best to let her go and save herself from further pain.

She knew that was impossible, though.

In those 2 days, Ali tried to talk to Ashlyn when she would drop off Leighton for her visits. Ashlyn made a point to not be there or unavailable whenever she came by. Today was no different and Ali knew she was there and it hurt. No one knew exactly what was going on with the couple, but they knew something was up. Ashlyn could see it in their faces and wanted an escape.

She decided to go camping that day to be alone for a few days after her time with Leighton was up.

"Momma, why I can't I go with you," Leighton asked a little sadly.

Ashlyn felt bad, but she needed to be alone for a while. "Sweetheart, I promise I'll be back before you know it. You're going with Uncle Chris to that new store in the mall tomorrow to build your own doll, remember? You don't wanna miss that do you," she asked her with a small smile.

Leighton sighed and shook her head after a moment. "No. But I still want to go camping with you," she insisted quietly.

Ashlyn felt terrible for how sad she looked and held her little waist tighter. Leighton had her head down with her bottom lip out.

"Ok. How's this? How about I come and get you in a few days, and you can finish camping with me," Ashlyn suggested, smile tugging the corners of her lips.

"Really," Leighton asked, smiling brightly in hope.

"Really, really, Little Princess," she chuckled and nodded.

"Yes, Momma," she squealed and jumped on her for a hug.

Ashlyn laughed as she held her and kept them from falling back. "Ok, Leigh. I'll tell Uncle Chris to ask Mommy and he'll drop you off later," she smiled and kissed the side of her head.

Leighton pulled back to give her a big kiss on the cheek. "Ok, Momma! I can't wait," she said giddily.

Ashlyn winked to her and picked her up to head to the kitchen where the rest of her family was at. They all looked to her with small smiles as she entered and she kissed Leighton's cheek once more before setting her down. She then went around giving them hugs and kisses goodbye, and had her brother follow her outside to inform him of her plans. Leighton held her hand the whole time and never wanted to let go.

"Just ask Ali if it'll be ok, and if she says ok, then bring her to me. I'll be in the usual spot," she told him, picking her daughter up one more time.

"Cool," he nodded and stuck his hands in her pockets. "You sure everything is alright, Ash?"

Ashlyn hugged her daughter close, the sides of their heads touching, and nodded a little. "Everything's ok, Chrissy. I've gotta go," she said and faced her daughter.

"Have fun, Momma, and don't get ate by bears," Leighton said seriously.

"I won't, babes," she laughed and kissed her nose before hugging her close again.

"Be safe and careful out there, sis. We'll see you in a few days," Chris smiled as he went to hug her tightly.

"I will. See you later," she smiled back and kissed his cheek.

Ashlyn set Leighton down slowly and she went to her uncle to hold his hand to wave bye. Ashlyn grinned softly at them as she got in her dad's truck all packed with the things she needed, and started it up to pull out. As she looked at her brother and daughter waving at her, she suddenly got scared and nervous. What the future held remained to be seen, and one without Ali was not one she wanted to live in.

She took a deep breath as tears came down her face, and pulled out to head to her escape.

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"I lost her, Mom. I don't even deserve her," Ali cried into her tissues.

She had came over to her parents house after dropping Leighton off at the Harris'. She had been holding in everything and avoided seeing anyone after everything that happened between her and Ashlyn. But she cracked and broke that day as Ashlyn avoided her yet again. All she wanted was a chance to explain things to her, but she felt that would never happen again. She really felt like things were over.

Mrs. Krieger knew her daughter was putting off making a decision between Ashlyn and Jeff. She saw it a mile away and knew her reasons, too. Ali didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and be the cause of a broken heart, all good and noble reasons, but the waiting was the worst suffering. Her daughter was delaying the inevitable and everyone had an idea who she was going to choose, anyways.

She did marry her, after all.

Mrs. Krieger reached over for her hand with a sympathetic face. "Ali, honey, you haven't lost her. She's just hurt right now and she's trying to figure things out. You both deserve each other after everything you've been through. That alone is proof," she reminded.

Ali shook her head hard and put her tissues to her nose. "You didn't see her face, Mom. I hit her! After all the stuff she went through over there, she comes back home to have me be abusive to her," she argued stubbornly.

"Alex! You are NOT abusive and you both said and did things you didn't mean to. Ashlyn loves you and that'll never change. You know it and I know it. Just talk to her, sweetheart," she urged and squeezed her hand tightly.

"She won't talk to me, Mom! She can't even stand to be in the same room as me. She's been having everyone come to me to do or ask things. How can I talk to her if she does that," she sobbed with her hands thrown up in defeat.

Mrs. Krieger had enough as she listened to her daughter sound so willing to give up so easily. She loved her and she always only ever wanted for her children to be happy. She could see that Ali was happy with Jeff, but the happiness she always saw in her with Ashlyn was the most truest. Her daughter smiled more, laughed more, and still looked at her like they were high school lovers. Nothing changed for either one.

"I've never known you to give up so easily, Alexandra," she scolded as she stood to get close to her. "All of your life you've fought for everything you've ever gotten. From being a little girl cheerleading to the woman you are now making waves in the fashion world, I've never known you to take defeat. Ashlyn has ALWAYS been the greatest thing you fought for! You both have had trying last years with everything that's happened, but you've both prevailed. If you don't think you're both worth fighting for now after all of that, then maybe you don't deserve her!"

Ali was blown away by her mother's words and looked at her the same. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was slightly opened as she stared at her. She knew she was right and that they had been through a lot, but Ashlyn still didn't want to speak to her. She couldn't very well argue with herself if Ashlyn didn't want to listen. Mrs. Krieger saw she had her, though, and thought to drive it home.

"Honestly, Alex, who do you want to be with?? At the end of the day, someone is going to get hurt. You're not going to be able to avoid it and you might as well get it over with. Who do you love the most and who do you see yourself with, honey? I know you know because we can all see it in your face. Just choose, Alex. Just choose and end all the suffering. End it for yourself the most, sweetie. Do something before it really becomes too late."

Ali looked down as more tears came and she stared at her tear stained tissues. Her mother was right and she knew it herself all along that she was being unfair to not just Ashlyn and Jeff, but herself, as well. It had been almost a month and she had more than enough time to think things through. Everything had finally caught up with her, hitting her like a ton of bricks, and she was done. She was ready to make a decision and slowly stood.

"I need to talk to Jeff," she whispered in a sniffle, grabbing her things to leave.

Mrs. Krieger stood there stunned by her decision as she watched her leave.


	47. Some Time Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just try to keep an open mind and be nice to Mrs. Krieger-Harris, please. She's only human lol.

Ashlyn stared at the sun as it set over the lake in a pretty orange, purple, and pink glow. It was so beautiful and took her away from her problems for the moment. She actually cracked a small smile as she stared at it for a few minutes. But when it disappeared behind the water out of sight, she was reminded of why she was there. Her heart broke all over again and she put her hand over it as she slowly stood.

She thought coming out there would take her mind off things, but being alone only made her remember more why she was out there. It didn't help that her and Ali's camping spot was a few yards away, either. No matter where she went or what she did, everything reminded her of Ali. She actually contemplated moving away to avoid the constant pain of the reminders. But then she thought of Leighton and immediately squashed those ideas.

Instead, she went over to her fire and moved the wood around to make room for more. It was getting low and she was feeling a very cold night creeping up on her. It was chilly enough and she wanted to be able to sit by her fire without having to be bundled up. She was wearing a blue long sleeved shirt under her blue and yellow flannel shirt, blue jeans, her black hiking boots, and black gloves with a matching beanie.

Ashlyn went over to her black jacket to put on and head into the woods in search of some more firewood. As she walked around and broke off sticks and things, she tried to focus on the sounds of the woods. She listened to the snaps of twigs and things under her boots or the woodland creatures in the far distant. She deeply inhaled the smell of everything surrounding her and let it out with a content smile.

She really loved it out there.

But when she realized where she was walking to, she stopped abruptly. She almost dropped the bundle of sticks in her hands as she stared at the spot that her and Ali had occupied numerous times. She bit down hard on her trembling bottom lip and walked around the area as if it were sacred and not to be touched. She moved to the tree and smiled faintly at the inscription she had long forgotten about.

She had carved "A&A", almost like the tattoo on her wrist, into the side of the tree on their honeymoon night as a way to always remember it. Ashlyn felt tears and soon her vision was blurred as she stared at the inscription. She held her firewood strongly and securely in her left hand as she brought her right hand up slowly to place over the letters. As soon as she touched it, she retracted her hand quickly and broke down in tears. It was all just too hard.

Ashlyn brought her right arm up to bury her face in it and leaned against the tree to cry. She made sure she was no where near the carved letters and tried to muffle her pain in her arm. She didn't know how she was ever going to move on from Ali and it was slowly, but surely, killing her. She literally felt like all she had left after everything they went through was Leighton.

Her mind had been torturing her for days with images of Ali getting married to Jeff. She tossed and turned to them getting a new and big house together, and Leighton being so happy with them. She woke up countless times in tears after seeing her little girl leave her arms for Jeff and calling him daddy. She laid in bed crying up at the ceiling as her dreams faded from her mind of Ali being more happy with Jeff than she ever was with her.

Ashlyn didn't see anything helping her get past this.

She dug her forehead into the tree and pounded it with one hand as she dropped her firewood. Her teeth were clenched and spit was blowing through them as she tried to catch her breath and get ahold of herself. She brought her hands up to her beanie and shoved it down to the bridge of her nose. She was feeling herself slipping away and she fought hard to be the one in control.

After a few minutes of her taking deep breaths and pushing her bad thoughts away, she slowly stood straight. She removed her beanie, fixed her hair, then put it back on properly. Her eyes were puffy and red, and she wiped at them and her nose to clean herself up as good as possible. She let out a deep and long breath with hands on her hips as she stared at the tangled mess of sticks on the ground.

"Whew. Get it together, Harris. Come on," she coached herself before bending down to pick them back up.

Ashlyn had just enough light to make it back to her campsite without tripping and falling in the woods. She dropped her sticks by her fire and shrugged her jacket off to toss back on her chair. She wiped her gloved hand under her nose and blinked her eyes to clear them some more as she bent down by the fire. She grabbed some of her sticks and broke them off to toss into the flames.

As the fire licked and crackled, she wished she could toss all of her problems in there to disappear. She wished she could throw her feelings for Ali in there and end her suffering, as well. Then, for a split second, she actually thought about wishing she could throw all of her memories with Ali in there so she wouldn't have to be tortured with them again. As fast as they came, she immediately shook her head no.

Anything Ali was what brought her the greatest joy, happiness, and love to her life.

Ashlyn was so preoccupied with brooding and staring into the fire, she didn't see someone approaching her. She played with the embers as she moved sticks around to build the fire back up. She heard gravel being stepped on and turned to the sound. Her mouth dropped at the sight of the one person she never expected to see out there. She slowly stood with the stick tightly grasped in her hands.

It was Ali and she looked just as bad as she did, but she seemed lighter. Ashlyn gulped and prepared herself for more heartbreak.


	48. Time To Choose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok...here we go...

"What're you doing here?"

Ashlyn had unconsciously moved to the other side of the fire almost as a way to use it as a protective barrier. The stick in her hand had little pieces that poked out and they were digging painfully into her skin as she held it in a death grip. Ali was staring at her in deep thought and slowly shifted on her feet nervously. They could both feel the tension in the air and it was stifling; a slow smother almost.

"I-I," Ali stuttered, voice breaking some. "C-Can we talk?"

Ashlyn looked at her with a stone hard face. "We already did. Leave," she said coldly, hand loosening on her stick.

Ali felt her tears come back up and took a step forward. "I'm not going anywhere. We need to talk, Ashlyn," she insisted, voice cracking at the end.

"There's nothing to talk about, Ali. You made your decision and I have to live with it. Just leave me alone and let me do that," she said bitterly and turned from her.

"I never said anything like that at all, Ashlyn," she argued. "You just assumed things and ran off before I could explain. That's not fair!"

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and turned away from her. "Whatever, Alex. I don't feel like talking so please leave," she sighed tiredly as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

Ali was on a mission, though, and moved to be in front of her. "Too bad, Ash. We're talking whether you feel like it or not," she said, leaving no room for argument.

Ashlyn was crying now and turned away so she couldn't see it. "Just leave me alone," she said from the back of her throat.

Ali heard the pain and softened as she stepped to her. "No. Not like this. Just let me explain," she practically pleaded.

"Dammit, Alex! Can't you just leave me alone and let me try to get past this! It's hard enough," she brokenly yelled, tears turning into anger.

"Get past this? What're you talking about, Ash?? There's nothing to get past," she argued strongly as her own tears came.

"You chose Jeff! Why are you here," she said accusingly as she wiped at her eyes furiously.

"If you let me explain for one secon-"

"I don't need you to explain to me why you want a divorce so you can marry Jeff, Alex! It's quite fucking obvious! You're not a cheater and shit, remember??"

"You don't have a clue as to what the hell you're talking about, Ashlyn! That's not why I'm here!"

"Oh, pleeeeaaaaase!!! Spare me the stupid, unnecessary sparing of my feelings, Ali. You were pretty clear days ago as to who you wanted. You made me feel like I was the other woman or something after we were together! Obviously, you want to be with Jeff!"

"You left without even letting me explain, Ashlyn! I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, but I did feel guilty. Even though it was with my wife, I still felt like shit for doing that to him! He's a good guy and he deserved better."

"I guess none of that matters, though, since you chose him, anyways."

"Oh my God! Are you going to let me explain anything at all, Ash, or are you just going to continue to jump to conclusions??"

"Look! I came out here to escape everything that reminded me of you yet you somehow made it out here. I don't feel like doing this right now or EVER, Alex! Just leave me alone!"

"I CHOSE YOU, YOU DAMN IDIOT!!!"

Ashlyn looked like she was slapped with a shocked and confused stick and Ali just stared at her in rage. All she came out there to do was try to tell her that she wanted to be with her again. That she thought about everything and saw it all so clearly now. That she went to Jeff and told him everything was over between them and that she wanted to be with her wife.

If Ashlyn had looked at her ring finger, she would've saw their wedding band and the engagement ring she almost broke her bank account to get her.

"Wai-...what," Ashlyn asked completely lost.

"I. Chose. YOU, Ashlyn," Ali repeated, sniffing and looking her dead in the eyes as she lifted her hand to her.

Ashlyn saw the rings she bought her and her shoulders slumped. Even with Ali here and saying she chose her, she still felt apprehension at the possibility that it was all true. She heard her words, but her actions the last month spoke louder than anything else. Ali could see her debating on it all and knew she had to explain the last month to her. She had thought about it all day; she had thought about it even longer since her return.

"I've been thinking about everything for a while now," Ali started, wiping at her eyes and looking back to her. "No more beating around the bush or me stalling or anything. I needed some time to see things clearly and now I do. I was trying to protect the both of you and not hurt either one of you, but I ended up doing that when took this long to give an answer. In the back of my head, I knew who I wanted...but I knew choosing meant hurting someone. If I had done it sooner, though, all of this mess could've been avoided and who knows where we could be now."

Ashlyn just stared at her and then swallowed hard as she looked to the fire. Ali kept going before she lost her will to.

"I hate knowing that I had to be the one to break someone's heart, Ashlyn. You know me better than anyone and know how I hate being the bad guy. Even when we argued about things, I always found myself trying to comfort you in any way that I could after. Whether it was making your favorite dinner or setting you up all nice in the living room for game days or even just making sure your clothes were washed in your favorite fabric softener, I wanted you to know how bad I felt! I'm not trying to use that as an excuse, but I just couldn't help the way I felt. It sucked and hurt being in my position, Ashlyn."

Ashlyn was still facing the flames, but now her eyes were closed. Ali saw that she had her attention and sniffled.

"I was delaying the inevitable, though. It didn't matter if I took a month or years to make a decision, someone was always going to get hurt in the end. I've always known that, but I thought I could change it. I thought I could do something that wouldn't hurt anybody, but I realized my waiting only made things worse. It only extended the inevitable pain and other bad things that were sure to follow. Everyone told me to just choose, but it wasn't that easy for me to just hurt someone. But then you walked away from me and it made me wake up. My mom drove it all home today, too."

Ashlyn was looking at her now and she was staring at he intently like her life depended on it. Ali nodded as she continued.

"Jeff is a great guy and he's done so much for me, Ashlyn. He helped me heal and work on trying to move on. No one can really understand any of this mess as to why I just didn't drop him and come running back to you but me. It wasn't about me loving him more than you or him being better for me than you; it was about me feeling like I owed him. It was all clouded in love and I started to realize things a week ago. I especially saw it all this weekend at the fundraiser and with Dr. Morton. The longer I waited, the more distant we became. I hated it."

Ashlyn was rubbing her eyes with one hand and had the other on her hip. Ali had to wipe her face again as more tears came.

"You're all I ever loved and wanted, Ashlyn. When I thought you died, a part of me really did die. But when I saw you again standing in your parents kitchen...baby...that part was brought back to life! I was a different person when I thought you were dead, but then you came back and I felt like the old Ali again. I was laughing more, I was smiling more, and I had hope again. Ashlyn, everyone noticed the change in me and I didn't because I was so use to you and us. It was normal and just like before. It was just all so simple."

Ashlyn had tears in her eyes at her term of endearment. Ali saw she really had her and slowly moved around the fire to her.

"I don't want Jeff, Ashlyn. I want you; always have, always will. I went to my parents today after I dropped Leigh off with you. I knew you were in there and were avoiding me and it hurt. I guess everything just boiled to the top and I bursted right in my parents kitchen. After I talked to my mom today, I knew what I wanted to do and I knew who I wanted. I knew it all along, but when you walked out on me it all hit me so hard, Ashlyn. I truly felt like I had lost you and it scared the living hell out of me. I'm so sorry it took me this long to do this, but I want you back."

Ashlyn looked up to her as the last words slipped into the air around them. Ali felt she had her and took one step closer so she could see how serious and determined she was. She was fighting for them more harder than ever now.

"I don't deserve you or anything from you at all. If you said no right now, I would deserve it. I-It would hurt...but I'd deserve it. But I won't stop fighting for us, Ashlyn. I wont stop fighting for you, us, or our family. I love you too much to lose you. I want our family back and everything we promised each other. I want us."

Ashlyn stared at her almost blankly like she was trying to decipher if this was a dream or not. Ali just stood a few inches away from her so as not to spook her, and waited with her breath held in her throat. The longer Ashlyn stayed silent and stared at her, though, the more insecure she felt and thought she had really lost her forever. It made her tears fall harder and she put her hand over her mouth.

Just as a sob escaped Ali's mouth, Ashlyn had her wrapped up strongly and securely in her arms. The second they touched, both of their bodies reacted to it by holding the other with such force and strength. It was what they had both wanted since their first time back together as a couple a few days ago. Ashlyn heard everything Ali said and knew it was all true. All that mattered to her was that her wife wanted her back just as much as she wanted her.

Ashlyn was holding the back of Ali's head as she cried into her shoulder. She pressed kisses to the side of it and sniffed back her own tears to take care of her wife. Ali was clutching to the front of her shirt for dear life and never wanted to let her go in fear she would never have her back. She didn't know why it took her this long to do this, especially seeing as how they were so natural together. Nothing literally changed for them.

"Is this real," Ashlyn whispered to herself, holding her closer and closing her eyes to savor it.

Ali couldn't even help the giggle that escaped her. "I should be asking that," she murmured into her chest, clutching it tighter.

Ashlyn smiled as she held her and kissed her head longer. "I love you so much, Alex. Do you really want this," she asked into her hair.

Ali pulled back an inch to look at her as she moved her arms around her waist to hold her closer. "Not as much as I love you, Ashlyn. I want this more than anything. More than when we first got together. I'm so sorry for everything," she said softly, staring into her eyes with nothing but the truth.

Ashlyn could see it and smiled so big as she tucked some hair behind her ear. She stared at her hand's movement as she slowly leaned to her, almost like she was asking if it were alright. Ali just nodded, biting her bottom lip in excitement, as she wrapped her arms around her neck to pull her down the rest of the way. Ashlyn only got out a little laugh before their lips were molded together as perfect as ever before.

"I'm so sorry for hitting you and everything, baby. I'm so sorry that I put us through all of this unnecessary mess this month. I'll spend forever making it up to you, Ashlyn," Ali promised tearfully when they pulled back a hair, holding her face gently in her hands. 

Ashlyn softly grinned and pecked her lips. "I love you and that's all that matters. I just want to be together and have my family back. That's all I ever wanted. I don't care about anything else. We're here now," she told her sincerely, moving to kiss her deeply to show her.

Ali wanted to put in all her love and feelings into their kiss to show her wife even more how serious she was about them. She wanted to make up for all the time wasted and every ounce of pain they felt being apart. She wanted her wife to see and feel how much she loved her. She didn't have to do any of that, though, because Ashlyn knew it all from the bottom of her heart. She felt the same way, after all.

What started out as passion and lightness soon turned into more. They were back in the woods they had shared so much time together with each other in. They weren't at their usual spot, but they were still the same lovers they were all the other times. Ali was the most worked up and started backing them to the tent. Ashlyn smirked and chuckled against her mouth, but held her close around the waist.

"Alex," she groaned when she moved her hands to her pants.

"We're in our spot. I know you want to as badly as I do," Ali smiled then pecked her lips as she undid her belt.

Ashlyn kissed her hard and moved her hands to her butt to pull her closer. "Are you sure," she asked, trying to catch her breath with their bottom lips touching.

Ali just stuck her hands down her pants and grinned when she yelped and bucked into her. "What do you think? Feels like you are, too," she teased seductively.

Before she knew it, Ashlyn was lifting her up with a growl and closing them off in the tent. They knew there was still a little more to discuss, but right now in their moment was all that mattered. All the wives cared about was celebrating being back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope that was good. And I'm not done with this yet...still trying to figure out how to exactly end it. This may take a while :P
> 
> A HUGE thanks to all of you lovely people and your constant encouragement!! Words can't describe my utmost gratitude to every. Single. One of you!!! Thank you so much ;D
> 
> And to think you all thought I was going to not let them get back together! *smacks lips* I'm offended most of you had no faith in me lol. I mean, the song the story is named after would've basically told you they were always meant to be!!! ;)
> 
> I'll probably never write another story like this again...
> 
>  
> 
> ...ha! Who am I kidding ;P


	49. Together Again...Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! So, no epilogue because that feels to final for me and I plan on coming back to visit the little ol' family :) Hope it was worth the wait and I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas and New Year! :)

"No...this isn't happening."

Ali was a complete and total emotional mess as she stared at Jeff. He looked so lost and in total disbelief, but there was something else there, as well. It was almost like he had prepared himself for this and knew it was coming. Sure he didn't want to lose Ali and he still held out hope for them, but ever since Ashlyn's return he knew...he knew he had loss Ali forever. It crushed him.

"I'm sorry, Jeff," Ali cried, wiping at her eyes and taking a gulp of air. "I didn't mean to hurt you like this or anything. That is the last thing I ever want to do to you. I'm so, so sorry. It's so stupid to say, but I don't know what else to say."

Jeff swallowed hard and ran his hand down his face roughly. "God...how can I have been so stupid," he whispered to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose as he turned away from her. He felt like an idiot for thinking they would ever be together.

Ali cried harder, but kept the sounds of it down. "Jeff, you're not stupid. I am," she said. She felt terrible for doing this to him, but she was following her heart and happy at the same time.

Jeff gave a rueful chuckle of disbelief as he put his hands on his hips. "I believe I'm the one getting dumped in my office right now," he reminded bitterly with hard and cold eyes.

Ali flinched at the tone of his words and the look he was giving her. "I'm sorry," she said quietly, cleaning her face up some with the back of her hand.

"I know. You said it already," he replied in a harsh and tired voice as he plopped into his desk chair.

"This was a bad idea. I should've waited until you got off," she sniffled and moved to leave.

Jeff shrugged his white jacket off, tossed his stethoscope on his desk, and loosened his tie some. As much as he was hurting and wanted her to leave so he could lick his wounds, he needed to know some things. He was slightly prepared to face the fact that Ashlyn won. He knew she had ever since she came back home. It all hit home more when Ali got distant with him the last few weeks.

"I hope you find happiness, Alexandra."

Ali froze in her step as she grabbed the door handle. His words weren't malicious or anything. They genuinely sounded sincere and from the heart. It made her feel even worse about breaking his heart, but she knew it had to be done and fast. She hoped it would have the Band-Aid affect; ripping it off quickly in hopes of less pain. Ashlyn was who she always wanted and it was never going to change.

It was always in the back of her mind and the first and last thing she thought about for the day. Trying to save two great people at once backfired on her, and she knew she was on a wing and a prayer on her quest to get her wife back. The decision should have been made a long time ago. Every person had their breaking point, she had reached hers numerous of times, and now she hoped she could reel in her wife before she lost her forever.

Getting this out of the way first was the beginning of that quest.

Ali slowly turned to him. "Thank you, Jeffrey. That's all I want for you from the bottom of my heart," she said in a slight crack.

Jeff sighed in defeat and gave a small smile. "Thank you," he told her above a whisper.

There was a long stretch of silence and they avoided eye contact. Ali didn't know if that was it or not, and she was itching to leave to tell Ashlyn her heart. Jeff, though, just had to hear one more thing for himself before letting her go. He knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it leave her lips and into his ears. He needed it so he could try to truly move on from the woman that was getting away from him.

"You," he winced then cleared his throat after a pause. "Y-You love her."

It wasn't a question, but a statement. Ali knew what he was saying and doing. He needed the utmost assurance to move on.

"With all of my heart," she said straight up and emotionally, turning to him fully. "I never stopped. She's my other half and she completes me. We've been together so long and so in love, that even if she had returned 20 years later, I wouldn't have stopped loving her as if we were still kids. I don't know, I just...I wanted to save you both. And I couldn't. I'm sorry I took this long to say it. I'm sorry I hurt you in any way. I'm just so sorry about everything, Jeff."

Jeff slowly nodded in understanding as he looked down to his hands. "I knew it...I knew it from the moment you told me she was back. Hell, I saw it. Your eyes...th-they were so relieved and happy and shining. I never saw that in you before. I never saw that look for me. She's the one," he said in a deep exhale.

Ali shouldered her purse higher as she stared at him. "I'm sorry," she said for what felt like the millionth time. She truly didn't know what else to say.

"What do you keep apologizing for, Ali? For hurting me? For the things you're saying? What," he asked, eying her for an answer.

"I-I don't know," she answered, confused at his questions as she shifted on her feet uncomfortably.

"Exactly," he mumbled as he ran a hand through his hair before massaging his scalp. He felt a headache coming on. "You love her and she loves you. You both make each other happy and I was standing in the way of that. You and her were always meant to be together. I knew that the moment I met your families and heard the stories. You have a beautiful little girl together, a story that people long for, and a love that could breathe life into the most dead on the inside of a person...Ali, what more do I need to say? There's nothing to be sorry for. It's just the facts and I just want you to be happy. That's it."

Ali was taken aback by his words and sincerity. Jeff, still speaking from the heart, only hoped to find what the two women had for himself one day. The thought alone made him smile faintly as he stared far away off. He then focused his vision back on her and cleared his throat as he sat up straight in his chair to finish what he had to say.

He would always remember this moment. He would always remember this conversation and the way he felt. His heart would be broken, but it would prepare him for the future when he really found true love. A little over a year later he would meet a beautiful medical equipment saleswoman. They would build a beautiful life together with 4 equally beautiful children; 3 boys and a girl.

"I love you, Ali. I love Leighton. Ashlyn knows how lucky she is and you do, too. Just go...go and be happy," he finished with a genuine smile.

The fight for her was long ago over and he finally had the closing answer. He was leaving the battlefield defeated, but with so much experience and a heart needing to be healed. This moment provided him with everything he needed to move on. He was going to get back out into the dating world slowly and one step at a time, and hoped he could find his own fairytale ending like Ali and Ashlyn had. This was it.

For once since the hour ago she arrived there, Ali felt happy tears slip down her cheeks. She smiled back as she walked to him slowly and leaned down to press a soft kiss to his cheek. Jeff closed his eyes and savored it as he felt his heart finally break from losing her forever. When he felt her lips leave, he quickly wiped his eye and ran his hand over his mouth. Ali saw and quickly moved back to the door to leave.

She paused in thought as she stared at her hand on the knob. Jeff just watched her silently, wishing she would leave quickly before as felt he was going to embarrass himself by crying at everything he felt he was losing.

"We can be friends, right," she asked when she looked to him in some hope.

Jeff gave a small smile and nodded a hair. "That's how we started out, right? Before anything, girlfriend or fiancé, you were a great friend. That still stands, Ali. I just need some time," he cracked out some, tears forming at the finality.

Ali pursed her lips together to hold back her emotions. "Right," she agreed with a hopeful smile.

Jeff smiled back some and scooted his chair closer to his desk to rest his hands on. Ali was so surprised at how easily it seemed he was letting her go. It wasn't egotistical on her part, but pure curiosity. She wondered was it always this easy. She wondered if she had done this sooner would it have been less heartache. She couldn't change the past and was just happy to be there now.

She only hoped Ashlyn would take her back after everything that had happened.

"I really thought this would be harder. Especially after everything I just told you," she said, marveled and mostly to herself.

She had told him everything that had happened between her and Ashlyn ever since she came back. What happened a few days ago didn't go untold either. That broke and hurt Jeff the most. It made Ali feel even guiltier as she watched his heart shatter through his eyes.

"I prepared myself. I can't fight for you if you already chose; it'd be one sided and not fair to anyone. Why make it all harder than what is has to be, ya know," he stated obviously, rubbing his hands together as they sat propped up on his elbows.

Ali nodded with a smile and ran her fingers through her hair. "Thank you," she said appreciatively as she looked him in the eye.

Jeff nodded back and put his joined hands to his mouth. "No problem. Besides, me and your wife already had this discussion. We weren't going to hold you back from being truly happy," he winked softly.

"Really now," she replied quietly, looking to the floor with a soft smile.

Jeff nodded and stared at her for a moment longer, etching her in his head. "Goodbye, Alexandra. I...I love you," he said honestly.

He had to say it one last time to her, and Ali looked back up to him with a sad smile. If she was ever to be with a man, Jeff was for sure the winner. If Ashlyn had truly been killed in action, Jeff and her would be married and starting a life together. If Ashlyn never existed for her, Jeff for sure would be the one. But Ashlyn was back and the only person she would ever love and spend the rest of her life with.

Ashlyn Michelle Harris was her wife, mother of her children, best friend, love of her life, and soul mate. Nothing or no one else ever compared. Ever.

"I love you too, Jeff. I really do. Just-"

"Not like how I love you. I know...I get it. I just had to let you know."

They were both smiling at each other, his small and sadly and hers small and guiltily. They both wished nothing but the best for each other.

"Goodbye, Jeff. Don't be a stranger," Ali said, trying to catch his eyes and smiling earnestly.

"I'll remember that. You don't either," he teased lightly and pointed at her.

Ali laughed softly and opened the door. With one last parting look at him, she smiled and left out the door. She had to find Ashlyn and gear up to fight to get her back. As the door clicked shut, though, Jeff felt everything crumble around them. He really did want Ali to be happy, but it hurt that it wasn't with him. He put the bridge of his nose to his clasped hands and broke down like he never had before.

\-------

"And that's it," Ashlyn asked, staring up at the tent ceiling.

"That's it. It's all over," Ali answered quietly, kissing her bare shoulder softly and slowly before snuggling closer to her.

Ashlyn knew Ali was feeling bad about having to break Jeff's heart, so she pulled her more closer to hold. She buried her nose in the top of her head as she let her lips graze and be tickled by her hair there. She knew Ali wasn't having second thoughts or regrets, but Ali took her actions as her thinking she was. She never regretted being there with her now or choosing her, she just felt bad about hurting a great guy.

"Ash, I don't regret coming here and being with you-"

"I know that, Alex. I just know you feel bad about hurting him. I kind of do, too. He really is a great guy."

Ali sat up on her arm to look at her, surprised at what she said. Ashlyn chuckled at her face and cupped her cheek to lean up for a kiss. She really and truly had no doubts about her wife being with her now and there in their moment. They had talked and discussed a lot of things as they laid there in each others arms. Everything since Ashlyn's supposed death until now in the tent was floating around the air around them.

A lot of happy, joyous, proud, loving, and sad, tears and laughter. The happiness clouded the depressing more, though.

"I love that you care so much about people. It's one of the many things I love about you," Ashlyn whispered against her lips with a soft smile, staring at her closed eyes.

Ali opened them slowly and grinned before giving her a slow kiss. "I love that about you, too," she said in a breath.

Ashlyn grinned back and kissed her as she laid them back down. "Are you ok," she asked as they got comfortable.

"Yeah. You make a great pillow amongst other things," her wife replied with a suggestive and devilish smirk.

Ashlyn laughed loudly as she brought the covers over them more. "I didn't mean THAT, but ok," she winked.

Ali giggled along with her and moved closer to her for warmth. With their "reunion 2.0" long ago over with, they were now realizing how cold it was now. They were too lazy and content to get up to put clothes on, and loved being close to each other with nothing between them. Ali thought for sure they were going to catch their death being naked, but Ashlyn soon made her forget it and not care.

Plus, they had ways of "warming" each other up.

Ashlyn rubbed over her body over the covers to warm her up and pulled her more closer. She gently tucked her head under her chin and sighed at how blissfully happy she was. Having her wife back in her arms and them enjoying each other like they were young again made her swell with joy. Ali could feel it all radiating off of her and smiled as she closed her eyes. She couldn't be more happier.

Ali knew what she was asking, but gave them a moment to relax. Ashlyn just stayed silent and held her.

"I love you, Ashlyn. I'm more than ok. I'm...so happy," she sighed out contently with a huge grin.

Ashlyn smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Me too. I love you more, Alex," she sighed out the same.

Ali smiled as she closed her eyes and kissed her throat. Ashlyn closed her eyes with a huge smile, and listened to their surroundings. She took a few moments to really savor and let sink in the fact her and Ali were back together. After everything they went through and had just spent hours discussing, she felt they were stronger than ever before. She felt they were going to be more than alright.

They both felt at ease and excited for what lay ahead. It was way more intense than 4 years ago.

"We're really here," Ashlyn whispered to herself as she opened her eyes.

Ali opened her own and pulled back just enough to look at her. "Yes. And we're only going to go farther," she promised.

Ashlyn smiled softly and tucked some hair tenderly behind her ear. "Can't wait," she replied happily with excitement tinging her words.

Ali gave a nose crinkling grin and kissed her for a few seconds. "Just think about it all...who knows what the future holds," she said as she rolled on top of her with their foreheads touching.

Ashlyn chuckled and held her tighter around her waist. "It's going to be fun! So many plans and things," she winked and pecked her chin.

"More kids for sure," her wife said before her brain caught up with her mouth.

Ashlyn tensed up and looked to her surprised, but with a huge grin. "More kids," she repeated her.

Ali registered what she said and looked to her wide eyed. "Ash! Shit, I'm sorr-," she tried to backpedal.

Ashlyn was over the moon with joy and smashed their lips together. "That is for sure on the list, babe. Don't feel bad about wanting the number one thing you've always wanted," she smiled sincerely into her eyes.

Ali smiled back, but dropped half of it as she ran her thumb over her cheek. "It wasn't too soon or anything," she asked tentatively.

"There's no such thing when it comes to us," she stated knowingly.

"Right," she agreed and kissed her with a knowing grin.

What started out sweet soon heated up quickly. They felt the last few hours creep back up on them and their kiss turned hungry. Their moment was broken when Ali's phone started ringing loudly again. It had rang earlier, but they were too busy getting reacquainted with each other to answer it. Ashlyn, though, thought it was important and pulled away to search for it.

"Why do you always do that," Ali groaned and grabbed her arm to pull her back.

"Babe, it could be someone important," Ashlyn chuckled as she felt around on the floor with her other hand.

"Nothing is more important than this right now," she whined and tugged on her arm.

"Ali," her wife laughed as she found the device.

"Baby, it can wait," she said, trying to not laugh and be stern, and pulled her back to her.

"Here, horndog," Ashlyn teased and held her phone to her face as they resumed their cuddling.

Ali grabbed the phone and tossed it towards their feet. "Not what I want right now," she said and wrapped her arms around her neck to resume their kiss.

Ashlyn laughed against her lips, but kept up pace with her. "Just check it so they can stop calling and we can continue uninterrupted," she said pointedly.

"Urgh! If it's work, I'm asking for a vacation and to not be disturbed," she huffed and sat up.

Ashlyn chuckled at her as she sat up on her elbow to watch her with her head in her hand. She used her other hand to grab her knee and rub circles on the outside of it with her thumb. Ali went through her phone and her eyebrows knotted together as she read everything. Ashlyn looked up from her hand movements to her. She noticed her face and raised a questioning eyebrow of concern.

She felt their last time together creep up on her, but quickly shrugged it off. They were in a totally different place now.

"Everything ok," she asked, giving her knee a squeeze to get her attention.

Ali was reading texts from Chris and then snickered to herself. He was cracking jokes about her not returning for Leighton and not answering his attempts to reach her. He was assuming about what they were actually doing.

"Yeah," she answered as she typed out a reply to him.

Ashlyn's raised eyebrow went further into her hairline as she watched her. Ali smirked to herself as she tossed her phone on the floor and laid back down. She turned on her side to look at her wife and snorted out a laugh at her face. Ashlyn just stared at her impatiently for an explanation. As much as Ali wanted to continue teasing her, she had other important things she wanted to do.

Ali scooted over to her seductively and grabbed the back of her neck with one hand. "That was your brother. We have about an hour before he brings our daughter to us. Time to show me if you do in fact still got it, honey," she smiled hotly as she kissed her neck slowly.

Ashlyn's eyes fluttered close and she gulped as she tried to concentrate. "S-She's not su-suppose to come for a f-few more d-days," she stuttered and turned her head some to graze her nose to her ear.

"She won't stop asking where I'm at and she misses you. I thought we could celebrate as a family out here on our first camping trip," she replied moving her lips up to her jaw.

Ashlyn smiled at her idea and palmed her cheek to look at her. "You're the best. You know that," she said softly with an adoring glint in her eyes.

Ali smiled back and laid down to grab her face with both of her hands. "I just really love my family. You're better," she said softly and pulled her down for a sweet kiss.

They got back to where they were a few minutes ago, and Ashlyn moved to hover over her fully. Ali grabbed her hips to try to bring her down so they could touch.

"An hour," Ashlyn asked for clarification, resisting her pull some.

"Yes," Ali panted, squeezing her hips hard.

Ashlyn smirked into their kiss with closed eyes and fell fully on top of her. Ali wrapped her legs around the back of hers and moaned into her mouth at the contact. Things were getting back to normal for sure.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Years Later.

"Baby, calm down. You have nothing to be nervous about and you've done this before," Ali said with an encouraging smile and tugged on her tie.

Ashlyn nodded to what she said, but she wasn't doing it. She was beyond nervous and staring at the TV show on the flat screen that was in her dressing room. Ali was putting finishing touches on her and fixing her clothes to her liking. Ashlyn was happy to have her wife there with her to save herself from psyching herself out for doom. Ali just giggled at her and pulled her by her tie to peck her lips.

"Look at me, Ash," Ali said as she stared at her face.

Ashlyn was too in to the TV and going over in her head the things she was going to say. Ali rolled her eyes with a chuckle and grabbed her chin to make her look at her. Ashlyn snapped out of her distracted state and looked to her wife confusedly. Ali squished her lips together and kissed them a few times to take her mind off things. It worked and Ashlyn started laughing.

"You'll be ok, honey. You've got this. We'll be right there in the front row, remember," Ali reminded her with a soft smile.

Ashlyn took a deep breath and nodded as her face was released. "I know. I love you. Thank you," she smiled thankfully.

Ali gave her nose crinkling smile and wrapped her arms around her neck. "You're welcome and I love you, too," she winked and gave her a long kiss.

There was a knock on the door and a guy popped his head in to tell Ashlyn she had 10 minutes left before she had to leave. Ashlyn turned back to Ali with a nervous smile, but it soon disappeared when Ali winked to her confidently. Her dimple grin took over her face and she gave her a sweet kiss in thanks. A gurgling cry from behind them broke them apart and they chuckled at the culprit.

"Why does our little man always ruin our sexy time together," Ali joked after pecking her lips one more time.

Ashlyn laughed as she went over to his car seat to pick him up. "Maybe one day we can come back to Paris just me and you? I still owe you a promised honeymoon, babe. Maybe after this tour and stuff," she guessed as she held him close and rocked him.

Ali smiled and went over to her to hold her around the waist. "Maybe. Even if we don't get to, I wouldn't trade any of the time we had together here in the city of love with my greatest loves. You and our kids being with me anywhere is perfect," she told her as they looked at their bundle of joy.

"I love you, baby," Ashlyn smiled sweetly to her and kissed her temple.

"I love you more, honey," Ali smiled and winked before resting her head on her shoulder.

They stared at their son as he slowly drifted off back to sleep. Ali was beginning to think that Ashlyn was a baby whisperer or something as she watched her smile so proudly down to him. She was taken back to the time when they first got Leighton and how excellent she was with her then. Ali couldn't be more thankful for her wife for keeping up with their kids and things while she recovered from childbirth.

She thought about all the times she found Ashlyn and their son asleep on her new recliner (one that she bought for her and way more expensive than the last). She smiled when she remembered him drooling on her shirt as they both slept away their exhaustion. Her and Leighton took plenty of pictures. In the 3 months they had their son, things only got better and couldn't be more perfect.

"He's so cute. He looks just like you," Ashlyn cooed as she stared at him with a bright smile.

"Krieger genes are pretty strong," Ali agreed with a wink.

Ashlyn laughed quietly to not wake him and pressed a kiss to his head. "They are and thank God. I want all of our kids to look just like you or Kyle," she said and grabbed his little hand to kiss.

Ali smiled and felt herself get emotional. "That's so sweet, babe," she sniffed and wiped at the corner of her eye.

Ashlyn just winked and leaned over to kiss her tenderly. Ali grabbed her face and held her there for a moment.

"I want all of our kids to be just like you. There's no one better that they could ever learn anything from besides you," Ali said from the bottom of her heart.

Going through in-vitro fertilization was a decision that took them a while to make. They wanted to fill their house up with children and have a happy home. They were always open to adopting again, but Ali was adamant about having a child naturally. Ashlyn really wanted to go through that process as well, but not sharing DNA with the child ate away at her. She wanted the child to be all of them only.

Ali knew her wife was battling with these things and moved quickly to assure her. She didn't care about a donor being their child's father. The only parents their child would have and know and learn from and love and be loved by was them. They were all a family no matter what, and DNA didn't matter. Ali made it clear to her when she reminded her of Leighton and how much they loved her.

"Thanks, Alex," Ashlyn smiled shyly, dipping her head the same.

Ali tipped her chin up and kissed her with everything she had. "It's the truth and nothing but," she said and kissed her again.

Another knock on the door made them look to it as they called for whoever it was to come in. In walked Omar and his 4 month pregnant wife, Bella. She waddled over to them and engulfed her best friend in a hug. Ashlyn and Omar laughed at them as they got all girly with squeals of excitement. Omar patted Ashlyn's shoulder with caution as she held her son in her arms.

"Flight and everything good," Ashlyn asked him as she rocked her son.

"It was. Thanks for the hook up by the way," Omar winked to her and they both chuckled.

"No problem, man. I'm just glad you're all here," she smiled appreciatively.

"Eh, no problem, Ash. No place we'd rather be. It's not everyday that my best friend is on TV in France to finish her book tour with a TV interview on a popular talk show. You brush up on your French," he teased.

"I think I'm good," she laughed and patted her son's back soothingly. "I just can't wait until we all start our vacation here. Mines and Ali's parents, my grandma, my newlywed brother and his wife, and Kyle's fiancé should be here in a few hours. Just think about all of us couples and grown ups trying to catch up while the grandparents watch the kids," she winked mischievously.

"Oh no," he groaned playfully. "I know that face. As long as we don't have a repeat of South Korea when we had a few days break that one time, I'm good."

"Not my fault you guys didn't know the drinks I was making can really f-u-c-k you up," she defended in amusement.

"I swear you could've been a bartender in a past life," he sighed with a grimace at the memories. "Sergeant killed our asses with punishment after we were almost arrested for acting like idiots for public intoxication."

"Language, dude," she laughed, covering her son's ears and kicked his leg playfully. "I'm kidding, anyways. My wife would have my head and be way worse than Sarge was. Just some nice eating and sight seeing now that we're old and stuff. Paris is ours for the next week!"

Omar chuckled just as another knock on the door sounded. Ashlyn called whoever it was to come in and grinned brightly at her guests.

"Take your godson for a second," she told Omar, kissing his little head as she passed him off.

Omar took him with a huge smile and moved to the couch to sit on to rock him. Bella moved to sit next to him and swore she fell in love with him all over again as she watched him. He was going to make a great father to their twin boys and she couldn't wait to be where their friends were at. She would be forever thankful to Ali and Ashlyn for introducing them. He felt the exact same way.

"Major Brooder! Dr. M.! You guys made it," Ashlyn grinned as she hugged them.

"You mean Dr. Morton-Brooder, babe," Ali said as she came up to do the same. After everything that happened and clearing up things, the 2 women had become great friends.

Ali was forever thankful to the woman for helping her wife through everything. She wanted to do something for her to make up for her jealous actions and saw a way clearly. A month after they had gotten back together and she had accompanied Ashlyn to one of her veteran's center get togethers, she saw a way. Ashlyn was almost completely blind to the fact Dr. Morton and Major Brooder seemed to shamelessly flirt with each other.

After a few weeks of trying to set them up on a date, John asked Lisa out. Ali's encouragement and him observing the Krieger-Harris' gave him the courage to do it. He had liked her ever since the day they formed a relationship outside of his therapy sessions. She had liked him ever since he first opened up so passionately about his dreams to help soldiers. The dance they did around the other was finally over.

"Thank you for always remembering, Ali," Lisa chuckled as she hugged her tightly.

"No problem," she winked as they pulled apart. "How was the flight?"

"It was a great sleep," John joked and they all laughed.

"I know. You snored in my ear the whole time and drooled on my shoulder," his wife teased as she grabbed his hand to hold.

"Sounds about right," Ashlyn joined in, pulling her own wife close around the waist.

John rolled his eyes and Lisa giggled as she leaned up to kiss his cheek. Ali and Ashlyn observed them and shared a knowing smile.

"Where's Leighton," Lisa asked curiously, tilting her head around them in search.

"Exploring around with my brother," Ali answered with an amused eye roll.

"They should be back soon," Ashlyn added as she looked to her watch. "And I have to be ready to go in a minute."

As if on cue, Kyle and Leighton returned hand in hand from their exploration. They had a plate of treats each and smiled at everyone. It was getting crowded in the small dressing room now, and everyone moved around to make room. Ali went to their daughter to lead her to a chair to help her eat without getting dirty with her brother. Lisa gave John a kiss before heading over to greet Omar and Bella for them.

"Last thing to do for the book tour. You happy," John asked her as he crossed his arms and watched his wife lovingly.

"Beyoooooond," Ashlyn said dramatically as she put her hands in her pockets.

"Being famous too much for you, Corporal," he chuckled and nudged her with his elbow.

Ashlyn laughed along and watched her wife with their daughter. "Nah, it's what I'm doing this for that makes it worth it. Being able to give 1/3 of my profits to the veterans center, to The Wounded Warrior Project, and whatever other causes help out soldiers is enough. Taking everyone on vacation is even better," she winked to him.

John nodded and smiled in agreement as he patted her back. "You're a good person, Ashlyn. It's so admirable and great what you are doing," he told her.

"Just glad I can help out any way that I can," she smiled shyly.

"Being a #1 New York Times Bestseller and everything has gotten the word out about the things we fight for here and away. People are really taking notice and donating. You should be really proud. I know I am of you. Ali is the most, though," he chuckled knowingly.

"That's my wife," she said proudly as she looked to her.

"Married life is great," he sighed blissfully as he thought about his own.

Ashlyn looked to him and grinned as she held her hand out to him. "Hooah," she agreed.

John flashed his own grin and winked as he took her hand strongly. "Hooah," he boomed.

"Showtime, Mrs. Harris," a woman said in a thick accent as she knocked and opened the door.

Ashlyn nodded to her in acknowledgement and everyone filed outside to give the family a moment alone. They all gave her hugs and kisses on the cheek of encouragement and she thanked them for it. Soon it was just her wife and kids with her, and she turned to them with a nervous smile. Ali was holding their son and walked up to her. She smiled before giving her a kiss.

"You got this, Momma. Me, Mommy, and Ashton believe in you," Leighton said so confidently.

Ashlyn chuckled as she bent down to be eye level with her. "Thanks, babes. Do I look good," she asked her as she opened her suit jacket.

Leighton nodded in approval and grabbed her tie to look at closely. "Really good. I love the pink," she giggled knowingly.

Both her parents laughed at her and Ashlyn rolled her eyes playfully. She was wearing a black pant suit that hugged her perfectly with a pink tie. The pink was her daughter's idea, of course.

"Thanks, Little Princess. I love you," Ashlyn chuckled, grabbing her chin to kiss her cheek before standing.

"Welcome, Momma! I love you more," Leighton grinned up to her.

Ashlyn just shook her head in amusement and stepped to her wife and son. She ran a hand over his little head and smiled as he stirred awake. She leaned down carefully and kissed his forehead, leaving her lips there to turn them up into a smile. Ali brought her other hand over to grab the back of her neck gently as she did. She flashed back to when Ashlyn left back on her last tour and their goodbye with a baby Leighton.

"You be a good boy, buddy. I love you, too, Little Ash," she grinned to her sleeping boy.

"I love it when you call him that," Ali said softly as she stared at him, as well.

Ashlyn smiled at him for a moment and then looked to her. "I love you, too, Mrs. Krieger-Harris. Keep the kids in check," she teasingly winked and stood straight to kiss her again.

"Of course. I love you more, Mrs. Harris. Knock 'em dead. Your daughter's right; you've got this and we believe in you," Ali encouraged.

"Thanks, babe. I can definitely do this now," she exhaled confidently.

Ali smiled and kissed her again, then wiped her lips gloss off her lips for her. She straightened her tie out to her liking and then patted it to signal she was done. Ashlyn just laughed softly and let her do it all. She loved her taking care of her.

"I only made it through this thing because of you, Alex. From you encouraging me every day to write my book about everything I went through to me here now in this moment, I only got through it all because of you. Thank you, honey," she said with tears forming as she felt it all hit her.

"I only did a little," Ali sniffled and wiped her forming tears for her.

"Sure, babe, sure. We've had this conversation a million times and you always say that. Just know I love you and thank you for everything," Ashlyn said as she grabbed her hand on her face to kiss her palm.

"You're my wife and I love you so much," she answered bluntly.

"Ditto, beautiful," she winked and kissed her knuckles.

The woman poked her head back in after knocking quickly. "Ready, Mrs. Harris? Your wife and children will be escorted in shortly," she informed with a kind smile.

"I am, thank you," Ashlyn smiled to her.

Ashlyn quickly gave her family kisses again and smoothed her clothes out as she headed to the door. She took a deep breath and crossed the threshold to start the last of her touring for her book. Before she could leave, Leighton called for her and she turned around. The little girl put her hand to her heart, to her lips for a loud kiss, and then to her. Like all the times before, Ashlyn got teary eyed and did it back to them.

She looked to Ali and smiled. Ali smiled back and mouthed she loved her. Ashlyn mouthed it back and then left with all the confidence in the world.

The Krieger-Harris' were back together; stronger than ever and looking towards a bright future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many ppl to thank & Idk where to begin! First off, let me just say I absolutely love & appreciate you all for every type of feedback or thing you had to offer on this story. Kudos, hits, comments, ideas, & whatever else, pushed me to be better & to make this story even better. I thank you ALL from the bottom of my heart!!! This story was definitely a challenge & I def wanted to just quit it numerous times (the backlash, man ;P) lol. But, so many encouraging ppl pulled through (you know who you are ;)) & it made me do the same. I hope it was worth it & as good as I hoped it to be. Anyways, I loved conversing with you all & meeting so many new friends from all corners of the world & even here in my own backyard! :D That's probably the best thing this story had to offer (at least for me lol). I hope you all will spill over into whatever my next story is and we have the same lovely conversations :) I've got a million ideas I want to share & I can't wait!!! Until then, PEACE AND BE SAFE ;D Ciao, xoxoxo!
> 
> P.S.: Next time I'll have flags and sirens and signs and lights and shit to better warn you of my angsty stories haha! Might be a loooooooong, long time before we do that again, tho...maybe we'll start with baby drama and work our way up to big kid drama then grown up drama and then finally old ppl depressing drama. How's that? :) Lol! I've got some things, but I don't think y'all are ready for it ;) On another note, I'M SOOOOOOOO EXCITED TO READ AND CATCH UP ON EVERYONE'S STORIES!!! :D
> 
> P.S.S.: I forgot to add this, but I just realized I named their son after the Ashlyn/Dr. Morton ship name x''D...totally was not my intentions at ALL!


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